Anal Pleasure and Health: A Guide for Men, Women and Couples (3 page)

ANAL AWARENESS & RELAXATION WORKSHOPS

BEFORE LONG, I had so many clients wanting to undertake these explorations, that I developed an 8-week, small-group format called "Anal Awareness and Relaxation Workshops." They were quite a hit, and I learned so, so much. This initial work spurred me on to intensive doctoral research and eventually to writing the first edition of this book in 1981.

Which brings me back to hemorrhoids. As I tried the same experiments on myself that my clients were practicing at home-which seemed only fair-I was amazed to discover how much sensation I hadn't been feeling. I was hurting even more than I had realized! But gradually, instead of tensing up in response to the pain, I learned to relax into it. Before long, the rush cushion that had been my constant companion was gathering dust in a closet. In fact, within a few months of my first experiment, the hemorrhoids had cleared up completely-and they've rarely been back, except when I'm especially stressed. At such times, I can feel the tightening of my anal muscles, and I know it's time to get back in touch.

Meanwhile, my clients were amazed at their own results. The more attention they paid to the anal area, the more they noticed a growing comfort with it and, simultaneously, unmistakable increases in their enjoyment of whatever types of anal stimulation they desired. A deceptively simple combination of relaxation and self-awareness appeared to be as effective at promoting their pleasure as it was for relieving my pain.

I now see those horrid hemorrhoids as a strange sort of gift. My clients' discoveries about anal pleasure, combined with my own quest for self-healing, drove home the single most important lesson I've learned during my 35-year stint as Dr. Anal: The widespread belief that one must choose between anal pleasure OR anal health is terribly off the mark. In reality, a person who desires maximum anal enjoyment should follow virtually the same steps as anyone who seeks optimal anal wellness. Both require:

• deepening awareness of the anal area and its functioning

• total elimination of anal pain

• reduction of muscular tension

• replacing negative feelings and attitudes toward the anus and rectum with positive ones

Guiding you toward these objectives is what this book is all about. You can use most of its information and exercises effectively, whether your specific goal is nonsexual self-healing, an expansion of your capacity for anal sensuality and eroticism, or a combination of the two. Chapters 1-7 are equally relevant for everyone. Starting with Chapter 8 you'll notice an increasing emphasis on pleasure and sexuality. But note that only Chapter 12 is exclusively concerned with anal intercourse. Men and women of all sexual orientations can benefit from reading all other chapters, even if they have little or no interest in intercourse.

AIDS CRASHES THE PARTY

AT THE SAME TIME as the initial publication of this book, the AIDS epidemic struck, sending us reeling, churning up an emotional smorgasbord of fear, anger, guilt, and soon grief and despair. By the mid-1980s, unprotected anal intercourse was identified as a major avenue for HIV transmission. Enemies of sexual freedom felt vindicated. "It's God's punishment," more than a few declared, in stunning displays of arrogance and unvarnished hatred.

As sex became linked with disease and death in public consciousness, many people stopped having it altogether, or else became so anxious that it wasn't much fun. Others adopted a fatalistic attitude and spun out of control as if on a final binge-last call for sexual liberation. Seemingly overnight, the freewheeling celebrations of the '70s turned into wistful anachronisms. Loss of sexual desire became the most widespread sex problem-and still is-and a new diagnosis of "sexual addiction" gave a name to deepening worries about the consequences of lust run amok. Those outside of the urban centers, where HIV first took hold in the U.S., still had the option of blissful ignorance, but not for long. Soon everyone was affected, directly or indirectly. AIDS, after all, was and is a worldwide pandemic.

As I watched many people deteriorate and die in their prime, I privately anticipated the demise of my book as well. For a time, I thought that anal sexuality, along with other erotic options, might slink back into the closet, beyond the reach of consciousness and choice. Surely, I mused, the anal taboo would reassert itself with a vengeance and crush any hope for open, nonjudgmental discussion.

Boy, was I wrong. It turned out that alongside the unbelievable devastation, two positive trends emerged as tiny silver linings. Most important was a huge groundswell of focused determination, especially among gays, to beat this plague through political activism, unprecedented changes in sexual behavior, non-stop fundraising, compassionate support for the sick, and sheer force of will.

The other bright spot was that people started looking more honestly, perhaps even more so than at the height of the sexual revolution, at the myriad ways we express ourselves sexually, with or without social approval. For the first time, the words "anal intercourse" were regularly heard on the evening news and seen in daily newspapers. True, it was never spoken of enthusiastically, but at least it was spoken of. The implicit message was: the time had come to take off the blinders and get real.

Hints of Normalization. By the time I was completing the Third Edition in 1997-98 I was noticing signs that anal sexuality, while far from mainstream, was inching ever-so-slightly toward-dare I say it?-normalization. I saw hints of this change in a very personal way each time one of my mischievous friends would mention to people I'd just met that I'm an author. Naturally, people would ask what I've written. At one time I would cringe at such moments because the responses were so predictable: uncomfortable utterances such as, "Ohhh... my," trailing off into awkward silence, inordinate amounts of blushing or nervous giggles, a plethora of puns, plus creative segues into more comfortable topics. Gradually, the reactions became more varied. Some people started expressing genuine interest, asking questions, and even sharing personal anecdotes or something they'd heard or read. Frankly, I was stunned at first.

Major changes were also underway in the treatment of HIV/AIDS. The first of a new class of antiviral drugs-protease inhibitors-was approved in 1995. Although obviously not a cure, the face of AIDS started to look quite different, at least in developed countries. Many who were literally at death's door started to perk up as their ravaged immune systems rebounded. The change was monumental, although by no means universal.

Gradually, it has become clear to me that the rude awakenings necessitated by HIV had joined forces with two earlier cultural movements-feminism and gay liberation-which together had launched the sexual revolution, at least in urban areas of the developed world. All these momentous events were interlinked because each demanded a total rethinking of old assumptions about sexuality, gender, and the inevitability of change.

GOING MAINSTREAM?

AFTER THE PUBLICATION of the third edition in 1998, something remarkable occurred: a rush for media attention. With earlier editions, I couldn't beg my way onto radio or TV. All of a sudden, I was getting up before dawn nearly every weekday to be a guest (by phone) on several morning talk radio shows in various parts of the country. And this went on for months! Sure there was lots of joking and silly banter, but I also managed to slip in a few facts and tips. I even had a chance to recommend to Howard Stern that he stick a finger up his butt every day in the shower, which he agreed was probably a good idea.

There were serious and goofy TV appearances, too. I'll never forget when a client strolled into my office for his regular session and, with a mischievous grin, announced: "Guess who I saw on TV last night?" I knew what he meant; I had been the willing subject of a spoof on The Daily Show on Comedy Central. "Yeah," he went on, "I was channel surfing and there you were with a mirror between your legs, demonstrating how to look at your butt." For a split second, I flashed back eighteen years, to a time when another client had stumbled across the book when it first came out. He had terminated therapy in an angry phone message and refused to talk about it.

How different things were with this twenty-something guy. He spent only a few moments on his surprise at seeing me in such a compromising position on national TV. Before I could explain myself, he was recounting how his girlfriend had recently put her finger up his butt during fellatio, thus introducing him to the joys of prostate massage. "What an orgasm!" he proclaimed. His openness was delightfully refreshing. He informed me that the topic of anal sex often came up among his friends and that only a couple of guys remained silent, fearing-as they had told him privately-that showing interest might be seen as "too gay."

The contrast between the older client who quit therapy, and the enthusiastic younger one, was symbolic of a wider sea change in attitudes, a shift that appeared to be unfolding far more rapidly than I would have predicted. The signs were unmistakable: Sex toy boutiques (popping up everywhere) reported brisk sales of butt plugs, lubes, and other anal paraphernalia. Competing books on anal sex gradually hit the market (which worried me at first, but turned out to reflect a much greater public interest than ever before).

Social mores about sex in general, and anal sex in particular, are clearly in transition. But the anal taboo, as we shall see, is deep and devious. I've spoken with dozens of people who tried and liked anal intercourse, and yet were still too squeamish to examine themselves in a mirror, or to share an anal massage with a partner. I've also worked with countless couples who sometimes included anal play in their sex lives, but were completely unable to discuss how they felt about it. Even so, the future of anal pleasure and health, both the practice and the book, is looking fairly bright.

WHAT'S NEW IN THIS FOURTH EDITION?

BUILDING ON ten years of additional experience since I rewrote the third edition, I undertook a complete review of the relevant literature. As a result, every chapter has been thoroughly updated and expanded. For instance, I've deepened my understanding of the structure and workings of the pelvic muscles and sought to present this information in easily accessible and useable ways. This is one reason why all of the anatomical illustrations have been redone-the new illustrations include more details, but are easier to grasp.