Apprehension and Desire: A Tale of Pride and Prejudice (14 page)

He enclosed her hand in both of his. “As you wish. I will listen to you.”

Elizabeth freed her palm and stepped to the window, “I see our sisters coming back. We must postpone it.”

He walked to stand behind her. “I will find an opportunity for us to talk in private.”

She turned to him with a smile. “That may not be that easy. We were lucky today.”

Elizabeth stood in the corner of the spacious drawing room at Lucas Lodge, watching her sisters dance a Scottish dance while Mary accompanied them on the pianoforte. The evening had begun as a simple dinner party, but like every large gathering in the neighbourhood, it had evolved into a small ball.

Her feet itched to partake in the entertainment, but no one had asked her. She looked up at the tall man standing close beside her. Mr. Darcy could have asked her, but he had not, though she loved fast dances. He must have known how much she enjoyed them; he had stared at her often enough last autumn to notice. She was guessing that no other man dared approach her and ask her, when she had a dark, brooding shadow beside her for the entire evening.

Elizabeth knew that she still had to speak with Darcy about Mr. Bingley and the role he had played in the separation of his friend and Jane. Unlike the matter of Wickham, in this case, there could be no misjudgement on her part. Colonel Fitzwilliam had accidentally testified to Darcy’s involvement in the whole affair.

In the course of the last few days she had lacked the opportunity to have a serious conversation with Darcy. It required some time alone, so no one could interrupt or hear them. However, as she was putting much effort into becoming better acquainted with Georgiana, she had little time left to spend with her brother.

Elizabeth had to admit that Miss Darcy  was a lovely girl, sweet and unspoiled, adored her brother and wanted to please him. At the same time, Georgiana was shy and unsure of herself,   doubting her beauty and accomplishments. The way she spoke about Darcy was always with love and respect, rather as if he was the most important person in the world for her. Such great affection and attachment for her brother turned out to not be surprising at all when Elizabeth heard from the girl more of their family history.

Georgiana did not remember her mother, who had died when she had been just a year and a half old. Judging from what Georgiana said about her father, he had never recovered from his wife’s death, and passed away himself when she was eleven. It seemed that the girl had been mostly brought up by their housekeeper, Mrs. Reynolds, and a very busy brother, who had to compromise his own education to take care of the girl twelve years his junior and to run the large estate, plus attend other family business from a very early age.

After a few walks across the countryside with Georgiana, listening to her and asking questions, Elizabeth had developed a healthy dose of respect for Fitzwilliam Darcy. In some ways, it even began to flatter her that he had chosen her, Elizabeth Bennet, as his wife. Moreover, she understood better now why he was often so hard on the edges, serious and sober.

There were still two matters which she held against him; Jane and Bingley was one, and his general attitude towards her family and neighbours, the other. His behaviour could be called, at best,  unsocial, but in truth, he was simply plain rude most of the time, this evening being a prime example. Even when he did talk to someone, he found it necessary to show his condescending superiority at every word and gesture. He was kind only when he spoke to her.

Elizabeth was determined not to delay their conversation about Jane any longer, though she was aware it would not be a pleasant talk. As they were never truly alone these days, Elizabeth thought the best way to find some privacy would be ask him to meet her early in the morning in some secluded place.

The sound of  Kitty and Lydia’s laughter drew her attention; the girls had missed their steps and bumped into  each other. A loud, longing sigh escaped her.

Instantly, she felt his warm, big hand on the small of her back. “Tired, love?” he asked, so quietly that only she could hear.

“I wanted to dance this dance.”

There was a long silence, and his hand on her back stilled. “Do you not find it a bit childish?”

“No, I do not. I like to dance,” she argued. “You do not want to ask me, and no other men will do it because you are standing here like a hawk,” she added grudgingly.

His warm hand began stroking her back, up and down, from the uncovered skin of her shoulder blades to the base of her spine. “You might have told me you wanted to dance.”

She shrugged and said nothing.

Without a word, Darcy wrapped her hand around his arm and led them across the room to the corner where Mrs. Bennet sat together with her sister, Mrs. Philips.

He bowed. “Miss Elizabeth is in a need of fresh air. We will walk out on the terrace for a moment.” he announced, and without waiting for an answer, walked away.

“Will you tell me what is bothering you tonight?” he asked when they were outside.

She set her lips in a tight line, afraid to say too much at once, knowing it was neither the time, nor place for it.

He waited for her to answer, and when she did not, he pulled her to him, wrapping his arms tightly around her. She relaxed after a moment and allowed him to cradle her.

When she felt calmed enough, she raised her head from his chest. “Will you come tomorrow to the grove by the pond, the one I showed to Georgiana the other day?”

He searched her eyes. “Ah, yes.” he frowned, “You wanted to discuss something, but there has been no opportunity so far.”

She nodded. “At dawn?”

“As you wish, I will be there.”

He lowered his head, and kissed her gently, a light caress. She closed her eyes and allowed her head to rest back on his solid chest. It felt good to stand here, in his embrace, breathing the clear night air.

A few short minutes later, she heard her mother’s voice. “Lizzy? Where are you? Lizzy?”

Elizabeth stiffened instantly and stepped away. She hoped her mother had not seen too much, as it was dark on the terrace.

“Yes, Mama.” She cleared her throat, “We are here.”

“Ah,” Mrs. Bennet came from the shadows. “Here you are, Lizzy.”

The woman glanced at Darcy wearily, before placing her eyes on her daughter. “I think we should go now.” she said slowly.

“So early, Mama?” It was unusual of Mrs. Bennet to want to leave any party before others.

“Yeees.” the woman drawled, “I think that we are all tired tonight.”

“I will go call the carriage,” Darcy said formally and left the terrace.

Mrs. Bennet waited till he was gone and whispered. “Lizzy, are you well?”

Elizabeth was more than taken aback by the question. “Yes, Mama.”

The older woman hesitated. “I know he is rich, daughte,r but so... unwelcoming at the same time. Does he treat you right?”

Elizabeth’s heart melted. She knew how much her mother desired this match, and still she worried about her happiness. “Yes, Mama. You cannot imagine how kind he is when we are all alone. He does not enjoy large gatherings, like this, that is all.”

The woman nodded. “Yes, of course, your father does not like them either. Well, let us return, it is getting cold here.”

As they stepped inside, Mrs. Bennet added. “Perhaps Mr. Collins would have been better for you, Lizzy. Not so smart, perhaps, or rich, but certainly less... less...” the woman could not find the word.

Rude, condescending, arrogant. Elizabeth finished in her thoughts.

“All is well, Mama,” Elizabeth ensured. “Do not worry.”

Mrs. Bennet shook her head. “I do not, Lizzy. I do not.”

***

Darcy endured a mostly sleepless night.  Elizabeth was so determined to talk with him in private.  He knew that something was bothering her, and he was becoming more and more apprehensive about the reason for her anxiety.

He chose to go on horseback and saw her long before she could see him, already waiting for him.

She stood with her back to him, staring into the mirror of the water, the early morning mist surrounding her. He tried to approach her very quietly, but she turned as she heard the horse’s neigh.

Her eyes widened and she took a step back.

“Come,” he held out his hand, “let us go from here.”

Her eyes widened. “On horseback?”

“Yes.”

She stared at the horse. “I do not ride.”

“I will ride. You will sit in front of me.”

She shook her head. “I prefer to stay here. On my feet.” She stressed.

He smirked. “You are afraid.”

“No, I am not.” She glanced at the animal, who was interested in her person and tried to sniff her. “I just do not see the reason why...”

She did not finish, as he moved the horse a few steps forward, leaned down and picked her up by the waist, in one swift move, putting her before him.

“No!” she cried, her eyes terrified for a moment as she looked down.

She clung to him, her hands wrapped around his neck with such force that she might strangle him.

“Easy,” he crooned.

He kicked the horse into the slowest of gaits, and gradually she relaxed.

“Do you always have to do as you wish?” she asked grudgingly after a moment. He helped her arrange herself with her back to his chest, holding her securely to him with his arm around her middle so she could feel safe.

“I only think that you can admire the countryside much better from the top of the horse rather than from a five foot perspective.”

As he expected, she gasped in offended dignity, “I am five foot two inches.”

“Just enjoy,” he said and put the horse into faster motion, “Look around.”

She listened to him, and for the rest of the ride, she was quiet, her bonnet in front of him, moving in all directions. They reached the top of  Oakham Mount soon. Darcy dismounted first and reached for her.

“It was not that bad, was it?” he asked when her feet touched the steady ground.

“No, it was not,” she admitted.

He walked the horse to a grassy spot and left him there to feed.

She turned to him and spoke without preamble.  “I received a letter from my aunt, Mrs. Gardiner.”

“The one who was brought up in Lambton?”

“Yes, the same one. She and my uncle plan a trip to the lakes this summer, and they invited me to join them.”

Darcy felt as if a great weight was lifted off his chest. That is all? From her previous tone and her pleas for an earnest conversation, he had thought that the matter was serious indeed, not just a summer trip with the relatives.

“Would you like to go?” he asked smilingly, pleased that she found it necessary to consult with him regarding her future plans, asking his permission.

“Very much, it has been my dream for  a long time to see that part of the country.”

He pulled her closer, “I will take you there once we are married then. Understandably, you should accept the invitation, on one condition though...” he paused, “You must convince your aunt and uncle to stay at Pemberley for at least a week.”

She looked shocked. “You would invite them?”

Darcy nodded, thinking that those Gardiners could not be entirely bad. Elizabeth often mentioned them with admiration, praised their good taste and their love for books and the theatre. Yes, Pemberley would have to survive the tradesmen if it meant having Elizabeth there too. “I will write a letter with a personal invitation for them, which you can enclose with your correspondence.”

Her mouth curled in a smile, her eyes sparkling. “Oh, thank you!” she jumped up into his arms, her arms wrapping around his neck. “Thank you so much!”

He picked her up, holding her tightly, her feet dangling in the air. From all the gifts he had given her so far, he had never received such an enthusiastic reaction as now, inviting her relatives to his home.

“I would have to return to Pemberley for the summer anyway,” he said as he put her down, “So this trip is very accommodating to all of us.”

“I will write yet today,” she promised.

“Good.” he leaned forward, hoping for a kiss, but she pushed away from him. “There is another matter we need to discuss.”

He put a welcoming expression on his face. “Yes.”

She took a deep breath and spoke solemnly. “Have you told Mr. Bingley about our understanding? Does he know you are here?”

All the pleasantness was wiped away from Darcy’s face. “No, he does not know.”

She searched his face for a long moment. “I know it was you who separated Jane and Mr. Bingley.”

Darcy froze. “How do you know about that?”

“Last autumn, I noticed the disapproving looks you directed many times at Jane when she danced or talked with Mr. Bingley. When the entire company left Netherfield so abruptly, I suspected that you had intervened in some way, but I was not entirely sure. In Kent, Colonel Fitzwilliam confirmed my suspicions accidentally. He did not know he was speaking of my sister when he mentioned to me how good a friend of Mr. Bingley you were by rescuing him from a most unfortunate marriage to a woman from a most unsuitable family.”