Angels in My Hair (29 page)

'Go back to bed,' Angel Arabia said, 'and move closer to Joe
to make room for another.'

I did as I was told. I could feel the little baby spirit coming
into the house. Lying there in the bed I could hear the sound
of movement in the hall. I prayed and prayed and asked that
everything would be okay for the little baby's spirit. The
bedroom filled with mist and angels poured into the room.
They had arrived. I could not see the baby's spirit but I knew
she was down on the floor, surrounded by angels.

'Angels, can I sit up in the bed?' I asked.

'No,' I was told, 'You're not allowed to look yet. Turn on
your side and move closer to Joe so there will be more room.'

Doing this, I disturbed Joe and he asked sleepily if I was
cold. I reassured him. I was nervous that Joe might wake at this
crucial moment, although a bit of me knew the angels would
not let him wake fully.

I felt the sheets being moved by the angels. I felt movement
on the bed and then I felt the baby spirit lying right next to me
in the bed. I could still see nothing of the baby spirit, as I was
facing Joe and the baby's spirit was now behind me. I was
afraid to move in case I would lie on her or hurt her in some
way. I felt a baby's hand touch my back.

'Can I turn around now?' I asked.

'Yes,' the angels replied. 'Turn around slowly and carefully,
the little baby spirit is lying beside you.'

I turned around, terrified of squashing her. 'Oh my God,' I
exclaimed, forgetting Joe was beside me. I quickly put my
hand to my mouth. Joe did not stir. There, lying beside me was
a gorgeous, naked, newborn baby girl. She was healthy and
strong and moving her arms and legs. She was beautiful and
perfect, flesh and blood, completely human in appearance, but
more beautiful than any baby I have ever seen. She was radiant,
the spirit within her lighting up the human body that I was
being shown. Two angels stood by the side of the bed, looking
down on her. They were magnificent white angels, dressed in
flowing white robes which draped over them perfectly. They
had wonderful faces, like porcelain, and every feature was
clear and they shone like the sun. Their eyes were as white as
snow and shone with a glittering light. They had wings of
feathers that seemed to spiral and touch a light above them.

'Can I touch her?' I asked.

'No, you can't touch her, but you can put your hands above
her,' they told me.

I reached out and held my hands above her. As I did so she
turned her head and looked at me. Her eyes were full of life and
shone brighter than any of the stars in the heavens. She smiled,
and at that moment I heard her say, 'Tell Mummy I love her,
and Dad, too.'

Then the two angels bent over her and picked her up, their
wings entwined around her. As they rose the heavens opened
with gentleness and in a flash of light they were gone and the
room was back to normal.

I knew it was over. I praised and thanked God.

Later that morning I went to Jim the butcher's and everyone
was talking. I was asked had I heard the news? A newborn
baby's body had been found along the canal bank near the
bridge. No one knew who the mother was, or what had
happened, but a man walking his dog had found it early that
morning. I realised then that the baby had been found at the
moment the angels had disappeared from my bedroom. I was
so happy. I cannot explain the happiness I felt, but it was a
great joy and relief to know that the baby's spirit had gone to
Heaven and my task was complete.

The local community was very upset, they were not aware of
anything like this having ever happened before. They were
shocked to think that there might have been a young woman,
perhaps a student from the college, who had felt it necessary to
keep her pregnancy secret.

The police investigated, but as far as I know they never
found the mother. Perhaps she will read this some day and
realise that whatever the circumstances of her baby's death
were, her little baby loved her and was never left alone – there
were always angels with her, as there are with all babies, both
those who live and those who die, whatever the situation.

The community was so moved by this baby's death, that they
took a collection and bought a grave so the child could be
buried properly. Before she was buried, the little baby was
given a name. Bridget is buried now in the graveyard in
Maynooth.

Joe was getting sicker and sicker and he started having a series
of minor strokes. They were terrifying for him and sometimes
he would go blind for a few minutes, or his body would go
completely limp. Walking had become very difficult now, and
he frequently fell over. Despite my best efforts to watch him
and catch him, he was black and blue all over. The doctors said
they could do nothing.

The angels tried to cheer me up. One day I was walking
around the housing estates nearby, enjoying the warm sun and
watching everything around me, when I came to a green area.
Children were out playing football and people were stretched
out on the grass enjoying the good weather. I noticed a child
in a wheelchair. She was curled up asleep. Her body seemed
quite twisted and she was pitifully thin. It was hard to tell her
age, but she was probably about seven. Her mother sat on the
wall a short distance off, talking to neighbours.

As I got closer I could see the child was getting brighter, as
was her wheelchair. Everything became still and silent; I
couldn't believe what I was seeing. Her soul moved out of her
body, leaving her sleeping form there in the wheelchair. It
radiated light and looked just as that little girl will look when
she goes to Heaven: perfect in every way. She was so beautiful.

Two angels appeared in front of her and took her hands –
they were both girls who looked much the same age as her.
Then three more angels appeared, again all little girls, dressed
completely in a white so radiant that a blue tint seemed to
come from it. I stood there, unable to move, overcome by what
I was seeing. This little girl's soul had stepped out of her body
to play with the angels. They played chase, but they never
moved too far from the wheelchair. They held hands as if they
were playing ring-a-ring o' roses. I could hear their laughter;
the little girl's soul was so free and happy. I tried to move
forward, to put one foot in front of the other, but the angels
would not let me move, no matter how hard I tried.

The little angels sat in a circle on the green grass near the
wheelchair with the little girl's soul. I watched with fascination;
I did not know what was going to happen next. All of a
sudden, an angel's hands touched a blade of grass and a daisy
appeared. Then the other angels started moving their hands
around, touching blades of grass with the tips of their fingers,
and each blade they touched turned into a beautiful daisy.
There in the middle of the grass was a circle of white, awash
with daisies, and in the middle of it were laughing angels and
a radiant little soul. The mother continued chatting nearby,
oblivious to what was going on.

'Daisy chains,' the little soul cried out, as they started to
make daisy chains. They decorated her with them– around her
neck, on her head like a princess's crown, around her arms and
even around her ankles. They showed her how to make daisy
chains with little slits in the stem and she sat there making
them on her own. There was such love and gentleness that I
could feel tears running down my cheek from the joy and
happiness of what I was seeing. I watched the little girl,
admiring her daisy chains. Her face shone like the sun.

Then the angels put their arms around her, picked her up
and carried her to her wheelchair. She did not seem to mind.
The soul lay down gently and snuggled back into her human
body, which had remained sleeping all this time.

As suddenly as they came, the angels left and the light was
gone. The little girl moved in her wheelchair. I nearly fell over
myself as I was released and able to move again. Everything
around me came back to life. I could hear the birds, feel the
breeze and see the people. As I walked away from the little girl
in the wheelchair, I looked over at her mother and thought to
myself, how blessed she was to have such a pure soul in their
family.

Towards the end of his life, Joe found it hard to remember
where or who he was. He didn't always recognise me or his
children. Fortunately, the children never seemed to notice
this. I used to sit and talk to him a lot, reminiscing, trying to
help him to remember. I desperately wanted him to be with us
fully for as long as was possible.

Almost every morning I would go down to the town – there
was always something that was needed – and when I got home,
the first thing I always did was peep in at Joe in bed to make
sure he was all right. Then I would make tea for us both and
sit on the little stool by the bed, chatting.

One particular morning, we were sitting like this, chatting,
and Joe said, 'You know, Lorna, I have been lying here in this
bed since you left this morning, trying to remember things of
the past; about our lives and the children. It scares me
sometimes that I don't even recognise where I am.'

As always, there were a lot of angels around us. Suddenly all
the angels that were sitting on the bed disappeared, except
Joe's guardian angel, who remained. It was as if his guardian
angel was supporting him, as if there was no bed there at all,
even though Joe was lying down in it. Joe was a little confused.
'Hold my hand,' I said, 'and I will help you to remember.'

Joe's guardian angel supported him from behind and lifted a
hand above him, pouring the light of memory into him. This
light, a white substance like whipped cream with silver sparks,
appeared to come from his guardian angel's hand and entered
the top of Joe's head. It continued to flow, never stopping until
we had finished talking.

We reminisced and I was thrilled at the things Joe remembered
as we sat there. He talked about our son Owen's Holy
Communion day, and how he used his communion money to
buy a new pair of football boots. Up until then, Owen, who
loved football, had always had hand-me-down boots; this
was the first time he had had a new pair. Joe laughed about
how Owen had tried on one pair after another, looking at the
price and eventually making his decision. He was so proud
of them.

Joe's eyes filled with tears of happiness at the memory.

Joe had always been nervous about my relationship with the
angels; even though I had shared much of it with him, he was
still afraid they would take me away. He felt more vulnerable
because he was ill. Sometimes he would get anxious knowing
that someone was coming to see me – especially when he was
feeling particularly sick or weak. Sometimes he'd say things
like, 'They are taking you away from me. I need you more than
they do.' My heart used to go out to him, but I knew I had to
do what I had to do.

I remember one particular man and his wife who came to see
me because she was dying, and they were desperate. He so
needed his wife to live, but his wife was reconciled to the fact
that she wouldn't and instead felt a need to grow spiritually.
They used to come quite often, sometimes unexpectedly. Joe
found this very hard and he would say to me, 'I'm dying too.'
Although he said it, I'm not entirely sure he believed it; Joe
didn't really accept that he would die shortly. That's not
uncommon.

As time went on, conventional medicine could do no more
for this woman than control her pain, and she, like many
others, turned to alternative spiritual routes.With the support
of her doctors she travelled to Brazil. I knew it would be her
last journey, and that while it would take a lot out of her
physically, it was very important for her spirit. Sometimes
people who know they are dying want to learn more of their
soul's journey because it helps them to understand death
better.

Her time in Brazil was brief, but important, and when she
came back, very weak from the physical effort, the first person
she visited was me. She came to tell me about all that happened
over there and to get further help for her spiritual journey. Her
husband sat beside me in the kitchen as she talked, telling me
everything. At one stage she told him to shut up and not to
interrupt. She was desperate to tell me everything herself, to be
healed so that she could die in peace. When she left I hugged
her, knowing I wouldn't see her again. As she went down the
steps, I saw a beam of light – her soul turned to look at me and
I saw a perfect soul. She went home and went to bed, and never
got out of it again.

The angels were telling me that time was really short for Joe
and I was constantly giving out to the angels for telling me
things I really didn't want to hear. One day I was coming out
of a shop carrying groceries when an angel appeared in front
of me, surrounded by birds. 'Go away!' I said.

The angel disappeared, but the birds did not. There were all
kinds of birds: sparrows, robins, blackbirds and bigger birds
such as jackdaws and crows. They flew around me, their wings
almost touching me. I reached out to push them away with my
hands and eventually they flew away. Now I call that particular
angel the 'Bird Angel'.

The Bird Angel was beautiful: extremely tall and elegant and
dressed in white with long sleeves that were cut at angles with
a golden sash around the waist and he wore a V-shaped
necklace with a large green sapphire – about two inches thick,
dangling from the point. His face was gold and his eyes white.
He only appeared a handful of times, but each time before I
saw him a lot of birds of all sizes would surround me and come
up close to me.

When he could, Joe loved to come and sit by the fire for a
little while and he would sometimes struggle, with my help, to
walk as far as the front gate. One evening, as soon as we got
outside the house birds came from everywhere and flew
around his feet, picking at the stones, and some landed on the
gate and started to clean their feathers.

'Where are all the birds coming from?' Joe asked. 'I've never
seen so many together.'

I pointed. 'They are here because the Bird Angel is standing
a little distance from us,' I told him. Joe couldn't see him, of
course, but his eyes lit up. He gave me a big smile and said, 'I
like the Bird Angel.' Then we turned around and walked back
into the house.

We talked about whether Joe should go into hospital or
stay at home. He said it would be easier on me and the
children if he was in hospital and died there, that he didn't
want to be a burden. I would say to him, 'No, Joe, you are not
a burden. I love you and so do your children. We don't want
you to die in hospital.We want you to stay here at home with
us.'

A few days before Joe died, the doctor called around lunchtime
and told him that maybe it was time he went into hospital.
I asked the doctor, 'If Joe goes into hospital now, what chance
will he have of coming back home?'

'It's more than likely he'll never come back home,' the doctor
replied.

Joe and I looked at each other and we both said, 'No'
simultaneously. Joe told the doctor we had talked about him
dying at home and I added, 'We have made our decision.'

Looking at the doctor standing at the end of the bed, I could
see his compassion and understanding. 'Call me any time day
or night. The time doesn't matter,' he said.

The next day Joe told me he would love a pork steak for
dinner, so off I went down to Jim the butcher's and asked him
for a pork steak. He knew Joe was sick and said, 'Sorry, I
haven't any.' He went out the back and when he returned he
said he would have pork steak the next day.

That evening Joe said he would like a little walk, so I helped
him out as far as the gate. It was a bright night with lots of stars
in the sky, but very cool. As we stood by the gate the Bird
Angel appeared again, standing to the left of the lamp post on
the green opposite the house. Joe rested, leaning on the gate
for support.

'It's a beautiful evening,' he said.

I turned to look at the lamp post again and the Bird Angel
was gone. A flash of light in the night sky to my right caught
my attention. 'Joe, look!' I said.

Joe turned around to look in the direction of the house. A
beautiful white bird flew out of the darkness towards us,
growing brighter and becoming clearer as it got closer. The
bird was flying low, growing bigger by the second, it was
bright white and enormous and we could see all its feathers. It
was a magnificent bird.

'It's a white owl!' Joe exclaimed.

We thought it was going to hit us and ducked as the owl flew
over our heads and straight into the light surrounding the
street lamp. The street light was extremely bright, now – when
I think about it I realise it was unusually so. We could see the
owl clearly as it flew through the light. Then it disappeared.

'That was a magnificent sight to see!' Joe said in astonishment.
'That owl was so big and so white. Where did it go? It
disappeared as it flew into the light, it was as if there was an
explosion of light and then it vanished.'

I smiled at Joe and told him that earlier, when we were
coming out, I had seen the Bird Angel standing at the lamp and
that it had turned itself into the white owl so that Joe could
see it.

We had been out there longer than normal and Joe's legs
were trembling. I helped him to the house and back to bed. I
brought him a cup of tea and he told me to sit down beside
him; he had something to tell me.

He opened the bedside dresser, took out an envelope and
handed it to me saying, 'This is for your birthday. Tomorrow
is a special day for you and Ruth. It's both of your birthdays.'

I looked at it in confusion.

'Open it!' he said.

I couldn't believe my eyes. Inside the envelope there was a
hundred pounds!

'Joe, where did you get this from?'

Joe told me that he had been saving for a long time.

'I never told you, Lorna, but sometimes when visitors came
they insisted on leaving me some money for cigarettes. I have
been saving it up. I want you both to go into Dublin, have a
meal out and buy that ring I promised you so long ago.'

Of course Joe meant the ring to replace my engagement
ring, which had been stolen from the pawnbrokers. He had
promised he would buy me another one and now he was doing
so but in what circumstances! For about six weeks Joe had
been saying that he would try to stay alive for our birthdays,
now I knew one of the reasons why.

I gave Joe a big hug and a kiss and I went up to Ruth's
bedroom and told her that we would be going into Dublin in
the morning for a treat to celebrate her sixteenth birthday, and
I was to buy a ring. Ruth ran into her Dad's bedroom and gave
him a big hug and a kiss, too.

Next morning, Ruth and I caught the bus into Dublin. We
walked the legs off ourselves but eventually found the sort of
ring I was looking for in a little jeweller on O'Connell Street,
and then we went for lunch. Sitting at the table, Ruth and I
talked; she was planning to go away for the weekend that
evening with her friend's parents and family.

'Mum, do you think it's okay for me to go away for the
weekend? I am really looking forward to it, but I'm worried
about Dad.'

'Go away and have a wonderful weekend,' I said. 'We won't
say anything to your Dad about your going away, because it'll
only worry and confuse him.'

We had a great time that day, but I was very anxious about
Joe and kept stopping to phone home and make sure he was
okay. Fortunately, the phone was beside his bed.

While we were out, something wonderful happened that I
was told of later. Megan, who was four, went in to talk to her
dad, as she did frequently. She used to sit beside him on the
bed and he would read to her or she would draw pictures as
she sat on the floor beside him. That day she told him to 'come
and play with me' – the same words she had used when she had
appeared to him before she was born. She was very insistent
that he come and push her on the swing. From somewhere, it
can only have been God and the angels, Joe was given the
energy to get up and get dressed (something he hadn't done for
weeks) and go out and push her on the swing. Christopher was
there, keeping an eye on both of them, and he couldn't believe
what he was seeing. Megan and Joe laughed and played on the
swing for ten minutes and then Joe went back to bed.

When we got back to Maynooth I called into Jim the
butcher's for the pork steak.When I offered to pay he said, 'It's
on the house! Tell Joe I was asking for him.' I thanked him and
Ruth and I hurried home.

That evening the house was crowded with angels. The fire
was lit in the front room and I moved from one room to
another as I cooked the pork steak, potatoes, vegetables and
gravy. We sat around the coffee table by the fire having our
dinner and celebrating our birthdays. Joe hardly ate anything.
He said he had been looking forward to the taste of the pork
steak, but all he could manage was a tiny bit. He noticed Ruth
getting ready to go out and kept on asking Ruth where she was
going. She told him she was going to visit a friend but he was
very confused.

While Ruth was in the kitchen getting ready to leave she
said, 'Mum, do you think Dad will be okay?'

'Your dad would want you to enjoy yourself on your
birthday. Off you go and if anything happens I will call you
straight away,' I replied.

Ruth ran back in to her dad, gave him a kiss and said
goodbye. Her brother Christopher came home, helped himself
to dinner and joined us in the front room by the fire. He sat and
talked with his dad as he had dinner and then gave Joe a big
hug and said he would be back later.

When I was alone in the room with Joe he said, 'You know
it has been very hard for me to stay alive for your birthday.'

'I know,' I said. 'Thank you, it's the best birthday present
I could have. And I love the ring. What more could I ask
for?'