An Imperfect Circle (22 page)

“
You had your own stuff.”

“
And you were there to save me from it,” I remind him. “I would have wanted to be there for you. It hurts that I wasn’t.”

We ho
ld each other in silence. It’s cold but Karl is somehow still warm and we’re pressed against each other. I’d hate to be held like this by anybody else but the holding is definitely mutual and this is Karl.

Karl
, the boy that never rejected me after all. Karl, the boy that was hurting and tried to save me from his pain to lessen my own. Karl, the boy who’s now practically a man and still doesn’t mind shedding a tear for his mother in my arms.

The realisation is still sinking in. I can’t help but lament all that wasted time. I kept my distance because I thought he didn’t want me and he let me keep the distance because he thought I was ashamed for him to see me.

We’re both fudging morons.

“
I missed you so much,” I admit because I did and I’m all about the honesty.

“
God, I missed you too,” he chuckles. “You made me into a pathetic wuss.”

I laugh despite myself because that’s so not who he is.

“Seriously, Ian still gives me crap about the way I was after you left.”

“
You didn’t tell any of them,” I state because I know it’s true.

He shakes his head.
“None of their business.”

I smile against his neck and nuzzle closer. You know, because it’s cold.

“Granddad knows because he had to sit with me when the police took my statement and dad knows because granddad had to tell him since he’s my dad. Sorry.”

“
It’s okay, Karl. I’m not ashamed.”

“
Good,” he nods decisively, his lips tickling my skin as they press against it. He’s not kissing me, he just has his mouth against my skin just like I do with him.

“
You shouldn’t be. It rocks my socks that you’re just like you were when we were kids, just ten times more awesome,” he grins.

“
Really?” I mock, glad we’re done with the heavy hurtful stuff. “It rocks your socks.”

“
Rocks them right off, darlin’,” he smirks.

“So, we can’t be friends any more?” Karl grins as he lifts us up and places me on the edge of the patio table.

“
Not if you’re going to mock me,” I grumble playfully.

He winks at me and bends over to open the ottoman and pull some blankets out.

“Seriously?” I raise a sarcastic eyebrow at him. “There were blankets there all along and you made me wear your jumper.”

“
Don’t pretend you aren’t loving it,” he smirks at me.

I kind of want to kick him for being right but I settle for fake thumping his arm instead as he wraps one around me and sits down on the chair right in front of me.

“Besides, I like seeing you in my jumper.”

“
Why?” I cock my head at him.

He just shrugs.

“Why are we still out here?” I prompt when he keeps quiet for a while.

“
You said we couldn’t be friends any more.”

“
Well, I think we’ve cleared the air now, haven’t we?” I ask because it sure feels that way for me.

“
A bit,” he agrees. “But I’m not sure I want to be friends with you any more.”

“
What?” I lean forwards to punch him again because his eyes are laughing at me.

“
I don’t want to be friends,” he repeats seriously and my smile falters because the laughter is gone and he really means it.

I’m not sure how to respond so I just gape at him.

“We were more than just friends when we were ten, Elise.”

“
We were?”

“
We were,” he nods.

I raise an eyebrow at him and he stands up, nudging his way between my legs and putting his hands on my hips. I don’t know why it doesn’t bother me because I would never let anybody else do it.

But this is Karl.

Karl has always been the exception.

“We did this,” he whispers, taking my left hand in his right and intertwining our fingers.

I rest my right hand against his chest – his very solid chest – because I need the balance.

“We did,” I nod, slowly stroking my fingers over the rough callouses.

“
I liked it,” he says shamelessly, using his other hand to guide my chin up so that our eyes meet.

“
Me too,” I admit because I’m not ashamed of it either.

“
You let me do this too.” He doesn’t give me time to think before his lips are on mine.

I forget that it feels like minus ten degrees out. I forget that Andrew could come out and see us at any minute. I forget that I haven’t been kissed in five years.

I forget my own name.

Unlike his hands, his lips are soft. They barely brush over mine but the contact makes that electric shock that’s always passing between us intensify to the point of distraction.

I have to admit, it’s a pleasant distraction.

But it ends all too quickly and our breathing is laboured as our eyes slowly open to look at each other.

“You kissed me,” I breathe, slightly startled that it just happened.

“
I did,” he smirks slightly, but then his face falls. “Is that okay?”

“
I’m not sure,” I frown. I wasn’t expecting it but I haven’t been kissed since the night he saved me. The two kisses can’t even be compared. One was an assault, the other was a tender gift that I will never forget.

“
I didn’t mean to force you,” he stumbles over his words, obviously cautious.

“
You didn’t,” I reassure him with a smile. “I just didn’t expect it.”

“
You should have,” he grinned. “I’ve been wanting to do that again since I first saw you in the goth get-up.”

“
Really?” I cock my head at him. “Even before you knew it was me?”

“
I think I always knew it was you. I just thought it was too good to be true. I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.”

I smile a sad smile and look up at him again.
“What’s going on with us, Karl?” I ask because even though we’re being light and playful, I just kissed my friend and so much has just happened. I’m not sure what to think.

“
You’re my girlfriend now. Congratulations.”

“
You can’t just tell me I’m your girlfriend,” I frown at him, removing my hand from his so I can shove his chest lightly.

“
I can and I did.”

“
Doesn’t make it true.”

“
Does too,” he grins. “You said we couldn’t be friends. This is the only option you have left.”

“
What’s in it for me?”

His response is to kiss me again and I warm up from the inside out. There’s no tongue and I like that. I like that he just brushes my lips with his and holds me in his arms.

“Wagon Wheels,” he whispers and the decision is made.

Apparently, I have a boyfriend now.

“I won’t make a very good girlfriend, Karl,” I warn him. “I have nothing to offer you. I’m not perfect. I can’t do… intimate stuff. I can’t make you happy.”

I told you, honesty is my policy.

“Elise, being happy doesn’t mean being perfect, it means you’ve decided to look past the imperfections,” he holds me captive with his gaze and keeps his hands on the side of my face for good measure.

“
I don’t want perfect, darling. Perfect is boring. I want you and nothing else.”

“
I can’t do the girlfriend things, Karl,” I stress because I can never have sex with him. I know I’ll never enjoy that.

“
Elise,” Karl sighs, brushing his lips over mine briefly. “I don’t want any of that. I want you. I want the arguing over stupid things. I want your stubbornness. I want the way you challenge me and make me a better person. I want the way you fight something fierce for what you believe in. You. Just you, Elise.”

“
What happens when you want more?”

“
There is no more for me. Only you.”

The thing is, I know he’s telling the truth. I can see it in his eyes and it makes me want to start crying again.

“Stop lying to yourself, Elise,” he continues before I can answer. “I know I’m more than a friend to you.” He smirks at this and locks his arms around my waist once more. “I see the way you look at me.”

“
How do I look at you?” I whisper.

“
Like I’m a Wagon Wheel,” he grins and I laugh. I have to because I’d be hard pressed to choose between him and my delicious round treats.

Karl grins and pulls me off the table. He tugs the blankets off of us and folds them before putting them back in the ottoman. He lets me keep his jumper which is probably for the best because I'm never giving it back anyway.

“I told you I had dibs on you,” he smirks.

“
I almost removed your gonads when you said that,” I remind him because I still might.

“
I was right,” he shrugs, wrapping his arms around me tightly so there's no chance of retaliation.

I'd knee him in
the aforementioned gonads but he rubs his cold nose against my even colder one in an Eskimo kiss and it's so sweet that it makes me forget to hurt him.

“
Were you seriously offended?” His cinnamon breath warms my cheeks and I sigh contentedly.

I nod and nuzzle closer because, despite the fact I'm wearing his jumper, he's warm, and s
oft, and… Karl.

“
I only called dibs so Matt would back off,” he says seriously, tucking my head under his chin.

“
What?” I frown. “Matt?” The notion seems stupid; Matt's never even so much as flirted with me.

“
Matt,” he repeats and it's almost a growl. “He was looking at you wrong.”

“
How does somebody look at me wrong?” I snicker.

“
Like he wanted to see you naked.”

“
Ew,” I retort because Matt and naked are not two things I need associated. He's not bad looking but he's... well he's Matt.

“
I love the guy but he treats girls worse than Ian,” Karl grumbles. “I was saving you.”

Sure. He had
honourable intentions.

And Shelly and I will be best friends one day and win the lottery three weekends in a row.

“If I call dibs, he knows to back off because I do it so rarely,” Karl continues.

“
So that's the only reason you tried to claim me?” I ask sarcastically, stressing the word try because I'm my own person. Nobody gets to claim me.

“
Well, that and the fact that I actually do have dibs on you,” he smirks.

“
Karl,” I warn, trying to worm my hand up his stomach so I can turnip him.

He squeezes ti
ghter so my hand can't reach its destination. “I've had dibs since we were six,” he growls seriously, surprising me by kissing my forehead. It's such a tender gesture and it contrasts with the growl in his voice.

“
I'm not an object,” I growl back, only my growl is in anger.

“
No, you're my best friend. You're the girl who lay under the apple tree with me. You're the person I've thought about every day for the last ten years and now you're my girlfriend.”

He takes my breath away slightly but not so much that I can't snap back. It's sweet but he still can't call dibs on me.

“You've had dibs on me too,” he cuts me off with a pre-emptive strike.

I open my mouth to say that I never asked for dibs but he cuts me off with another kiss. I swear I can feel energy coming up through his feet, his body, his lips, and anchoring me to him before it leaves back into the Earth.

I suppose he can have dibs on me if I get him in return. And kisses. I think I might be addicted to his kisses. It’s like his lips have erased the presence of their predecessors. Don’t get me wrong, kissing him when I was ten was kind of nice but nothing like this. This kiss is like a peaceful storm. It’s serenity and an emotional tsunami all at once.

“
That definitely looks like canoodling,” a gravelly voice booms from the darkness.

I cringe and grasp balls of Karl’s t-shirt in my hand.
Is there anything more embarrassing than being caught kissing by somebody’s granddad?

“
Your father specifically said no canoodling, son,” Peter emerges with a stern expression on his face and Karl shifts his body so I’m tucked behind him.

I nudge him out of the way because he’s not taking the fall for this. I was definitely an active party and I knew the rules.

“Sorry, Peter,” I frown apologetically.

“
Sorry,” Karl nods. “It won’t happen again.” He squeezes my hand subtly and locks fingers with me. I’m not sure if he’s trying to communicate something to me or give me a cue but I’m not big on being told what to do. Especially by him.

“
Not the most convincing apology,” Peter frowns. “Twenty ought to change that.”

I cock my head at Karl because I remember how this works but he can’t seriously expect me to do twenty
push-ups.

“
Can I do thirty and let Elise do ten?” Karl chirps, accepting his punishment without protest.

Peter smirks slightly and opens his mouth to speak but I cut him off because I’m not about to put up with that.

“Why?” I slap his arm lightly. “You don’t think I can do as many as you can? I’ll do my own thank you very much.”

Peter just chuckles and looks at us expectantly.

“Suit yourself,” Karl smirks, dropping down onto his toes and hands and holding a plank as he waits for me to do them.

I know he’s waiting for me to prove a point and he’s going to
do them at the same pace as me.

I figure he must be freezing since I still have his jumper so I get down into position quickly so that I can show him I’m tougher than he thinks.

Peter counts as we complete our punishment and I can feel Karl’s smirk from a foot away as I try my very hardest not to grunt.

I’m not oblivious to the fact that we’ve probably been in this scenario a million times before in years past but this is the first time I’ve passed the time by imagining what Karl would look like if he was doing them without the cotton t-shirt.

The very soft, cotton t-shirt. It’s not really fair to put his t-shirt through this ordeal. He should probably have taken it off.

“
Twenty,” Peter smiles as we shove up from the ground.

Karl’s breathing is slightly laboured but nowhere near as much as mine and I want to punch him for looking so smug about it
.

A
nd I would if my arms still worked.