Artificial Love (The Goodbye Trilogy #2) (11 page)

Chapter Twenty

Emily

Johnny had a sleek, black Town Car waiting outside the apartment building as we exited to go shopping. I don’t know how he had arranged it because in the thirty-six hours since he’d been home from tour, we’d been inseparable. I even left the bathroom door open when I peed so we could continue a talk about the effectiveness of the medical mask. Apparently, it was a new found style in Asia I hadn’t known about and he was overtly determined to find me my own stylish mask while we were out in New York or on the tour that I hadn’t agreed to go on yet.

I found it strangely erotic to listen to him pee. Never in my life had I heard Michael pee, let alone fart. Johnny broke all those rules, especially at one point when he stuck my head under the covers and kept me captive to inhale only the disgusting omissions his butt made. I was nearly gagging when he finally let me out.

That was a far cry from being gently placed into the back of a Town Car by possibly the hottest rock star in North America at the moment. He was two guys mashed into one, but I knew he preferred me to smell his farts than look at him through his sunglasses and low riding baseball hat. He was definitely uncomfortable to be out but my being with him made him seem downright anxious. I must have looked ridiculous in his clothes. Maybe he was ashamed to be seen with me? I did look like a homeless person. Again, I was a homeless person.

Sax Fifth Avenue was his obvious destination as I watched the beauty queens of New York City take charge of the wide sidewalks in true runway fashion. I looked over at Johnny in disgust.

“Rocker girl clothes here?” I asked with a sneer.

His devilish smile made me second-guess my sneer. Perhaps, there were parts of the store I had never ventured into before? It wasn’t like I spent a ton of money on myself and when I did my clothes shopping in the past, I knew where and what I wanted by the neutral colors and simple price tags. I had a feeling I would not be privy to the section I normally ended up in when I went shopping with Johnny.

“Grace said you had to be nice, Emily,” he bantered. I wanted to wince at her name but Johnny was probably still trying to make light of her appearance last night. She didn’t say anything I hadn’t heard before.

Johnny walked into the store with a confidence that I had never really seen on another human being. Even Michael, who exuded wealth and pretentiousness, never carried himself the way that Johnny did in that moment. It wasn’t like he owned the place but if he wanted to, he could demand just about anything for me.

“First off,” Johnny said over his shoulder, “you’re getting a kick ass brown leather jacket.”

“They have leather here?” I asked receptively.

Johnny turned around and stared at me. He put his fingers underneath my chin and smirked.

“You are so fucking adorable, Em.” He leaned down and briefly touched his lips to mine. Gosh, if he kept saying and doing things like that, I would be happy to act extremely stupid about everything.

“You have the perfect body for skinny jeans, too. So, while we shop for skinny jeans, leather jackets, and cowboy boots, I’ll be dialing my hair stylist for an appointment later today. I don’t want you to get crushed by all the stupid groupies on tour. You’ll somewhat follow my style so that when we’re seen together, we will make a statement. Are you ready for a total outside transformation?” Johnny’s grin was so big - he had to have split the corners of his mouth. I was his pet project for the day and I felt less than zero when it came to joining into his enthusiasm.

No, I wanted an
inward
transformation more. I had been playing the outside perfect citizen for so long, I was tired of it. Nevertheless, I would take what I could get, enabling myself to run as far away from Michael’s wife as possible.

We did find the necessary staples of what a rocker must wear and moved on to a side street vintage boutique Johnny said that Jules had loved. I pretended not to notice the wince he made after saying her name and the tight ball of jealousy forming in my stomach. After last night – the secrets we shared and the breakthroughs we had, I felt closer to him than I’d ever felt to anyone else.

All those thoughts dissipated when we walked into the high end boutique store and the clerks immediately took notice of my dear, fantastic rock star that graced their store with his presence. Within milliseconds, we were surrounded by three clerks, asking for his needs, never sparing me a look when this place was obviously geared toward the female population. I backed off quietly and fell into the same trance I always did when had been Michael’s escort to the award dinners and Christmas parties. I got used to always being left alone at the table, sipping champagne, and not bothering to keep up with Michael’s artificial appearance.

It didn’t take Johnny that long to notice I had wandered off. I was a fish out of water and as cliché as it sounded, it was so true. I didn’t know if I would ever find a world where I belonged. Rich bitch from the suburbs of Boston? Check. Wannabe groupie to the first guy I found actually understood the pretenses I had to put up to survive in said world? Check. Maybe I was meant to bag groceries in a small Midwestern town where people may or may not care what I looked like and how I acted.

“Sweetheart, what are you doing over here?” Johnny asked, seemingly concerned.

I waved him off.

“I am a size six and I wear a small in woman’s tee shirts. Just tell your posse and go ahead and get what you think I could wear to fit in with the tour. I don’t want to disappoint you or your band. I trust you will find me what I need,” I said, sounding even small and weak to myself.

I had shrunk to a whole new low. Pretending everything was good. Everything was nice. Pretend that life was a cake walk and all I had to do was show up.

Chapter Twenty-One

Johnny

Emily looked tired. I decided to have my hairdresser come to the house later in the day, and while the accommodating girls at the boutique rang up my purchases for Emily, I had a foreboding feeling that I had just made the biggest mistake with her. She looked small and maybe it was because of the attention I drew but she had to know that I was rock star level fame. People knew who I was.

Attempting to remedy her sudden recoil, I walked over to her with the biggest grin on my face. She was sitting in a chair looking out into nothingness. I pulled her out of the chair and tipped her beautiful chin that encased those luscious lips and went in for the kill. I heard the sales girls gasp as they were obviously taking pictures of us kissing in public. Besides Jules, I had never, ever brought my personal life into the public eye. Emily needed to know that although they saw me first, I only saw her. I was on this shopping excursion for her.

I wanted to make Emily feel like she belonged to me and as selfish as that made me, I didn’t give a flying fuck. I wanted her and by the deep, lust filled kiss I was entranced in, she now knew that I would take her prisoner before she ever recoiled from me again. That sounded fucked up, even to my own deranged mind, but I hadn’t felt this happy and alive in years.

We left the boutique hand in hand. Instead of conquering another store, we walked. It was such a beautiful fall day in Manhattan and I felt so comforted by our hands intertwined as we walked the streets in silence. I occasionally looked over to find a small smile on her face and goddamn it if I didn’t feel like Superman for putting that bit of joy on her face. I squeezed her hand harder and kept walking, not wanting to break the meaningful and mindless walk we were on. It was a beautiful day, inside and out.

We finally landed on the park benches by one of the brownstone streets near my place. She looked over at me with inquisitive eyes.

“Those girls took pictures of you practically raping my mouth,” she said and then gasped at her words.

I, too, was stunned but only because it was obvious that my foul mouth was rubbing off on her.

I nudged her with my elbow. “You loved my mouth rape.”

She giggled a little and it made the day even brighter. Her giggle needed to be recorded and put on a track on the next album. She was unique and so damn sexy. I voiced that to her and she instantly shook her head.

“Oh no. No way. I was not meant to ever be recorded or photographed for that matter.” Emily was a spitfire and even if I had to drag her in by her hair and a large cave man stick, I would get her on record.

We sat in silence for a while, watching the people mill around on probably one of the best fall days we would see in the city before winter came. Her small giggle and recording it repeated over and over in my mind. I thought about Jules and the way she screamed so hard at shows that she sometimes had to remain silent for the entire next day.

"People always listen to the ones that scream the loudest. Believe me. Jules had lungs on her and I could never match up to her level of fame," I said, looking at the leaves that were swirling around the bench we were sitting on.

"Maybe he started seeing those other women because I didn't moan or show more enthusiasm in bed," she answered in the same far off monotone way.

"You moan and scream with me," I laughingly said as I tilted her chin toward me.
"We haven't ever...you know," she confirmed. 

“I’m not talking about in bed. I’m talking about you as a person and a woman," I said with a little hitch in my voice. This girl did things to my throat and my air supply.

"I hear you. I hear every word you say. You may not be the loudest woman I’ve ever met but you don't need to scream to be heard."

We locked eyes and Emily smiled at me before she leaned her head on my shoulder. It was getting colder but the weight of her head had my whole body boiling with heat. A simple gesture of a woman leaning her head on my body felt so incredibly sexy. I felt the need to protect her from her husband and the shadows that loomed in her past – always one step behind her. As if I had conjured the thought, a little girl with brown pony tails rushed up to us and she stopped right in front of Emily with a warm smile.

“Hi, Emily. I’m Grace and you’re nice,” the little girl almost sang as she swung her hands front to back – back to front. Emily slowly lifted her head off my shoulder and her flash sideways glance to me didn’t go unnoticed.

“Hi, Grace. Do you have something you want to tell me?” Emily asked as she gazed into the little girl’s eyes. What the fucking hell was going on here? How did the little girl know her name? Why was Emily not freaking out that her name was Grace and she called her nice?

“Nope,” the little girl said with a pop on the ending of the word. “I have to tell your boyfriend something. Is it okay if I do?”

Emily looked dumbstruck, like she hadn’t expected that. As though she was in a fog, she nodded to the little girl slowly.

Little Grace turned to me and her brown eyes, so magical and captivating, warmed me. I couldn’t help but smile at her. She was stunning. She looked like a little angel. She motioned for me to come closer and I went because I was mesmerized by her presence during one of the best walks, on one of the best days I’d had in maybe forever.

She cupped her hands around my ear so Emily really couldn’t hear, although I did feel Emily lean back away from us. She knew this was the little girl’s secret for me.

“You have to take care of Emily now,” Grace whispered in my ear. “Please kiss her.”

Emily slowly looked back and with blazing eyes of knowing, she bore into my eyes. They were pleading with me to comply. I nodded my head at her with a large grin spread across my face. I would take care of Emily. I would kiss her, her rules of the divorce going through be damned. I wanted the woman sitting next to me and I didn’t need a messenger from the dead to tell me that.

I slowly turned to Emily who looked extremely apprehensive at both of us. She drew in a huge, shaky breath and let it go slowly. She closed her eyes, waiting for whatever she thought would happen next. Did she think that I was going to harm her physically or mentally? I took advantage of her eyes being closed and moved my hands to cup both sides of her cold to the touch cheeks.

With love, protection, safety, and sensuality, I placed my lips on to hers and felt Emily melt under me. She parted her lips and I instantly found her tongue. She was soft and tasted so good. It started off slow and relaxing, and then like we had never kissed before, she grabbed the front of my shirt and nearly climbed onto my lap to make out with me; full on forceful and desperate. No one had ever kissed me like this. She couldn’t get enough of my lips, my teeth, and my tongue. It was raw and needy. Love and lust combined into one act of incredible kissing. She tore away from me; breathing heavy and her lips looked wet and well loved. She turned her head to address Grace at the same time I did.

She was gone. Emily looked one way while I looked the other. I didn’t know how long that kiss had lasted but it certainly wasn’t long enough for Grace to even run away without us still being able to see her.

“It’s always children,” Emily whispered into my face. “I think Grace likes to use them because they’re so intuitive.”

“So,” I said trembling. I didn’t know if it was from the first real kiss I had ever experienced or the weird, voodoo, poltergeist kid that just spoke to us from the dead. “Does that happen a lot?”

Emily shrugged, looking sheepish. Her short orange hair dangled over her eyes as she peered at her hands that laid over mine with warm attention, expecting me to pull them away. Of course, I didn’t. I wanted to know more. I
needed
to know her story.

“They come with messages I need to hear. They always know my name and they always say I’m nice. It’s like she sends them when I need her the most; to tell me what to do with my life. They never come up to me when I’m with someone and last night? Well, she never makes her appearance when I’m around someone else. You seem special to her for some reason.”

“Do you want to know what she said?” I asked, cutting my eyes back to the long path in the park to see if I saw the little girl again.

“No, that was only meant for you. I imagine it had something to do with me and maybe kissing me,” she said as she pulled away slightly to look into my eyes.

“I didn’t need a ghost’s messenger to tell me to do that. It was only a matter of time, Emmy.” I grinned at her and although it was obvious this girl came with weird and fucked up baggage and a pissed off spirit, I couldn’t imagine a day without her. It was a funny sensation.

It felt like my guitar. I couldn’t imagine not playing it every day. I had never felt that compelling feeling before for another. I swallowed hard against the emotion and prayed for a nanosecond that she might experience that feeling for me one day.

Suddenly, extreme suffocation overtook me. I wouldn’t let my heart break again. I wouldn’t let another woman come in to my life, only to literally shut the door on me.

I needed to get some space from Emily and soon. I was losing my head and it was all Grace’s fault. Was I really in a relationship with a married woman who had ghosts follow her around with messages for me? I needed reality. I wanted my simple life back and Emily, although everything I knew I wanted and needed was too much in that moment.

I started and decidedly began to head back to the apartment without my hand in Emily’s. Maybe the walk would get me in the right head space to enjoy and be with her again. Emily didn’t walk to catch up with me. Rather, she walked a few strides behind me, looking down at the ground, looking like I had just kicked her in the stomach for the entire world to see. I didn’t know what else to do. I was scared, I knew that for sure. Emily looked hopeless, like it didn’t matter what happened next.

When we were both back in the kitchen, I grabbed a couple of waters. I stared at Emily, hoping that all the answers would come to me just by looking at her.

“I, uh… I have a band meeting, um or practice, I mean,” I stumbled over my words
.

She studied my face and I knew she knew I was lying. As if in a trance, her face fell into skepticism but she didn’t say anything about my need to get the hell out of Dodge. It was all too much and I didn’t feel like I belonged in her twisted world.

Emily slowly nodded with resolve and turned her back to me, proceeding down the hall to the bedroom. I grabbed my acoustic guitar from the corner and scrubbed my hand over my face.

I was such a loser for blowing her off and for not protecting her right now, when she needed a friend. It had been a long and taxing day between us and I needed a little space. She could understand that, right?