Anchor of Hope (17 page)

“You don’t ever touch a woman again without her permission,” Jay said.

The man raised his hand to his jaw, moving it from side to side as though testing out it to see if it still worked.

“Got it?” Jay demanded.

“OK, got it,” the man said, holding up his hands in surrender.

“Now apologise.” Jay loomed over the man.

“Man, I—”

“Apologise!” The drunk man winced as he prepared for another blow.

“All right, all right. I’m sorry!”

Jay nodded once. “I’m sorry about the jaw.”

The man was speechless.

Ashley didn't think anyone understood what was going on, least of all her. With Jay turned and walked towards her.

“Are you all right?” His eyes had softened and they were full of concern.

She nodded, still unable to open her mouth. She didn't know whether to throw her arms around him and thank him, or to be afraid of this strong mountain of a man. He took her hand in his so gently she could hardly believe the comparison between what she had witnessed and how gentle and caring he could be. Her fears vanished. She felt safe and didn't think anything could possibly harm her. Not while Jay was around.

“Let’s go and get the girls.”

The girls sat chatting quietly in the back seat of Jay’s car as they drove back towards Jane’s house. Ashley felt embarrassed and couldn’t help but blame herself for what had happened.

Perhaps the drunk was right
.
M
aybe her shorts
were
too short
.

“I'm sorry.” Jay broke the silence.

Ashley was stunned. Why was
he
sorry? He had only been defending himself. And her.

“
I
’
m
sorry,” Ashley said raising her hand to her chest.

Jay frowned. “What are you sorry for?”

“Well, it
was
my fault. I should have walked away. I shouldn't have reacted.”

Jay looked dumbstruck. “You aren’t seriously be blaming yourself for a drunk guy groping you, are you?”

Well, when he put it like that, it did seem a bit silly to be blaming herself.

“Don’t
ever
blame yourself for something like that—you are not responsible for someone else’s actions.”

She noticed a small cut on his middle right knuckle. “Your hand.”

“Huh?” Jay turned his hand to see the small cut. “Oh, it’s all right. It’ll heal.”

Ashley felt horrible, first his neck and now his hand. “I’m a dangerous woman to be around.” She pulled her lips up, trying to force a small smile.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, first I stick a fishing hook in your neck, and now I’ve caused you to hurt your hand. You’d be far safer keeping your distance.” She could say that, but in all honesty, she didn’t want him to. She had felt so much joy from being around him these last few days, much more than she had expected.

Jay laughed. “Flesh wounds. I already told you I’ve had worse.” Ashley guessed he was referring to his bullet wound. “Besides, I'd rather take my chances with y—”

“Hey, Uncle Jay?” Meika spoke up from the back seat. “Do you have any other music we can listen to besides elevator music?”

Ashley and Jay both laughed.

As they arrived back at Jane’s, Bryan and Jess’s car was parked in the driveway. Meika and Coco jumped out and raced each other inside. Jay got out and walked around to Ashley’s side of the car. She had already gotten out and was collecting all their bags.

“Did you want to come in?” Ashley asked.

Jay had his hands in his pockets and looked down shyly. “Nah, I better get home. Benson will be starting to think I’ve abandoned him.”

Ashley smiled and nodded. “Thank you,” she said. “For coming to my rescue.” She pictured him wearing shining  armour.

“Yeah well, I imagine you could handle yourself well enough. I don't know what came over me. I was just so angry.” He looked shy again.

“Well, thank you. Again. I better get inside and see if Mom needs a hand with anything. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, of course; the big day,” Jay smiled, raising his eyebrows.

She walked up the front steps and he waited by the car to make sure she got inside safely.

She couldn't help but smile at his protectiveness towards her. He really did make her feel safe and secure.

Everyone was in the kitchen area when Ashley walked in. Even Grace. Jane was tossing a salad and Martin was getting a tray of sausages and steaks ready for the grill. It was a perfect night for it—warm and relaxing.

“Hi, Gran. How’s the patient?” Ashley asked.

“Miserable,” Grace said. “Utterly miserable. I tell you the truth, he’s worse than a child. He just wants to go home, and they said he can’t leave until tomorrow morning at the earliest.”

“Are they worried about anything?” Why did he have to stay in for so long if it was as mild as Henry had made out?

“Just observation. He’s actually in surprisingly good health considering the amount of junk food he sneaks when I'm not looking.” Grace shook her head.

“So he
will
be able to make it to the wedding?”

“Oh, yes. He wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Grace looked around the room.

“Was that Jay's car I saw pull up outside?”

“Yes. He gave us a lift home,” Ashley responded.

“How thoughtful of him.”

Harley looked to have recovered well from his stomach ache and was running around the kitchen, weaving through the adults’ legs.

“Hey, who wants to kick the soccer ball around outside?” Bryan asked.

“Sounds like a good idea,” Jane said as Coco ducked by, almost hitting her head on the kitchen counter.

Jane and Grace remained inside while Ashley and the others headed out the back. There was a light breeze, enough to cool them down so they weren't too hot. Jane joined them after a minute, bringing a tray of cold drinks for the kids, some empty champagne flutes and the bottle of champagne from Steven.

“It’s such a shame Steven can’t be here to celebrate with us,” Jane placed the tray on the table and picked up the bottle.

She examined the label carefully. “Oooh, it’s French. You know it will be good because the French always make good champagne.”

Ashley stifled a laugh, wondering when her mother had become such an expert on fine wines.

“1979 Brut. Brut? Am I saying it right? Sounds like mens’ deodorant,” Jane said, popping the cork.

She quickly started filling the flutes and handed one to each of the adults.

“Cheers.” Jane raised her glass.

“Here’s to many happy years,” Martin drew Jane close and kissed her on the lips.

Meika and Coco ‘ewwww-ed’ in unison.

They all sipped their champagne. It was delicious. Crisp, clean and exquisitely balanced flavours.

Dinner was great. Simple and uncomplicated. Everyone serving themselves, sitting around casually laughing and talking. By now Bryan had found out that Jess had given the kids junk food during the day, but he wasn’t angry.

How could he be?
He does the exact same thing!

Ashley didn't talk much, sat back and took it all in, enjoying the inviting atmosphere in such a perfect setting. Her mind kept wandering to Jay, and several times she caught herself smiling without even realising it. The thought disturbed her. She had no right or reason to be thinking so fondly of him.

After dinner, the women all pitched in and helped clean up while Bryan and Martin played board games with the kids in the lounge. Martin joined them in the kitchen and put the coffee machine on.

“Who wants a cuppa?” he asked.

“Meeeee!” Coco yelled as she walked into the kitchen. She only had one volume. Loud.

“Me too, please. A hot chocolate,” Meika said.

“Well, you girls can give me a hand then.” Martin smiled.

Ashley walked into the lounge and saw Bryan sitting on the couch with  Harley fast asleep on his lap. He looked so peaceful. He had beautiful long dark eyelashes and Ashley couldn't help but feel envious of his lashes. She sat down beside Bryan admiring Harley’s handsome little features.

“He’s had a big day.” Ashley smiled.

“We all have.” Bryan covered his mouth as he yawned.

“How did you go today—at the concert? Good business?” Ashley brought one leg up and folding it under the other.

“Good. Really good, actually. A few of the staff are going to run it tomorrow too, while I’m at the wedding,” Bryan said, barely more than a whisper.

“Oh, good. I keep telling you, you’d make a killing in the city with your business. Organic and healthy is all the rage now.”

“I know,” Bryan said.

“So what's stopping you? I think you’d like it in the city—I could spend more time with the kids.” Ashley stroked Harley’s thick, dark hair. She never thought she’d be saying those words.

“I don’t think I could ever leave here,” Bryan said.

“Why not? Are you scared?”

“No, I love it here. It's ‘home’,” Bryan said.

“But don’t you feel like you could be missing out on a whole other world? I mean, you could be raking in
big
money.”

“I’ve thought about it.” This surprised Ashley. “But after seeing friends move away only to return here years later, I’ve realised it doesn't matter where you go in life: home will always be home. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side of the fence, Ash. The grass is greener where you water it.”

That hit a nerve with Ashley.

She had expected life to be better—somewhere else, anywhere else—than Sweet Home. She had more money, a higher status career and a steady boyfriend. Things
were
better . . . weren't they?

“I’ve envied you,” Bryan said. “You have all the freedom in the world to go where you want, do what you want,
be
who you want. But then there are moments like these, where I look at my kids, and I think wow, where did this tiny human being come from? I can't believe that Jess and I created something so perfect. I have an amazingly beautiful wife who I get to wake up next to every morning, and I have to pinch myself to check I'm not dreaming. We have three awesome kids who at times make me want to pack my bags and run away.”

Ashley laughed as Bryan continued.

“But at the same time, I wouldn't want to even imagine my life without them in it. I love my job. I get to chat with all my regular customers each day and I look forward to seeing them come in and tell me about their families and what they’ve got planned for their weekend—even if it is the same old stories day in and day out.” He smiled “This, right here,
this
is what I love. I’m living the dream. Well, I’m living
my
dream. It’s moments like these that make life worth living.”

Ashley sat silently. Bryan was happy and content, and that made
her
happy. Harley grunted and did a noisy burp. Ashley covered her mouth so she wouldn't laugh too loudly and wake him up.

“And then that moment passes.” Bryan laughed.

It was then that she saw Jasper around the side of the couch, sprawled out in an unnatural way. He wasn’t moving and she watched his belly, looking for an indication he was breathing. It didn’t move.

“Oh my gosh,” Ashley kept her voice low so as not to alert the others and upset the girls. “Bryan, I think Jasper is dead.”

Bryan looked over his shoulder at the mass of black fur lying motionless on the floor.

“Jasper!” Bryan said, then made a kissing sound with his lips. Jasper’s head shot upright and he stared at Bryan with his one beady eye. Ashley breathed a sigh of relief.

“Wouldn’t be the first time we thought that thing had died.” Bryan chuckled. “At least we didn’t bury him this time.”

Ashley shook her head. “I don’t know why Mom doesn’t get the poor thing euthanized.”

“Why?” Bryan asked. “He’s not in any pain. He goes for regular check-ups at the vet. He’s just old—and really ugly.”

Ashley awoke to the sound of the birds singing outside and the sun streaming through her window. The forecast was clear skies, warm weather and a gentle breeze in the afternoon. Ideal for a garden wedding.

She went downstairs and was greeted by Jane and her Aunty Rhonda. Rhonda and Jane looked nothing alike. Where Jane was slender and tall with blonde hair, Rhonda was short, plump, and had curly auburn hair. Rhonda lived by the coast with her husband Richard.

“Oh, Ashley. Welcome home, baby girl,” Rhonda said as Ashley came down the stairs. She  held out her arms and squeezed Ashley so tightly Ashley was worried she might be crushed to death.

“Haven’t you grown?” Rhonda said looking her up and down. “You’re the spitting image of your mother, but you have your father’s nose, that’s for sure.”

Ashley smiled, still trying to wake up.

“Coffee’s ready if you want some,” Jane said. “The hairdresser will be here around eleven, then makeup afterwards.”

Jane had already told Ashley all of these details, but Ashley nodded in acknowledgement anyway. She was still wearing her dressing gown and had borrowed a pair of her mother’s fluffy pink slippers. After she had poured herself a cup of coffee, she yawned and simultaneously tried to smooth down her hair which seemed to have formed a knotted mass at the back of her head during the night. She stirred her coffee and raised it to her lips, glancing out the back window. Jay stood there, staring straight at her. He gave a broad smile and a quick nod and Ashley stood without moving, silently willing the earth to open up and swallow her whole.

She had completely forgotten he was delivering the gazebo this morning and felt foolish for not making an effort to brush her hair or get dressed before coming downstairs. And now he was coming towards the back door. Awkward. He knocked twice and slid the door open.

“Good morning.” He smiled.

“Uh, good  morning,” she replied, tucking her hair behind her ear.

Jane walked into the kitchen. “Oh, I thought I heard you, Jay.”

“Good morning Mrs Harper,” Jay said. “Just wanted to let you know the gazebo is up and ready to be decorated whenever you’re ready.”

“Oh, wonderful!” Jane clapped her hands together. “Would you like a cup of coffee? It’s fresh.”

He checked his wristwatch. “Uh, sure, thank you.”

Rhonda walked into the kitchen carrying a large box which appeared to be full of ribbons and a soft ivory colored fabric.

“Where do you want these, Jane?” she asked.

“In the spare bedroom, I think. Ashley, could you pour Jay a coffee? I'll be right back.” Jane and Rhonda walked into the other room, leaving Ashley and Jay alone in the kitchen.

She got him a cup and poured the hot coffee. He was watching her, and she felt herself flush. After their public display of dancing yesterday—if you could even call it dancing—she hadn’t thought she could get any more embarrassed. Wrong.

“Umm, do you want milk or sugar?”

“Black is fine.” He smiled. “I like your slippers.”

Ashley looked down at the fluffy monstrosities on her feet. “They’re Mom’s, not mine.” She handed him the cup.

He was still smiling, evidently amused by her dishevelled appearance. They stood in silence, sipping their coffees. She coughed and cleared her throat

“So you dropped off the gazebo?”

He nodded, swallowing a mouthful. “Yep, all done.”

She nodded and they went back to standing in silence.

“Did you want to have a look?” He raised his eyebrows.

She didn't want to risk going outside dressed like this, in case anyone else saw her. She scanned the backyard through the window.

“No one’s out the back. You look a bit worried.” Did he read minds as well?

“Me?” Ashley asked, “I don't care if anyone sees me.” She lowered her eyebrows and pushed her lips to one side.

“So?” Jay asked.

“Yes, I’d love to see the gazebo.”

She finished the last of her coffee and joined him outside. They walked to the rear of the garden in silence. She couldn’t help but gasp as she saw the gazebo. It was truly stunning, a perfect centrepiece for the garden. It was large, with six strong spiralled pillars which were ivory colored. The roof was domed, made out of a rust-colored metal with intricate details of leaves, vines and birds.

“What do you think?” Jay asked as they approached the gazebo.

“This is incredible.” Ashley ran her hand over the smooth timber pillar. “I can’t believe you made this, well, I mean, I can, after seeing your house, of course you could build this.”

“Well, to be honest, I only made the base. The roof I had designed by my good friend in Portland. I sketched a rough draft of what Jane had asked for, and she crafted it out.” Jay looked up at the beautiful domed top.

“What’s this?” There was an inscription on one of the posts. 
Martin
. She looked at the other posts. They all had names etched into them too:
Thomas, Ashley, Bryan + Jess, Meika + Coco + Harley
and
God.

“
Your mother wanted this to be space where she could sit and reflect on her life, surrounded by love,” Jay said, looking at the names.

Ashley was astounded. What a perfect addition to the garden. It was then that she noticed the small anchor pattern at the top of each post.

“An anchor?” Ashley glanced over her shoulder at Jay. “What is it with anchors? Seems to be a running theme with you and my mom.” Ashley looked at the anchor tattoo on Jays forearm.

“Everyone needs an anchor wouldn't you say? Something to hold to when the storms hit.”

“Like an anchor for your soul, right?” Ashley pointed at his tattoo.

Jay nodded. “Firm and secure.”

Ashley swallowed hard.

An anchor? Lately she had felt like a rusty of boat, filled with holes, adrift at sea with nothing secure to cling to. She desperately wanted her own 'anchor'.

“So do you like it?” Jay asked.

She cleared her throat and blinked a few times. “I
love
it! It’s so beautiful—I wish I had one.”

“I could build you one.”

Ashley laughed. “I don't have anywhere to put it. I live in an apartment, so no back yard—or front yard, for that matter.”

“Ah, the concrete jungle.” Jay sat down on one of the side rails that connected the pillars, watching as Ashley made her way around the gazebo, observing the handiwork.

“Do you ever miss this?” he asked. “Living out here in the country?”

“Sometimes,” Ashley admitted. “I
do
love it here. It is beautiful, but . . .” She sighed heavily. “There are so many painful memories that are conjured up everywhere I go in this town. Things I’d much rather forget.”

Jay knew didn’t press her.  He knew more about her painful past, her father’s death, than Steven did. In fact, she had told Steven little about the passing of her father and of her heavy drinking habit, fearing he would reject her and think less of her.

“I should probably get back in. The hairdresser and makeup artist will be here soon and they’re going to have their work cut out for them.” She looked down at her gown, fluffy slippers and general untidiness.

“I doubt that,” Jay said, rising to his feet. “You can’t improve on perfect.”

Her breath caught in her throat and she could feel that unflattering shade of red returning.

“I’ll see you in a few hours.” Jay smiled and walked away, leaving her standing in the gazebo feeling flattered and confused.

She had better have a shower and wash her hair before the hairdresser arrived.

After she got out of the shower, she found she had missed two calls from Steven. She smiled and closed her bedroom door, still dressed in only her bath towel.

She quickly called him back.

“Hello?” he answered.

“Hi, stranger.” Ashley was glad to hear his voice again. “How’s everything going?” She didn’t want to let on that his father called her yesterday and informed her that things weren't going according to plan—whatever that meant.

“Not good,” Steven replied, shortly.

“Not good? It can’t be that bad, surely.”

“No, really, not good. The deal fell through. They’ve signed with another firm.” She could hear the disappointment in his voice.

“Oh, Steven, I’m so sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do to help?”

He laughed. “Yeah, how about you fly over here and make them change their minds!”

She was stunned by his aggressive tone. She was only trying to help. “I'm sorry.”.

“Pretty stupid thing to say, don’t you think?” he said. “How the hell are you supposed to help?”

She didn't know what to say.

“My dad is angry and now who knows what‘s going to happen with the supposed promotion.” Best to listen and let him vent. No matter what she said, he was likely to be angry anyway.

“I’m going to be stuck in my position for the rest of my life. I’ve worked too hard, for too long for this to all fall apart now!”

This was it
.
This was the moment Ashley needed to step up to the plate and take responsibility in their relationship. He was relying on her to help him
. It was like Robert Cole had said, Steven
needed
her to come through for him now more than ever.

She took a deep breath. “I’ve decided I want to move in with you.”

She waited for him to respond with happiness but instead she got the opposite.

“What? Why? Out of pity? Did my father put you up to this?”

“What? No, Steven. I love you and I—”

“Don’t give me that bull! The other day you were harping on about how ‘
it doesn't feel right
’, then I tell you that possibly the biggest deal of my career goes up in flames, and
now
you want to move in with me?”

“I . . . I thought you’d be happy,” Ashley said, scared of what his next response might be. “I thought this was what you wanted.”

He was silent for a long time.

“Steven? Are you still there?” she asked.

“To be honest I don’t know what I want any more.”

“What do you mean?” A lump caught in her throat.

“I mean, I don’t know if we’re heading in the same direction. You should have come through for me when I first asked you, not now, and certainly not out of sympathy.”

“Steven, it’s not out of sympathy—”

“I think I need some time to think things through.”

Tears stung at Ashley’s eyes and she blinked them back.

“Don’t give up on us, Steven. We’ve been together five years. You can't throw that away.”

“Yeah, but if we’re not right for each other, it means we already
have
thrown away five years of our lives. I don't want to waste another five.” He took a deep breath. “I can’t deal with all this at the moment.”

How could he do this to her now? On her mother
’
s wedding day
,
of all days.
She felt like crumpling into a ball on the floor.

“I gotta go,” he said.

“I love you.” Ashley waited, but he didn't reply. The phone line went dead. She sat on the bed, staring at the phone, then redialled his number.  He couldn’t just end the conversation like that. Not with everything being left up in the air like that. Her call went straight to voice mail.

Surely he didn
’
t mean it
.
H
e couldn
’
t. He was hurting because the Tokyo deal didn
’
t go as he had hoped
.
T
here
’
d be other deals.

She tried to call him again. Still no answer.

Despite the pain and uncertainty, she knew she had to suppress those feelings and press on with the day. She couldn’t let anyone know what had happened. Goodness, she didn’t even know what had happened. This entire week she had felt as though there were so many issues arising that she was struggling to hold below the surface. Trying to remain in control, while her whole life was spiralling out of control.

When I return to New York, we’ll sit down and work it all out. It’s going to be OK .

The day flew by. Ashley managed to get a few bites of food in between helping with the decoration and having her hair and makeup done, and she was able to hide the fact that she was still struggling with the upsetting phone call from earlier. She wanted to know where she stood with Steven. But that would have to wait, as he hadn’t bothered to return her phone calls.

Her hair was styled perfectly—romantical whimsy, the hairdresser called it. It was a messy up-do, with several small braids intertwining at the back in a low bun with a few loose curls.