Apprehension and Desire: A Tale of Pride and Prejudice (10 page)

Elizabeth blushed. “Mama!”

“Oh, child, do not be so naive! You will not tell me he always looks only into your eyes.”

“I will not change into another dress,” Elizabeth argued, her teeth clenched. “This dress is perfectly suitable, and it is too late for that anyway.”

Soon there was a knock on the door. All the ladies arranged themselves in decorous positions, and Mrs. Bennet spoke loudly, blinking at Elizabeth.

“Enter.”

The door opened and the servant announced. “Mr. Darcy to see Miss Elizabeth.”

Mr. Darcy entered, and his eyes scanned the room, stopping on Elizabeth, who stood in the farthest corner of the room. She met his eyes bravely and smiled, before dropping a curtsey. He instantly smiled back, but his face went emotionless again when he stepped to greet the lady of the house.

Mr. Darcy sat down on the indicated chair, but said nothing. Mrs. Bennet found herself responsible for carrying the conversation, which was limited to numerous questions on her part. She enquired of the guest about his journey, about the business which detained him for so long, about the state of the roads, and ended on the question of whether he was hungry.

Darcy answered in monosyllables, his eyes not leaving Elizabeth’s person most of the time. The object of his attention said little, answering only his general questions about her health and well-being.

Elizabeth lowered her eyes to her hands, placed on her lap, blushing furiously at her mother’s rude questioning of the guest, but at the same time, angry at Mr. Darcy’s neglectful answers.

Fifteen minutes into the visit, it came to the point when Mrs. Bennet had nothing more to ask Mr. Darcy, unless she wanted to enquire at what age he went to university or stopped wearing nappies. She noticed him looking steadily at Elizabeth, and at last, she figured out what he truly wanted.

“Lizzy, would you like to show the garden to Mr. Darcy? We have introduced quite a few changes this spring, Mr. Darcy. We have a new gardener and he is very progressive. I am sure that you will be happy to see them.”

“Indeed, ma’am.” Darcy stood up, bowed to the lady of the house, and walked to the door, where he waited for Elizabeth.

Elizabeth forced a smiled and silently walked to join Darcy, who opened the door for her.

“Lizzy, just make sure to bring Mr. Darcy back for tea,” Mrs. Bennet said when Elizabeth walked past her. “We have a cake today that he enjoyed so much the last time he was at Longbourn.”

Elizabeth did not bother with fetching her spenser and bonnet or changing her shoes; the day was warm, and they did not intend to walk far.

She accepted his arm as they stepped outside. He kept her close to him, but  he did not try to speak, and Elizabeth decided not to start the conversation first. She was curious how long it would take for him to say something.

To her surprise, he directed them away from the house, towards the small park at the back, which was separated by a low brick wall from the main garden.

“At last,” she heard, when they walked between the trees, their branches hiding them completely from view from the house.

“Mr. Darcy,” she managed to say before she was pulled into his arms.

“William, please."

He was whispering into her ear, kissing the sensitive skin on her neck.

“William!” She pushed away from him, “We should not,” she murmured.

He was not displeased with her resistance; he smiled. “As you wish.” He took her hand and asked. “Is there a quiet place where we can sit down ?”

Elizabeth nodded and led them to a stone bench nearby.

Darcy did not wait for her to sit first, as she expected him to do, but took his place and then pulled her down so she sat close to him in the crook of his arm, his right hand casually draped over her back. Once again, she was astounded with his casual attitude when they were in private, in contrast with his usual very proper manners when in company.

“How have you been for the last fortnight, Lizzy?” he asked softly.

Elizabeth shivered at his baritone voice resonating near her ear.

“Are you cold?” his arm wrapped protectively around her, his hand rubbing her bare forearm.

“No, it is just...” she turned her head to look up at him.

He smiled, his eyes warm. “What, love?”

Elizabeth bit her lower lip. What was she to say to him? Was she to admit that she felt a warm feeling pulling at the pit of her stomach every time he lowered his voice, called her an endearment or looked at her like he was at this very moment?

“How was your trip?” she asked, trying to give her voice a normal tone and ignore the goose bumps prickling on her skin as he stroked her arm with the pads of his fingertips.

Darcy sighed, and she felt his body tense. “My cousin’s refuses to make that woman go. He says he loves her and wants to take care of her and their child.”

Elizabeth turned to him completely, placing her hand lightly on his thigh for a moment. “Do you find his decision wrong?” she asked and took her hand away because he stiffened visibly when she touched him.

“He is married,” he paused. “His marriage was arranged though. His wife comes from a very wealthy family, and it was a very good match for our family as far as connections and fortune are concerned but...”

“Yes.”

He looked in front of himself. “His wife is not someone who could be recognised as amiable. She is like Caroline Bingley, only ten times worse. Her past, before she entered our family, is questionable, to say the least, and she has not conducted herself  like a lady should do.  I do not blame George that he escaped home in the past. I think he really loves this other woman. She is not a harlot, I understand. She had never had such an arrangement with a man before she met my cousin.”

“What is your uncle's reaction?”

“As expected in such a situation, he is furious. He insists on sending the woman away, but I think that after the babe is born, in a month or two, I believe, and he and my aunt see it, he will change his mind. This will be their first grandchild. They cannot count on one from Richard, I mean Colonel Fitzwilliam, any time soon.”

Elizabeth allowed herself to relax against his solid frame again, supporting her back against his chest. “I understand that your uncle expected you to try to persuade your cousin out of his decision to stay with his mistress and their child.”

“Yes, and I went there thinking that I should do just that, convince him to abandon his mistress and go back to his wife. I must confess that I was surprised that George had ever decided on such an arrangement - he never had been what could be called a rake. He is rather shy with women, like me, a family trait, I dare say.”

She turned her head to look into his face. “You...shy?”

He laughed softly. “Yes, have you not noticed? It took me half a year to tell you about how I felt for you.”

Elizabeth frowned and said nothing to this, allowing him again to arrange her in the crook of his arm.

“When I listened to George, talked with him in private, I could not do it,” Darcy continued. “I thought how I would have acted in his position. What if I had married, pressured by the family and society, to a woman I could not abide, had no children with her, and then met you. Would I be able to stay away from you?”

“I think that your cousin’s situation is very difficult.”

“Yes, it is, but surprisingly, he is happier than I have seen him since the beginning of his marriage. He is very excited about becoming a father. He told me that it elated him that the woman he truly loved would bear his child.”

He shifted sideways so he could look into her face. “I do understand him, Elizabeth, to think that one day you will tell me that I will become a father... makes me feel, I cannot explain it.”

Elizabeth gaped at him, full of wonder, feeling both hot and, cold, blushing rosily, her heart rapidly beating in her chest. She would have never suspected Mr. Darcy to be so... sympathetic, so sensitive about such delicate matters.

“In the end, I gave him my full support, and even invited him to come with the woman to Pemberley after the baby is born and old enough to travel. This invitation was an impulsive act that I have since then started to regret.”

“Why?”

“Because...,” he hesitated, “Perhaps you would not like to admit someone like her under your roof, such a woman.”

“No, not at all,” Elizabeth contradicted quickly, “I imagine that I would have nothing against it, taking everything into consideration. I would welcome her as your relative, I guess, who she since there will be a baby.”

“There is Georgiana to consider too, but...” Darcy frowned. “Since last year...” he sighed, “I have started to believe that young girls should not be so sheltered from the realities of life. Being too naive about certain matters does not always help them.”

He was absent with his thoughts for a moment, his expression distant, and Elizabeth was about to ask what the reason for this, when he stood up and offered him arm.

“Let us not discuss this sad matter anymore,” he proposed as she stood up.

Elizabeth smiled and nodded, accepting his arm again as they resumed their walk.

“You did not tell me how your time has been spent since your return from Kent.”

“It was very nice to see Mama and all my sisters,   Jane, especially.” She smiled. “You cannot imagine how surprised she was when I told her how you proposed to me. She cried, 'Mr. Darcy... that cannot be, Lizzy, the man is so cold!” she laughed and looked at him, only then realizing what she had said.

“I am sorry...,” she whispered.

He shrugged. “I do not mind people seeing me thus, or in other words, I do not care how others perceive me. However, I hope you know that, indeed, I am not cold.” His dark brown eyes bore into hers, and those hot, cold, trembling sensations came back to her with magnified force.

He lowered his head, and Elizabeth was sure that he wanted to kiss her, but then he lifted his head, looked around with a frown, and directed them energetically towards the stables, which were on the left from the small park.

At first Elizabeth did not quite capture why he chose that place. He strode confidently in, and seeing no one in sight, pulled her inside one of the empty stalls.

The stable was not a place which Elizabeth visited often, or ever. At first she was disturbed by its particular smells, and the idea that she could stamp on something unexpected with her slippered foot. To her relief, the stall looked reasonably clean, and the hay it was strewn with was fresh.

Soon she forgot about those fears, when he supported himself against one wall, hooked an arm about her waist and brought her to him, between his spread thighs.

“Now...,” he leaned forward and his lips touched hers.

Elizabeth closed her eyes and allowed him to do what he wanted, half curious, half apprehensive about what would happen.

Her very first sensation was that he was very gentle and what he did felt good, safe, very right and exciting at the same time. His hands were at the   sides of her face, as he teased her mouth, tugging at her lower and upper lip interchangeably. She stiffened when she felt him trying to push his tongue inside. He took the hint, retreated at once, and concentrated on kissing her neck, which felt even better than what he had done earlier.

Elizabeth allowed herself to lean into his body with more trust, which enticed him to take her hands, so far securely resting on his shoulders, and wind them around his neck.

He was so much taller that she needed to stand on tiptoe, pressing into his body even more. His arms wrapped around her with force, and pinned her to him. His breathing suddenly became harsh and laboured. He was becoming hard and swelling down there, his manhood poking into her belly.

He let her go abruptly.

Elizabeth stepped back from him tentatively and, for a very short moment, allowed her eyes to rest at the front of his beige coloured britches. He was definitely affected by what had happened, by their close proximity.

Blushing furiously, she turned her back to him, allowing him the needed time to compose himself.

When a long moment later she felt a tap on her shoulder and turned around, he looked his normal self again.

“Forgive me,” he said.

She shook her head hard, so her locks bobbed up. “No... I should not...”

“No, Elizabeth, I am the experienced one here, and I should be responsible so things will not go too far too soon.”

He took her hand in his, gave it a squeeze, and leaned forward to kiss her cheek.

“Do not stress over what happened, love.” He smiled at her, his eyes warm. “It was perfectly natural and bodes well for the future, only, as I said, it happened too soon.”

She smiled, still unsure, and shy about what had just transpired.

Holding her hand in his, he led her out of the stall. “I want to give you something. That is why I brought you here.”

They walked to the next stall, where what seemed was Mr. Darcy's horse was kept.

Elizabeth gave him an unsure look. He did not want to give her a horse? Surely not.

He walked inside the stall and opened the satchel at the saddle, taking a parcel wrapped in elegant paper out of it.