Angels of Humility: A Novel (35 page)

“You just need one drink to help you relax. Your muscles are tight; you’re tense. Too much pressure, too much stress,” whispered Manipulation.

Paul looked up and down the street. It was pretty much deserted.
Who would know me here anyway? No one
.

Saldu knew the stakes were high tonight. He prayed, he rebuked the warfare, and he cried out for mercy, but he knew in the end it all came down to Paul’s choices. Saldu got out and stood between the bar and Paul’s car. He pulled his flaming sword and held it with two hands high above his head and listened to his instructions from the open Heaven above. The jewels on the sword’s handle glistened, reflecting the flickering flames.

As Paul got out of the car, Saldu plunged the tip of the blade into the street directly in front of Paul. “It’s the flaming sword of the Lord, Paul, to divide between what is and isn’t Him in your life. Don’t walk out of its protective boundary. I can’t help you if you do.” Saldu’s eyes were blazing like fire with a severity that implied it was time to make a serious choice.

“Don’t walk away from the protection of Father who loves you so much. Your life and ministry are just beginning. He has wonderful plans for you, Paul. Don’t be deceived. Do what you know in your heart is right. DO THE RIGHT THING!”

Although Paul couldn’t see the sword or Saldu; he hesitated, sensing in his spirit that a decision needed to be made and that the stakes were extremely high.

What am I doing at a bar? I can find someplace else to let off some steam. He started to turn back toward the car. Immediately he was distracted by a spirit of Addiction that materialized on his shoulder, “One little drink can’t hurt anything. It will just help you to relax and see things a little more clearly. Then you can go home and apologize. By then Kathy will have cooled off, too. She probably doesn’t want you home right now anyway. When you wake up tomorrow, it’s a new day. Then you two can start planning your new future together. What can one drink hurt?”

Yeah, what can one drink hurt? I can get back on the straight and narrow tomorrow. Besides, I had professors in seminary that drank
. Paul stepped through the unseen sword, crossed the street, and pushed open the door to the smoky bar. Saldu sheathed his sword and looked toward the heavens, awaiting instructions he knew were coming.

Paul emerged an hour later and walked unsteadily toward the car. One drink “just to relax” had turned into several, which had turned into far too many. His evil alliance had persuaded him he was invincible.

With the help of his spirits, Paul was able to stay between the lines driving back to Bradbury. When he arrived at the city limits, instead of going home, he listened to the spirits’ suggestion that he drive by the jail. He parked in the lot and glared at the big building. To him it represented his failures and seemed to taunt him. He felt impotent, weak, and powerless. He squeezed the steering wheel.
This should be my ground for my church. If Sarah weren’t so money-hungry it would have been. I can’t believe she thinks I should work here. Doesn’t she ever give up? I hate this place and everything it represents. I don’t want to work with these losers. I didn’t earn a seminary degree to work with common criminals at some jail. Anyone who knows John 3:16 can do that! I was meant for bigger and better things. I wouldn’t work here if it were the last job on earth. I wouldn’t even work here if God Himself told me to
.

Saldu wept.

The powerful, gargoyle-like spirit of Death entered the car and fixed his scaly, dark eyes on Paul. “It’s time to head for home, Paul. You’ll feel better in the morning.” Clutched in Death’s embrace, Paul turned the ignition. Death sneered at Saldu and dug one talon firmly into the side of Paul’s head. His blood red fangs appeared as he smiled at the other demons. “I’ve got orders. Tonight is Paul’s night!”

The spirits danced, shrieked, and taunted Saldu with their mocking laughter.

“We’re going to take him out, and you can’t stop us.”

“We’ve won this one. He’s as good as dead.”

“You can’t intervene unless he repents, and his heart is as hard and as cold as a stone.”

With no demonic assistance driving this time, Paul veered wildly down the road. When he reached the same stretch of road where Sarah had almost lost her life, the demons sprang into action. The gravel crunched under the right front tire as the car veered onto the shoulder. In his impaired state Paul overcorrected and shot across both lanes. He hadn’t buckled up. Saldu would have normally reminded him, but not tonight—by Paul’s own choice, he was on his own.

Saldu remained seated as the car headed over the steep bank. Paul screamed out in terror and spread his arms to brace himself. A kaleidoscope of scenes from his life flashed in slow motion through his mind—his mother and father, his wedding day, his ordination, Jordan’s birth, and the last ugly words he yelled at Kathy.

“Oh, God,” he screamed, but not as a prayer.

“It’s too late,” roared Death as he grabbed Paul’s head and smashed it against the window on the second roll over. The scent of fresh blood caused the demons to salivate.

Saldu gathered Paul’s spirit as the car came to its final resting place—on its roof, in the creek. Though the demons could not claim his spirit—it was eternally redeemed by Jesus—they rejoiced over and danced on his bloodied, lifeless body.

“We did it. The proud ones are always the easiest,” shouted Self-Adulation.

“We cut his life short by half a century, at least!” said Addiction.

“We don’t have to worry about his ministry any more. If he had lived and followed the plan, he would have been major trouble for us,” said Manipulation.

Deception grinned, “It was no secret he had a strong calling on his life—”

“They all do,” interrupted Death, “they just don’t realize it.”

The spirits continued celebrating Paul’s wasted potential, potential that would never mature and assault their kingdom. They especially rejoiced in the knowledge that they had caused great sorrow in the God-head over the premature death of their loved one.

Paul could see his body in the upside-down car and immediately knew what had happened.
³
Although he struggled frantically, he could not escape Saldu’s gentle, but strong embrace. Grief and dread flooded his mind and soul. “No, no, wait. I’m too young to die. I have a wife. This can’t be happening. Please God, No, NO! I have a son.” Panic flooded over him like a tidal wave. “I can’t go yet; it’s not my time. It can’t be my time. I’m too young. Send me back; send me back. I can’t go now! This is a nightmare.

I’ve got to wake up! HELP ME, HELP ME!” Saldu didn’t answer; he just followed protocol, turned his face toward the celestial city, and lifted off the earth.

The death of God’s committed saints is always a joyful time for the guardian angels who, of course, love their charges very deeply. But as Saldu carried Paul, he shuddered for what he knew was ahead—the test of fire.

Saldu had seen the agony and regret too many times before, and he was aware of Paul’s unrepented sin—lack of humility, great ambition, unforgiveness, and his tendency to pass judgment, among other things. Saldu had been working with him for years to develop a Christlike character focused on others’ needs.

Rebellion and wasted potential. Wasted opportunities, wasted days, weeks, and months have all added up to a wasted life. There was so much more that God had for him
. Saldu knew great regret and emotional pain was ahead.
God’s mercy is so great, but at the evaluation, before He wipes away every tear, well, this will be brutal. When he sees the Lord’s burning heart of love toward him and His eyes overflowing with affection just for him, he will indeed suffer a tragic type of loss
.

Saldu’s strong wings propelled them closer to the celestial city. Paul was fully conscious and could see a bright light, brighter than earthly words could adequately describe. It was brighter than 10,000 suns, and it seemed to be coming toward him at the speed of light. It beckoned to him and welcomed him. Even though he knew it was home, and he longed to be there, already a wave of remorse washed over him and a deep sense of regret consumed him. He was drawn to the city, but the closer they got, the more repulsed he was by his sin.

As they arrived, all Paul could see was brilliant, blinding red. Saldu escorted him to the edge of a massive fountain with thousands of jets shooting columns of crimson liquid high into the air. The massive fountain obscured everything, and it seemed to go for miles high and wide—Paul could see nothing else.

He had lost his robe of humility at seminary, and his robe of righteousness was filthy and torn. He intuitively entered the fountain, and his spirit was clothed with his new heavenly body. As the blood washed over him, it
left behind a golden celestial glow, not a red stain. He looked in amazement at his hands, arms, and feet. He felt as light as a feather and was now wearing a dazzling robe of light. But the awe of the incredible spiritual transformation was swallowed up in a very real, overpowering sense of dread unlike anything he’d ever felt.

When Paul stepped out of the other side of the fountain, he saw Jesus, in His indescribable splendor, waiting for him. He was dazzling, holy, and radiant. His beauty was unspeakable. Love emanated from Him and glory swirled around Him. His fiery eyes of love looked directly at Paul, penetrating every cell of his being. Paul had never felt love like this before. His whole body was alive and energized in Jesus’ presence. Every cell of Paul’s new being loved and adored the beauty of Jesus, yet his first response was to look away—to the side, to the ground, anywhere except into those loving, penetrating eyes. In the midst of this true, true love, he was overcome with sweltering shame. Surrounded by beauty and pure love, for which he was created, all he could think was, I
don’t deserve to be here. I wish the ground would open up and swallow me
.

Paul could feel power emanating from Jesus as He ran and embraced him. His deep, tender voice enveloped his whole being. “Oh, Paul, I love you.”

Paul felt full of shame over the eternal consequences of his sin. Unable to look into Jesus’ eyes, he buried his face into the brilliant robe. “I’ve got to go back; I’ve got to go back,” whispered Paul as he sobbed, “What about my wife? I can’t be here yet!” Jesus’ great love overwhelmed him.

“I know, I know,” a tear runs down Jesus’ cheek. “It’s too soon. It’s too soon, Paul.”

Paul took a step back and looked desperately, pleadingly at Jesus, “Send me back, please, just send me back.”

“I can’t Paul. I can’t.” Paul could feel the Lord’s grief on top of his own. He was unable to stand under the weight of it. He collapsed again into Jesus’ arms. Paul could feel the Lord’s heart beating. His heart was not synchronized with it. With each beat, he could feel the Lord’s anguish. Paul was crushed by the Lord’s grief and great disappointment at his early arrival.

“Oh, Paul,” said Jesus, rocking him from side to side, “I had such a great destiny planned, such a great calling for your life. You’re here so early. But oh, Paul, I love you.”

He felt waves of unconditional love and glory washing over him.

“I had so much ahead for you, but you didn’t listen to Me. You felt My promptings. You heard My voice,” said Jesus as the tears rolled down His face.

When Paul saw the Lord’s tears, he was crushed again; more waves of shame and grief overwhelmed him. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he sobbed repeatedly. “I’m sorry. Can I go back? Can I do it again?”

“No, it’s too late Paul. Your earthly life is over.” The finality in Jesus’ voice wreaked anguish in Paul’s heart.

“You can send me back; just raise me from the dead.”

“Paul, I’m sorry. Your sinful choices overruled My perfect plan, and your choice is final. Your life on earth is really over. You made room for the enemy to enter. It’s a tragedy for you, for My Father’s Kingdom, for Me and for those on earth who love you. This was not Our plan.”

Paul fell to the Lord’s feet sobbing and frantic. With great tenderness Jesus picked him up and embraced him again.