Arms of Serenity (Rock Services) (15 page)

Maybe it was his need to reinforce his words or maybe it was his own insecurity, but he leaned down and lightly brushed his lips against hers.
When she didn’t back away, he went back again. This time he added more pressure and lingered there sliding his tongue asking for entrance.

She opened for him
, and their tongues met in the middle dancing and twirling around each other. He took his time exploring her mouth enjoying the hint of tastes from their dinner. She stroked him back slowly running her tongue over his. They wrapped their arms around each other as they stood and kissed allowing each other the time they wanted and needed.

Her hand came up to the back of his head to pull him closer as their mouths moved faster straining to reach even deeper.
When she nibbled on his tongue, a groan escaped his chest, and he pulled her hard up against him. His cock jumped fully erect against his jeans, and he rubbed himself back and forth searching for any friction he could find to ease the strain. She moaned in approval while matching his movements.

Her mouth on his, her grinding up against him, the heat and desire he could feel flowing from her was too much.
He was going to blow in his pants if they didn’t come up for air soon. He was on the edge of no return, but had to know this was what she wanted. Nick pulled back. “Angel?”

She stepped back and looked at him through hooded eyes.
Her lips were swollen, and her face was flushed. If it was possible, she looked even more beautiful.

He watched as she answered his question by quickly stripping out of her clothes and stood before him.
He hissed as she ran her hands over her breasts and pinched her taut nipples.

Jesus!

Nick watched as she trailed her fingers down past the start of a tat that wound around to her back.
He would like to get a good look at the ink, but currently he was too busy watching where her hands were going and where he hoped was their destination. When she finally rested her fingers in the small triangle of curls she spoke to him in the most incredibly sultry voice he had ever heard.

“You have too
many clothes on.”

Damn right he did.
Nick ripped at his shirt and fumbled with his jeans trying never to lose sight of her. Her fingers twirling the patch of hair, her breasts heavy begging to be touched, and the desire flaming in her eyes were causing his blood to boil. When he was naked, his cock stood straight out pointing directly at where it ached to be. He took a step forward zeroing in on his target.

She held her hand up against her chest to stop him.
With her free hand, she ran down the length of his cock and cupped his balls. She twirled each around and then left them to run her fingernail up the underside. She fisted him when she got to the tip and pumped him slowly.

“You’re so hard.
I love the feel of you in my hand. I like how you feel in my mouth, too.”

Nick had started to move back and forth to the rhythm of her hand.
The thought of him inside her mouth and feeling those lips wrapped around him made his balls tighten up. She was driving him crazy. Every stroke was bringing his release closer. He couldn’t hold back much longer. He put his hand over hers to stop her.

“Angel, you’re playing with fire.
I want to be inside you watching your face as I make you scream my name.”

Her eyes grew dark
, and he could see the rise of her chest as her breathing quickened. He let her hand go when she nodded.

“Ok, but one quick taste.”

She rubbed her finger around the tip of his cock swirling through the moisture that settled there while she dipped her other hand lower. She brought her finger that glistened from her juices to his lips and the one from him up to hers.

“Taste
.”

It
was all she said as she sucked on her finger and slid the other into his mouth.  He swirled his tongue around her finger tasting her heat. His senses picked up her musky scent and sweet essence. When she pulled away from his mouth, fire exploded within him. He growled low in his chest and grabbed her off the floor.

Nick pushed her back against the nearest wall and pinned her arms above her with his hand. The other came up under her breast and lifted until her nipple reached his lowered mouth. He sucked hard and nipped her peak. She moaned and arched into him pushing him further. He switched hands and continued the assault on her other breast.

Gone was the thought of being slow and gentle
. It was replaced by an urgency to take what he wanted and make her his. She opened the door to the cage that had been holding all of his want, need, and desire, and now that animal ran free and there was no stopping the frenzy that pumped through his veins.

He let go of her nipple with a popping sound and made a trail of nibbling and biting up to her neck.
She groaned when he tugged on her earlobe and exposed her neck to his as he sucked on the spot below her ear. The submissive gesture caused a territorial hunger to ignite deep within him.

Mine.
She’s all mine.
He sucked and bit harder while he rotated his cock up against her clit. She pushed her neck into his mouth wanting more and ground her pelvis back. Every movement he made, she eagerly returned. She was matching him with everything he was giving, and it was making him wild. 

Her voice came in short pants
. “Nick, now, take me now.”

He moved his hips up and down
, his cock slowly stroking up against her sensitive bundle of nerves. “How do you want it, Angel? Tell me.”

She bucked her hips up against him
. “Hard, fast, slow, I don’t care. I just need you in me now. Take me please!”

She whimpered as he pushed against her stopping both of them from moving.
His eyes bored into hers. He needed to hear it, needed her to reinforce that she was his. “Oh, I am going to take you. Do you know why?”

Becca tried to arch into him seeking movement before she shook her head and asked, “Why?”

“Because you’re mine. Only mine.”
 

He removed his hand from holding her arms and placed them on either side of her.
Positioning his cock at her entrance he locked his gaze with hers. “Say it. Tell me who you belong to.”

“You.
Please, Nick … only you!” The minute the words passed her lips he staked his claim by burying himself in her one quick hard thrust.

She gasped and grew still against him.
Did he hurt her? What the hell was he thinking?

“Angel, I’m sorry.
Are you ok?” She nodded her head as he placed his forehead on hers. He didn’t move, afraid that he had gone too fast. The need to dominate and possess her overshadowed every sensibility he had. Closing his eyes, he waited for her to adjust to him and let some rational thought return to his brain.
Shit!

“Angel?
This is probably a bad time to mention this, but I’m not wearing a condom.”

She opened her eyes and smiled at him.
“It’s ok. I told you I’m on the pill, and I trust you.”

She trusted him after how he had acted
—the things he had said to her? Nick opened his eyes and was instantly humbled by the glowing, desirable woman willingly giving every part of herself to him. He knew it, felt it deep in his soul and heart. His chest felt like it was ready to explode, and his gut tightened at what he knew he was feeling but fearful to admit.

Becca rotated her hips and ground herself into him.
“Hey there, handsome, if you don’t start moving soon, I’m going to have to take care of myself.”

He groaned
. “You better hold on.”

She wound her arms around his neck and tightened her legs around his waist.

He started to move, slowly stroking in and out feeling her velvety softness envelop him.
Her walls greedily clamped around him, milking him, as her liquid heat surrounded every inch of his cock. He felt warm, welcome, and at home.

Nick never wanted the moment to end.
If he could, he would capture and memorize every sigh and moan that escaped her lips, the pleasure written across her features, and the feeling of their bodies joined together. It was bliss.

Becca started to move against him
, finding a faster rhythm, and he moved to match her as his own pressure built. He let her set the pace until she became frantic writhing up against him looking for her own release. He leaned into her bracing against the wall and pounded his length into her at a speed he didn’t know he could achieve.

She threw her head up against the wall.
“Yes, Nick. Don’t stop. I’m so close.”

“Let yourself go, Angel.
Let me feel you come on me.” His words took her over the edge, and she screamed as her walls pulsed with wave after wave of heat washing over him. He buried himself once more and erupted inside of her core.

Nick leaned into her and stood motionless trying to catch his breath.
He could die happy now. Normally, he didn’t rate sexual experiences, but even he knew that the bar had been officially raised to a level that no other woman could ever hope to reach. Not that he wanted another woman. Becca was more than he could have ever dreamed of and definitely more than he deserved.

He moved back slowly and helped lower her feet to the floor.
Her legs were trembling, and he wrapped his arms around her to hold her up, silently wondering who was going to help him from falling over.

The apartment was small
, and it wasn’t hard to figure out the door for her bedroom. When he was sure he’d gotten the strength back in his legs, he picked her up and carried her to the bed. She pulled back the bedspread and snuggled up against him when he got in beside her.

Nick silently stared at the ceiling.
He felt the brush of her breath against his chest, her lush curves pressed into his side, and her soft hair tickling his chin. Pulling her closer, contentment settled over him as he leisurely ran his fingers along the back of the woman he loved.

Loved.
He repeated the word over and over in his mind. How could he fall in love so fast? He replayed the scenes of first seeing her until he lifted her in his arms and carried her to bed.

He guessed he knew from the beginning.
Nick didn’t believe in that love at first sight crap. But he couldn’t deny there had been some type of spark or instinct that kept gnawing at him to follow and pursue. And when he found her, his gut hummed to do anything necessary to keep her from getting away.

Her smile, laugh, intelligence, humor, everything about her held him captive.
She invaded his thoughts, broke through his defenses, and found a way to crawl up inside of him and capture his heart.

Nick wondered if he should tell her.
A part of him wanted to stand up and scream it to the world. The other part was filled with doubt that his declaration would scare her and put that wall back up that had taken so much time to knock down. At least he thought it was down.

He had a hunch her reservations had something to do with a fear of him leaving.
When he’d told her he wasn’t going anywhere, he could almost see the bricks crumbling around her feet. Was he right? Had he finally managed to break through to her? Only one way to find out.

Chapter Twelve

Becca opened her eyes to his whispered question if she was sleeping
and smiled. “I’m awake.”

She was lying in his arms, head resting on his chest and basking in the afterglow of the most explosive sex of her life.
She’d thought their first encounter was good? Hell no, he beat that no contest.

Now that he had thoroughly washed away all her fears and inhibitions, she couldn’t wait to see what the next time brought with it.
Who knew the phrase “I’m not going anywhere” could strip her down to her naked naughty self? She liked it, and by his reaction he wasn’t going to complain.

“Angel, who left you?”

His simple question brought Becca’s thoughts to a screeching halt.

Why does he want to talk about this now?

She knew that her breakdown in the living room had pretty much
drawn him a road map to the mountain of crap she desperately tried to keep hidden from view. Right now, she just wanted to bask in the glorious light of her newfound freedom, happiness, and, dare she say it, hope.

Becca twirled the hairs on his chest.
This conversation would be better tomorrow, next week, or maybe never. Never would be good. She didn’t want to dredge up what he so effectively had buried for her. She was feeling too good to have a mood spoiler now.

“I’m sorry I didn’t quite hear that.
You’re a guy that wants to talk after sex? Shouldn’t you be turned over, snoring, and scratching something by now?”

Becca’s head bounced along with his laughter.
She liked when he laughed. It was a deep sound that rumbled up out of his chest making his muscles ripple.

Hmm, now would be a great time to take advantage of how close those muscles
are to my mouth.
She inched closer and lightly brushed her lips up against his chest.

Becca felt a slight hitch in his breathing when her lips made contact with his skin.
The subtle sound gave her an incentive to embark on a quickly formed plan to distract and occupy. A little more exploring and he would forget all about this silliness about having a talk. She ran a hand down his chest to his abdomen where she slid her fingers across the contour of his six-pack. He tensed under her touch, and a slight moan echoed in his throat.

Nick’s hand came down to lace his fingers through hers.
“Not getting it out of it, Becca. Talk to me, and tell me what happened. Then I’ll make love to you however, wherever, whenever you want.”

Becca angled her head to look at him.
The light from the living room played across his face, and the look of determination and resolve that shone in his eyes said it all. He wasn’t going budge no matter what she tempted him with or tried.

That just sucks.
Sighing, she squeezed his hand before letting go and leaned over to turn on the bedside lamp. After her meltdown, he deserved to know.

Becca turned back to see the questions in his eyes.
“I have a tattoo.” She pulled down the bedspread and turned over to lie on her stomach.

Nick moved to get a better look and ran his hand over the ink.
“It’s a great design. Did you get this before or after the logo for the bakery?”

“Before.”
Becca closed her eyes to the feel of his fingers tracing over the tat that wound around and up her back. She knew the path. She had traced it so many times herself. He followed up the lines of the white rose lingering on each letter of the one word that was entwined in its stem: Serenity.

The scar underneath had faded over the years, but she knew it was there.
It was a constant reminder of a twisted car, crushed dreams, and the loss of life. “From serenity comes growth. At least, that was one part of what it was meant to represent.” When his fingers stopped, she lifted her lids to find him watching her.

“When I started college, I met and fell in love with a guy named Mike.
We were together from the first day we saw each other. For three years, we talked about our future and the life we would build together. After the accident, I woke in the hospital, and he was there. Instead of being there to console and support me like I thought, he accused me of getting pregnant on purpose and trying to trap him into something he wasn’t ready for.”

Becca watched his face for his reaction.
The silence weighed heavily around her, and she waited to see what he would do or say.

“You were pregnant?”

There wasn’t any accusation or animosity in his question
. His words were laced with only compassion and understanding.

She nodded her head.
“I didn’t even know. In one quick moment, I had found out that I had been carrying his baby and miscarried because of the crash. Then he walked out of the room and out of my life. When I needed him the most, he just left.”

“Jesus.
Becca, I’m so sorry.” He pulled her in his arms, and she snuggled in to his warmth waiting for the tears that, surprisingly, never came. She was ok, and it was because of him. Nick gave her the courage to truly let go of the pain, anger, and loss that she had clung to for so long.

“Can you forgive me for being such an ass when I saw the ultrasound?”

“There isn’t anything to forgive.” She moved back and reached up to place her hand on his face. “In fact, I should be thanking you for giving me the strength to move forward and leave the past where it belongs.”

He placed her hand in his and left soft kisses in her palm.
“I didn’t give that to you. It was inside of you all along. I can’t give you something I’m not sure I have myself.”

She didn’t understand what that meant.
Why would he think that he wasn’t strong? “Nick? What is it?”

Nick rolled on to his back and removed his arm from her to place over his eyes.
“I have a tattoo, too.”

Becca had seen the barbed wire tat that wrapped around his bicep.
She hadn’t gotten a look at the design but assumed it was a symbol from his military days since the wire started and ended with a set of dog tags in the middle of his arm. She leaned across him to read the writing on the tags. The name inked into his arm wasn’t his. It was someone named Jack “Rock” Powelt. “Jack?”

Nick took a ragged breath before answering.
“He was the youngest member of my team and one of the best snipers I have ever seen. He had joined the military to make a better life for his family. With a wife, a two-year old son, and another baby on the way, the Army was his way of providing for them while paving the way for a better world his children could grow up in. We called him Rock because he would key himself up before every mission by listening to the theme from
Rocky
. He would play that damn song over and over until we thought his ears would bleed.”

Becca could feel the change in his body.
The tension and grief rippled off of him and was evident in his voice. She placed her hand over where his heart was, silently assuring him that she was there and trying to give some part of her soul to him that he desperately seemed to need. He brought his hand down to squeeze hers and stared at the ceiling as he continued.

“We were given a mission to take out a communications tower that was suspected to be under Taliban control.
The intel we got looked good, and we moved out a few hours later. There was a ridge to the north of the tower. I gave the order to get in positions. Jack went up the ridge to be our eyes and take out any hostiles that were visible targets. The rest of the team was spreading out and working their way around when we heard the explosion. I screamed over the radio for him to report, and when he didn’t, I went back to find him already gone. There was nothing we could we do other than bring him home.”

Becca didn’t know what to say to comfort him.
She wanted to take his pain away, tell him it was going to be all right. Tell him anything that would help him. But she knew from firsthand experience that it didn’t matter what people said or did. All the kind words in the world didn’t make the grief miraculously disappear. The only person who could truly help was your own self. The struggle was inside of him, and all she could do was let him know he wasn’t alone. He was still staring at the ceiling fighting the battle of his memories when she gently ran her hand along his chest. The touch brought him back to the present, and he continued.

“It was my order that got him killed.
I sent him up that ridge. Because of me, his children will grow up never knowing their father. How do you forget that? How do you continue living life when you know you’re responsible for the loss of one?”

“Nick, it wasn’t your fault.
I’m no military tactics expert, but I know enough to be certain that you were doing what needed to be done and was expected on the mission.”

“I was his leader, Becca.
It was my job to make sure everyone came back.”

“If you weren’t in charge and someone else was giving the orders would anything have been different?
If you were in Jack’s place, would you have gone up that ridge?”

He slowly nodded
, but she saw the doubt in his features.

“You have to stop blaming yourself for something that wasn’t your fault.”

Nick began to absently stroke his thumb along her wrist. “A part of me knows that. But how do I forget carrying his body out of there? How do I forget telling his wife? And if I do forget, does that mean I accept it? I won’t accept it. I won’t allow myself to dismiss his death like it was nothing.”

Becca leaned up to level herself with his eyes and placed her hand along his jaw.
She hoped that he would allow what she was about to say to sink in and get past the barriers he built around his grief.

“Nick
, look at me.” Becca watched his eyes drift down and focus on her. “You don’t forget. You don’t ever forget, Nick. What you do need to accept is that he died doing what he believed in and what he thought was right. Then you honor him, his life, and his sacrifice to his family. But before you can truly give him the honor his life deserves, you need to forgive yourself and find your serenity. ”

She could see the confusion in his eyes when he repeated the last word back to her
. “Serenity?”

“It was my mother’s favorite prayer.
She would repeat it to help me remember that we can’t always control the events that happen in our lives. But we can control the path we take and the person we become because of those events.” Becca closed her eyes, remembering the words. “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can.”

Nick broke in
. “Wisdom to know the difference. That’s the AA prayer. I was in basic with a recovering alcoholic. He would recite that each morning and night.”

Becca shrugged.
“I didn’t know that. My grandfather got a card back in WWII from the USO with the prayer written on it. He kept it with him at all times, and when he got home, he passed it on to my mom. My mom passed it on to me when I needed it the most. It took me a long time to accept that I couldn’t change what happened because of the accident and even longer for me to realize that I needed to find peace within myself to enjoy the life I still had. I deserved happiness, and so do you.”

As she said the words to him, the realization hit that she truly didn’t believe in them until now
—until him. She had eventually come to accept her father’s death and her mother being paralyzed. She had even come to believe she was happy, fooling herself that she didn’t need love to be fulfilled. Becca knew now, without a doubt, she had been wrong. Her true happiness was lying next to her, and she wasn’t going to let him give in to his own self-doubt and loathing.

Becca moved to straddle his hips.
She ran her hands up his chest feeling his muscles twitch under her touch. Inching closer, she brought her lips to a whisper above his and asked, “How about I show you how to be happy?”

She took his lower lip between her teeth and lightly nibbled and sucked.
He responded by wrapping his arms around her back and pulling her closer to explore her mouth more deeply. His hands blazed a trail down her spine sending delicious chills cascading along her skin reaching every crevice of her body.

When he reached her hips, he gently flipped her over on to her back.
She stared up his blue eyes dark with desire and all the emotions swirling in their depths.

“I’d like it better if we were happy together.”

Once again she didn’t know what to say or how to express what she was feeling. In such a short time, he had given her so much and had become more to her than she ever thought she wanted or needed. All she could do was nod and wrap herself around him. She might not be able to say the words, but she could show him.