An Inconvenient Trilogy (42 page)

“No, I’m going to look for her, I was just about to leave,” Stephen said.

“Running about the countryside will not achieve anything,” Elizabeth responded.

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell him,” Michael added in frustration.

Stephen looked fit to burst, “Well at least I will be doing
something!
” he snapped.

“You are a pair of fools!” Elizabeth said, annoyed with them both. “She could have been found hours ago if only you would have come straight to me.”

“Why? Where is she?” Stephen demanded, for once ignoring the criticism of himself.

“There is only one other place she would have gone to if she was upset. I’m surprised neither of you thought of it; she will be at the Hurst’s farm,” Elizabeth said. She was worried about her friend, but could not help being slightly smug about the expressions that greeted her at her words.

“That’s miles away!” Stephen said, dismissing the suggestion. “She was on foot.”

“Yes, and how long was it before you realised that she was missing?” Elizabeth asked.

“Probably about two hours,” Stephen admitted.

“And in that two hours, do you not think she would have come across some form of transport, whether farm cart or curricle, that would have taken up a young lady and helped her along her way?” Elizabeth asked, shaking her head.

“I need my horse,” Stephen muttered and left the room.

“You have our wish of good luck on your quest,” Elizabeth said to the retreating figure, even though her words would not be heard. “I think Stephen finally realises what Charlotte means to him,” she smiled at her husband.

“I hope so, I’ve left them alone enough over these last few weeks,” Michael responded with a gleam in his eye. “I’ve never worked as much in my study before. I will be in despair if he didn’t take the opportunity to use the time productively.”

“Michael!” Elizabeth exclaimed, before bursting into laughter.

Chapter 27

Stephen rode without thinking. His driving force was that Charlotte was upset, and that he needed to make her feel better. He had barely stopped to receive directions to the farm, before setting off. He had kept away from the farm during Charlotte’s stay there, but there was no possibility that he could keep away now, if she was there.

His horse covered the ground in impressive time and there was still a small amount of light when he dismounted outside the farm. The two dogs barked their greeting until Mrs Hurst came out of the farm.

“Can I help you sir?” Her tone was pleasant, but she seemed to be looking at Stephen with particular interest.

“I hope so,” Stephen responded. “Is Miss Webster here?”

“Who are you?”

“I’m Lord Halkyn, and need to see Miss Webster!” Stephen responded. He had subconsciously stood taller, to try and intimidate his way in.

His actions did not seem to impress Mrs Hurst. She looked him up and down and then met his gaze, all signs of friendliness gone. It was apparent that she was not easily bullied or intimidated. “Well, unfortunately for you, she doesn’t want to see you, so I suggest you get back on your horse and leave her be.”

Stephen had not anticipated being refused entry and could have growled with annoyance, but he kept his temper. “I can’t do that,” he responded.

“I won’t have her more upset than she already is,” Mrs Hurst said firmly.

“I don’t wish to upset her, I want to do exactly the opposite,” Stephen said. “Please ask her to see me for half an hour and if she still feels as strongly after then, I will never bother her again.”

Mrs Hurst seemed to consider for a moment, before nodding her head slightly and returning to the farm house. Stephen was left kicking his heels in the farm yard for ten minutes until Mrs Hurst returned.

“She will see you in the parlour,” she said, indicating that he should follow her. She led the way through the kitchen as she had done with Charlotte’s other visitors when she was recovering from the accident.

Stephen sat in a chair in the parlour, his large frame filling the space. Mrs Hurst nodded at him, before opening the door wider and letting Charlotte enter the room.

“Now you heed what I said,” she spoke to Charlotte. “I will be waiting in the kitchen, if you need me or want this to end, just call me.”

“I will, thank you,” Charlotte said quietly.

Stephen stood at Charlotte’s entrance and almost reached out to her, but the haunted look on her face stopped him. He had been sure about finding her and explaining everything, making it all well, but the expression of real sadness in her eyes made him wonder if he had made a mistake. He hoped against hope that he was not the cause of that sadness.

“Charlotte, everyone has been worried about you,” he said gently, indicating that she should be seated.

“I am sorry to have caused so much trouble. It would seem that is all I do these days,” Charlotte responded.

“This is not like you, Charlotte,” Stephen said gently. “Where has my tiger gone?” He smiled at her in encouragement, but his words only made her look even more upset. Her expression tore at his insides and he reached out and touched her hand. “Tell me what has caused you to be so upset Charlotte. I don’t understand how your memory returning could be such a bad thing.”

Charlotte smiled slightly, but it did not reach her eyes. “Yes, I have been struggling to remember so much haven’t I? Yet I should have continued to avoid the memories since they are so horrible.”

Stephen tried to ignore the knot of dread in his stomach that Charlotte’s words had caused. “Did Christopher force himself on you?” The muscle in his cheek started to twitch.

“Christopher? No!” Charlotte said quickly. “Why would you think that?”

The breath that Stephen had been holding, whooshed out of him. “It was just your reaction about regaining the memories was so bad that I thought something must have happened that you hadn’t previously told me. With you mentioning the footman by name, I presumed it was to do with him,” Stephen said honestly.

“No, there was nothing more happened than I explained, you insisted I was honest from the start and I thought I owed you that for the service you gave. It is more complicated, I can’t really explain it,” Charlotte said, frowning and biting her lip.

Stephen leaned across to her and held both her hands in his. “Charlotte my dear, tell me. Tell me so I can put that smile on your face again and kiss you until your legs can no longer support you,” he said, his voice going husky at the thought of having her in his arms, Mrs Hurst next door or not.

Charlotte sighed, “I had fooled myself into thinking I meant more to you than I do, and regaining the memories just proved that you will never think of me of anything other than a foolish girl who deserves nothing better than being offered illicit kisses.” The words had rushed out of Charlotte and she did not look at Stephen when she had finished.

Stephen paused before speaking, a few weeks ago and he probably would not have disagreed with her viewpoint, but now things were different. He had finally come to realise what was important to him and to realise what he wanted in life. The problem was that he needed Charlotte to believe him, so he had to tread carefully.

“I never thought of you as a foolish girl. All I wanted to make sure you were safe, and to kill Kersal,” Stephen said quietly.

Charlotte smiled at his words. “I always felt safe with you. I wonder why that is? I knew of your reputation, but from the first moment, I felt protected.”

“I think you have the unique ability of seeing the best in me,” Stephen said seriously. “I have an apology to make, I am sorry for the way I proposed marriage to you. You never deserved that and I should never have behaved in such a cold way.”

“Just because I believe in love, doesn’t mean to say that you have to,” Charlotte said with a blush. “I think I would have had more to complain about if you had tried to woo Elizabeth and been cold towards me, at least you were consistent!”

Stephen cringed with regret, which made him speak sooner than he had intended. “Charlotte, you deserve so much more than me, you deserve the Mr O’Haras of the world, who will cherish you and care for you in a way that is steady and honourable, but I need to know, is there any hope for me?”

Charlotte stared at him. “Any hope?” she asked in disbelief.

“Yes, I’m far from perfect as you well know, but I am offering myself to you. I can’t promise never to upset you, I can’t promise never to frustrate you half to death, but please reconsider and this time accept my offer of marriage,” Stephen responded with feeling.

Charlotte looked at him in shock. Once the memories had flooded back, she had been filled with horror of the thought of how she must appear. She had certainly aged in the few months that had passed since her foolish elopement. She would never be able to look back on it with anything but mortification that she had been so foolish and naive for falling for such an obvious ploy played out so well by Christopher.

The events in Baron Kersal’s home and then the approach to Stephen made her shudder. If anyone outside her trusted acquaintance ever heard of it, she would be cast off as a fallen woman. Her thoughts had become confused, mixed and unclear. All she could think of was that she had been thinking that Stephen’s kisses were a sign of his love, when the reality was he must think she was a doxy. Only a loose woman would respond so eagerly to his kisses, she had never once refused his approaches.

Now to her complete astonishment, he had renewed his marriage proposal. She should say yes immediately, if she had any sense she would, and hope to gain his love over time, but caution made her pause. If he was unfaithful to her it would kill her.

“Why do you want to marry me? Why would you offer again?” Charlotte asked.

Stephen sagged a little, this was difficult. He was an expert at deflecting focus away from talking in such a way, but he knew it was necessary to try and prove to her he was worth the risk. If she did not think he was worth taking that gamble, he did not think he would be able to go back to society and continue as he had previously. If
she
did not believe in him, he was sure that no one else ever would.

“Because I don’t want you to leave my life. I want to be the one who makes you smile; I want to be the one you seek out in a room full of people. I want to be the one who you go to sleep with every night, and wake up with every morning,” he replied.

Charlotte blushed at the implications of his words and although she would not believe it possible, her heart started to pound a little faster. “But you can’t promise to be faithful,” she said sadly. That was the fact of who he was and because of her behaviour, he may not think that she would mind about him having mistresses.

Stephen stood and approached the fireplace, gripping the edge of the mantelpiece in frustration. “Will my foolish words never be forgotten?” he ground out. “If I had married Elizabeth I would have been unfaithful.”

Charlotte took a deep breath, her fear of him being unfaithful being openly acknowledged. She felt as if a little part of her insides were starting to crumble.

“Wait!” Stephen interrupted. “Before you condemn me, listen to what I have to say.” Charlotte nodded in agreement, but Stephen did not miss how much she had paled.

“Elizabeth wanted to live on her estate in Yorkshire; I wanted more civilisation than that. She didn’t really want a husband, just the protection a husband’s name could give her. I don’t condemn her for that; I’ve seen marriages occur for similar reasons time and time again. If we had married and had lived separately I would have been unfaithful, I certainly would not have felt as if I was shackled to anyone only seeing them once or twice a year. If we had lived together, who knows, I may have fallen in love with her. I don’t know, but I doubt it. I like her, but that is all.”

“It would have only been a marriage in name only wouldn’t it?” Charlotte acknowledged.

“Yes, it would. Do you know I voiced my concerns to Dunham about being unfaithful if we married?” He asked looking slightly embarrassed at his action.

“No,” Charlotte responded quietly. “What did he say?”

“He said that the fact that I was worried about hurting you, meant that I wouldn’t be unfaithful in the first place,” Stephen responded, the usual running of his hand through his hair betraying his uncertainty. “He could be right, I don’t know, but I do know one thing, when I had to return to Kersal’s home, the thought of being with anyone else other than you sickened me to my core.”

“You returned?” Charlotte asked, shocked.

“Yes, Peters insisted that he needed an introduction to be able to visit the place without me,” Stephen said. “It was a bloody awful night. All I wanted to do was strangle the man, and I had to behave as if nothing had happened.”

“As if nothing had happened?” Charlotte asked. She was really asking had he been with one of the girls, but she could not voice her question.

Stephen smiled, guessing what she meant and taking hope that she sounded jealous. “We managed to arrange it that we spoke to Laura. She gave Peters a lot of information, but I have never been as glad to leave a place in all my life. I don’t know what I ever found to be entertaining there.”

Charlotte smiled a little, “As much as it grieves me to think of you there, I am glad for my sake that you went back.”

Stephen stood before her and took her hands in his, forcing her to her feet. “Does this mean you have feelings for me Miss Webster?” he teased.

Charlotte flushed and tried to pull her hands away, but they were held in a firm grasp. “You know how I feel,” she said defensively.

“Do I?” Stephen asked, feeling as if finally he was approaching the conclusion he wanted. “I know you like my kisses, but I have previously been told that they do rank with the best of them.”

Charlotte looked indignant and really tugged to try and free her hands, but Stephen still kept a tight hold. “I’m sure you have, please let me go!”

“Why? So you can run away from me again?” Stephen asked. “I will chase you to the ends of the earth Charlotte until you have given me an answer.”

“I should say no,” Charlotte said, not quite meeting his eyes. “What if I am not good enough for you? What if you get bored? What if you leave me for another?”

“Those are a lot of ‘what ifs’,” Stephen said. He let go of one of Charlotte’s hands and tilted her chin until he forced her to meet his gaze. “I don’t know what the future will hold Charlotte. I am not going to lie to you and say that I will be the easiest husband to live with, but I know some things for certain. I have never had a boring moment since the day I met you. I haven’t thought of anyone else since the day I met you. I can’t face not having you in my life. I’m afraid Charlotte. Afraid that you won’t stay with me, afraid that something will happen that will upset you or hurt you and I won’t be able to stop it. I’m afraid that if you refuse me I will never love another person as long as I live.” Stephen took a deep breath. “I have turned into the sort of besotted fool that I used to ridicule and I want to remain in this state until my dying day.”

“You love me?” Charlotte asked, the words that she had heard making her feel lightheaded and a little bit nervous at the same time.

“I think I’ve loved you from the moment you demanded a kiss from me,” Stephen said with a rueful smile. “Just being the fool that I am, it’s taken me months to realise it. Will you have me Charlotte?”