Apples (13 page)

But what did she know. As we stumbled onto the minibus, we sat towards the back and I rubbed my right hand – I’d swollen it from hitting him too hard, but mebbies my mind was exaggerating it. We didn’t talk much as the bus rushed down the street, but I think Claire was tired. I was still tripping slightly and I brought my knees up to my chest and I needed to get some kip. When I woke up I wasn’t totally sure what had gone on.

I spent the holiday in ward 9. I couldn’t eat any Christmas food til I came back from the dentist, and even then it didn’t taste good and I cried through the telly. For a bit my mouth was like a grand piano smashed, and once the front ones got capped it looked like a shitty tatty keyboard out of Music. I sat with my face in the curtains, getting lower and lower the more I thought about stuff. I pressed the neat blue stitches on my nose, then winced and wrapped myself in the bed sheets. I couldn’t sleep at all. The left eyelid was hanging off with the white bit all red and tender, and my jaw felt twice as big as I sat and watched the sun curve round the hospital. It was boring but I didn’t notice the days flying by – Christmas Day was the same as a Monday morning. Mum and Dad came now and then, and for Christmas they got me the fake Telecaster I’d seen in Cash Converters but it was at home and all they brought to the hospital for me was crackers and that. The jokes and the mottos were agonising.

‘Look what happens when you go picking fights,’ Dad said to me on the first day, but he really didn’t get it. I was too pained to explain. ‘You’re not as tough as you think.’

Well I was finding that out alright. I cried my eyes out at the dentist, the nerves all exposed like electric wire and them going mad carving my mouth out. It was sheer horror. I had to wait a couple of weeks to get the caps made, and until then I wasn’t eating any solids – the last day at the dentist was the last day shitting out water. Then there was a day or two of horrifying eye surgery, afterwards wearing a daft eye-patch like the saddest pirate on the seven seas.

When I got home I plugged the guitar in, but I wasn’t having any luck learning from the Beatles book – none of the happy songs made much sense to me anyway. Messing about with the amp you could get the fuzzy sound of ‘Revolution’ or ‘She Said She Said’, but god knows what the notes were – I knew what it felt like to be dead though. ‘Yer Blues’ was in constant rotation on the turntable, and I was certainly in my blue period.

I thought the Christmas disco had gone okay until Gary punched my lights out. Did I really dance with Eve? I’d been slurping so much anaesthetic I couldn’t remember any more what were dreams. At hospital all the nurses seemed more like skeletons in miniskirts than Benny Hill characters, and my interest in girls was dwindling. I wasn’t going to get close to any nice ladies with a face like a building site anyhow. All there was to do was sit around moping – it was actually a blessing that I didn’t have the guitar, since I was so shit at it and I didn’t want all the kids on the ward thinking I was a div. Ever since I got into the Beatles it was my dream to get good on an instrument, travel round the world, break loads of hearts, but all I could do was break my jaw on Brackenhoe car park. In hospital the obsessive-compulsiveness got worse – I went round shutting toilet doors and ward curtains millions of times. I was a nervy wreck. No one came to visit me at James Cook, except for Abi on Boxing Day and she brought with her a bunch of grapes. She’d been pretty caring since the accident, always phoning and gobbing on about Easterside and everything going on, and she kept my mind off things. She hadn’t seen Gaz since the disco, nor had she seen Burny or the Prick or anyone else for that matter. I hardly even saw a text off them.

‘So how you feeling anyways?’ Abi asked as she sat on the plastic grey chair. Since I’d been knocked out she tended to put on this cute annoying voice, and me being the paranoid type I always thought she was talking down to me. But she had such a mouth on her you never really had to say that much to her.

‘Okay, you know, not too bad,’ I replied, watching the silver winter light blast over her. ‘Have a good Christmas?’

‘Oh yeah, not bad. You’ll never guess what happened though … you know Linda, my cousin? Not on the Shannon side; the other side. Yeah well her and her boyfriend just got engaged. It’s mad, they’ve only known each other five minutes and that. We were thinking she’s got pregnant, you know, but like she’s a fat cow anyway so you’d never notice. So what did you get off Santa?’

‘Oh this and that. Money really,’ I said. I couldn’t be bothered bringing up the guitar or the amp getting all fuzzy-wuzzy – she’d only want to come round and have a listen.

‘Class, well we’ll have to go out again sometime soon. You can treat us,’ she laughed, but it wasn’t all that hilarious. I hadn’t really thought about going out ever again – after the mad disco violence it didn’t really seem like I was cut out for it. But Abi’s face was a floodlight, and she went, ‘We’ll get out of Easterside though. Town’s miles better – there’s always knobheads, but we’ll keep you out of trouble …’

I didn’t like Abi taking the mick, however Eve was always mouthing off about town with her mates and I really wanted to bump into her again. I was totally hung up about her – I imagine Gaz gave me a hiding because I was twirling about with her and being daft on the dancefloor, but when you’re laid in hospital with your face dropping off it’s not like things can get much worse. Eve was lovely. And now Abi was looking out for me, not that I needed a spic barbiedoll for a bodyguard. But she had been really good to me, and even if she was always talking down to me I would’ve gone mentally ill if she wasn’t around. We sat and chewed the grapes, her picking off the skins between her gnashers and looking about the place.

‘So when do you get out of here, then?’ she asked. The hospital was depressing as fuck, all mouldy green and white with metal and sad faces darting about the place, but Abi was my lucky mascot.

‘I dunno, a couple of days I suppose. I’ll be out in time for school, anyway.’

‘Aw, good. Bless you, chuck.’

I swallowed more grapes and I felt happyish. My parents wouldn’t be keen on letting me out the house again, but I was starting not to give a shit about them. If I wasn’t getting beaten up outdoors I was only getting beaten up indoors, and I had to make my own mistakes not stay wrapped in cotton wool all my life. Plus they’d started my pocket money again, probably out of sympathy for being a total failure, so it wasn’t all bad.

Me and Abi polished off the grapes, and she didn’t know how brilliant she was, taking me under her wing. I peeled back the covers, and I risked smiling even though it split my lips up. All of a sudden I didn’t have any stitches or cracked bones or dog muck for blood. The bed felt comfy and the mattress relaxed. Viva the señorita.

Get another one down your neck, Jenni said. She’d brought in loads of her sweeties from Christmas, and we sat scoffing them with the boys that breaktime. There was always that dull feeling being back at school after a good holiday, but it was great to see everyone again. Mam got me and my sisters a haircut at Toni+Guy for Christmas, and I came to school that day with gold blonde layers and super sculpting. I was straddling Matty Tyler and the bench, and I looked good. I wasn’t upset about Gary getting excluded – you hardly noticed as we all crowded in the circle shape. I took another piece of Dairy Milk and licked the heck out of it. I got laid a couple of times over Crimbo – me and Matty got busy on New Year’s Eve, but there’s always that slightly nervous feeling when you start doing it with someone new. I wasn’t sure if the butterflies were because I wanted to be with him, or because I didn’t want to be with him. I liked Rachel’s style – she still reckoned she wanted to be single, although she was quite wrapped up in Dan as we laid about the bench. Ever since the disco they’d been knocking around together loads, but the other night on the phone she said they were just mates. Perhaps they were just squeaking the bed. I played with my sharp fringe, wriggling on Matty’s knee – he was a great lad, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted the whole ordeal of dating and spending money and riding to Pallister Park every few days. All of that just for a boring Missionary. I told Debbie he was pretty uncreative in bed – I always liked him from English because he was the first lad to get stubble, but I figured I’d stop phoning him and get out of the relationship as quick as poss. It was hardly even a relationship – we wouldn’t talk much at school, and when he was round Matty only tended to say a few words before we got snogging and end up between the sheets. I wasn’t even paying much attention to him as the girls chattered round the circle.

So when’s your mam and dad leaving again? Jenni went, looking Rachel’s way. Jenni was trying to lose weight for the new year – that’s why we had so many sweets that breaktime. She wasn’t really that chubby – I thought she’d be better offfixing those wonky boobs, personally. But we stuffed our faces no matter what.

Dunno, about a month or two. Just before we go to Majorca, Rach replied, sucking and licking her way through a caramel finger and I laughed, thinking of Dan’s tail. For some reason me and Rachel could put anything in our mouths and not put on any weight.

But you’re defo having a party, though? I asked, raising an eyebrow. Rachel nodded, and I watched her stroke Danny’s arm under the white shirt sleeve. I was happy for them. Rachel’s parents were going to Antigua for a fortnight in March, and it was always a good laugh taking a load of drink and whatnot into someone’s house and being wallys. The last time we’d done that was round Fairhurst’s though, back when he touched Rachel’s tit and got dumped. Boys were dafties.

God, have you seen Adam! Matty said over my shoulder. The bell had gone for next lesson, and little Adam from Art came sauntering past with a huge red blotch where a fist had been. I hadn’t thought of him much since the disco, but I remember feeling awful when Gaz knocked him out. That night the MedusaHeads were insane, and as it was pills tended to blotch your memory up. A few people like Matty and Ste Barber and Jenni pointed and laughed, but I nearly welled up – us lot were sort of born on shooting stars and we didn’t even know it. Kids like Adam always tended to walk around with a sad face, like they hated the world and wanted to murder everyone. He wasn’t even that bad looks-wise, just a bit strange round the edges. I guessed I wouldn’t be seeing Matty again after all – as we walked separate ways to French and History, I realised he was shitty as everybody else. I liked Adam – we had a good time together on disco night. And lads were cunts – for example Claire Blame was huge now, there was only a couple of months left til the baby flew out and there was still no daddy. You can’t let boys take control of your life, but all the same you’ve got to have one. I almost chased after Adam as the corridor filled up, to say sorry about everything and for a few of us laughing. But he’d probably think I was taking the mick, and want to murder me.

I learnt a new word in French that day: l’hôpital. I’d hardly set foot in a hospital for ages, then all of a sudden Mam was getting chemotherapy and Claire was getting her baby pulled out. We went to visit them quite often – Claire wanted us to be there as soon as her waters broke. It was disgusting. Me and Jenni got a lift with Natasha, and you couldn’t look past the curtain when she was squeezing out the kid. I held Claire’s sweaty palm as she groaned and moaned – me and Jenni didn’t want to see her miaow all big and stretchy, and it totally put you off getting pregnant. The Baby Boy was beautiful though, and we helped Claire out with some homework while the baby hung in incubation. It was pretty obvious she’d be quitting school anyhow. Every three weeks we went with Mam for the chemo stuff – she said she didn’t want us nicking off lessons just to see her, but to be honest it was taking its toll on me going backwards and forwards to Brackenhoe to home to James Cook and back again. I was a dead girl walking. That evening I’d hardly stepped through the door when Laura and Natasha dragged me into the red Vauxhall, and we charged back towards Marton Road. Mam looked really gaunt in one of those greeny-white nighties, and her hair was fallen out and she was huffing and puffing. She reckoned she still felt the tumour, but I guessed the doctors knew what they were doing. They reckoned the chemotherapy was going quite positive. I didn’t cry when I saw her, but we were all shivery round the bed while she spluttered. We spent ages at l’hôpital feeling edgy. Some nights Mam was chirpy and some nights she was knackered – the night Claire went home with the baby was the night Mam could hardly speak, throwing up all the time and looking awful. Me and my sisters crept round the bed, watching her lay about like a shipwreck – eventually we had to leave her to it, and we walked back to the car park in complete silence. It was starting to dawn on us Mam might not live for ever. But we managed to look on the bright side, and Natasha drove us to KFC for a bucket full of spicy wings – we sucked it off our fingers while we shot towards South Bank. In a corny way Mam’s cancer made us think about our dad and what he was up to, and it really made you realise how precious your life is. I gazed out the window all the way there – Natasha was driving through the fog with her full-beams on, and it was the look of heaven outside. We liked the idea of surprising our dad, and he’d also want to know how Mam was doing. He wasn’t all cold-hearted although he was lazy (he wanted to collect the dole while Mam grafted at the Spacker School), and you’ve got to love your daddy. His new girlfriend had the look of Jo Guest but not half as sexy, and I think they copped off too soon after the divorce, though I wasn’t the suspicious type and I didn’t care what he did with his life. He had a Joint Claim now with the new bird.