Anita Blake 23 - Jason (11 page)

“Micah is smaller than you and he’s an alpha.”

“Yeah, but he’s way more ruthless than I am. He’s more like you. You’ll both just kill people if they threaten you or your people. I won’t go for the kill unless I have to; that makes me not a threat.”

J.J. looked from one to the other of us. “Are you serious about the killing part?”

Jason and I exchanged a look. I don’t know what we would have said, because Nathaniel said, “I think that look in Jade’s eyes is why I liked being tied up with her in the bed.”

That made us all look at him, which was probably what he’d planned. He was distracting J.J. from the fact that she could know most of our sex secrets, but the violence part . . . she was too much a civilian to know that part.

“You know that Jade is dangerous, so it gives you a kick to be tied up and at her mercy?” I asked.

He nodded. “Asher thinks she’s the perfect victim and would love to have her in the dungeon, but I think he’s wrong. I think that under the right circumstances, Jade would be incredibly dangerous.” He gave a little cuddling shiver, and I felt his body begin to react where it had been pressed inert against the back of my body. The thought of how dangerous she might be excited him. I loved Nathaniel more than almost anyone, but there were moments, like this, when I didn’t understand him. I liked the pretend of danger in bondage with people I trusted utterly; yes, I pushed the edge, but not like Nathaniel did. He liked real danger when he could get it, and thanks to being a wereleopard, he healed almost anything, emphasis on the “almost.”

“And you like that?” Jason said.

“You know I do,” Nathaniel said.

Jason shook his head. “Raina cured me of ever letting another wereanimal tie me down and have their way with me.”

I felt stupid and slow; I’d forgotten how Jason became a werewolf. Raina, the now-dead alpha female of the local pack, their lupa, had tied him up, had sex with him, and shifted to wolf-woman form on top of him, and he’d been fine with that, but then she’d used claws and teeth on him. I’d shared that memory thanks to Raina’s ghost, and I knew that she hadn’t cared if Jason lived or died. It had all been about her pleasure in that moment. She’d been a true sexual sadist, and where she had no conscience a pure sociopath, but like most sociopaths I knew, there were places where she cared; she just never seemed to give a damn for her lovers.

“Raina went farther than even I wanted to go,” Nathaniel said, and he held me closer. I remembered him telling me that she’d done what would have amounted to a snuff film if he’d been human. He’d agreed to what she did, but hadn’t understood that some fantasies are never, ever meant to be real—not if you want to live and stay sane.

“I’m sorry, Jason, I forgot how you became a werewolf. Will watching Nathaniel be tied up while Jade plays with him be like a triggering event for the memory?” I asked.

J.J. hugged his arms tighter around her. “I still can’t believe that she did that to you. She was like a serial killer.”

I gave points to both of them that Jason had shared the story with J.J. and that she had been sympathetic and not blamed the victim for the kinky sex.

Jason looked at Nathaniel. “Doesn’t it bother you to be tied up and at the mercy of another female wereanimal, after what I know she did to you, too?”

“I enjoyed most of what she did more than you did. I still miss Gabriel and her sometimes.”

Jason shuddered and held J.J. tighter. “I don’t miss either of them.”

If J.J. hadn’t been in the room I would have said,
And I don’t regret killing either of them
, but I didn’t want to bring up the killing thing again. The police actually knew that I’d killed them in self-defense after they’d kidnapped me and tried to make me star in one of Raina’s real-life snuff films. They’d also tried to kill Jean-Claude and Richard off camera. No, I had no regrets about their deaths, nope, none. My conscience was so clean on that one that it was shiny.

“I like being tied up for Anita and Jade, and it’s helping her gain more confidence,” Nathaniel said.

“Would you let Jade tie you up, just you and her?” Jason asked.

“She wouldn’t want that, to be alone with just me, but no, I wouldn’t.”

“You think she’d really hurt you if I wasn’t there?” I asked.

“I don’t believe that Jade would ever hurt me, not really, but the men she sees as a threat, if they stepped over the line, she might kill first and ask your forgiveness later.”

“Agreed,” Jason said.

I looked from one to the other of them. “How did I miss this?”

“Jade wanted you to miss it,” Jason said.

“Is she dangerous to me?” J.J. asked.

He hugged and kissed her. “No, if I thought she was I wouldn’t have brought you here.”

“I’d still rather have you in the room with us, just in case,” she said.

“Me, too,” he said.

“Who gets to negotiate with Jade about extra men in the room?” I asked.

Everyone looked at me. “Why me?” I said, and even to me it sounded whiny.

“You’re her master,” Jason said.

“You rescued her from hundreds of years of torment; it makes her trust you above everyone,” Nathaniel said.

Both excellent points, so I went off to negotiate with a beautiful weretiger about bringing another woman into our bed for a girly three-way, and oh, by the way, I was throwing in Nathaniel, Jason, and honestly if I could manage it, Domino. I wasn’t sure how J.J. would feel about that last addition, but I’d try for it, for my own comfort level. I wasn’t homophobic, but I was confused about women. I’d always thought being a lesbian must be easier, because you were a girl dating girls, so you had a leg up on understanding each other. Nope, didn’t work that way, not at all. Dating a woman wasn’t that much different from dating men, except I sort of understood how to date men. Women confused me, or this woman did. She was like a field of emotional land mines that I didn’t know how to avoid. Were all women like this? Was this how my men felt about me? God, I hoped not.

J
ADE WANTED TO
try oral sex with J.J. and me, but she didn’t see the need for any men joining us. I stood firm. She cried, told me I didn’t love her. I let the emotional storm wash over. When I didn’t give in, she did. So I would spend J.J.’s second night in St. Louis with the most women I’d ever voluntarily allowed in a bed with me. Jinkies.

Jean-Claude gave us permission to use the big bed in his bedroom. We’d coined the term “orgy-sized” for the custom-made bed. It was a heavy four-poster with attachment points here and there for chains and rope. It was really the only bed big enough to hold everybody, if by some miracle J.J. and Jade both got comfortable enough to allow everyone on the bed. That was a big
if
, but I planned my sex like I planned my vampire hunts. Plan for every eventuality: It keeps you alive when chasing rogue vampires, and it keeps your relationships alive after the big bondage sex scene.

The bedspread, bed drapes, and pillows all changed periodically. Today the bedspread was white with black and red pillows piled at the headboard, and curtains of red and black with white gauze in between. There was even a coverlet at the foot of the bed in red and black with a center flower of white. I’d thought it was a dogwood blossom when I first saw it, but it was a stylized rose, I was told. It was beautiful, whatever it was supposed to be.

I sat in the mounded pillows with Jade curled beside me. We were sitting above the ropes that held Nathaniel spread-eagled on the bed. Yes, the bed was that big, so that there was still room between the ropes that held his arms for the two of us to sit together and not touch the bindings, or Nathaniel’s arms. When he’d been tied in place, I’d watched his eyes, saw the peacefulness that filled them just by being bound, “helpless.” The rope was woven hemp dyed black, very stark against the white bedspread. He was the only one who was nude yet, that beautiful body spread and held on the bed, waiting for what we’d negotiated. We’d undone his ankle-length auburn hair and spread it out like a silken pool underneath and around his body like a red and chestnut halo; it looked more red than normal against the white of the cover. We probably should have taken the bedspread off and gotten to sheets before we tied him in place, because the chances were good we’d ruin the white cover before the night was over; some things even a good dry cleaner can’t clean off.

Jade was wearing a red silk nightie that was almost identical to the second blue one that J.J. was wearing. Apparently she liked blue lingerie. I’d changed to a black one myself; the teddy had been a little too see-through for the night as planned. I’d agreed to have sex, so the lingerie would be disappearing at some point and there’d be a lot of naked going on, so it seemed a little silly to not want to wear something sheer to start with, but sometimes it’s not about logic, it’s about feeling comfortable in the moment. I needed all the comfort I could get tonight.

Jade’s hair fell to her waist like shining black water, startling against the scarlet of her lingerie. It clung over her small, tight breasts and the cool air made the nipples stand out starkly against the cloth. She was already holding my hand. Her nail polish was black, mine was red; we both had lipstick as red as the silk on her and in the pillows behind us, so that we looked like we’d matched everything on purpose. Her large, uptilted eyes were the color of orange and yellow fire. It was the mark of the black tiger clan to have flame-colored eyes. The red of the silk brought out the red hidden in her eyes, so that they looked utterly inhuman and amazing with the eyeliner like a black frame around all that color. I admit that I tried to see that look in her eyes that Jason and Nathaniel had talked about, which frightened one of them and excited the other, but she looked as she always looked to me, like a beautiful victim.

She was shorter than I was, more petite, so that when we stood she fitted under my arm like I did with most of the men in my life.

I ran my thumb over her knuckles over and over, to reassure us both. She liked to touch me, in some ways needed to touch me, but she was usually still when we touched, holding on, but not petting until sex started. I’d asked her about it once and been informed that her ex-master had liked her to hold on, but not to pet him, and I knew the kinds of things he’d done to teach her his rules. I’d broken her ties with him metaphysically, and my one regret was that I hadn’t hunted him down and killed him yet. We had other people hunting him now. I’d learned that when you’re king you can’t always go slaying the dragons, because if the king dies the kingdom needs a new king, and the next one may be a real bastard. I risked myself enough as a U.S. Marshal; I wasn’t allowed vendettas.

I stayed with Jade and kept her safe; that was my job. Hunting down her tormentor and killing his ass was left to guards who were also ancient vampires and knew him of old.

J.J. stood beside the bed holding Jason’s hand. “If I clapped my hands and made happy bat noises, would anyone get mad at me?” she asked.

He shook his head. “I wouldn’t, I’m just sad I’m only allowed to watch. I’m more exhibitionist than voyeur.”

She kissed his cheek. “I’m sorry, honeybunch.”

“I feel your pain,” Domino said from the other side of the bed.

J.J. had agreed that he could strip down to a pair of silken boxers similar to what Jason was wearing. It was fair in case either she or Jade relented and let me have my extra guy in the bed, or let each other have their lover. Jason’s silk was a blue that almost matched J.J.’s nightie; Domino’s was a red that matched Jade’s, since I’d bought both his and hers as a pair. Jean-Claude had helped me pick the color so that it was a perfect match of scarlets.

“I know you do, bro,” Jason said, and gave a fist bump to the air that Domino returned in the air on his side of the bed. I’d have traded places with either of them in a hot minute, so that I didn’t have to do this particular scene. In a way Jade topped from the bottom, which was a phrase to describe the way a submissive could control a relationship even though the dominant was supposed to be the one in control.

Technically, I should have been able to dictate to her that I wanted Jason in the bed, and she’d just have to deal, but the submissive had a full vote, and she’d said no. I had a full vote, too, and could have said,
Jason is in the bed or we’re done
, but I hadn’t. Why hadn’t I? Because I wasn’t sure whether I really wanted him in the bed with me as much as I just didn’t want J.J. and Jade there, and that was the truth. I was so far outside my comfort zone I couldn’t see it from the shore anymore. I felt lost at sea, but determined to weather the storm, even if it was a storm formed of soft flesh and silk. To do anything else would be cowardice, and I couldn’t do that, wouldn’t do that. I wouldn’t be a coward on something so important to this many people I valued, loved. This was too important for my issues to win. Either you work your issues, or they will work you. It wasn’t so much Jade topping from the bottom, it was me, my near-panic driving me forward and forcing me to face whatever the hell bothered me about extra women in the bed with me.

I sat there rubbing my thumb faster and faster across Jade’s knuckles as if her hand were a worry stone, and if I just petted hard enough I’d figure out what was wrong in my head to make me this uncomfortable.

I had female friends who were this afraid of multiple men in bed, as if more men equaled rape, but for me, men were like a security blanket. Women scared me, and I had no idea why. I just knew that I wouldn’t let this fear best me any more than I let fear of that noise in the dark keep me from going in gun ready, searching for the rogue vampire I knew was inside. All fear is the same no matter the cause of it; you conquer or are conquered by it. I wasn’t into losing, not even to myself, maybe especially to myself.

I told myself I could safe-word at any moment, and kept trying to rub a hole through Jade’s hand.

Jade leaned in and whispered, “Are you all right, Anita?”

Truth was, no, but out loud I said, “Sure.”

She gave me a look, and if we’d lowered our metaphysical shielding, she could have felt everything I was feeling, and I her, just like I could do with Domino, Jason, and Nathaniel. Jade was my black tiger to call, Domino was my white/black, Jason my wolf, and Nathaniel my leopard to call. They were my animals to call, my
Moítié Bête
; we all had to work at not sensing each other’s emotions.