Annihilate Me: Holiday Edition (10 page)

“Something’s
bound to happen.
 
But why is the
door closed?
 
Who closed it?”

“He
did.”

“So,
open it.
 
Send a message.”

She
flipped over the bed and opened the door wide.
 
“If I had a door stopper, I’d put it
there.”

“Does
he know anything about your potential deal with Wenn Publishing?”

“I
told him about it, but I never mentioned how much Blackwell said it might be
worth.
 
I think if I told him that I
might receive a five-million-dollar advance, he’d think that I was out of his
league.
 
That’s just who he is.
 
So, I told him that there was the
possibility of a publishing deal, which pleased him.
 
He told me that I deserved it.
 
He said that he was proud of me.”

“You’re
going to have to tell him at some point.”

“Only
if we’re intimate.
 
I owe him
nothing until then.
 
We’re still
‘dating,’ for God’s sake.
 
Neither
of us have used the words ‘boyfriend’ or ‘girlfriend.’
 
We don’t refer to ourselves as a
couple.
 
If I weren’t so insanely
attracted to him, I would have given up a month ago.
 
But he’s the total package.
 
He’s a sweet guy, great looking, a total
gentleman, but maybe a bit too well-mannered for his own good.”

“Have
you thought of making the first move?”

“No.
 
You know me—I won’t do that.
 
It’s on him.”

“So,
how long are you giving this?”

“If
something substantial hasn’t happened by New Year’s Eve, I’m done.
 
At that point, it will be time to just
be friends, and move on.
 
Maybe Alex
has a few friends he can introduce me to.
 
I’m ready to date someone seriously at this point.
 
None of this half-ass shit, regardless
of how great I think Tank is.”

“Have
you even talked to him about it?”

“What’s
to say?”

“Are
you joking?
 
At this point, you ask
him where you two stand.”

“I’m
used to the guy making that move.”

“And
where has that gotten you?
 
You
might have to make that move yourself if you want to be with him.
 
And what can it hurt?
 
If he’s not ready, you’ll have your
answer.
 
If he’s still freaked out
about being cheated on by his ex, then you part ways.
 
But at the very least, I’d have a
heart-to-heart with him, Lisa.
 
Find
out what he’s feeling.
 
Find out why
he goes hot and cold so often.
 
At
this point, you deserve to know.
 
You’ve been exclusive to him.
 
That’s going to end soon.
 
But for what it
’
s worth,
before it does, here’s my advice—talk to him.
 
Physically, Tank is a strong guy, but
maybe he was hurt worse than you think.
 
Maybe he’s more sensitive than he lets on.
 
Find out.”

“I
guess I have no choice.”

“I
don’t want you to lose him without at least talking to him about it.
 
Otherwise, all of these months will have
been for nothing.”

“I
hate confrontation.”

“It’s
not confrontation.
 
It’s
conversation.”

“All
right.
 
Let’s see how these next few
days go.
 
Maybe something will
happen.”

“Here’s
an idea.”

“I’ll
take whatever you’ve got.”

“Tonight,
when each of you are ready for bed?
 
Why not wear a sexy piece of lingerie, make sure the lights are on, and
give him a meaningful kiss before he goes to sleep?
 
Not on the cheek—on the lips.
 
And when you lean in to kiss him?
 
Put your hand on his chest.
 
Hold it there for a moment.
 
Look into his eyes.
 
Then see what happens.”

“What
if nothing happens?”

“Then
we’ll wait and see.”

“Until
when?”

“Christmas
Eve.
 
Maybe Christmas night.
 
Because if nothing happens if you do
that tonight, he’ll still be processing it.
 
He’ll still be thinking about it.
 
I can guarantee you that.
 
We’re only here for a few days.
 
If nothing happens?
 
You have that conversation with him when
you go home to New York.
 
As much as
I don’t want this to happen, I’m going to be honest with you, Lisa.
 
You might have to end it right there and
be a free agent.
 
You need to be
prepared for that.
 
You can always
spend New Year’s Eve with me and Alex.
 
You won’t spend it alone.”

Her
voice was thick when she said, “I don’t want to end it.”

“I
know you don’t.
 
I don’t want you
to, either.”

Still,
when she said it, she put her hands over her face, and I did what I could while
she took a deep breath and faced the limitations of the man she was with.
 
Either Tank could trust her, or he
couldn’t.
 
That wasn’t for me to
judge, because I’d never know how deeply he was hurt.
 
So, I sat beside her on the bed, put my
arm around her, and said, “You deserve someone who is ready for a
relationship.
 
If he isn’t, my best
advice is to move on.
 
Alex has many
single friends who are looking for someone special like you.
 
I’ll see to it that you meet some of
them.”

But
when she pulled her hands away from her face, I saw the grief in her eyes.
 
“I know you mean well, and I appreciate
that, but I want him.
 
I really
do.
 
When it’s good, it’s
great.
 
I just don’t know how to get
past whatever is holding us back.”

I
had to be truthful to her, so I said what I felt.
 
“At this point, it’s not up to you.
 
It’s up to him.
 
If he’s too damaged, you can’t change
that.
 
My best advice is to say
goodbye to him and move on.”

“You
make it sound easy.”

“It’s
not easy.
 
But most of life isn’t
easy.
 
Like moving away from our
parents, leaving behind our friends, and moving to Manhattan?
 
That wasn’t easy, and neither will this.
 
Still, you need to know where you stand
with him.
 
If at the very least, for
your own sake.”

CHAPTER TEN

Later
that afternoon, after Blackwell and Tank had returned from the local Hannaford,
I was able to steal away a moment with Alex, whom I’d barely seen since we’d
arrived.

“Walk
on the beach with me?” I asked.

“It’ll
be cold, but we’ll have our privacy.”

“I
just need to be with you.”

“And
I need to be with you.
 
I’m not sure
if this was the best idea, and that’s on me.”

“It
was a fine idea. What’s the holidays without a healthy shot of drama and dysfunction?
 
Everyone will pull it together.
 
Eventually, we’ll have fun.
 
You’ll see.
 
And if Blackwell blows it in the
kitchen, I have a backup plan.”

“What’s
that?”

“Christmas
dinner at the Crocker House.”

“I
haven’t been there in years, not since I was a kid.
 
I love that place.
 
I wonder if it’s the same?”

“It’s
still very good and very charming.
 
I was there last year.
 
Same
owner.
 
I talked with him, told him
the situation, and he said to call at three to let him know if we were on or
not.
 
That way, he’d be able to fill
our table should Blackwell come through with dinner.”

“You’re
a genius.”

“I
just want to eat something edible.”

“Let
me get your coat.”

He
went to the closet, pulled out my red cashmere overcoat, and helped me into
it.
 
Then he put on a black leather
bomber jacket that I thought looked especially hot on him, and we each put on
our gloves.

“Alex
and I are going to take a walk,” I called from the foyer.
 
“Just to enjoy the ocean.
 
We’ll be back shortly.”

“If
you see any trash, please pick it up,” Alexa said.
 
She was in the living room, sprawled out
on one of the sofas with an iPad in her hands.
 
“If you need a bag or something, I can
find you one.”

“Are
you fucking kidding me?” Daniella said from the other end of the sofa.
 
“They’re going for a walk.
 
They want some time alone together—and
who can blame them amidst this chaos?
 
Their walk isn’t about cleaning up the world, Alexa.
 
It’s about having a moment to
themselves.
 
God, you’re selfish.”

“Selfish?
 
I’m trying to save the planet, you piece
of shit.”

“Here’s
a better idea.
 
Start saving
yourself and get laid.
 
All of us
will be grateful for it.
 
It will
relax you.”

“Girls,”
Blackwell said from the kitchen.
 
“That’s it.”

“Sorry,”
Daniella said.
 

“What’s
gotten into you, anyway?”

“Her
boyfriend dumped her,” Alexa said.
 
“Turns out Mark wasn’t an idiot after all.
 
He got out while he could.”

“Fuck
you, Alexa.
 
I told you not to say
anything.”

“Time
to go,” I said to Alex, whose hand already was on the doorknob.
  
“We’ll see you later,” I said to
them.
 
And then, just as Blackwell came
into the living room and looked down at Daniella with concern, we got out, shut
the door behind us, reached for each other’s hand, and took the path down to
the beach.

“Poor
Barbara,” I said.

“They’re
a handful.”

“Maybe
we should rethink having children.
 
Those two make we want to adopt a kind-hearted thirty year old who already
is devoted to us and accomplished in his or her field.”

That
brought out his dimples.
 
“You
know,” he said, “that’s not such a bad idea.”

“Oh,
please,” I said.
 
“We’re so having
children.”

“A
brood of them.”

“Don’t
slip,” I said.
 
“It’s icy
here.”
 
We cut through a few trees,
and finally, there was the ocean before us, with the sun shining low upon
it.
 
“Look at it,” I said.
 
“Isn’t it beautiful?
 
And smell the air.
 
We need to come here more often.
 
I love it here.
 
Look how many shells there are on the
beach.
 
Did you ever come here
during the winter?”

We
started walking down the beach, the sand of which was so hard and flat, it was surprisingly
easy to walk upon.

“Once,
I think.
 
But I was really
young.
 
I barely remember it.
 
Mostly, we came during the
summers.”
 
He turned to me as if a
thought just occurred to him.
 
“Where are Lisa and Tank?”

I
shrugged.
 
“I don’t know.
 
I saw Tank come in with Barbara, but then
he disappeared.
 
Earlier, I had a
talk with Lisa about their relationship, and then I left her alone in her
bedroom to think about what she wants to do if it things don’t work out between
them.
 
At some point, Tank’s got to
make a move.
 
Lisa has tried in her
own way, but despite writing about zombies, she’s the romantic type.
 
She wants to be swept off her feet.
 
She’s given him three months to do so,
and I can tell you that she’s not going to wait for him forever.
 
In fact, she told me if he doesn’t make
some sort of effort soon, she’s out.”