Ashlyn (The Highland Clan Book 5) (17 page)

She lifted the sheet to peer at his bandage, then pulled his hands away with a sparkle in her eyes. “First, I shall check your bandage. And since I am caring for you, your instructions are to stay still and not overwork yourself.” After checking his thigh—the bleeding had stopped, she told him—she turned her attention to something else that stood proudly at the juncture of his thighs. It was his natural reaction to her, and he could do little to stop it.

“Roll flat onto your back so I may inspect it closer.”

He moved as instructed, believing she spoke of his injury. Then it dawned on him that she was speaking of his hardness, not his wound. He clasped his hands behind his head and grinned.

Moments later, he felt her tongue touch the tip of his cock, and he jerked in response. While he had guessed she was interested in playing a bit, he had expected the soft touch of her hand, not this.

“Ashlyn?” He lifted his head to stare at her.

“Silence. I must tend your needs,” she said, her voice playful. She ran her tongue down the length of him and earned a moan in response to her teasing. Then she took him full in her mouth and sucked him, as he had done to her.

“Ashlyn, you need not…” A groan came from him unbidden, and he closed his eyes, deciding to surrender to her ministrations.

She continued with her sweet torture, licking and laving him until he could take it no more. “Up here.”

She giggled. “You did not like what I was doing?”

“Aye, I did. But I wish for you to climax with me. You remember the hut?”

She wiggled in response at the memory of their time together. “Aye,” she whispered. “I recall quite well, but I must be careful of your injury.” She settled her hands on his chest and straddled him. After rubbing and teasing her entrance with his cock, she reached down to guide him inside of her. Her moan of delight set his pride to soaring, but he said naught, just smiled.

Moving up and down on him, she flicked his nipples with her nails, her response to him building, forcing her to move faster. He could see it in the line of her jaw. Reaching one hand down to caress her nub, he moved the other to her bottom.

Before long, she was shouting his name, milking her climax for what she could. When he knew she had finished, he moved his hands down to her hips and held her exactly where he wanted her most, so he could feel her contractions just so. She moved with him, and he grunted, finishing with a smile.

Ashlyn was a sweet pleasure indeed.

When she cuddled up to him, he had to ask her the question that had been on the tip of his tongue since he’d awakened. “I know we talked of other things, but I have changed. You have changed me.” He kissed her forehead. “I no longer fear living my life to the fullest. Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife? I know I did not do this proper the other day, and you deserve better. I’m not good with words, but I know what is in my heart. Mayhap it is because I came close to losing my life, but I do not wish to wait. I want you more than aught. Marry me, Ash. I love you and I want you in my arms every day and every night.”

He waited a moment for his question to settle in. It was probably a shock to her, but he meant every word. He ran his finger from her forehead down to her jawline. “I want you by my side forever.”

She said naught, so he added, “If you need to think on it, ‘tis all right. We’ve been through an ordeal, and we are both exhausted. Think on it for a couple of days and return to give me your answer.”

“I…I’m sorry, Magnus. I do not wish to hurt you, but I would like to think on it. I love you, too, but so much has happened… I just need a wee bit of time.” She gazed into his eyes and said, “I promise to give you an answer soon.”

Disappointed but not surprised, he tugged her back down next to him. “Take all the time you need. I will be here waiting for you.”

Chapter Eighteen

Ashlyn climbed up the hill back to her house just before dawn in the morning. She needed to clean up and change her clothes.

And think.

What was she to do? He had survived, thank the Lord, and she loved him, but was she ready to marry? Her mind twisted and turned in every possible direction, but she could not come up with a solution. She’d talk to her mother first, though she was quite sure she knew what her mama would say. Her mother would love to see her married.

But could a lass who had spent most of her life hating lads—or, at least, many lads—truly give herself to one? She entered the cottage, then closed the door quietly behind her in case anyone was still abed.

On the other hand, this was her chance. This was what she’d dreamed of for years. She could have it all—a man to love, bairns of her own. But would it be fair to saddle Magnus with a lass who still had nightmares? So far, their lovemaking had been wonderful, but would her past come back to haunt her? Aye, Magnus had helped settle the one nightmare, but the other? She’d had no luck retrieving any memories of two men.

There was also still the fear that she could not measure up to his previous wife. Would she be enough for him, or would he regret marrying her someday, wishing for Rhona instead? Would he abandon her in favor of a memory? Her heart was torn in two.

Her mother sat near the hearth, her usual morning spot, with her bowl of porridge.

“Are you the only one up, Mama?”

“Gracie is still asleep, and the lads slept with the guards last night. Robbie just left. How is Magnus?”

She sat in a chair by the fire, across from her mother. “He is better. He awoke about an hour or so ago, and I checked his dressing. There is just a wee bit of blood.”

“Does he have a fever?”

“Nay, will he get one?”

“Aye, ‘tis possible since the wound was not properly cleaned right away. If so, Magnus is strong—he should be able to fight the fever.”

“I hope so.” She stared into the dancing flames, wondering how to broach the subject of marriage with her mother.

“When is the wedding?” her mother whispered.

She spun her head around to stare at her. “What?”

“I asked when the wedding was going to take place.”

“I do not understand why you would ask me such a question.” She squirmed in her chair, suddenly feeling more exhausted than she had in days.

“Because I know he took your maidenhead.”

“Mama, how could you know that?” She hated to lie to her mother, but she wasn’t ready to be forced into marriage.

“I know my own daughter. Do you truly wish to play this game?”

Her shoulders slumped. “Nay.”

Her mother cleared her throat. “Allow me to try a different tactic. Magnus took your maidenhead, did he not?”

All of a sudden, Ashlyn’s temper flared. “Nay, he did not. I
gave
him my maidenhead. ‘Twas a gift from me to him with no expectations.” How she wished to leave and go to her bed chamber, but she needed to talk to her mother about marriage. Would this not be the perfect time?

“If I know Magnus, and I think I do, he has asked you to marry him. He may not have had the chance to speak with your stepsire because of his injury, but I am sure he discussed it with you.”

Ashlyn was too weary to argue. She might as well confess all to her mother, she was no young lass but a woman. “Aye, he has offered. I know he would make a good husband, but I know not if ‘tis what I want.” She gave her mother a pleading look, hoping she would not attack her.

“Forgive me for mentioning this, but have you considered the possibility that you may be carrying his bairn?” Her mother carried her bowl over to the basin to wash it, not looking at her.

Ashlyn did not speak for a moment. It was foolish of her, but she had not considered that this possibility could happen to her. She had chosen to ignore the truth of the matter, but now she could not. How did one know? Her hand flew to her belly as if a mere touch would tell her.

“How would I know?” she whispered.

“If you did not get your courses as usual. Some women get nauseous in the morning, others do not. But I wish to warn you that the more often you lay with him, the better the chances that you will carry. And as of yet, there is no known way to prevent it, though some herbalists speak of certain tea mixtures and other such things. Naught is used with confidence.” She returned to the chair by the hearth. “I hope you will agree to marry him if you are carrying his bairn. ‘Twould be the right thing to do. ‘Tis his bairn as well.”

Ashlyn’s mind was doing somersaults, but there could only be one answer. “Aye, if I am carrying, I will marry him.”

“Ash, if you do not want a loving husband, what do you want? I know you have spent much of your life hating men, and I’m sure it’s due to the life we led before moving to the Highlands. But our life is much better now. Surely, living here with the Grants and the Ramsays, seeing the happiness and the devotion shared by all these couples, can you not see that marriage might make you happy? I know you wished to stop MacNiven, and you should be verra proud of yourself for wounding him, but that does not mean you should not have a life of your own.”

“Mama, I do not know what I want. I thought I would love traveling to Edinburgh, but I could not wait to come home. Magnus and I even came back early because I could not handle being away. While I was gone, I ended up in situations that frightened me so much that I was nauseous. ‘Twas only by chance that we came upon MacNiven when we did.”

“So you did not enjoy traveling with the guards as much as you thought you would?”

“Aye. I would not wish to be Aunt Gwyneth and travel freely. I like my clan. I missed all of you and Gracie.” She fought to hold back her tears. “But…but I want to help. I need to help. Those women, Mama, they are still basically his prisoners. They do not know what he plans for them. I overheard them talking. They deserve to be free as any woman does.”

“Aye, they do, but you are not the only one who can stop him. And loving someone does not mean you cannot continue to assist when possible. Can you not see how much Uncle Logan and Aunt Gwyneth love each other? They fight for justice, yet they have a family of their own, including adopted daughters. Ashlyn, inside you are angry and hurt, but you also have the biggest, most generous heart I’ve ever known. You mustn’t think that you need to give up your own happiness to help other lasses.”

“You’re right, Mama. I’m verra tired. Would you mind if I went to bed? I know I have much to think on, and I promise I will. Magnus told me to take all the time I need, but I’d like to give him my answer within two days.” She rubbed her forehead and stood.

Her mother wrapped her arms around her. “Ashlyn, I will help you in any way possible. Get some rest now. Your thinking will be clearer when you are well-rested.”

“My thanks, Mama.” She kissed her mother’s cheek and headed to her bedroom.

As soon as she closed the chamber door behind her, she saw Gracie sitting up in bed, tears running down her cheeks. “Gracie, what’s wrong?”

“I heard you talking to Mama. You’re getting married?”

Ashlyn sat on the bed facing Gracie. How she adored her sister. They’d been sleeping in a big bed together forever. “I’m not sure. Why are you crying?”

“Because you’re leaving me. We’ve always been together. I do not recall a time when you were not with me. What will I do without you?” Gracie swiped at the tears on her face.

“Gracie, I have not decided for sure yet. Magnus has asked me, but I have not accepted. Do you not wish to marry someday?” Ashlyn reached for the near white locks of her sister’s hair, tucking some of the wild strands behind her ear. Gracie had hypnotizing blue eyes and the most beautiful skin Ashlyn had ever seen. Most knew from a glance that they were half-sisters, since their coloring was so different. Neither of them had ever met Gracie’s sire, and their mother never spoke of him.

“Nay, I have not thought on it much. Mama keeps me busy.”

“But with the way you love the wee ones, you would be a natural mother.” Gracie was probably the most beautiful lass in all of the clan, but she had few suitors because her stepsire was the laird’s brother, she stayed at home much of the time, and most were afraid of her beauty. “And you have a heart of gold.”

Gracie stared at her hands as she twisted the linens back and forth on her lap. “No lads are interested in me. ‘Tis as if they do not see me. I had always assumed you and I would grow old together.”

“You are the most beautiful lass in the clan. The lads are
afraid
of you. Besides, you are so quiet you have not talked with many lads yet. You should go to the archery fields with me.”

Her sister shook her head and scowled. “Nay, I’m not interested in lad’s games. You may play them if you like, but they are not me.” Her tears slowed as she looked into Ashlyn’s eyes. “Do you think there is someone who would have me?”

“Gracie, there are many who would have you. Ask Robbie to find you a husband.”

“Do you think Da would?” The hope in her sister’s eyes saddened her.

Since Gracie had never known her sire, she had always referred to Robbie Grant as her da, but Ashlyn remembered hers, so she wished to respect her true sire by referring to Robbie as her stepsire. Robbie Grant, wonderful man that he was, did not mind either one. “I think it would make Da happy. Tell me the truth. Would you truly be so upset if I married? If so, mayhap I could ask Magnus if you could live with us.”

“Nay. I shall stay here with Mama and Papa. Forgive my tears. I wish you happiness, Ashlyn. If you wish to marry Magnus, then you should do so. I’ll be fine. ‘Twas just such a surprise to me.” She stared at her hands for a moment before lifting her gaze to Ashlyn’s. “I do not mind if you marry, or even if you travel to Edinburgh, as long as you promise to never leave Grant land for good. I could not bear to lose you. Promise?”

Ashlyn felt as if she’d been hit by a thunderbolt. In her heart, she knew she could never leave either. “I would not be far, just down the hill. And mayhap someday you would be an aunt.”

That made Gracie smile, her face now lit up with the thoughts of a bairn to love. “I would love to be an aunt.”

Ashlyn gave her sister a hug. They settled onto the mattress and Ashlyn rolled on to her side. “Forgive me, Gracie, but I tire.” She closed her eyes dreaming about a man with a permanent smile on his face.

It was mid-morning when she awakened with a scream. Hands were trying to grab her, and she tried to hit them and send them away. This was her other recurrent nightmare, the one with two men. It was a dream she hated even more than the other, mayhap because she did not recognize these men. Who knew if they were out there still?

Gracie came in and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, assisting her to a sitting position. “Another nightmare? ‘Twas the same as the others?”

“Aye, ‘tis the dream with two men. The ones I do not recognize.”

Gracie hugged her and kissed her cheek. “I feel terrible that you continue to experience these dreams.”

“Do you know I have had fewer nightmares when Magnus was near? The first time was when we were in Edinburgh and he had to sleep outside the door. Then I had another one. The only other time he held me while I cried. ‘Twas nice.”

“But only two in all that time? You were gone a fortnight. That is an improvement.”

“Gracie, may I ask you a question?”

Gracie sat back so she could look into her sister’s eyes and nodded. “Of course. You know I would do aught for you.”

“Do you recall aught about the time before we came to live here? When the Norse came, or when we traveled through the Highlands with Uncle Logan and Aunt Gwyneth? I know you were young, around two summers, but surely you must recall something.”

“Nay, I have tried many times, but I have no memories at all from that time.”

“Mama thinks if I could remember the dreams and talk about them, the nightmares would cease. I can recall one, but not the other. It feels wrong to marry someone when I am riddled with nightmares.”

Her mother entered their chamber. “Another one, Ashlyn?”

“Aye. The one with the two men.”

“Mama, Ashlyn tells me that she does not have as many nightmares when Magnus is near,” Gracie said, looking at their mother.

“That makes sense to me. He is her protector, and in case you think you do not need one, Ashlyn, think of Aunt Gwyneth. She is a highly capable lass, but she goes nowhere without Uncle Logan.”

“Aye. ‘Tis true, I know,” Ashlyn said, rubbing her head. “Have you been to see Magnus yet?”

“Aye, he is much better. I stitched his wound this morn because it broke open again. I could see better in the light of day. He is a tough man. I changed the linen strips and brought him some broth. He is still weak, but he shall survive.”

“I think I shall go see him after I wash up and change into a clean gown.”

“May I go with you this time?” Gracie asked. “Since you are in love with him, I would like to get to know him better.” She grinned at her sister. “He must be quite special to have caught your eye.”

“Aye, I’ll be ready to go in a wee bit.” She moved into the other room but then stopped to speak to Gracie. “Aye, he is quite special. You’ll see.”