And The Beat Goes On (11 page)

“Thank you. I like
it too.” He pulled me to the couch and we snuggled together. “Are you hungry or thirsty?”

“No.”
Just for you.

“Can I get you anything?”

“No.” I lay down and pulled him with me.

He kicked off his shoes then snuggled next to me on the leather couch. His arms wrapped around me and kept me warm. His face was just an inch from mine. We stared at each other for a long time.

“I’m sorry about your dad,” he whispered.

I rubbed his arm. “I know you are.”

“Sometimes the bitterness gets to us and destroys are relationships with those around us. Not that it’s an excuse, but it happens. I think your father lashes out because he lost his spouse at such a young age. His business is all he has left.”

Jeremy was extremely observant of other people. Even though he never met my dad, he understood him pretty damn well. I wondered where this ability
originated from. It was nice having someone so intuitive. He could get angry at injustice but he was also extremely understanding. And that made me love him even more.

“I know,” I whispered. “My brother left home as soon as he became an adult and has bee
n a drifting piece of wood ever since. My dad already lost him, and I think he’s afraid he’ll lose me too.”

“He should just tell you that, not lash out like this.”

“I know.” I sighed. “Sometimes I feel like the adult and he’s the child.”

“Because that’s exactly how it is. He should be proud he has such a gorgeous daughter who’s smart and talented. If your abilities were channeled, you’d be extremely successful. Instead, he strips your qualities away so you’ll settle for something you don’t even care about. And that’s unacceptable as a parent. While I understand it, it doesn’t make me accept it.”

How does he do that? He makes me turn to jelly every time
. He retained his masculinity but he was so sensitive at the same time.

“I had to grow up when I was three.”

What?

“My father left and my mom was a horrific parent. Pain pills and Nyquil were her best friend
s. My sister was never loved. I would never admit that to her but it’s true. So I took care of her. As soon as I turned twelve, I did everything for her. Made sure she got to school on time, gave her lunch money, walked her to guitar lessons—everything. I became a parent at a very young age.”

My eyes softened when I listened to him. “Who took care of you?”

His eyes contained the pain he always hid from the world. But he let me see it. “No one.”

I kissed his forehead, trying to comfort him as much as possible. I wanted to take care of him for the rest of my life.

“I love my sister and wouldn’t take back anything I did for her. At least she had someone to look after her. And when I became successful, I started getting the attention I needed. But it was too late. I was an independent adult and I didn’t want their affection. The only person who really loves me is my sister. And that’s enough.”

I love you.

“I’m sorry…I’ve never told anyone that before.”

Awe.
“You can tell me anything, Jeremy.”

“I know.”

“I’ll take care of you,” I whispered.

His hand squeezed my side but he didn’t react in any other way. “You will?”

“Of course.”

He cupped my face and gave me a gentle but scorching kiss. My underlying pain was forgotten in light of the fire in his kiss. When he pulled away, we snuggled close to each other. Hours passed
but neither one of us closed our eyes. Nor did we speak. The late hour deepened into an unearthly time of morning.

I didn’t want to be on the couch anymore. I wanted to
lay in his bed and feel his body next to mine. I didn’t want to be separated my clothing, separated by anything. More time with Jeremy wouldn’t further convince me of what I already knew. He was very special to me, and he was the one.

“Let’s go in your room,” I suggested.

His eyes widened. He considered my words for a long time but didn’t have a response. His hands were still tight around me. I gave him a look of confidence, knowing I was certain in my decision. “I’m too tired to move.” He grabbed a blanket from the other couch and covered our bodies.

The disappointment flooded my body. It was the second time I made a move for something more intimate but he rejected me both times. Perhaps he was just a gentleman, but what if there was another reason? Why didn’t he want me?

Jeremy read my mind. “I’ve never seen a more beautiful woman in my life. Every inch of your face reminds me of a perfectly chiseled sculpture. Every curve of your waist excites me in ways I can’t explain. Your long legs catch my eye every time I see you.” He rested his hand on my neck and rubbed his fingers across it. “I love everything about you. It’s not that I don’t want you. Please don’t think that.”

I felt better. My remaining bout of confidence wasn’t shattered. “Then why?”

He kissed my forehead, taking my breath away. He didn’t answer me.

And I was too happy to ask again.

Chapter Thirteen

♬

Jeremy Clearwater

I moved from the couch without stirring her and got ready for the day. I showered and
pulled a new suit from my closet. After I checked my appearance in the mirror, I released a sigh from my lips.

A stripper pole stood in the corner, mirrors on both walls. Handcuffs and whips were in my nightstand. A sex swing hung from another corner. I couldn’t take Athena in here.
God, that would be bad.

But I couldn’t sleep with her anyway. Now I was even more invested in her than I was before. For the past few days, I tried to stay away from her and stop thinking about her. I needed to let her go.

But it was too damn hard.

When she called me in tears, every reservation I had toward a relationship with her collapsed. I ran to her because I had to be with her. I couldn’t explain it. I just had to be next to her, make sure she was okay.

I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. Nothing had changed. I hadn’t slept with anyone but my withdrawals were painful. I masturbated six times a day, around the clock. Sometimes I got headaches because I was suffering so much. When I saw an attractive girl, I considered taking her back to my flat.

But Athena came into my mind.

I only wanted her. She would be my greatest fantasy. I wanted to be inside her and feel her in an intimate way. Her rockin’ body and gorgeous face would give me the dream I wanted. And I loved the quiet noises she made when we kissed. I wanted to hear those—just in a different context.

I’ve never kissed someone the way I kissed her. It wasn’t sexual, but intimate. I wanted to kiss her again. Hours passed and I was never tired of doing it. And I kept kissing her on the forehead. I couldn’t stop.
It was a natural urge I had, something I’ve never felt before.

What was wrong with me?

Athena wanted to sleep with me but I couldn’t hurt her. And I was scared. What if I completely lost interest in her after I had my way with her? That’s how it worked with every other girl. As soon as I had them, I was done. I didn’t want to see them again. It didn’t matter how amazing they were in bed. I never fucked the same girl twice.

What if that happened with Athena? What if every feeling I had for her disappeared like it never happened? I no longer looked at her in the same way. All the emotion evaporated. I knew how much that would hurt her. It would be devastating. And I refused to do that with her.

So that left me with two choices. I could break up with her and go my separate way. But I knew that would hurt her too. She and I had become close since we met a month ago. And that wasn’t a great option. Because I didn’t want to stop seeing her. I liked spending time with her, talking to her, kissing her…I didn’t want that to end.

That left me with the other choice. I could stay with her but never have sex with her. And I obviously couldn’t have sex with anyone else.

Ugh. That choice was just as bad as the first one.
I wouldn’t survive. My sexual frustration would bottle up and I’d explode.

So what the fuck do I do?

I could tell her the truth… She would end our relationship then hate me. But that was her right. I wouldn’t take that away from her.

But I didn’t want to do that either.

I needed to end the relationship and just walk away. I knew she was getting attached to me. It was obvious in the way she touched me and kissed me. And the fact she called me when she was upset indicated she relied on me emotionally. The hole we were in was getting deeper. I had to get out.

I didn’t like this decision but it was the
lesser of three evils. Athena would be hurt but it was the best thing for her. She’d find a better man who would love her and treat her right. I wasn’t that man.

I went downstairs and saw her sitting on the couch. When she noticed me, she gave me a dazzling smile.

Damn, she wasn’t going to make this easy, was she?

“How did you sleep?” I asked.

“I always sleep well when I’m with you.”

I felt the same way. Even though I didn’t fall asleep until two in the morning, I was always rested and refreshed when she was in my arms. “Do you want some coffee or breakfast before we go?” I didn’t have the time but I didn’t want to be rude.

“No, I need to get ready for school.”

“Okay.”

We got in my car and my driver drove back to her apartment.

“You don’t need to take me home,” she said. “I can manage. I’m sure you’re in a hurry.”

“No, it’s okay.” I never took my other lady friends home. I gave them money for a cab and basically kicked them out. For some reason, I wanted to make sure Athena got to her apartment safely.

I just kept getting deeper and deeper…

She held my hand and rested her head on my shoulder.

Why did this have to feel so good?
I leaned my head against hers and squeezed her hand. Who knew I could enjoy juvenile affection so much?

My driver pulled over and we both exited the car.

She saw me stand up. “I know you need to get to work. I can manage the rest of the way.”

I took her hand. “I don’t mind walking you to your door.”

She smiled and her cheeks started to blush. I should just leave her but I couldn’t. And my actions were making her fall harder for me. I needed to stop but I couldn’t. It was like a sickness.

When we came to her door, a
middle-age man was sitting on the floor. He was leaning against her door. Judging by the wrinkles in his clothes and the bags under his eyes, he’d been there all night.

The protective side of me automatically emerged. I pulled her behind me and shielded her body with mine.
Who the hell was this guy? And why was he sitting in front of my girlfriend’s—my friend’s—apartment? Was he stalking her?

Athena moved closer to my ear. “That’s my dad,” she whispered.

That was better than a complete stranger but I was still on edge.

“Dad, what are you doing here?” She walked around me then stood in front of him.

He stirred from his sleep-like repose. He managed to get to his feet. After he blinked a few times, he looked at her. “You didn’t answer my phone calls.”

“Well…I didn’t want to argue anymore.”

The anger started to spread into his face. “I’m your father. When I call, you better answer the bloody phone.”

I really hated this guy.

“I didn’t feel like being yelled at.”

“How could you just leave the shop like that? We didn’t close for another four hours.”

“How could you throw all my stuff away?” she snapped.

I’m glad she stood up for herself.

Her dad grabbed her forearm and got into her face.

I didn’t give a shit
who he was. No one grabbed her like that.
The furious side of me emerged. I grabbed his hand and pulled it off her. Then I placed my body in front of her, blocking her off. “Don’t touch her like that.” I wasn’t as deadly as I usually was. And that was the only respect he was getting from me.

His eyes shined with fear for a moment, and he automatically took a step back. Then his courage returned. “Who the hell is this?”

“Her boyfriend.”
Why did I say that? Why? I needed to shut my mouth.
“You can speak to her like an adult, no yelling and no grabbing. She’s a grown woman and deserves your respect. Don’t expect any in return unless you give it first.” I felt Athena hook her arm through mine and stand close to me. “Try it again.”

His eyes shifted to Athena. “You have a boyfriend? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I…I just didn’t have a chance.”

He glanced at me again. “Can I talk to my daughter now?”

“Sure. But I’m not moving.”

Her father glared at me then turned to his daughter. “Ask him to leave.”

“I don’t want him to,” she said firmly.

Her father didn’t look pleased. “You need to take your position at the store seriously. I’m paying you to work, not doodle all day.”

She sighed. “It’s not doodling.”

“Whatever,” he said. “You’re the future owner of the store. Stop treating it like garbage.”

Athena kept her silence for a moment. I wanted to intervene and tell this guy to fuck himself, but I already said plenty. I needed to let Athena handle this in her own way. “I don’t want to work there anymore.”

What? Did she just say that?

Her father’s eyes widened. “What did you say?”

“I quit. I don’t want to work there and I never want to run it.”

Wow. I was proud of her.

“You can’t do that,” he snapped. “I need you. How dare you do this to me?”

“You’ll find someone else. And when you retire, just sell it.”

“My blood is in that store. We need to keep it.”

Come on, Athena.

“Dad, I have my own dreams, and I’m not abandoning them. I know this store is important to you and that’s fine. But my artwork is just as important to me. If you expect me to abandon it in light of your dreams, you’re being selfish. I’m not going to do it.”

Yeah, baby.

She took her keys out of her purse. “Now excuse me so I can get ready for school.”

Her father stepped aside, but he looked devastated. I wondered what he would say. He seemed to be taking it pretty well. He finally locked his gaze with hers. “Then you’re no daughter of mine.” Without another look, he turned down the hallway and disappeared.

When I looked at Athena, I saw the tears.

I couldn’t believe that just happened.

♫

I held Athena in my arms while she cried. The tears were dripping onto my shirt and soaking the fabric but I didn’t care. I just wished she’d stop crying. It was painful to watch. And now I hated her father.

Who said that to their daughter?

I thought my parents were bad but at least they never said that to me.

Athena pulled back and wiped her tears. “You should go. I don’t want you to be late to your meeting.”

My meeting? I completely forgot about it.
“Don’t worry about it.”

“No, you should go.” She took a deep breath and tried to control her emotion. I’m fine, really.”

“I’m not leaving you.” I lay with her on the couch and ran my fingers through her hair.

“But you—”

“You’re more important.” She was. She needed me right now and I couldn’t just walk out. I hated seeing her cry. I couldn’t leave her when she was so upset. The words she just heard were traumatizing.

She pressed her face into my neck and hooked her arm around my waist. I was like a huge teddy bear to her. But I didn’t mind. I kissed her forehead every time the urge overcame me. And every time I did it, she seemed to feel a little better.

Athena fell asleep in my arms, and I watched her as the hours passed. When she stirred again, it was noon. I texted my secretary and told her to reschedule the meeting. I had clients from Japan that came here just to see me, but they would have to wait another day. The world stopped spinning for Athena.

I really was obsessed with her.

After she stirred, she went into the bathroom and brushed her teeth and showered. When she emerged, she was wearing tight jeans, a green sweater, and a gray scarf. The colors highlighted her features perfectly. Her eyes looked more brilliant than before. And she looked like she felt better.

She returned to the couch and sat beside me. “Thanks for staying with me.”

“You always come first.”
Seriously, I needed to shut my big mouth.

She gave me a slight smile. “You’re my dream come true.”

What? Did she just say that?

“Every guy I’ve ever dated has been a total jackass. But you’re so perfect, Jeremy. You’re sweet, kind, and sensitive. And you make me really happy. I don’t know what I did to find such a wonderful man, but I’m so grateful to have you.”

Those words made me melt. My heart throbbed in my chest. She appreciated me, cared about me. And that made me feel warm inside. But it also made me cringe in pain. We were both attached to each other in a profound way. The hole was getting deeper. “You make me happy too.”

She kissed me, making my lips burn. “I should get to class. And I’ve already taken enough of your time.”

“All my time is yours.”
What the hell was wrong with me?
Now that I told her father I was her boyfriend, Athena thought we were in a serious relationship. And that wasn’t her fault. I kept saying stupid shit like that. No wonder why I was in this situation.

She kissed me on the cheek. “I should go.”

“Okay.”

She grabbed her purse and headed to the
door. I came behind her then walked her to the street. “My driver can take you to school.”

She looked at her watch. “I don’t think I have enough time. And I know you need to get to work.”

“My driver will take you,” I insisted. “I’ll take a cab.”