Amish Heart (Erotic Romance) (Amish Heart Trilogy) (4 page)

“This is no divorce for the Amish.” Her voice became a whisper again as her thoughts returned to the lonely years before her with Ezekiel as her husband.

Nick observed her silently for a moment, then asked her about her family in Wisconsin: who she was to see, was she looking forward to going, would her oldest sister be there at the wedding, too?

By the time they got to St. Joseph, they were chattering amicably away again.  Then, he stunned her.

“Can Amish and non-Amish ever date?”  His eyes, now slightly rakish, assessed her.

She was shocked.  Two thoughts at once assailed her
.  Is he asking me on a date?
  And
he sees me, what I am like inside
.  Was it possible?  She could hear a flicker of hope in his voice.

“Never.”
  She barely suppressed a tremor.

That’s too bad
.  He didn’t say it, but Rebekah could read it on his face.  Was that . . . disappointment?  She shook her head in disbelief.  It couldn’t be.  Because if he were disappointed, then he, well, he
liked
her and such a thing was unthinkable.  She knew she was on a dangerous path but not only did she not know how to turn around, she wasn’t sure she wanted to. 

***

In St. Joseph Nick patiently took the women to each destination, following them into the stores while they shopped and carrying out their packages to the van.  Rebekah walked up and down the aisles of each store with her sister and tried to concentrate on the matters of business at hand:  finding the best bargains to be had, negotiating for bent and dented cans, scanning the rows for some great find that could be sold at a good profit. Rebekah looked several times to where Nick was quietly waiting.  Each and every time, his eyes would be following her, captivated, and she would flush deeply. 

Leah noticed as well and started to laugh. “That English seems taken with you.”

“Maybe a little.”

“Quite.”  Again, she laughed.  Rebekah laughed with her and they both looked over at Nick, who smiled back, while not getting the joke.

Upon the completion of their errands, Leah suggested they stop for lunch.  Nick good naturedly said something about Leah eating for two and asked where the ladies would like to eat.  They settled on a fast food favorite of Leah’s and Nick accompanied them inside.

“Let this be my treat,” he suggested.  Leah graciously accepted on behalf of both of them.  Then, to the women’s slight surprise, he joined them at their table but he seemed unaware of anything but Rebekah giving him a cheery look.  He returned it and proceeded to chatter away with Rebekah between bites.  Leah spoke little, but watched with a semi-amused air.

On the way back home to Jamesport, Nick had to make one last stop at a supermarket.  He excused himself, leaving the ladies in the car and returned in short order and handed each of them a small, cold box.  Rebekah looked down and read, “New York Super Fudge Chunk.”  He then handed her a plastic spoon and offered the same to Leah.  Rebekah opened her carton and spooned up an unladylike mouthful.  Then, putting it in her mouth, she closed her eyes, allowing the flavor to fill her mouth as it melted down her throat.

“Ben and Jerry’s.
  Pretty good, huh?”  All Rebekah could do was sparkle at him and nod vigorously.  It was the most delicious thing she had ever tasted. 

“Very
gud,” Leah’s response came from the seat behind Rebekah.  Nick’s eyes twinkled in satisfaction.

Yes, the English knew their ice cream.  You had to give them that.

***

Nick dropped Leah off first, again extending his hand to assist her out of the van, and again being respectfully unseen.  Unfazed by this, he carried in her packages, wished her well, and returned to the van where Rebekah was waiting.
Aware that they were now alone, she quietly scrutinized him, taking in the long, lean strength of him, the slight broodiness of his eyes, the hardness of his perfectly squared jaw and his mouth which forever wanted to settle into a slight smile.  She had to admit that not only was he not plain as the Amish strive to be, he was gorgeous.  For the first time in her seventeen years, she found herself magnetized by a member of the opposite sex.  Having been taught her whole life to disregard any physical beauty, she consciously attempted to resist the waves of attraction that rose up within her. 

He stopped the van a quarter mile from her home.  Without a word, she watched him put the vehicle in park and turn his body to face her.  Instantly, Rebekah was aware of breath catching in her throat.  All her perceptions heightened, she was hyper-aware of the clean scent of his skin, the soft intensity of his eyes,
and the shine of his curly hair that looked so silky she found herself wanting to reach out to touch it.  His hand moved forward and picked up hers.  Her first thought was to draw back but, still holding her breath, she acquiesced, loving the feeling of the warm, smooth skin of his fingers curling around hers.  His voice was almost hoarse.

“I really enjoyed talking to you today.”

Unable to breathe, she nodded. 
Yes
.

“I
want to see you again.”

His meaning was not lost on her.  Her hyper
-sensitivity increased, and she felt as if she had stepped from a dark room into bright sunshine.  His finger stroked the top of her hand, sending a jolt through her. 

“Do you want to see me?” His question jarred her into exhaling. 

She could only murmur, “Meet me here at midnight.”

He broke into a huge smile. 
“Midnight.  I will see you right here.”

Her breath fluttered
.  What am I doing?
  She couldn’t believe she heard herself agree to meet him again, this time alone.  As she was reeling from her own daring, her mouth opened once again to stammer.  It seemed unconnected to her brain.

“My father is still looking for a driver to take us to Wisconsin next week.”

He squeezed her hand.  “I’ll ask him about it,” he promised.  Then, after what seemed to be an eternity, he dropped her hand and put the car back in gear. 

***

Midnight found Rebekah on the road outside her house.  The sound of her feet was overloud, even though she was not wearing shoes.  Her breath was labored and her inner Amish perfectionist was in a frenzy.
Are you crazy?  Have you completely and utterly lost your mind?  You don’t know this man and yet here you are walking out in the middle of the night to meet him and he may do—?
  Rebekah didn’t know what he could do.  Whatever it was, it could be precarious, deadly even, although when Rebekah had looked into Nick’s eyes she did not perceive him to be capable of any harm.

She saw a shadowy figure beside a van
.  It must be Nick
.  Each footstep she took sounded a siren in her head, screaming at her to stop, to go back. Her heart beat loudly in her throat.  Her legs felt like Jell-O, her mouth dry.  She would not be able to speak.  Rebekah paid no attention
.  I have to know why I feel so good around him, why I want to be near him.  It can’t be a bad thing.  It just can’t.
  She forced her body forward.

Nick stepped out of the shadows and took her hand, leading her to his van.  She fairly
shook from nervousness, yet tingled at his touch. 
Is it Nick that I am reacting to or just the promiscuous touches of a man who is not my husband?

“Are you cold?  I have a jacket in the van.”

“No, I’m not cold.”  Her hands were damp and it was hard to breathe.  “I’m fine.”

He opened the passenger’s side door and assisted her getting in before getting in on the drive
r’s side.  Once inside, he handed a small sack to her.  It was cold to the touch.  Inside she discovered a carton that read, “Sea Salt Caramel Gelato.”  He produced two spoons with a wink.

“This is one of my favorites.” 

She scooped up a big spoonful as she had just hours before and, closing her eyes, let it melt in her mouth, washing her taste buds in pure carnal delight.  Nick noted her reaction and smiled broadly, spooning some up for himself. 

In between bites they made conversation. 

“I was never good at small talk.” 
Interesting.  That means all the personal questions he asked of me yesterday were things he really wanted to know.
  “So forgive me if I come on too strong . . .”

He took another bite of ice cream, letting it melt in his mouth as Rebekah had done.  She remained silent, waiting to hear what he had to say next.

“What would you want in a man?”

If he had thrown cold water on her, she couldn’t have been more surprised, not just by the question as much as why he might be asking it.

“Well, er—he would have to be kind.  Intelligent.  And we would have to be able to talk.”  She thought briefly of Ezekiel and his sullenness. 

“Anything else?”

“He would have to love children and be patient with everyone.”

“
Hmmmm.”

She wasn’t sure what ‘
hmmmm’ meant, so she continued.

“I would have to like him—no, it would have to be mutual.”

The corners of his lips curved up at that.

“And I suppose he would need a trade.”

“Yes, having a job is important.  I can see that.”

She meant the question to come out with composure.  Instead, it came blurting out.  “
Why do you ask?”  Inwardly she winced, afraid he would tell her and afraid he wouldn’t.  She took another bite of ice cream.

“Well . . . when Jenna died it really hurt me a lot.  I guess I just emotionally closed down.  So, not only am I completely out of practice here, but I have no idea how to do this with you being Amish.”

Do what? 
Her mind raced with possibilities.

He took t
wo more quick bites of ice cream.  He was gathering his nerve.  Rebekah was just trying to breathe. 

“We don’t really know each other very well, but what I’ve seen I’ve liked. 
A lot
.”  He said the last with emphasis.  “I know you said Amish and non-Amish can’t date . . .” He swallowed hard.  “The truth is, you make me feel things I never thought I’d feel again.”

Her heart felt ready to explode
.  He wants to court me!  He likes me!
  Her inner Amish perfectionist was shocked into silence.

“Well, say something,” he urged.

“I don’t know what to say.”

“Do you . . . like me, too?”

Her mind was staggering.   It was as if she had lost her sense of balance. 
Get out of there!  It can only lead to no good!
  She bit her lip in contemplation, ice cream completely forgotten.  His gaze transferred to her lips for a moment, then back to her eyes where she once again saw the kindest eyes in the world. 

She gave
a slight nod. 

“I think so.”

“You think so?  Not certain, hmmm.  Well, do you want to see me again?”

“Alone?”  She was still trembling.

“I would like that.  Would you?”

“You are driving my family to Wisconsin next week, yes?”

It took a moment to register in Nick’s eyes, but when it did it was a bright glow.

He reached over and took her hand.  Her breath hitched once more at his touch. 

“I can’t wait,” he said as he gave her hand a squeeze. 

All the ice cream had melted.  It didn’t seem like they had been out that long. 

“I have to go.”

“I know.”  He was resigned.

He reluctantly walked around to her side of the van and opened her door.  Taking her hand in his for a moment, he brought it to his lips to kiss it.  The feel of his soft lips on her skin sent bolts through her.

She walked back to the house with Nick.

“Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.  Thank you for the ice cream.” 

He stayed watching until he saw her go inside safely.

She crept into bed quietly and lay awake a long time berating
herself severely. 
What in the world do you think you’re doing?  You are marrying Ezekiel!  Nick’s not even Amish!

She was torn, not knowing what to think.  She only knew that she was beginning to hate Ezekiel and that she cared on some level for Nick.  It was a jumbled up mess, not making sense and having no clear answer. 
Do I dare follow my heart?
  She teetered on the question.  After some time, she told her inner Amish perfectionist to shut up and rolled over to sleep.

“Smaller stitches!”
  Ezekiel’s mother hissed at Rebekah.  “Your stitches need to be much smaller.”  Rebekah looked down at the wedding quilt that the women of the Community were working on in dismay.  To her eyes, her sewn work, while not perfect, did not look much different than Mother Yoder’s. 
My stitches may even be better than hers
, she thought naughtily.

Mother Yoder had rolls and rolls of fat, greasy gray hair and Ezekiel’s piggy eyes.   She possessed an air of malicious repugnance
and a quick temper.  For that reason, Rebekah had hardly ever spoken to her because she had found her too intimidating.  
And I’ll be living with her in Ezekiel’s house all too soon
. 

Rebekah pursed her lips together while moving the needle in and out, trying to make flawless stitches in the wedding quilt
.  The wedding quilt. 
My
wedding quilt
.  A knot formed in the pit of Rebekah’s stomach.   In a period of a few weeks from now, she and Ezekiel would be lying together beneath this quilt and he would . . .
he would do what? 
Rebekah didn’t know and was apprehensive about finding out.

“Now, Mary was the most excellent seamstress.  Her hand stiches looked like they were made on the Singer,” Mother Yoder motioned at the push treadle
sewing machine in the corner.  Uncharacteristically, she was extolling the virtues of Ezekiel’s late wife.  “And she was the best cook.  She could cook all of Ezekiel’s favorite meals and you know, my Ezekiel is very fussy about his food.”  She looked over at Ezekiel’s sister Polly, who nodded vigorously in agreement.  “I should know; I’m his mother.  I taught Mary everything she knew about cooking.  I taught her how to clean as well.  Can you imagine it?  She married my son not having the slightest idea how to cook or clean.”  The women tittered.   

Rebekah stared at her, mouth agape. 
Nicely said, now that she’s dead and not around to defend herself. 
The contemptuous thought came impetuously, but she did not push it away. 

Polly, piped up, “And Mary was always very affectionate to Ezekiel, Rebekah.  You’ll have to take care of his needs that way.”

Whaaa?

“And you’ll find out, men have very special needs.”  Mother Yoder’s thick lips smacked with smug satisfaction. 

Rebekah shrank. 
Oh dear God, it’s not as bad as I thought—it’s worse!
  She could see it, every day one demeaning comment after another, being compared to a ghost that, now revered, was probably despised while alive. 

“Of course you’ll find out all about that on your wedding night
.”  Mother Yoder was mocking, hateful.  Rebekah openly squirmed, causing Mother Yoder and Polly to cackle loudly. 

It’s much more atrocious than I thought already.  I will abhor Ezekiel’s touch and they will find it uproarious.  I will have
nowhere to hide, nowhere to turn, nowhere to go.  I will be taking care of his children all day and his “needs” by night.  And I will never get away from them
, she thought as she regarded Polly and her mother. 

Relief swept over Rebekah when one of the other women in the Community changed the subject, “I have good news!  I am having a baby!”

Congratulations came all around.  The new mother-to-be fairly glowed, saying, “We just found out last week.”  Rebekah took into consideration the woman’s slender figure and asked, unthinking, “How do you know when you are pregnant?”

Mother Yoder and her daughter howled in ridicule, their great rolls of doughy fat jiggling on their faces and necks. 

The pregnant mother ignored the Yoder women, and lowering her voice, answered Rebekah, “You are late with your monthlies.” 

The women howled some more.   Mother Yoder enjoyed it so much, she had tears streaming down her face and had to wipe them off with a bedraggled handkerchief. 

“Oh Rebekah!  You will have to give him a son right away.  He’s expecting it!” 

Rebekah’s quilting needle accidently found its way deep into her thumb.  Jerking away, she left a small spot of crimson on the fabric. 

“Don’t you dare bleed on your wedding quilt!”  Polly exclaimed.

“Yet,” followed Mother Yoder, and they both screamed with laughter again.