And The Beat Goes On (15 page)

Chapter Sixteen

♬

Jeremy Clearwater

I was desperate for Athena.

Not having sex for two entire months was starting to get to me. Masturbating wasn’t satisfying me anymore. I needed the real thing. The walls were caving in and I couldn’t breathe. But I wanted Athena and only her. And I was determine to get my happily ever after with her. I wanted to be better, to be normal.

So I stayed strong.

I never complained and I didn’t even mention it to her. The last thing I wanted was for her to feel the pressure. She would tell me when she was ready to be physical. Until then, I wouldn’t do anything.

I knew she was adjusting to the real me. I had to regain her trust and prove I was still the same person. Over several weeks, she started to warm up to me again. She’d snuggle with me on the couch and wrap her sma
ll body around mine. She’s spent the night and stay until the following morning. She would kiss me like she loved me. Her skin would burn with desire. I knew she wanted me just by feeling her kiss.

But nothing happened.

I’m not going to lie. I was frustrated. But I was also scared. I didn’t want our relationship to change. I was happy with the ways things were, which was a miracle in itself. I never thought I’d love the no-sex-part of the relationship. Athena was my best friend, the person I told everything to. When I wasn’t with her, I constantly thought of her. Every girl was hideous in comparison to her.

I think I’m in love.

But should I tell her? I didn’t want her to think I was only saying it to sleep with her. I sincerely wasn’t. But I did want her to know how I felt. What if we had sex and I left? That would make my words hollow and empty. Maybe that wasn’t the best idea.

I didn’t know what to do. I was willing to do everything and anything to make this relationship work. I didn’t want to be alone for the rest of my life. I wanted Athena in my life for the rest of my days.

And that was a first for me.

She said we should address the root of the problem. What was it? I clearly could abstain from that lifestyle when I had a strong enough reason to. Athena was the most powerful motivator in the world. But what else caused it? I immediately remembered the torture of my youth.

I had a strong feeling that was it.

Should I tell her? I’ve never talked about it before. Perhaps if I did, it would set me free. Sharing something so person
al should only bring us closer together. And if I told anyone about it, it would be her. My sister didn’t even know. She could never know.

When I got off work that night, I wanted to see Athena. I said I was working la
te, but she probably wouldn’t mind if I stopped by. In fact, she’d probably be happy.

When I came to her apartment, I knocked on the door. I waited for almost a minute but there was no answer. It was already nine, so I didn’t know where she would be on a school night. I knocked again.

The door opened. A man stood in the doorway, a towel around his waist. His hair was damp and stuck to his head. I was so shocked to see him that I flinched.
Why was a half naked guy in her apartment…?

“Can I help you?” he asked in a deep voice.

My immediate assumption was foul play. Athena was sleeping around behind my back. But this was Athena. She wouldn’t do that. She wouldn’t hurt me. “Is Athena here?”

“She’s in the shower.”

“Oh.” I stood in the entryway. “Can I come inside and wait for her?”

“That depends. Who are you?” I heard the protective tone of his voice.

“Jeremy—her boyfriend.”

“Oh.” He nodded slightly. “Yeah, come in.”

Well, that was a good sign.
“Who are you?”

“Ken—her brother.”

I breathed a sigh of relief. I’m glad I didn’t jump to conclusions. I extended my hand and shook his. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Yeah.” He turned down the hallway. “I’ll get dressed and let her know you’re here.”

“Thank you.” I moved to the couch and saw the large bags on the hardwood floor. I suspected her brother intended to stay for a while. I sat down on the couch and examined the half completed painting Athena was working on. I couldn’t make out the image, but I suspected it would be a masterpiece when she was done.

I heard voices down the hallway.

“Who’s here?” Athena asked.

“Your boyfriend,” her brother said. “He’s in the living room.”

“Really?” she said excitedly.

I smiled at the enthusiasm in her voice.

Footsteps pounded against the hardwood floor as she moved down the hallway. When she rounded the corner, she was just wearing a towel.

Fuck.

With a smile on her face, she ran to me and jumped into my lap. “What are you doing here?” She still held her towel with one hand. Her legs straddled my hips, and she was still slightly wet. The moisture seeped into my suit. But I didn’t care.

I was instantly hard and my thoughts were sinister and dark. I was so hungry for her that it was getting harder to control myself. Knowing there was nothing unde
rneath the cotton was driving me crazy. She didn’t even wear panties…

Kill me now.

She cupped my face and gave me a big kiss. Her body pressed against me. My breathing increased as I felt her body through her towel. I wanted to rip the towel off and kiss her naked body everywhere. I wanted to suck her nipples until they were raw.

When she pulled away, she rubbed her nose against mine. I waited for her to get off my lap but she didn’t move. I was so hot that I might combust at any moment.

“What a wonderful surprise,” she said. “What are you doing here?”

So, she isn’t going to move.
I took a deep breath. “Could you put on some clothes?”

She stared at me for a moment, seeing the darkness in my eyes. “Oh. Sorry.”

“It’s not that I don’t enjoy it. It’s just…”

“I know. I’m sorry.” She walked into her room and returned a few minutes later, fully clothed.

I was happy but sad at the same time.

She returned to my lap and straddled my hips. This wasn’t much better than before, but at least she wasn’t in a thin towel. “Why are you here?”

“Well, I wanted to talk to you. But I didn’t realize you had company.”

“Oh yeah. My brother is staying with me for a while.”

“Is that okay?” I asked.

“Yeah. He and I…talked. I think this is the start of something good.”

I nodded. “I’m glad to hear that.”

“What did you want to talk about?” she asked.

“Actually…I think it’s better in private.”

Her eyes filled with concern.

“It’s nothing bad,” I said immediately. “Just personal.”

“Well, we can go to your place.”

“Do you think it’s a good idea to leave your brother alone right now?”

“My apartment is pretty cramped. He’d probably like his own space to get situated. I’ll let him know I won’t be back until tomorrow.”

I’m glad she assumed she’d spend the night. I didn’t want to be alone after I revealed the truth.

♫

When we returned to my house, I hung up our coats then moved toward the living room. We usually lay on the couch facing the TV. We never watched it, and just lay in each other’s arms. Since I was over six feet, the sofa wasn’t my ideal lounging area, but I never complained. The last thing I wanted to do was be presumptuous and invite her to my bedroom. I didn’t want her to get the wrong idea.

I sat on the couch and looked at her. She didn’t sit next to me. “Everything alright?”

“Can we go in your bedroom?”

I wasn’t expecting that…

“Your couch is lovely but I’m getting a little tired laying on it…and I think we’ve made permanent sags in it.”

“If that’s what you want.” Now I was nervous. I didn’t think she wanted to fool around, but the idea of being in a bed with her automatically aroused me. The only thing I did in that room was fuck and sleep. And if I
wasn’t sleeping, my body would assume the worst.

We went upstairs then entered my bedroom. I removed the stripper pole but the latches were still in the ceiling and floor. The sex swing was gone along with my other sex toys.

Athena eyed my bedroom carefully, taking in every detail. I wondered what she was looking for. She stopped at the bed and placed her hand on the soft duvet.

I cleared my throat. “Everything in this room has been changed. It’s entirely new.” I didn’t want her to think about all the other women I fucked on the bed
or in the room.

Sh
e looked at me. “Even the sheets?”

“The bedframe, dressers—everything.”

Athena nodded. “Thank you.”

“Of course.” I shut the door then sat at the edge of the bed. I wasn’t sure what to do. Do I
lay on the bed in my suit? Do I remove some of my clothes? I waited for her to take the lead. That was the safest way to go.

“Can I have a shirt?”

My heart raced in my chest. That meant she was going to take something off…I needed to get a hold of myself. My cock was already hard and twitching. “Sure.” I opened a drawer and pulled out a white t-shirt. It would be enormous on her and stretch to her knees, but that was probably the best for both of us. I pulled out some sweatpants just in case she wanted those too.

She just took the shirt.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. “The bathroom is next to the closet.”

Athena didn’t move for the door. She stood in front of me then pulled off her shirt.

I took a deep breath and kept my hands to myself. I was getting a strip show—from Athena.

She stared at me while she unclasped her bra. When it f
ell, I felt my cock twitch. Her breasts were round and beautiful. I wanted to squeeze them in my hands, kiss them everything, rub my dick in the valley of her cleavage…and so much more.

Athena pulled the shirt over her head and hid her body from view. Her nipples were hard and they stuck out through her shirt. I stared at them, unable to look away. I probably looked like a disgusting pervert. And that was because I was.

She undid her jeans and pulled them off. The shirt stretched to her thighs so I couldn’t see her underwear. I wondered what panties she wore. Was it a thong? What did she look like underneath…

I needed to stop.

She approached me then moved between my legs. I didn’t touch her because I didn’t trust myself. I was afraid I’d throw her on the bed and have my way with her, whether she wanted to or not. And I still didn’t know what she wanted.

“You’re going to wear this to bed?” she asked.

“Umm…”

She smiled then removed my tie. After she unbuttoned my shirt, she pulled it off. Her eyes widened when she stared at my chest. I liked the approval in her eyes. It was the same look all the others gav
e me. I worked hard on my body to please my partners. But I never felt as satisfied by the look until Athena. I loved knowing I excited her, made her attracted to me like I was to her. Her hands moved across my chest and my shoulders.

“You’re beautiful,” she whispered.

No one ever said that to me before…

Then she kissed me on the forehead.

Pain unlike any I’ve ever felt burst in my chest. My breathing hitched, and my lungs writhed in agony. Emotion overcame me, foreign and unexplored. I never felt like this before…I didn’t even know what it was. I felt the love I’d been missing my entire life. It was a void that constantly gaped open. But now it was filled.

Athena looked at me, spotting the build up of moisture in my eyes. Her eyes sagged in despair and the hurt came into the lines of her face. “Jeremy…”

“I’ve never been loved before,” I whispered.

“I know that isn’t true.” She gripped the back of my neck with her hands and pressed her forehead to mine.

“My sister loves me. But would she if I hadn’t taken care of her? Is that love unconditional?”

“Does i
t matter?” she asked. “You are still loved.”

“But is it for me?” I remembered all the pain in my youth. “My mother had a boyfriend for a while when we were in school. He was…not
a good person. He’d drink and got violent. But he hated me the most for some reason. I guess because I stood up to him and tried to protect my mom. But when it came down to it, she didn’t protect me.

“I always took care of Prudence first. I got her out of the house and made her go to the movies with her friends. I st
ayed home so he wouldn’t kill my mom. But that didn’t mean I didn’t suffer because of it. When he beat me to a pulp, my mother didn’t intervene. I told Prudence I got in a fight at school and she believed it. He passed away from a heart attack.”

Athena was silent. I didn’t look at her for a moment, unable to meet her gaze. When I finally did, I saw the tears in her eyes. She ran her fingers through my hair and let them fall. “Maybe you weren’t loved by them, but you’re certainly loved by me.”