An Engagement in Seattle (10 page)

“Alek?” she whispered, propping herself up on one elbow.

He stirred immediately and straightened. “Julia?”

“What are you doing here?”

“I didn’t want you to be alone.”

“I’m fine,” she said again.

“Do you want me to sing to you?”

Hot, burning tears filled her eyes at his tenderness, his concern. She shook her head. What she needed was to be held.

“Julia, my love,” he whispered, moving from the chair to the edge of the bed. His hand smoothed the hair from her face, his touch as gentle as if she were a child in need of reassurance, which was exactly the way Julia felt.

“Why do you have to be so wonderful?” she sobbed. “Why are you so good to me?”

His lips touched her forehead, but he didn’t answer.

“I’m a rotten wife.”

He laughed. “You haven’t given yourself a chance yet.”

“I’ve treated you terribly. You should hate me.”

“Hate you?” He seemed to find her words amusing. “That would be impossible.”

“Will you lie down with me? Please?” The words were out before she could censor them. It was a completely selfish request. “I…need you, Alek.” She added this last part for honesty’s sake, to ease her conscience.

He kissed her, his mouth locating hers unerringly in the near-dark. Although his kiss was light, she knew it was his way of thanking her for admitting the truth.

He stood and stripped off his pants and shirt. Julia lifted the covers and moved over as far as she could in the narrow bed.

Despite sleeping in his embrace the night before, she felt strangely shy now. He put his arm around her shoulders and brought her close. He was warm and real and felt so alive that she trembled when she laid her head on his chest. His heart was pounding strong and steady against her ear.

“Can you sleep now?” he whispered.

“I…think so. What about you?”

“Don’t worry about me.”

That didn’t answer her question, but she didn’t press him. “We kissed last night, didn’t we?”

He rubbed his chin across her hair. “Yes.” She heard the strain in his voice and felt unusually pleased. She tilted her head back so that she was looking into his warm, dark eyes. Only a few inches separated their mouths.

“Would you…mind—” she hesitated and moistened her lips “—kissing me again?”

His breathing stopped abruptly and his eyes narrowed as if he wasn’t sure he should trust her. Julia didn’t blame him.

Rather than waiting for his permission, she arched toward him until their lips met. Their kiss was sweet and undemanding. She was breathing hard when they finished, but so was he.

He kissed her again, a little deeper, a little more intensely. Then a lot more intensely.

Julia sighed as his mouth left hers, their bottom lips clinging momentarily. “Oh, Alek.” She sighed, and a trembling kind of response made its way through her body.

She said his name again, more softly this time. “I want to make love.”

She watched him closely and noted the different emotions flashing in his eyes. He wanted her, too; there was no question of that. He wanted her and had from the beginning of their marriage. He’d made certain she knew how much. Yet he hesitated.

His eyes gradually changed and told her another story. They darkened with doubt, which won over the needy, sensual look she’d seen in him seconds earlier.

“Julia.” He breathed her name, his tone regretful. “Not now.”

“Why not?” She knew she sounded defensive and couldn’t help it. He’d demanded she share his bed from the first night of their marriage.

But when she finally agreed to fulfill her part of their bargain, he rejected her. It made no sense. And it angered her.

“I’d feel as if I was taking advantage of you.”

“Shouldn’t I be the judge of that?” she said irritably.

“Right now, no.”

Stunned, she jerked her head away. His fingers came to her face, resting on her cheek, directing her gaze back to his.

“I want you, Julia, don’t ever doubt that. But I refuse to put my own needs before yours. You’re confused and hurting. There’s nothing I’d like more than to—” He stopped. “I’m sure you understand.” She nodded.

He kissed her briefly, then tucked his arm around her and brought her even closer to his side. His lips were in her hair. “When we make love, I don’t want there to be any regrets in the morning.”

Julia smiled and kissed his bare chest. “No one told me you were so noble.”

“No one told me, either,” he muttered disparagingly.

The way he said it with a deep, shuddering sigh led her to believe that if anyone had regrets in the morning, it would be her husband.

Content now, she curled up against him and shut her eyes. She’d prefer it if they made love, but being in his arms would satisfy her for now.

Alek envied Julia her ability to sleep. For weeks he’d been waiting for his wife to come to him, to fulfill her wedding vows by her own choice. Yet when she invited him to her bed, held her arms softly around him, he felt compelled to do the honorable thing.

Honor. But at what price? His body throbbed with need. His heart ached with love. No woman had led him on a finer chase. No woman had challenged him as much as his wife. No woman had defied and infuriated him more than Julia.

She’d been hurt and angry at his refusal, then seemed to accept the wisdom of his words. Wisdom, nothing! He was a fool.

Maybe not, he decided after a moment. Perhaps he
had
been wise. Only time would tell.

He felt Julia stir some time later and was surprised to realize it was morning. Slowly he opened his eyes to discover her face staring down at his, studying him. “Good morning,” she whispered.

He waited, thinking she might be angry at finding him in bed with her, but she revealed none of the outrage she had the morning before. Still, her eyes were clouded and her grief was evident.

“Did you sleep well?” he asked.

She nodded shyly, her gaze avoiding his. “What about you?”

“As well as can be expected.” He stretched his cramped arms and yawned loudly. They were fools, the pair of them. His sister had said as much yesterday morning. They were sleeping in a single bed when there was a perfectly good king-size bed in the other room.

Alek didn’t have a single excuse to offer his sister and finally told her to mind her own business. But Anna was right.

“Thank you, Alek,” Julia said, climbing out of bed. Her face was turned away from him.

“For what, staying with you?”

“No…well, yes, that, too, but for…you know, not…”

“Making love to you?”

She nodded. Reaching inside her closet, she took out a set of clothes and held them in front of her as if to shield her body from his view. She’d spent most of the night cuddling against him. He’d felt every inch of her creamy smooth skin; there wasn’t anything left to hide. It didn’t seem right to point that out, however.

“The next few days are going to be very busy. I’ll be spending a lot of my time finishing up the funeral arrangements and…and going through Ruth’s things, so we probably won’t see much of each other for a while.”

She didn’t need to sound so pleased at the prospect, Alek mused.

By the time he’d showered and dressed, Julia had already left the condominium. His sister was eyeing him critically, clearly displeased about something.

“What’s wrong with Julia?” Anna asked in an accusatory voice. “She looks as if she was crying.”

Naturally it would be his fault, Alek thought, ignoring his sister’s glare.

“Her grandmother died,” he explained and he watched as Anna’s eyes went soft with sympathy.

“You love this woman.”

“She’s my wife.” He saw now that it was a mistake to have hired his sister. It was obvious that she was going to be what Jerry called “a damned nuisance.”

“You did not marry her for love.”

“No,” he admitted gruffly, resenting this line of questioning. He wouldn’t have tolerated it from anyone else and Anna knew it.

“She knows that you did not love her. This is why she sleeps in the small bed.”

“Thank you, Dear Abby.”

“Who?”

“Never mind,” Alek said impatiently. He grabbed a piece of toast from the plate and didn’t wait for the rest of his breakfast. He turned to leave the room.

“Aleksandr,” she said sharply, stopping him. “You’ve become very American.” Her face relaxed into a wide smile. “I think this is good. You teach me, too, okay?”

“Okay,” he said, chuckling.

Sorting through Ruth’s possessions proved to be far more difficult than Julia had expected. Her grandmother’s tastes had been simple, but she’d held on to many things, refusing to discard life’s mementos.

Disposing of her clothes was the easiest. Julia boxed them up and took them to a shelter for the homeless. It was the little things she found so difficult. A token from the Seattle World Fair, an empty perfume bottle that had long since faded. The photographs. She could never part with the photographs.

Julia had no idea her grandmother had collected so many snapshots. The comical photos Ruth sent Louis Conrad while he was away fighting in the Second World War made her smile.

Julia came across a packet of pictures that caused her to laugh outright. Her grandmother, so young and attractive, was poised in a modest-looking swimsuit in front of a young soldier’s photograph. It had to be Julia’s grandfather, but she’d never seen pictures of him at that age.

The whole thing must have been rather risqué for the time. Julia guessed Ruth had been giving Louis a reason to come home. Heaven knew it had worked.

Julia studied the picture and sat for several minutes remembering the love story Ruth had told her. It was sweet and innocent, unlike now when sex so often dominated a relationship.

Except for her marriage, she thought defeatedly. It was difficult to believe she could’ve been married to Alek this long without making love.

He’d been eager for the physical side of their relationship—until she’d revealed the first signs of wanting him, too. How typical of a man.

“Oh, Alek,” she breathed, holding her grandmother’s picture. “Will there ever be a way for us?”

In her heart she heard a resounding
yes.
But the voice wasn’t her own, nor was it Alek’s. It came from Ruth.

The day of the funeral, Julia wore a black dress and an old-fashioned pillbox hat with black netting that fitted over her face.

Julia hadn’t slept well the past few nights and the fatigue was beginning to show. She’d made a point of coming home late, knowing Alek would be waiting for her. She’d mumble something about being tired and close her bedroom door, slipping into bed alone.

She’d spent the past two nights wishing Alek was there with her. She cursed her foolish pride for not approaching him. But she was afraid that once she did, she’d ask him to make love to her again, and this time she wouldn’t take no for an answer.

The limousine delivered Julia, Jerry and Alek to the Methodist church where Ruth had worshiped for a number of years. Jerry and Alek climbed out first. Alek offered her his hand as Julia stepped out of the car. A small group of mourners had formed on the sidewalk outside the church, awaiting the family’s arrival. Julia’s gaze quickly scanned the crowd, then stopped abruptly.

There, seeking her eyes, stood Roger Stanhope.

Eight

J
ulia hesitated, one foot on the curb, the other in the limousine. Crouched as she was, she felt in danger of collapsing. Roger had dared to show up at her grandmother’s funeral! The man had no sense of decency, but that didn’t come as any surprise.

Although Alek couldn’t have known what was happening, he leaned forward, put his arm around her waist and assisted her to an upright position.

His eyes were filled with concern. Julia’s heart was beating double time and her head was spinning. She was afraid she might faint.

“I…I need to sit down.”

“Of course.” With his hand securely around her waist, Alek led her into the church vestibule. A row of wooden pews lined the wall and Alek encouraged her to take a seat.

“What’s wrong?” Jerry asked.

Julia couldn’t answer. “Water…could you get me a glass of water?”

Jerry hurried away and returned a moment later with her drink. Other friends were beginning to arrive and after taking a moment to compose herself, Julia stood.

How dare Roger come to her grandmother’s funeral! He’d done it to agitate her, and his unscrupulous ploy had worked. Julia had never been so close to passing out. Not even the day her father had—She pushed the thought from her mind, refusing to dwell on anything that had to do with Roger.

Jerry caught sight of their former employee, and his mouth thinned with irritation. “You saw him, didn’t you?”

Julia nodded.

“I’ll have him thrown out.”

“Don’t,” she said. Roger wasn’t worth the effort. “He’ll cause a scene. Besides, I think Ruth would’ve gotten a kick out of it. We tried everything but a subpoena to talk to him after the fire, remember?”

“I’m not likely to forget.”

“Who would’ve believed he’d end up coming to us?”

“Not me,” Jerry agreed.

Alek didn’t say anything, but Julia was well aware of his presence at her side. She wasn’t fooled; he took in every word of the exchange between her and her brother.

“Point out this man to me,” Alek said to them both. “I will see to his removal.”

Jerry glanced at Julia, looking for her consent. She thought about it a moment, then decided she wouldn’t give Roger the satisfaction.

“Don’t kid yourself, Julia, he’s up to something,” Jerry warned.

“I’d be a fool if I didn’t know that,” she returned testily. She’d been duped by Roger once and it wasn’t a mistake she cared to repeat. She knew his methods and wouldn’t be taken in a second time.

The three of them had gathered in the back of the church and were unaware of anyone else until Pastor Hall approached them and announced they were ready for the service to begin.

Julia had known this ordeal would leave her emotionally depleted. Several times during the funeral she felt close to tears, but she held them at bay, taking in deep, even breaths. Her fingers were entwined with Alek’s and she appreciated more than ever that he was with her. His presence lent her the strength she needed to get through the heartrending experience of saying goodbye to the woman she loved so dearly.

Anna sat nearby, and despite the solemnity of the occasion, Julia thought she saw Jerry cast her several interested glances.

From the church they traveled to the north end of Seattle to the cemetery where Ruth would be buried in the plot next to her beloved Louis.

Julia was surprised by how many people came. The day was bright and clear and the sky a pale shade of blue she’d only seen in the Pacific Northwest.

There were so many lovely bouquets of flowers. The group of mourners gathered under the canopy at the cemetery. Julia, Jerry and Alek were given seats, along with a few of Ruth’s more elderly friends. Pastor Hall read from his Bible and the words were familiar ones since Julia had read them so often to Ruth herself.

Her heart felt as if it would shatter into a thousand pieces as the casket was slowly lowered into the ground. Alek must have sensed her distress because he placed his arm around her shoulders. The tears sprang from her eyes and she quietly sobbed her last farewell.

Afterward, the assembly met at Ruth’s home. Charles, who’d been with the family for years, had insisted on having it there, although it demanded extra work on his part. The meal was catered, but several friends brought dishes themselves. A wide variety of casseroles, as well as salads, cheeses and sliced meats, were served.

Julia and Jerry stood by the doorway and greeted their visitors, thanking each of them for their love and support. Julia received countless hugs. Anna had a felt uncomfortable about being among so many strangers and had left, with Julia’s fervent thanks for attending the service.

Various family friends recounted stories involving Ruth and Louis, and before she realized it, Julia found herself smiling. Her grandmother had been a wonderful, generous, warmhearted woman. Julia didn’t need others to tell her that, but their comments reaffirmed what she’d always known.

The gathering broke up into small groups of mourners. Every available seat in the living room and formal dining room was taken. Julia assisted Charles in seeing to the guests’ comfort.

She was filling coffee cups when Roger spoke from behind her. “Hello, Julia.”

It was fortunate that she didn’t empty the steaming coffee into someone’s lap. Roger had apparently sneaked into the house through the back door, because Jerry would never have allowed him in the front.

“Hello, Roger,” she said as unemotionally as she could.

“I’m sorry to hear about your grandmother.”

“Thank you.” Her words, if not her tone, were civil.

“Julia, Julia,” he said with an injured sigh, “isn’t it time for us to let bygones be bygones? How often do I have to tell you it was all a horrible mistake? It seems a shame to rehash something that happened so long ago, don’t you agree?”

“I’m sure it wasn’t a mistake. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to see to my guests.”

Roger surprised her by taking her arm and stopping her. Her gaze flew back to him and she wondered how she could ever have thought herself in love with him.

He was handsome, but his good looks were so transparent that she was shocked she hadn’t seen through his guise sooner. She’d learned a good deal about character in the past few years, and that thought, at least, comforted her.

“I suggest you let go of my wife’s arm,” Alek said. He was angry. Julia could tell by how heavy his accent had become.

Roger looked puzzled, as if he didn’t understand.

“And I suggest you do as he says,” Julia said.

Roger released her arm. He held up both hands for Alek’s inspection. “I heard you were married,” he said, continuing to follow her as she filled yet another coffee cup. Alek came after Roger and the three of them paraded across the room.

“Why you chose to marry a Russian is beyond me. I figured you were smarter than to involve yourself with some foreigner.”

Julia didn’t dignify that comment with a reply. Instead she introduced the two men. “Roger Stanhope, meet Aleksandr Berinski.”

“Ah,” Roger said sarcastically, “and I thought he was your bodyguard.”

“I am,” Alek said in a less heavy accent. “Touch my wife again and you’ll be sorry. We
foreigners
have effective ways of making our point.”

“Alek,” Julia admonished with a grin.

Roger seemed to take the threat as some kind of joke. “I’m truly sorry to hear about your grandmother,” he went on.

“Thank you.” The coffeepot was empty and Julia returned to the kitchen with both Roger and Alek in tow. If it hadn’t been such a sad occasion, Julia would’ve found the antics of the two men funny.

“I’d like to take you to lunch sometime,” Roger said, leaning against the kitchen counter as Julia prepared another pot of coffee. “We could talk over old times.”

“Great. I’d love it. Do you mind if I bring the arson investigator?”

“Julia won’t be having lunch with you,” Alek said before Roger could react.

“I’m sorry, Roger, I really am, but my husband is the jealous sort. You’ve started off on the wrong foot with him as it is. Don’t press your luck.”

“Julia, sweetheart,” Roger said meaningfully, “it’s time for us to clear the air.”

“The air will be much clearer once you leave,” Alek muttered. “Perhaps you would allow me to show you the door?” He advanced one menacing step, then another.

“Ah…” Roger backed up, hands raised. “All right, all right. I’ll go.”

“I thought you’d see matters my way,” Alek said.

Roger cast an ugly look in his direction. He straightened the cuffs of his starched white shirt and wore an injured air as he left the house through the back door.

Julia’s gaze followed Roger. “That really wasn’t necessary, you know.”

“Ah, but it gave me pleasure to send him.”

Her smiling eyes met his. “Me, too.”

“Tell me about this man. You loved him?”

She felt her amusement drain away. She was surprised no one had ever told Alek about her fateful relationship with Roger. But she’d dealt with enough grief for one day and didn’t feel like delving into more.

“Another time?” she asked.

Alek seemed to require a moment to think over his response. “Soon,” he told her. “A husband needs to know these things.”

She agreed with an unenthusiastic nod.

Alek was leaving the kitchen when she stopped him. “I’ll tell you about Roger if you tell me about the women in your life.”

This, too, seemed to give him pause. “There’s never been anyone but you,” he said, then grinned boyishly.

The gathering broke up an hour or so later. Julia insisted on staying to help Charles with the cleanup. Jerry and Alek were helpful, too, stacking folding chairs, straightening the living room and carrying dirty dishes into the kitchen.

By the time Alek unlocked the door to their home, Julia felt drained.

“Sit down,” Alek said, “and I’ll make you a cup of tea.”

“That sounds heavenly.” She kicked off her shoes and stretched out her tired legs, resting her feet on the ottoman. Alek joined her a few minutes later, bringing a china cup and saucer.

He sat across from her.

“I don’t think I’ll ever stop missing her,” Julia whispered, after her first sip of tea. Now that she wasn’t so busy, the pain of losing Ruth returned full force. “She’s left such a large void in my life.”

“Give yourself time,” Alek said gently.

Julia looked over at her husband and her heart swelled with some emotion she couldn’t quite identify. Possibly love. That frightened her half to death, but she sensed that with Alek there was the chance of feeling safe and secure again.

He’d been so good to her through the difficult weeks of Ruth’s illness and death, even when she’d given him ample reason to be angry with her.

“When was the last time you ate?” he asked unexpectedly.

Julia shrugged. “I don’t remember.”

“You didn’t have anything this afternoon.”

“I didn’t?” There’d been so much food, it seemed impossible that she hadn’t eaten something.

“No,” Alek informed her. “I was watching. You saw to everyone but yourself. I’ll make you dinner.”

“Alek, please,” she said, trailing him into the kitchen. “That isn’t necessary.”

“It’ll be my pleasure.” Lifting her by the waist, he sat her effortlessly on the stool next to the kitchen counter. “You can stay and observe,” he said. “You might even learn something.”

Relaxed now, Julia smiled.

Alek looked at her for a moment. “You don’t do that often enough,” he said, leaning toward her and dropping a kiss on her lips.

“Do what?” she asked in surprise.

“Smile.”

“There hasn’t been much reason to.”

“That’s about to change, my love.”

She leaned her chin on her hands. The sadness she’d carried with her all these weeks seemed to slide off her back. “You know, I think you’re right.”

Alek, who was beating eggs, looked over at her and grinned. “Anna said something to me the other morning. As her older brother I’m guilty of not listening to my sister as often as I should. This time, I did—and I agree with her.”

“I like Anna very much.”

“She feels the same way about you. She told me you were wise not to let me make love to you.”

Julia lowered her gaze, uncomfortable with the topic.

“When we married I wasn’t in love with you,” Alek confessed. “You weren’t in love with me. This is true?”

Given no option but the truth, Julia nodded.

“My heart tells me differently now.” He put the bowl down and moved to her side. With one finger, he raised her chin so her eyes were level with his own. “I love you, Julia, very much.”

She bit her trembling lower lip. “Oh, Alek…” Tears blurred her vision until his face swam before her.

“This makes you sad?”

“This terrifies me. I want to love you…I think I already do, but I don’t trust myself when it comes to falling in love.”