Anal Pleasure and Health: A Guide for Men, Women and Couples (29 page)
Read Anal Pleasure and Health: A Guide for Men, Women and Couples Online
Authors: Jack Morin Ph.d.
Polyurethane (plastic) condoms are not as well-known nor as readily available as latex, but they do have a couple of advantages. Polyurethane condoms are thinner than latex and may provide a bit more sensitivity. Studies show mixed results as to whether the latex or polyurethane is stronger, so it's probably a draw. Some people are allergic to latex and should obviously use polyurethane. Lubrication options are a major difference. With polyurethane you can use oil-based lubes that are great for anal intercourse because they last much longer. With latex, you'll have to stick with water-based lubes.
To get the most out of condoms you need to absorb a few basic principles:
• Buy pre-lubricated condoms without a spermacide such as nonoxynol-9.**
• Keep extra water-based lubricant on hand for latex; oils are ok for polyurethane.
• Put the condom on before your penis touches your partner's anus, especially if you sometimes ejaculate quickly and unexpectedly.
• Use a fresh condom for each erection.
• Open the wrapper close to an edge to avoid tearing the condom, and keep it rolled up until you put it on.
If you're not already experienced with condoms, it's smart to practice the following steps-first by yourself, perhaps during masturbation, and then with a partner-until you can put one on smoothly and without struggling or fumbling. While you're at it, deliberately break and tear one or more of them, so you have a clear idea of how much stress they can take.
• Place the rolled condom over the tip of your erect penis; put a few drops of water-based lubricant inside if it's not sufficiently lubricated (oils are ok if you're using polyurethane).
• Leave a half-inch space at the tip to collect semen; most condoms have an obvious reservoir tip for this purpose.
• Before rolling it on, gently squeeze out any air trapped in the tip to reduce the chance of breakage.
• Unroll the condom to the bottom of the shaft, smoothing out air bubbles as you go.
• Apply extra lubricant to the outside of the condom as well as to your partner's anus; consider doing this earlier during finger massage.
• During intercourse, check the base of the condom regularly with your fingers to make sure it's still in place.
• When you pull out (preferably before you ejaculate, to be extra safe) hold the base of the condom.
• Be careful not to spill any semen before you dispose of it.
• Wash your penis and hands (plus any other areas where semen may have spilled) with soapy water before embracing again.
Trust me, it sounds much more complicated than it actually is. These guidelines are mostly a matter of common sense, once you grasp clearly this simple imperative: A man needs to keep his urinary opening and semen away from his partner's anus or vagina. Doing this is what protects you both.
"FEMALE" CONDOMS. After years of development, testing, and languishing in limbo, in 1993 a completely new type of condom became available in the U.S. Known as the "female condom" or "pouch" and marketed under the brand name Reality°, it's a lubricated polyurethane sheath about 6.5 inches long, with flexible plastic rings at each end. Like latex condoms, it's been shown in the lab to be impenetrable by viruses, including HIV (Drew, et al, 1990). Plus, it has a number of advantages over latex:
• Receivers of intercourse (vaginal or anal) control its use and, therefore, are better able to protect themselves without having to rely on the motivation or competence of inserters. Since intercourse receivers have more at stake health-wise than inserters, this is very good news indeed.
• Once in place inside the vagina or rectum, polyurethane readily transfers heat, contributing to a more natural feel.
• There's no need to stop in the midst of sex to put it on; it can be inserted minutes or even hours before sexual contact begins, allowing for more spontaneity.
• Intercourse can be initiated at any time, and easily alternated with other activities without having to remove it or apply a new one.
• Many people report feeling more natural sensations during intercourse because the pouch naturally moves around somewhat, providing sensuous friction, especially for men.
• Oil-based lubricants may be used with the pouch. But don't switch to latex during the same encounter, because latex-damaging oil residue will remain inside the anus or vagina.
Like all barrier methods, the pouch is less than perfect. Accidental pregnancies following vaginal intercourse are more common. With "typical" use (including inconsistent and improper use), failure rates during twelve months are reported to be 21%, versus 12% for latex condoms. However, with "perfect" use (meaning used properly every time) failure rates drop to 5% for the pouch compared to 3% for male condoms, obviously quite similar.
Just as male condoms can slip off the penis, the female condom can slip out of the vagina or anus, or occasionally be pushed in. Although the female condom is more likely to stay in place, periodic checking of the outer ring with your fingers is still necessary to make sure. The female condom also costs several times more than male condoms, but some STD prevention centers give them away. Some people are turned off by its relatively large size, ungainly shape, or the crinkling sound it can make during intercourse. The pouch also has a slight seam along its length that some find irritating. Others can't be bothered learning how to use it properly, particularly if they're already comfortable with conventional condoms.
I suggest that you initially practice inserting the Reality® condom into your anus and rectum when you're alone. Carefully follow the illustrated directions that come with the product. During partner sex you need to use a fresh one for each encounter if it slips out or in. But during solo experimentation you can use the same one repeatedly. When used in the vagina, the pouch can be readily inserted with fingers. Some people insert it rectally the same way, while others find it easier to place it over a butt plug, dildo, or an erect penis and insert it just like a regular condom. But remember the advantages of inserting it ahead of time.
For vaginal intercourse, the inner ring of the female condom is designed to hold the inside end in place against the cervix. Current health department guidelines generally suggest that the inner ring also be used for anal intercourse because it may help to prevent the pouch from slipping out. But many people report that the inner ring is uncomfortable and not helpful, so they simply remove it prior to insertion. The outer ring, however, is built in and should never be removed. With rare exceptions, it prevents the pouch from slipping inside.
EXPERIENCE
IN THIS SECTION I'll describe the approach to anal intercourse that has proven to be the easiest, least anxiety-provoking, and most pleasurable for the widest range of people. Keep in mind that a different approach might work better for you. The key is to trust your own experience.
Choose a person with whom you've previously shared other forms of anal stimulation, unless you're one of the just-do-it types I described earlier. Be clear that you would like to receive anal intercourse, but that you don't want to feel obligated or pressured. Reassure one another that you can still have a good time together even if intercourse turns out to be uncomfortable this time.
Gather together your stuff, including condoms, lubricant, perhaps your butt plug, and a couple of towels or baby wipes for cleanup. Begin by showering or bathing and then try some of the sensual and erotic touch that you've enjoyed together before. Consider exchanging a full body massage to set the mood and promote deep relaxation. As you give and receive touch, use your communication skills to ask for what you want and make inquiries of your partner-e.g., "Do you like it like this, or firmer or softer?"
When you're ready, ask him to stroke your anal opening gently with his finger(s) or, if you both want it, with his mouth. As you feel your anus relaxing, ask him to lubricate his finger and slide it inside. This can be done in a side-by-side position or with him sitting or kneeling between your legs, with you lying on your back or front.
Be playful; if one or both of you is taking this too seriously, break the tension by talking and laughing about it. If you're anxious over anticipating intercourse, your anus will probably become tense and you won't have much fun. Breathe deeply and avoid feeling rushed. If you're unable to relax, postpone intercourse until another time and concentrate on alternative pleasures. Talk about your feelings now or later.
At some point, move together into several positions that would make anal intercourse possible (see Figure 7), but ask your partner not to insert his penis. For now you're just experimenting with various positions so you can get a sense of which might be the most comfortable. Notice how your anus responds in each position. Tell your partner which one(s) help you feel the most relaxed and safe. For instance, maybe a certain position allows you more freedom of movement, makes you feel more in control, less anxious, or less vulnerable.
Fiigure 7. Positions for Anal Intercourse.
Don't be concerned if your partner loses his erection during these explorations. He may be concerned about hurting you, self-conscious about maintaining an erection, or just feeling awkward and unsure. For everything you're doing thus far, an erection isn't necessary at all. If you sense he's nervous, offer reassurance that it's okay with you.
When he does have an erection and you feel comfortable, he can put on a latex condom. Maybe it will be more exciting if you help, but maybe not. If you've decided to use a Reality condom, you can either insert it yourself, or ask him to do it.
Select a comfortable position, apply a lubricant, and ask him to press the head of his penis gently against your anus while you breathe deeply. Stay in this position until you feel your anus relax. Gently push your anal muscles outward and ask him to move the head of his penis gently into your anus as you visualize your anal and rectal muscles letting go completely. Or if you're sitting over him-the easiest initial position for many people-lower yourself slowly onto his penis. If you encounter any pain, ask him to be still until you become accustomed to it. If you'd like him to withdraw, ask him to do it slowly.
Once his penis is inside, ask him again to hold relatively still until you get used to the sensations. Take advantage of all you've learned about the shape of your rectum, make small adjustments in positions and angle of entry so that the penis enters without resistance. Then tell him which movements, if any, are most pleasurable. You'll probably want to start with slow ones. Especially at first, his erection may come and go somewhat, which is normal. If he loses his erection while inside, it can feel nice for both of you if he stays there, perhaps making slight movements. Maybe his erection may well return. If not, another time will be fine.
