Angel in the Shadows (17 page)

He knew Madison was trying not to move against his hand but he could feel her body humming in response. She was holding herself back, trying to resist what her body so clearly wanted. He was sure she couldn’t take much more but he was far from done with her. Abruptly, deftly, he slid his fingers deep inside her and she cried out. He slid his fingers in and out, in and out with painstaking slowness, gradually picking up speed. With a sudden come-hither movement from his fingers deep inside her, she came off the bed with another cry. Gently, he pushed her back down, never removing his hand. And, oh God, he couldn’t wait any longer. He had to taste her.

Replacing his fingers with his mouth, he lightly nipped at her, and was rewarded by a small whimper. Again and again, his teeth scraped the wet, sensitive skin that nearly pulsed with need. He licked her, sucked on her, her taste filling him, dancing on his tongue. Running her hands through his hair, she dragged him to her until there was no space between his mouth and her skin. She moaned and twisted against his lips and he nearly came undone. Her cries became sharper and more urgent as he continued to tease her, to build up the fire that he knew raged within them both. He was nearly shaking with the lust surging through his body. Never in his life had he ever felt a need so powerful, so intense. Oh God, how he wanted her! Abruptly, he plunged his tongue deep inside her and she screamed, spurring him on. Over and over, he delved his tongue into her and over and over he was rewarded with the moans and cries that was absolute music to his ears. But still, he wouldn’t stop, he couldn’t stop.

Faster, harder, deeper, he moved his tongue within her, relishing the feel of her, the taste of her. Her breathing became harsh and frenzied, her movements erratic and wild. Gripping her hips, he pulled her even closer to his mouth, to his tongue, holding her in place. His tongue and lips moved rapidly, sliding over her, into her, eliciting the most wonderful moans and whimpers from her lips. Plunging his tongue deeper, deeper, deeper, she screamed again, writhing against him, grinding against him. The friction of teeth and tongue and skin mingled with her cries was his undoing. And at last, he could not resist anymore.

Raising himself up, he slid into her, slow and deliberate, the heat enveloping him completely. She was so hot, so wet, he nearly lost himself in the pure pleasure of being inside her. Balancing on his hands, he began to move slowly in, then out, the tightness of her overwhelming him. He set the pace and suddenly, she tensed up, still trying to resist what he knew she wanted. She was there. Right on the edge yet she refused to let go, to give in.

“Come on, Maddie, you know you want to. Just let go, let it go,” he whispered in a low, insistent voice. He stared down at her then and for a second, his pounding heart sputtered and he nearly lost his rhythm. It wasn’t the fact that she was looking back at him, her chocolate eyes clouded with incredible lust and need. It was the
way
she was looking at him. Not just at him, but
into
him. She was seeing him,
really
seeing him, connecting with him. He was shaken to his core but at the same time, he never felt stronger, more alive, more
there
, in his entire life. She was making him
feel
.

“Please don’t . . .” she whispered, her voice ragged with desire.

He hesitated, suddenly unsure, his own need crushing him.

“Please . . . don’t stop,” she cried breathlessly.

He didn’t need any more encouragement and with a growl that seemed to come from the very depths of his soul, he picked up the movement again. Each stroke took him deeper and deeper inside her, to the most intimate depths of her body. There could be no turning back now. That was an impossibility.

He felt her body tremble and then she was wrapping her hands around his back, dragging him closer to her as she finally began to move with him instead of against him. His movements quickened as she met him, stroke for stroke. His breath came in short, ragged bursts and he thought his heart might explode from the sheer pleasure of her body. Fingernails dug into his skin but he barely registered the pain as the wave after wave hit him, threatening to drown out everything else. Nearly shaking with the effort to restrain himself, he struggled to keep his desire in check, forcibly delaying his own gratification, determined to concentrate on her, giving her the most enjoyment possible. Her breath was coming hard and fast now and he captured her mouth with his, silencing her gasps, smashing her lips against her teeth.

He continued to move faster, harder, ramming into her with machine like frenzy. Their bodies blurred together until the friction became too much for her and she lost control, finally letting go. She shuddered beneath him, the spasms of her muscles squeezing and tightening around him. Her beautiful face was contorted in the throes of an orgasm. And when she screamed, she screamed his name. His name coming from her mouth was more than he could take. With one final, hard thrust, he let himself go, spilling into her. And everything vanished in a flash of white heat.

Chapter 20

Madison’s breath fanned across his chest, light and soft. He was all too aware of how she fit perfectly against him and how the comforting feel of her luscious curves pressed into
his body. For a few impossible moments, he imagined that everything could be different with her. With her, he could be clean again. He could be the man that he wanted to be, the man that she needed. And he wanted to be that for her. He wanted to be with her. He wanted to tell her everything about himself, everything about his life, about what led him to where he was now. She had touched him like no other and he didn’t want that to stop. But that was only a torturous dream, one he needed to get out of his head. And here, with her in his arms, only made it clear what he could never have. A normal life with her.

Deliberately he slaughtered the thought. It was something he was never meant to have and that kind of thinking was useless and dangerous. It would only result in getting both of them killed or at least wishing they had been. He was too far gone, he could never be saved. He could never return to an ordinary life or even hope to. That was a lost cause, as was he. He didn’t want to feel anything for her.

Yet, he did. She had broken through his carefully constructed shell that surrounded him. And with very little effort. She was under his skin and managed to somehow get inside of him. Her presence was like a burning inside of his veins. One he didn’t want to do without. Her smile, her anger, her tears had chipped away at him, at his armor, allowing feelings he thought were gone to seep in through the cracks. And for the first time in a long time,
he was afraid. Not for himself but for her. The people that were after her were determined to kill her. He could stop them from getting to her. He was extremely capable of that. There was no doubt he could protect her from them. But who was going to protect her from
him
?

There was only one way to do that and that was to leave her alone, just walk away, forget about her. His gut told him that was going to be one of the hardest things he had ever done. But he would do it for her. He would do anything for her, to keep her safe. He had to. She deserved someone good and decent. Not a hired killer who lived life cloaked in shadows and secrets and danger, always on the run, always on the job. Not someone who would only bring her nightmares. She was too good for him and he didn’t deserve her, he didn’t deserve anyone. He’d managed to save her several times already but he needed her to be safe . . . from him.

Untangling himself from her arms, Seth was careful not to wake her, his movements evoking only a quiet murmur from her lips. He rose from the bed and pulled on his clothes in silence. Turning, he stared down at Madison, sleeping softly. Her pale hair was resting on the pillow, her skin flushed with the fulfillment of sex. She looked so beautiful, so peaceful laying there. And he was going to destroy that when she woke up, blow it all to hell. But that was what was best for her, whether she knew it or not.

Moving away from the bed, he checked his phone and was surprised to see that he had missed a call from Ryan. Madison forgotten, at least for the time being, he moved into the other room and punched in the numbers from memory. Without introduction, Seth replied firmly, “The photographer is at the upstate safe house.”

“So you’re telling me that the liability you were
supposed
to have disposed of two days ago is still relevant to this mission?” the soft English voice replied on the other end. The voice carried with it a smirk which completely disregarded the seriousness of the situation.

Knowing his fellow operative and his closest thing to a friend, Seth could only grit his teeth in disgust at Ryan Brennen’s twisted sense of humor. The last thing he needed was smart ass remarks but it was something he supposed he deserved. And maybe something that would get his head out of his ass. And hopefully, away from Madison’s.

“Yes, I suppose you could say that,” he answered slowly and more than a little resentfully. Ryan’s ability to derive pleasure out of his unfortunate circumstances was uncanny and although he couldn’t see his friend’s shit eating grin, Seth knew it was there.

“Well, she must be a hell of a woman for you to keep her alive this long,” Ryan quipped lightly. “Either that, or she’s a killer in bed. In which case, maybe I should meet her,” he replied, a soft chuckle echoing through the phone.

Immediately, an unfamiliar rush possession flooded Seth’s system, making his blood boil and he wanted to reach trough the phone and throttle Ryan. It happened so quickly, he had to bite his tongue to stop himself from saying something.
What the fuck was wrong with him? Madison didn’t belong to him, he didn’t even want anything to do with her. Yeah right, and he was the fucking King of England.
Trying to shake off the abnormal and uncomfortable emotion, he smoothly changed the subject.

“What’s up?”

“I’m at the Harrison place,” Ryan replied, all traces of humor gone, leaving a more businesslike tone in its place. Seth was glad that he was intuitive enough to let the other subject go. He would hate to have to make Ryan pay for it later.

“Harrison? As in Jonathan Harrison?”

“Yep, that’s the one. This morning, he was run off the Alexander Hamilton Bridge. They dragged his body out of the water a couple of hours ago. Our intelligence seems to believe that he might have accidentally stumbled upon something that Vance wanted left secret. We also have good reason to believe that he may have made a copy of what he found.”

“Believe? You mean, we don’t know?” This did
not
sound good.

“Well that’s the problem. Obviously our boy wasn’t very cunning at covering his tracks because his snooping caught Vance’s attention. So not only did Vance find out about his prying but he also wiped out all of his files, probably removed the hard drive so we can’t get to that information. So I’m here to have a look at his apartment, see if something interesting turns up that we can use.”

“All right, keep me informed. I’ve got a few things to take care of here,” Seth ordered lightly.

“Yeah, I bet you do. Sounds like your hands full right now.” Ryan laughed. “But I’ll let you know what I find out,” he said, ending the call before Seth could say another word.

The sooner the better in Seth’s own personal opinion. He needed to get as far away from Madison as he could and until this job was done, that was almost impossible. He’d already set things in motion with the phone calls last night. Before he’d taken her to bed.
Oh Lord, what had he done?

Another mistake. That’s what he’d done. Mistake after foolish mistake. And this was the worst one yet. He cared about her and then made love to her. Shit, he was just asking for punishment. But he had to fix it. He had to wake her up and make her leave.

Shoving away the sharp pang of protest he felt, he returned to the bedroom to find Madison sitting upright, the rumpled blankets wrapped loosely around her. Her hair was a golden halo surrounding her head and her dark eyes were half-open, slumberous and sexy as hell. She warmed visibly upon seeing him, her full lips forming a small, sexy smile that tugged at him. Just the sight of her made his breath catch in his throat and his blood start to burn. The only thing he wanted to do was crawl back into bed with her and make love to her again and again until they were both so spent neither of them could move. He wanted to show her that he wanted her, needed her. Show her what he couldn’t say, what was unsafe to say. He wanted to touch her, hold her until the last possible moment, until he had no choice but to release her and let her go forever. The temptation of that idea was so strong, it caused him physical pain to push it aside.

“Why don’t you come back to bed,” Madison suggested comfortably, her voice soft and inviting.

To give in would prove just how much she affected him and then he would be lost, everything would be lost. Something he might not mind. But no, there was too much at stake and she deserved better than that, better than him. He couldn’t do that to her.

“Get dressed, Maddie, it’s time to go,” Seth replied a little too brusquely.

Noticing the change immediately, the smile faltered. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. It’s just time that I got you out of here. Come on, get dressed.”

Madison narrowed her eyes in confusion. “Got me out of here? What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about you leaving. Isn’t that what you’ve been wanting? Now your wish is granted. Get dressed.” He steeled himself against the pain tearing through him, knowing it was for her own good.

Refusing to move, she simply stared at him, her eyes searching his face. “But I . . . I thought . . .”

He hated himself for what he was about to say but he had to. For her. No matter what he thought he felt for her, he was not good for her. “You thought what? That just because we had sex that you meant something to me? That I actually cared about you?” Forcing himself to laugh, he hoped she didn’t hear the hollowness. “Come on, Maddie, even you can’t be
that
naïve,” Seth said, his voice thick with a sarcasm he didn’t feel. “It was just sex.”

The shock and hurt that passed over her face somehow made her even more beautiful to him, like a fragile porcelain doll. One he was about to smash into a million pieces. Regret was becoming a familiar thing with him now where she was concerned and he didn’t like the bitter taste of it at all. He had been in this game a long time. Hell, he had finished his first op job before he was even old enough to drink legally.

Clearing her throat, Madison raised her head defiantly. “You don’t mean that. I can see that you don’t. You felt something for me. You
feel
something,” she insisted firmly.

Looking down at her clasped hands, she paused, wanting to say something else. Whatever it was, it was obviously hard for her. He didn’t want to hear what she was struggling with.

“And I feel something for you. I don’t know how or when it happened but I . . .” With a massive breath and a sudden surge of courage, she jerked her eyes to his, eyes filled with a bleak desperation that looked strange on her. Then she said the words. Words he both wanted and hated to hear. “I think I love you,” she whispered softly as if sharing a deep secret.

It took everything he had to control his surprise and not let her see just how much her confession rocked him. Love him? Love him?
She loved him. That was the greatest thing he had ever heard and his heart surged with the fact that she had confessed it to him. But then quickly, he stomped out the hope she had given him.
It wasn’t possible. Nobody could love him, especially not someone like Madison. But, oh Lord, for him to be so lucky to have her love him, to
really
love him, that was better than Heaven. She was all he wanted and she was all he would ever want. And she was all he could never have.

Recovering quickly, he stared right into her eyes, clamping down hard on any feelings he had for her, not allowing anything to show. He couldn’t let her know that he didn’t want to hurt her, couldn’t let her know that he loved her and wanted her with him. Instead, he looked at her, trying to make his posture carefully indifferent. Gritting his teeth, he made himself hollow, leaving no place for regret, sorrow, or guilt, for what he was about to do.

“It was just sex, Maddie. I mean, we spent one night in bed. It was a simple fuck, nothing more. Don’t confuse it with anything else. You can’t love me. You
don’t
love me,” he replied, flattening his mouth into a grim line of determination.

Madison gaped at him. He stood still, allowing her to try but knowing that he couldn’t let her see the truth behind his lies. If she did, she would try to stay and that was something he could not permit her to do. And he would do whatever it took to get her out of her alive.

“No, I don’t believe that. I don’t, do you hear me?” she said, the hurt darkening her eyes and resounding in her voice.

He had to get that hungry look out of her eyes before he succumbed to her subtle charms. There was still a way he could make her believe him but it make her hate him. It would hurt her but in the end, it might be the only thing that saved her life. He had to make her realize what he who and what he was. He had to show her that he was not worth loving or dying for. She needed to see him for the selfish, cruel bastard he was. He had to make her hate him. He had to tell her a lie that would no doubt destroy any feeling she had for him.

“You damn well better believe it, Maddie. If I cared anything about you, do you think that I would have killed your only friend? Did you hear me?
I’m
the one who shot Robert.”

Madison’s breath caught in her throat. Seth killed Robert? The words didn’t make any sense to her. “No, I saw Andre. He had a gun,” she muttered, shaking her head.

Seth’s smile was small and cold. “Of course you did. I sent him out to get you after I shot Robert right through the heart.”

“But . . . but, you killed Andre.”

“His job was to pick you up, not rape you,” he said simply. “He went against orders.”

She stared at the man in front of her, uncomprehending. The man who held her captive, the man she slept with. She searched his eyes, hoping to see something that told her he was lying. But there was nothing reflected in those cool blue depths. All of the emotion she had witnessed in them last night was gone. Not even a trace remained.

Robert’s pain-stricken face filled her mind and again she watched as he fell, the blood pouring out of him as he hit the cold snow.
Oh my God.
She immediately felt nauseous as self-loathing like she had never experienced before filled her. So much that if she would have been standing, she would have stumbled underneath the weight of it. On the heels of that, came a hatred for him, strong and poisonous, like acid. She tried to speak but nothing came out, the anger making her utterly speechless.

Seth took a step toward the bed and suddenly she found her voice.

“Get away from me, you murdering bastard,” she whispered with all the venom she could manage.

He continued to approach the bed slowly as if he were dealing with a wild animal that might bite him.
Bite him? Hell, if she had a gun right now, she would shoot him dead. On the spot. Without a second thought or regret. That wasn’t necessarily true but oh God, what had she done?
Drawing the covers tighter around her, she scooted off the bed and backed against the wall, afraid he would try and touch her. But the moment she moved, he stopped dead in his tracks, his face as impassive as ever.

“Please. Get. The. Fuck. Out,” she said in a short breathless tone that carried more emotion than her previous yelling. Her voice was so roughened with her anger and pain that she barely recognized it as her own. She didn’t want to cry in front of him but she hurt so badly. How could she have been so stupid, so naïve?