Anywhere With You (30 page)

Dropping me to my feet, he grabs onto my shoulders and says in between coughs, “We’re going to have to climb down.” Shoving open the windows wider, he looks out craning his neck. Looking in different directions, I know he’s trying to gauge the best way to get down. Grabbing my hand, he pulls me toward the window. Terrified of heights, I dig my heels into the carpet to keep him from pulling me to my death. “Damn it Kenleigh! We don’t have time for this. We have to get out now!” He booms over the ear piercing screech of the smoke detectors.

Snatching me forward, placing me in front of him, he looks me in the eyes and says “You’re going to have to climb down the gutter, okay?”

“I can’t … I can’t do it. What if I fall? Where’s mom? I need mom!” I scream, shaking my head adamantly.

“She’s already down there waiting for us. Now, please, Kenleigh we have to go. I’ll be right behind you.” I watch as my father’s tears leave trails through the black marks on his face as he begs me to do what I was told.

“Okay,” I whisper. Edging my way closer to the window sill, my dad holds me around the waist as I lean out the window, grabbing onto the rain gutter that trails down the side of our summer lake house.

“Put your feet right there on the brackets. Good, just like that Kenleigh,” he says reassuringly, letting go of me. “Now go ahead and start climbing down. I have to wait until you’re at least half way down before I can climb out,” he adds.

Taking a deep breath, I can do this. I have to do this. Slowly, I begin descending down the gutter when I hear a pop. Looking up, it’s my dad making his way down too. I can feel the gutter loosening beneath my grip. The brackets begin unhinging themselves from the siding as another pop sounds out in the night. Quickening my pace, I jump the last couple of feet down, landing with a thud and falling back to land on my behind.

Before I know it, I’m being lifted off the ground only to be thrown over my dad’s shoulder again. Bouncing up and down from the movement of my father’s sprinting across our front yard, I breathe a sigh of relief knowing that we were all okay. Placing me on my feet, I can hear the loud screams of the fire trucks and ambulances just as my fathered screams, “FUCK!”

“What is it dad?” I ask, looking all around me to see what has made him react this way. My father doesn’t swear much, but when he does, you know something is seriously wrong. Cupping my face in his hands, I can see fear etched all over his face as he says, “Stay right here, Kenleigh. I have to go back in and get your mom, I guess she ran in when she realized it was taking us too long.”

My eyes widen in shock. “Daddy? No, you can’t be serious. You can’t go back in there.” I plead, my voice shaking along with my body. I can see our house. Flames are coming out of it in all directions.

“I have to. I have to go and get your mother,” he says, leaning down to kiss my forehead. “I love you Kenleigh,” he adds, turning away from me taking off in a sprint back toward our house.

I don’t want to believe what I’m thinking, but I could hear it in his voice when he said he loved me, it’s like he knew it was going to be the last time he ever said it. I stand by frozen in shock, watching his white T-shirt fly back from his body from the speed he’s running at. Lifting the collar of his shirt, he places it over his nose as his hands wave back forth trying to clear the smoke from in front his face as he enters the smoldering house.

Finally snapping out of my haze, I lurch forward trying to follow him as strong arms bound around my waist holding me back. “NO! DADDY DON’T GO! PLEASE! DADDY, PLEASE COME BACK! LET GO OF ME!” I scream at the top of my lungs as my body shakes violently from gut-wrenching sobs. I stand there helplessly as seconds turned into minutes, waiting for both of my parents to emerge from the inferno that is consuming the lake house we vacation at every summer.

The one thing that no one ever thinks will happen to them, is happening to me. I watch as plumes of smoke billow out of shattered windows. I watch as the flames grow higher, dancing across the roof. I watch as firefighters exhaust their efforts to put out the flames, but it is no use—I am twelve years old and just watched my parent’s die.

Five days later, sitting on my bed, at home, I hang my head as I clutch a picture of my parents to my chest. The pain in my heart feels like I’ve been stabbed a thousand times as I look at the happy family I no longer have. I ask the one question that I don’t want to ask.

“Am I going to have to move?” I ask around the lump that seems to stay in my throat these days. Tears fall like raindrops onto my knees as I wait for my aunt to answer me.

I don’t want to leave my home in Conroe, Texas. It’s the last thing I have left of my parents. There are so many happy memories here. Kneeling down in front of me, Aunt Brenda, my mom’s younger sister by two years who has been staying with me the past few days, envelops me in a hug. In a pained whisper, she says, “No honey, you’re not going to have to move. We’re going to live right here, in your house and you’ll still get to go to your school. I’m going to be the one taking care of you now. Nothing else will have to change for you.” Hugging her back, I cry like it was the day that I’d watched my parents die.

“I miss them so much,” I say brokenly as pain and loss spear straight through me to my heart.

“I know baby girl. I do too, but we’re going to get through this,” she whispers reassuringly, wiping back my bangs that are now glued to my tear stained face. I stare back into her sorrow filled eyes as she says, “We need to go now though, okay?” I can’t speak, so I nod instead. I don’t want to go to the funeral home. I don’t want any of this. I want everything to go back to normal. I want my parents back.

My movements are emotionless. I’m numb to the core, as tears of sorrow, loss, and longing stream down my face. My lower lip trembles as I stand here looking at the two closed caskets sitting side by side holding both my parents. I know they’re never coming back, but I can’t accept it—not yet anyways.

Resting a hand on each of their caskets, gruesome images flash before me as I recall everything that happened with the fire. If we hadn’t been so far out in the country, maybe the fire trucks could have gotten there sooner. Maybe if more neighbors had been paying attention, there would’ve been more people helping keep my mom and dad from going back in that house. Maybe if I would have just done what I was told, they would still be here—alive.

Pulling me out of reverie, I look up to my grief-stricken Aunt rubbing my shoulder trying to catch my attention. I know she’s saying something, I can see her lips moving, but I can’t hear her. I shake my head, trying not to think of the what-ifs, I catch the tail end of what she’s trying to say. “Kenleigh. Kenleigh, honey we have to go now. We have to go to the cemetery.”

Nodding, I look back at the caskets, knowing this will be the last time I see my parents. Slowly, I lean over placing a kiss on each of their caskets, I whisper brokenly, “I’m going to miss you so much. I love you.”