Ask Me (4 page)

“Not that your hair is tangled. I mean, it’s not, like, ratty or anything. I mean …” he cleared his throat. “Sorry, I should just shut up.”

I couldn’t help it. I smiled. Usually I was the one babbling. Maybe it was this side of him, not the sporty jock that everyone could see, that had drawn Jade to him. I wondered what other hidden sides he had. Would it hurt to know more? “What are you going to do with the feathers?”

He grinned back. “I’m not sure yet. Maybe nothing. I had an idea, but it seems kind of stupid now.” He dropped the feathers, and they floated down and spread out to land in a ring everywhere but in the bin. He laughed a little at himself as he crouched down to pick them up.

“What was your idea?” I felt so brave, asking questions. But it wasn’t like he had to answer me.

He kept his eyes down as he picked up the feathers. “I was thinking something about an eagle. Or a phoenix, maybe. Sounds pretty stupid, doesn’t it?”

“No,” I answered. “You will rise from the ashes of your father’s shame and be reborn stronger than he, and be your own man soaring free.” A warmth started in my belly and spread through me.

His hand clenched into a fist, snapping the shafts of a few of the feathers, while the rest floated down unharmed to land on top of the pile of junk in the bin. I reached out my hand to pick one up and then drew it back at the look on Alex’s face. I had given him a bitter pill.

“Sorry,” I said. “I didn’t—” I didn’t what? I didn’t know what I was saying? I didn’t mean to insult his family? I
didn’t mean to open my mouth and insert my foot yet again? This was exactly why I didn’t talk to people.

“I didn’t expect that from you, of all people,” he said. The open look on his face had disappeared. The door had closed. “I’ll see you later, Aria.”

I hadn’t even known that he knew my name, but I doubted if he’d be using it again anytime soon.

As I was leaving art class, I saw Delilah standing with a police officer and a worn-out looking blonde woman. They were going through Jade’s locker. I walked closer, my embarrassment over what I had said to Alex forgotten.

The woman had Jade’s eyes and nose, though a narrower, more pinched version in both cases. “Thank you again for calling, Delilah,” she said. “I thought Jade was at your house last night, so I didn’t worry when I didn’t see her at breakfast this morning.”

The policeman paused in his search, a copy of
Othello
in one hand. “Is it normal for your daughter to be out all night on a school night?”

“When the mood takes her or the boy calls,” I whispered to myself, my chin tucked into my body. They didn’t hear me, but I backed up a few steps anyway and stepped into something solid. Alex. He steadied my shoulders, but
he wasn’t even looking at me. He was staring at the three of them in front of Jade’s locker.

Jade’s mother bristled. “No, Officer, it isn’t. But she told me she was going to Delilah’s to work on a project that was due, and I trust my daughter.”

“I’m not insinuating anything, Mrs. Price,” he said patiently. “We have to ask every question in missing person cases. I hope you understand.”

Alex’s fingers clenched, and he released my shoulders. I stepped away, unsure what I should do. He didn’t seem to even know I was there.
Questions
, the officer had said. I was curious but not that foolhardy. I put my earphones in and lost myself in The Fray. I hurried off to my car, leaving Alex standing and watching. Other students were beginning to congregate as well, circling like vultures.

I ARRIVED AT HOME
that afternoon right after Granddad.

“Woo-hoo!” he sang out from the front porch when he saw me. I couldn’t help but laugh as he kicked his skinny legs up and clicked his heels together like a grizzled but spritely leprechaun. He grabbed me around the waist as soon as I got out of my car and spun me around until we were both dizzy. “You did it, Aria! Our dog came in first. We won a thousand dollars!”

That was something to celebrate. We hadn’t had that much extra cash in a long time. Gran and Granddad both got social security, but most of it went to regular bills and various medications. Granddad had a heart condition, though he ignored it (and his doctor’s advice) most of the time. A scare a few months ago had hospitalized him
for two days and cleaned out our cash reserves. I had even been thinking about writing Mom or Dad for money, but I hadn’t been able to stoop that low.

Gran came out of the front door, wiping her hands on a dish towel. She must have heard him through the kitchen window. “Porter!” she barked at him. “You know how I feel about gambling! Aria should be using her gift for better things than that!” Her voice was tough, but I could see a slight smile working its way out. It was always the same. She’d give him a sound scolding and then put the money to good use. She was far more practical than puritanical, no matter what she said.

Granddad smiled, ran up the steps to grab her, and danced her around the porch. I hung back as they dipped and bobbed. Cutting the rug, that’s what they called it. They had met years and years ago on a dance floor while Granddad was on leave. I never saw them happier than when they were dancing together.

“We are going out to celebrate this weekend,” said Granddad firmly as they wound down. “No arguing either, Ellie. We haven’t had a good night out in ages.”

Gran opened her mouth to argue anyway, but Granddad swooped in to give her a kiss. They both wound up laughing and had to hold on to each other to keep from falling over. I slipped into the house to give them some privacy. I loved seeing them that way, but it made me jealous at the same time.

“IS SOMETHING BOTHERING YOU
, Aria?” asked Gran that night at dinner. By the look on her face I knew she had
asked it as a question on purpose, rather than rephrasing it as a statement. She was tricky that way. It was a good thing I had never tried to sneak around behind her back since I’d never get away with it. All you had to do was ask me what was going on, and I had to tell. A teen’s worst nightmare and a parent’s dream—or so you’d think. She’d been there once herself.

“Regret,” I said, “that I did not do enough, that I did not do what I could, that I did not do anything but leave when I could have stayed.” I groaned. If only I were a normal teenager. I could have just said “no” and been done with it. I wasn’t even sure if I meant when I had seen Jade in the bathroom or when I had run into Delilah, Jade’s mom, and the policeman after school. I may have answers, but I still didn’t know what my subconscious meant. But the regret was there. I could feel it.

Gran leaned forward, waiting for me to explain. Granddad leaned back, staying out of it.

“A girl at school is missing,” I finally said. “A policeman was going through her locker today.” I poked at the stringy pot roast. Why Gran made winter food in the heat of almost-summer in Florida was a mystery to me. Maybe that’s all that was weighing on me after all. It’s not like I could have done anything in either situation. It wasn’t my fault Jade was missing.

“Ah,” said Gran. “And you feel guilty that you didn’t try to help.”

“No,” I said, my own words this time. “I mean, not exactly.”

“Well, maybe you should.”

“Don’t push, Ellie,” said Granddad. “She’ll do things in her own time, you know.”

I shoved my plate away. The meat and potatoes sat heavy in my stomach. “I don’t want to talk to the police,” I said.

“Don’t,” said Gran. “Talk to me.” She reached out a hand and curled her papery fingers around mine. “Did the girl run away?”

“Running from, running to … it’s all the same.” I pulled my hand away.

Gran leaned forward even more. “Where is the girl, Aria?”

“Nowhere,” I said. I shook my head. This was useless. Why did she insist on doing this?

“Is she hurt?”

“Not now.” We were playing at questions. “Gran, this is stupid.”

“Aria, don’t you think you’ll feel better if you know?”

“Yes and no,” I said. Well, that was clear as mud.

“Ellie,” said Granddad. “That’s enough. Let her be.”

“Porter,” retorted Gran, “she won’t learn to control her gift if she never uses it.”

“Control it?” I stared at Gran, my turn to lean forward. What was she talking about?

“Yes, control it. Aria, you’re always trying to hide or bury it. You need to open up to it instead. Learn to channel it so that the answers don’t surprise you or …”

“Or what?”

“Overpower you.”

“Is that even possible?” Every time I had ever tried to control an answer it had always managed to come out anyway.

Gran seemed to know what I was thinking. “Controlling it isn’t about repressing it, Aria. It’s about letting it go and guiding it. I can show you how, if you’ll let me. I still remember.”

I shook my head. Letting it go was the last thing I wanted. It already controlled my life enough as it was.

Gran sighed. “You’ll get it someday. I know you will. Why don’t I get out the—”

“No.” I stood up before Gran could finish her question. “I’ve got homework.” Gran’s eyes were disappointed, but she nodded as I left the room. Granddad gave me a pat on the back as I went by him. Sometimes, even though Gran was the one who’d shared this curse of a “gift,” I felt like Granddad understood how I felt about it better.

I could tell at breakfast that Gran was dying to continue her line of questioning. Every time she picked up her fork or took a sip of that morning’s horrible juice concoction (I’d only had to smell it to know I definitely didn’t want any), she gave me a meaningful look. I silently chewed my grits, even though I knew they’d be a brick in my stomach by second period.

Turns out I was deeply regretting the grits by the time I pulled into the school parking lot. What I saw there didn’t help. Someone—probably the cheerleaders—had made a huge banner:
JADE, PLEASE COME HOME
. They’d hung it across the chain-link fence. People had already stuck flower arrangements and white wooden crosses in the links, like they did when people died in traffic accidents.

I put in my earphones and cranked the volume up as loud as it would go. Students were gathered together in hushed clumps. For once, I could actually walk down the
hallway without someone trying to put an elbow through my back. I passed by Tank and resisted the urge to accidentally knock into him.

My biology teacher didn’t even notice that I left my earphones in, the steady drumbeat of Fall Out Boy providing the backbeat as I observed everyone in panic mode or pretending to be. Not that I was surprised, but it turned out our school didn’t respond well to a crisis. I didn’t stop the music for my next two classes either, but Ms. Samson was showing a movie, and algebra II had a substitute who obviously didn’t give a damn that some girl he’d never met had disappeared, so he spent the entire class reading the paper.

I was starting to think I might be able to get away without a single question all day until my luck ran out in home economics.

Mrs. Pratt noticed the earphones as soon as I walked in the door. She smiled her I-don’t-want-to-but-I-have-to smile and made pulling motions at her ears. I yanked on the cord and tugged both sides out at once, then went to a seat in the very back of the classroom. Home ec had a mix of every grade of student, all girls. I wasn’t domestically inclined, but the school counselor, assuming I didn’t aspire to any kind of real job, had put me in it. Delilah and Shelley were both in it, too, presumably for the easy A. Quite a few seniors were in the class for that reason. That, and Mrs. Pratt liked to concentrate on baking and everyone preferred her cupcakes to anything the cafeteria put out.

“We’re making brownies today,” she announced cheerfully.

“Those are Jade’s favorite,” said Delilah in a pitiful little voice. There was a moment of silence in the class as Mrs. Pratt looked a bit nonplussed. She was a relentlessly positive woman.

“Well,” she finally said, “we’ll be sure to save a plate for her for when she comes back.”

“If
she comes back,” said Shelley. She looked smug, like she somehow imagined the world to be a better place now that Jade was missing. For her, perhaps it was. She seemed to delight in making other people miserable, and Jade had ruined that for her more than once. She certainly liked to make
me
miserable and had never let me forget the incident in the bathroom my freshman year. She called me Tammy Tampon whenever she saw me, and Jade wasn’t around. Thank God it had never caught on with anyone else. I had enough nicknames as it was.