Armed and Fabulous (Lexi Graves Mysteries) (34 page)

"Anne does burlesque?" I whispered incredulously.

"
Well,
she sure is shaking it!"
Lily clapped.

We watched
,
captivated
,
as they went through the routine again, this time ending with Anne disappearing behind the fans and reappearing in
only
her lingerie. It was like a car crash moment. I wanted to look away
,
but I couldn't.
I had to keep looking even as my jaw dropped open.
Beside me, Lily whooped and all eyes shot in our direction. Anne took one look at me, panic registering in her eyes and she hurried off stage.

"Time to go," I said and we slunk towards the door.

"Lexi?" I halted at Anne's voice, Lily
slid
into me, and straightened up.

"Oh,
hi
iii
!
" I said, far too enthusiastically.

"What are you doing here?" Anne had wrapped a short robe
around
herself, her fishnets peeking out
from underneath
.

"We were...just...
um..."

"Are you thinking about joining the troupe? We need a couple more." Anne looked from me to
squint at
Lily
, sizing up our burlesque potential
.

"It looks too energetic for me. Lily wanted moral support to check it out." Next to me, Lily nodded like a bobble-head
. "I thought you were ill
?"
I said.

"Oh, please," Anne rolled her eyes
, batting
off my suspicion
. "Like you've never snuck out when you're supposed to be working."

"
Touché
," I
conceded
, wondering if everyone on the team knew about my slacker habits. "Do you know where belly
-
dancing outfits are sold?"
I asked, remembering my mother’s message.

Anne frowned. "There's a dance shop near the
train
station. They have all kinds of stuff. I've seen those sarongs with the sequins. That could work."

"Thanks."

"We rehearse every Monday and Thursday at seven," said Anne. "Come and try it. We've all learned some great new moves for the bedroom." And with a wink, and a rustle of silk, sh
e sashayed back to the stage. W
e slunk out.
Lily thrilled. Me, horrified.

"You sure you don't want to learn some new moves to wow Maddox in the bedroom?" asked Lily, as we walked around the side of the building to my car.

"First off, I have moves. Secondly, Maddox isn't in my bedroom."

"Are they the same moves that you learned when you took your sex training wheels off?"

"Possibly. But if it ain't broke, don't fix it."

"Oh, sweetie," sighed Lily. "We have got to get you some new moves."

Later
,
I was sure I would have a great retort for that, but right then, I grabbed Lily's arm and we skidded to a halt a couple of feet from my car. Something was stuck under my wipers
against the windshield
.

"What is that?" asked Lily.

"I don't know." We stepped forward together and I frowned. I pried the wiper open and pulled out the clump of foliage, careful not to catch my fingers on the thorns. "It looks like a
bouquet
of
thorny rose
stems. All the heads have been chopped off."

"Do you think it's a warning? Oh my God, Lexi, someone wants to chop your head off!"
Lily grabbed my arm and I jumped.

I dropped the stems on the floor of the lot
,
and screaming
in unison
, we scrambled into the car and I hit the automatic locks. For a moment
,
we sat there, terrified, then Lily went rigid and whispered, "What if the murderer is in the car with us?"

I
never
exited a car so fast in my life.

"What do we do now?" I said as we
inspected
the car
,
from
five feet away
.
It looked ominous under the patchy lighting
,
like it was going to come alive any moment and mow us down.

"We c
ould call Maddox and get him to take us home."

"And tell him what? That we were scared of a bunch of rose stems?"

"No, that there's a murderer in the car. Can we call one of your brothers?"

"Are you kidding me? This w
ould
be their favorite story for months. I w
ou
l
d
never hear the end of it. Someone will
probably
put it out on the police channel and the whole MPD will know we're big wusses!"

Lily considered that as she played with the zipper on her jacket.
"Good point. What are we going to do?"

"We'll check the back seat and the trunk for
any
sign of the
murderer."

"Okay."

Neither of us moved.

"You first," said Lily.

I ran forward, pulled open the rear door and ran back.

"Well?"

I pulled a face. "I forgot to look." I crept forward
but still gave the car
wide
berth
. From three feet away
,
I could see the flat, and very empty, backseat of the car. When I felt a cold hand on my wrist
,
I jumped and screamed, then Lily screamed. Then we both screamed
together
. Finally,
with
my heart rate beating faster than a
crackhead
drummer at a rock concert, I grabbed the baseball bat I kept on the rear floor for emergency carjackings
—well, you never know—and
slammed the door shut.

"Why did you scream?"
asked Lily.

"You scared me! I thought you were waiting over there." I flapped a hand towards where we
were standing.
“And your hands are really cold.”

"Sorry. Have you thought about getting throw pillows for the back seat?"

I gave her The Look.
"No, never."

"Let's check the trunk."

"Your turn." I pressed the button on the key fob and the trunk popped open. Lily crept forward,
then
around the car and leaned in. All of a sudden
,
she pitched forward and screamed,
her legs disappearing from view. I gripped the baseball bat harder and ran forward, determined to beat the living crap out of whoever had pulled Lily in. My face twisted
with anger,
a
bloodcurdling
warrior's
shriek
on my lips
, I raised my bat and
…
stopped.

Lily sat in my trunk
,
giggling. "Gotcha
!
" she said. "It's empty. You should at least keep a flashlight in here, you know
, for emergencies
."

"I have a mind to close the trunk with you in it."

"I'll bash out your taillights," she said. "And you'll get charged with kidnapping."

That decided it. "I need a drink."

Lily perked up
and held out a hand
. "You buying?"

Three double vodka and Cokes later, I wasn't confident about my ability to drive home without mowing down pedestrians and wiping out my car.

"I think we need to call for a ride home," I said, raising my hand to the bartender and ordering two more drinks.

"Tha shounds lik a gud idea," slurred Lily. "A big schlong man."

I was fairly certain she meant
“
strong
,”
but I didn't like to correct her just in case she really meant what she said. The problem was, who
m
to call? I could call Maddox, but I fancied him and he was sort of my boss in my temping job, and sort of my boss in my super secret spy job. I did not want him to see me drunk
again,
right after putting me to bed Saturday night
when I drank
a couple too many medicinal beers.

Any one of my brothers would have picked us up, but like I said earlier, they would have made sure that I was the butt of every joke for months to come
. B
esides, I IOU
’
d
Garrett
too ma
ny babysitting vouchers already.
Daniel would tell Alice
,
who would immediately telephone Traci
,
who would probably tell my mom. And Lily would probably drool all over Jord. "Is there anyone you can call?" I asked Lily.

She smiled and rested her head on the bar. "Officer Tasty," she said, smiling.

I figured as much. That left one person to call.

Solomon walked in a half hour, and two
more
drinks, later
. He
pulled the stool out next to mine and sat down, ordering a beer from the bartender. His jeans wore worn, and his shirt untucked,
with
a couple of buttons
open
at the neck. I liked his casual attire just as much as I liked the way his sleek
,
black
,
work pants clung to his legs and hips.
It was the first time I’d seen him clean
-
shaven and he looked even better than before.

"Are you really that drunk?" he
asked
, a small smile playing on his lips. I couldn't tell if he w
ere
amused or making some kind of comment about my dr
inking. He certainly di
dn't seem
upset about playing my chivalrous knight.

"Yesh."