And the Shofar Blew (44 page)

Stephen saw the new lines in Samuel’s face. How was it possible for someone to age so much in a few days? They were silent for a long moment. Stephen finished the last of his tea. “Would you like me to walk you back to your apartment before I leave?”

“Sorry. I’m sure poor company today.”

“You’re worrying about something. Should I ask?”

“Better if you don’t.”

“Okay.”
Eunice?
“Anything I can do?”

“Just what you’re doing. Keep your focus on Jesus. Be obedient to His call on your life. Whatever it is, however difficult it’s going to be.”

Stephen searched his face. The old man was distracted, his mind occupied in some inner battle.

Samuel stared out at the garden. “I think I’ll stay out here awhile longer.”

“Okay.” Stephen rose. “I’ll come back tomorrow.”

“Wait a minute, Stephen.” Samuel felt his shirt pocket. “Do you have a pen handy?”

Stephen handed him his ballpoint.

Samuel took a paper napkin from the dispenser and wrote something on it. He handed the napkin and pen back to Stephen with a smile.

Karen Kessler.
And her phone number.

Paul looked for Eunice’s car as he pulled into the visitors’ section of the condominium complex. He was tired from the drive, exhausted from lack of sleep. He’d expected better of Eunice than running off to tell his mother everything. She should’ve stayed home like he told her. They could’ve talked it out and reached an understanding without involving anyone else. No one should be privy to their problems, especially his mother! Eunice had reason to be upset, but that didn’t give her the right to be disloyal. She was a minister’s wife. She should know better than to say anything against him to anyone!

Pulling the key out of the ignition, he shoved the car door open, got out, and slammed it shut. He had a vague memory of his father laying down the law a few times. Maybe that’s what he’d have to do. Be a little less apologetic and a little more firm for the sake of his ministry. There was too much at stake to allow feelings to run rampant.

He found his mother’s condo and rang the bell. He shifted his feet when no one answered right away. He’d told her he was coming. She would’ve told Eunice. Was his wife sulking inside while making him stand on the porch? He jabbed the button again and held his finger on it.

It was his mother who opened the door and stood looking up at him. Her face was splotched and puffy, her eyes red-rimmed from crying.

“Mom, it isn’t as bad as it seems.”

“Isn’t it?”

“What did Eunice say to you?”

“What do you think she said?”

He cursed Eunice for causing his mother such pain. “Where is she? She had no right to come down here and dump our problems on your doorstep. Eunice!”

“She’s gone.”

“What do you mean, she’s gone? Gone where?”

“She said she was going home.”

His temper erupted. “Great! Just great! I wasted the drive down here. What kind of game is she playing with me? What’s she planning to do now? Go back to the church and announce we’re having some problems?”

“Some
problems? Is that the way you see adultery?”

He felt the heat rush into his face. “It’s not all my fault, you know. She wouldn’t have walked in on anything if Reka hadn’t set the whole thing up. And I wouldn’t have even looked at Sheila if Eunice had been any kind of wife to me over the past few years. She’s been sulking ever since Tim moved down here with you.”

“So it’s everybody’s fault except yours, is that right? Even I’m to blame.”

“I didn’t say that. That’s not what I meant.”

“You have no excuse, Paul. Not one that will get you out of this mess.”

“Okay.” He held up his hands. “Okay! Could we have this conversation inside so the whole neighborhood doesn’t hear about it?”

She stepped back and stared at him as he walked around her. He flung his windbreaker onto the couch and rubbed the back of his neck in frustration. “If Eunice had bothered to answer her cell phone, I could’ve waited at the house for her.”

“She’s not going to Centerville.”

“You just told me she was going home.” He’d had a long sleepless night and then a long drive on top of it. He was in no mood for double-talk.

“Don’t use that tone with me, Paul Hudson.”

He’d never seen that look on his mother’s face before. As though she hated him. It shook him.

“She said Centerville isn’t her home. And no wonder.”

He could thank Eunice for his mother’s attitude. Why couldn’t she have kept her mouth shut and their problems private? If she had to tell someone, why couldn’t she have picked someone other than his mother? A good thing Eunice wasn’t in the condo or he’d say things he would regret. As it was, he was going to have to chase after her again. How far this time? How long before she’d sit down and listen to reason? “So where is she going?” He tried to sound patient.

“You tell me, Paul. Where is home for Eunice?” Her eyes glittered through the tears. “Heaven?”

He felt a coldness seep into the pit of his stomach. “She wouldn’t do that. You know Eunice as well as I do, and she wouldn’t even think it.”

“How well do you know me? I thought about suicide the first time your father cheated on me.”

First time?
He rocked back. “What are you talking about?”

She shook her head. “He never had much time for you, did he, Paul? Or for me. But he had plenty of time for others.”

He swallowed hard. What was she saying?

She wept bitterly. “Eunice was right. I have been wrong. All these years, I’ve been so wrong.”

“Mom.” He’d seen her cry, but not like this. “Mom.” He took her shoulders, but she jerked free.

“I should’ve talked to you about all this long ago. I should’ve warned you when I saw what was happening. I could see you changing. I could see the way your ambition played you like a fiddle. But I hoped you’d remember what I taught you. I hoped I wouldn’t have to spell it all out for you.” She sat in the wing chair and blew her nose. “You’d better sit. I’m going to tell you the truth about your father now, whether you want to hear it or not.”

He slowly sat, tense, stomach churning.

“From the time you were a little boy, I’ve tried to protect you. And myself.” She glared at him. “I can’t tell you how much it hurts to live with a man who cheats and lies and thinks he has a right to live however he pleases without answering to anyone, even God. I prayed for him. Oh, how I prayed for him. Year after year. Even after he’d destroyed every bit of love between us, I prayed for his salvation.”

“Salvation? If anyone was saved, Dad was.”

“I’d like to believe that. I really would like to believe God reached him. But I don’t think so. I never saw evidence in his life that he was really a Christian.”

He couldn’t believe she would say such a thing about one of the best-known evangelists in the country. “He brought thousands to Christ, Mother. He had a congregation of thousands. He had a television show and a radio ministry. He wrote a best-selling book!”

“And you think all that is a sign of God’s approval? Your father never brought a single soul to salvation. I thought you understood. Salvation is a work of the
Holy Spirit,
Paul. It’s
God
who saves. It’s
Jesus
. No man can or should take credit for anyone’s salvation. I tried to teach you the truth. I tried to teach you the proper way to walk. Without compromise. To strive to live a holy life. I tried to tell you the Christian life isn’t a sprint. It’s a grueling marathon. And you used to believe. Your heart was tender toward God. And your faith earned your father’s disdain. Do you remember?”

“He was a little tough on me, I guess.”

“You
guess?
May God help you to remember the way it really was. You wanted your father’s attention, Paul. You craved his approval. I didn’t know how much until I heard you preach. I said you were more like your father than I realized. You took it as a compliment. I didn’t mean it that way. I should have made it clear.”

He stood. “I’m not sure I want to hear my own mother rip my father’s reputation apart when he’s dead and can’t even defend himself.”

“There was a time when you didn’t run away from the truth.”

“I had an affair. I admit it. It’s over. I’m sorry. It’ll never happen again.”

“That’s what he said—in the same unrepentant, unconscionable tone. Did you also tell Eunice it was her fault? That she wasn’t enough of a wife to keep you happy? Did you lay the blame for your sins at her feet the same way your father laid his at mine? I can see by your face you did.
Sit down!”

He sat. Shocked. His mother had never spoken to him like this before.

“Your father didn’t
choose
to retire, Paul. He was
forced
to retire. One of the elders found out your father was having an affair with a woman he was counseling. And it wasn’t his first, I can tell you.

“The elder confronted your father. He wouldn’t listen. Then two elders went to talk with him. He put an end to the affair and thought that was the end of the trouble. But he’d grown careless. He was involved with more than one woman at a time. One found out about the other and came to the elders.

“They told him if he didn’t tender his resignation, they would expose him before the congregation. If he agreed to step down, nothing would be said about it. The women would be asked to leave the church. His reputation would remain intact. He agreed; they kept their word. Nothing was ever said. We all swept the sordid episode under the carpet along with all the other sordid little episodes he’d conducted over the years. We all thought we were protecting the church.”

She paused, tears filling her eyes again. “But we were just adding to the corruption . . . because here you are, his son, following in his footsteps.”

“I’ve only had one affair.”

“You lie to me as easily as you lie to yourself.”

“Sheila’s the only one, I swear, Mom. It’s over. It was a mistake. The biggest of my life.” He was shaking. He felt cold inside.

“Oh, Paul, you’re so blind! You’ve been cheating on God for years. I’ve been in your church. I’ve seen how you work people, how you charm and manipulate them. You’ve become just like your father. He used people up and threw them away. I was the first one of a long line of people who loved him and prayed for him. He used my love to control me, to keep me silent. And you’ve done the same thing to Eunice. You used her talents, too. Until she refused to compromise. And then you set her aside because you were more interested in pleasing people than doing what was right in God’s eyes.”

He felt a shiver up his spine, hair standing on end. He rubbed his neck, trying to rub the feeling away.

She leaned forward, hands clasped. “Do you think God doesn’t see what you do? Do you think the Lord doesn’t know what you think about Him? You use His name to get your way. You water down His Word in order to entertain your people. You’ve been spitting in the face of the One who saved you and loved you as your father never did!”

Her words cut into him. Never in his life had he faced her condemnation. Clenching his fists, he fought tears. “I’ve worked hard to build that church. It was dying when I came to Centerville. I have over three thousand people in my congregation now!”

“And you think that makes you a success?” She leaned back, hands resting on the arms of the chair. “And what does your church stand for but your own pride of accomplishment?”

He drew back. “It stands for Christ.”

“No, it doesn’t. A visitor doesn’t have a clue what kind of doctrine they’ll hear when they walk through the doors. They don’t even know what doctrine is. What do they hear, Paul? What truth? The gospel?
No
. All they get is an hour of entertainment. Exciting music. Special effects. A titillating speech to rouse their emotions. You care more about the number of people sitting in your pews than who they are—lost souls in need of a Savior. People can’t be healed and made whole by Christ until their hearts are broken over their sin, and you’ve made them comfortable with it—and your-self right along with them.”

He couldn’t look her in the eyes.

His mother wilted. She covered her face. “I was wrong to protect your father. I was wrong to cover for him. I tried to convince myself that I was protecting the church by protecting him.” She looked up, face ravaged. “God, forgive me. Eunice was right. I lived a lie. I was protecting myself from the humiliation and the shame.” Her smile was self-deprecating. “I didn’t want people to know I wasn’t enough of a woman to hold my man.” She gave a bleak laugh. “The truth is, no woman could’ve held him. It was a game he played. Maybe if he’d been held accountable, some things would have changed. The discipline would’ve put the fear of God into others. Like you. You wouldn’t have thought you could do things your own way. You would’ve learned that God is merciful, but He doesn’t compromise.”

“Dad was a good man. I can’t believe you’re saying all this.” He didn’t want to hear. He didn’t want to feel the conviction.

Lois shuddered. “The Lord gave your father opportunities to repent, Paul. He gave him chance after chance. Instead, your father’s heart grew harder and more proud. Sometimes I think the Lord struck him down on that airplane. God took his life before he could do any more damage.”

“He built a church, Mom.”

“He drew a crowd.” She leaned forward again, hands outstretched. “Listen to me, Paul. Listen carefully. Your father was never a shepherd. He was a cattleman driving his herd to market. He tried to drive you. Don’t you remember? He belittled and mocked you. He pushed and prodded. He did everything he could to mold you and make you into what he was. And you resisted him. I saw how tender your heart was. You were more like your grandfather Ezra than your father.”

“My grandfather was a failure.”

“You couldn’t be more wrong. All Ezra ever wanted to do was serve the Lord, to spread the good news of salvation in Jesus Christ. And he did! If you go back to the places where he preached, you’ll find churches, Paul. Small but living churches, centered on Christ and the Bible. Your grandfather served the Lord more faithfully than your father ever did.”

“But Dad said—”

“Your father only saw there was never enough money for the things he wanted. Your father hated him for that. He wanted no part of the kind of life your grandfather led, a life of self-sacrifice. He wanted a big house and a fancy car. He wanted fame. So he used the talents God gave him for his own aggrandizement. He used preaching to live exactly as he pleased. And God gave him over to his sin.”

“I thought you loved him.”

“I loved the man I thought I married. And when I knew who and what he really was, I loved him out of obedience to Christ. I didn’t always succeed. Divorce was never an option for me. But there came a time . . . ” She shook her head and stared down at her hands. “I stopped sleeping with your father after the fourth affair.” She raised her head. “Eunice knew. Not everything I’ve told you. Not how many times your father cheated, but she knew enough of what I was suffering and why. She never broke trust with me, Paul. And I’ve been wondering since she left this morning. Did I tell her about your father because I hoped she would do my dirty work and tell you? What a terrible burden she’s carried for me all these years.”