Ask Me Something (The Something Series Book 2) (32 page)

***

“You’re late,
Brian, and what are you wearing? I specifically requested you to wear a white
shirt for family pictures,” his mother griped, coming up to us the minute we
entered.

He kissed her
cheek. “I prefer the baby blue shirt, Mother. You remember Sasha?” Brian asked,
his hand on my lower back.

Her eyes left
him for a moment and recognition dawned when they settled on me. “I do remember
her. What exactly are you doing here, though?”

I was prepared
to answer, but Brian beat me to it. “She’s my girlfriend, and she’s here with
me. Now, if you’ll excuse us, I have a lot of people to introduce her to, but
first we need to find Kenzie.”

Her brows shot
up. I could tell by the firm line to her mouth she was taking the news as
expected.

He whisked me
away in search of his sister and whispered, “That went better than I thought it
would.”

I shot him an
incredulous look. “Seriously?”

The look in his
eyes confirmed that he wasn’t kidding.

Kenzie’s
reaction quickly made up for it, though. “Sasha, oh, my gosh. You came.” She
engulfed me in a hug and then looked to where Brian’s hand held mine. “Are you
guys—? Oh—oh.”

Crap, she was
starting to squeal.

Brian chuckled.
“If you cry or screech like a girl you’re going to send her for the hills. Do
me a favor and play it cool for me.”

She calmed down
immediately, still smiling broadly. “Sorry. But you know I’ve never met a
girlfriend of his before. Matter of fact, my friends during freshman year of
college asked if he might be gay.”

Now it was
Brian’s turn to look uncomfortable.

Huh, I liked the
turn of this conversation.

“Really, Kenzie,
that’s the story you tell her? Is it any wonder I didn’t bring anyone home
before now?”

She stuck her
tongue out and gave him a big hug.

“Has the fact
that you’re now a college graduate sunk in yet?” Brian kissed her on the cheek,
looking proud of his little sister.

She beamed. “No,
but that’s probably because grad school is right around the corner. Mom’s
already pissed, by the way, because I’m not wearing the dress she picked out.”

He chuckled.
“She’s ticked because I’m not wearing the white shirt, so there you have it.
Per usual, the family bonding is off the charts.”

She giggled. “Seriously,
my dad is around here somewhere avoiding her probably sneaking the scotch
already. Mom is such a control freak. I’m so glad we’re not like that.”

I stole a glance
at Brian. His desire to be in control in at least one aspect of his life was
making a lot more sense to me.

Judging from the
tight smile on his face, he wasn’t thrilled with his sister giving me this
insight.

An interruption
from Colby, however, distracted us all. “Hello, Sasha, Brian. Nice to see you
both. Hey Kenz.”

We stood around
chatting until Brian’s mother interjected, insisting Brian and his sister join
the family on the back lawn for pictures.

I was a
spectator, along with Colby, watching while Brian’s mother arranged the family
in several poses. So far my anxiety in being here had been manageable. Maybe I
could do this after all. I tried unsuccessfully not to laugh at the funny looks
both Kenzie and Brian were giving me when my cell phone vibrated in my clutch.

I ignored it,
figuring it would go to voicemail, only to hear it vibrate again. Pulling it
out, I saw my assistant Nancy’s number flash up. It was Saturday, and since
she’d never called me on my personal phone before, I knew it had to be some
sort of crisis.

“Excuse me,
Colby, I have to take this,” I said, stepping to the side. “Hello.” Looking toward
Brian, whose eyes were watching me closely; I smiled before focusing in on
Nancy.

“I’m sorry to
bother you on a Saturday, Sasha, and on your private number, but I tried to
reach you yesterday on your work phone and via email…”

“I’m sorry,
Nancy, I turned it off and shouldn’t have. What’s going on?”

“Evidently,
Vanessa asked that Logan travel out instead of you on Thursday for the shoot.
She told him that she’d taken you off the account after meeting with Brian on
Friday morning.”

My eyes
immediately flicked towards Brian.

His face looked
concerned, probably from the way mine now appeared after getting this news.

“Did you say
that Vanessa called Logan to tell him to come in my place because she’d told
Brian I was off the account yesterday?”

“Yes. I’m sorry,
Sasha. You may want to reach out to Brian to discover what might be happening.
To find out from the client seems unprofessional. I would’ve thought—”

“Hang up.”
Brian’s voice came from behind me, and he snatched the phone from my grasp.
“Nancy, she’ll have to call you back.” He pressed the end call button and simply
stared at me.

Brian’s
expression let me know immediately that all of what I’d just heard had been
true.

The blood
drained from my face, and my heart rate skyrocketed.

“Sasha, it’s not
what you think,” he began, pulling me further over to the side, out of view of
everyone.

“Was I fired
from the account yesterday?”

His silence and the
grim set to his mouth were answer enough.

I tried to walk
by him into the house. I needed to get away.

“Wait—” he said,
grasping my elbow. “It’s only temporary. There’s a meeting on Monday that
should resolve everything.”

I turned and
faced him. “But if I were to call her up at this very moment, what would she
say? Oh, that’s right, I can’t because her number is in my work phone, and you
made up some bullshit story about needing to put our phones away for the
weekend because you were burned out. But that wasn’t it, was it? It was to keep
me from finding out. I thought maybe I was supporting you for a change, but no,
it was all a deception.”

“Look, it’ll be
fixed come next week, I promise. There’s a plan—”

“I told you the
one thing—” I started to have trouble talking as my heart rate and breathing
began to spiral out of control. “—not to hide anything from me,” I managed to
get out some fragments.

He grimaced. “I
wasn’t hiding it. I was merely delaying it until I could…”

I wasn’t
listening any longer. I’d been removed from the Tryon Pharmaceuticals account
on Friday morning, and my boyfriend, the one man I’d come to trust the most, had
not only known about it, but had also kept it from me. He’d hidden it after I’d
specifically told him how I felt about lies of omission.

Suddenly I was
in a tunnel with everything becoming blurry. My heart raced, the pain of it
beating so fast, it nearly doubled me over. I rushed into the house while
feeling everyone’s eyes on me and not being able to do a thing about it. I
could hear them whispering, see them judging. And suddenly I was brought back
to sixteen years old.

***

My very first
panic attack had taken me completely off guard when I was a teenager. My mind hadn’t
known how to process the shock of finding out this homeless beggar woman was my
birth mother and I’d been adopted. My body had shut down. I’d thought I was
dying right there on the ground that day, clutching my heart and gasping for
breath. Evidently, when the paramedics had arrived, they’d suspected I was
experiencing a seizure. It wasn’t until twenty-four hours later and a battery
of tests that the doctors had determined I’d had a panic attack.

It’s ironic that,
to my parents, that had been a relief to hear. It meant I didn’t have anything
medically wrong with me. But for me, personally, it had been terrible news. I
would’ve welcomed a diagnosis of seizures or something else that didn’t have
the same stigma. A panic attack meant I was weak. A panic attack meant I
couldn’t control things.

My parents had
thought by hiding the fact that I’d been adopted, they were protecting me. But
in fact they’d been shielding themselves, and so was Brian. It was only fitting
that my second worst panic attack in history would start with his betrayal.

But unlike the
first one, on this occasion my body knew what to expect, and I could use some
of the techniques I’d learned over the years to manage it. Both Brian’s and
Colby’s voices came into focus, and I found myself in a bedroom. I vaguely
remembered someone taking my hand and leading me upstairs.

“I’m calling
nine-one-one,” Brian said, dialing his cell phone.

I shook my head
adamantly and tried to speak. “No, it’s a—” Breathe, Sasha”—panic attack.”

He looked like
he didn’t believe me, and then Mark was there, too. Brian’s college friend must
have arrived at the party after we had. Then Brian’s mom came in, and somewhere
I could hear muffled tones arguing.

Terrific, now my
anxiety was rising again. “Please—need—people—to—leave.” For sixteen years I’d
been able to keep this secret and now it was on display for everyone. It was my
worst nightmare.

Brian knelt in
front of me, grasping my hands. “Honey, how do you know it’s a panic attack? What
if it’s something more serious?”

I shook my head
and looked imploringly at Colby and Mark, who were hovering.

Finally, Colby,
bless his heart, started telling everyone to get out. I could only hope one of
them hadn’t been McKenzie. I was sure I’d already ruined her party.

“I’ve—had—them—before.”

Brian looked
confused. “What are you talking about? When?”

I couldn’t begin
to go into it with him, especially since he’d been partially responsible for
this one. “Please go, Brian.” At least that had been a full sentence.

“I’m not leaving.
Tell me what I can do.”

I shook my head,
wanting to be left alone. I couldn’t have him, of all people, see me like this.
Climbing off the bed quickly, I bolted for the bathroom and emptied the
contents of my stomach.

Brian’s hands
held my hair back gently. After I was done, he offered me a cool wash cloth.

My head was
pounding, but my breathing had started to level out. It was amazing how slowly
time crawled when you wished it to go quickly, but I’d learned there was no
rushing an attack, else you brought on a second one.

Brian’s eyes
looked concerned. “How about I drive you to the hospital?”

“No—I need to go
lie—” Breathe. “—down at the hotel.”

“Okay, I’ll take
you.”

“No.” I met his
eyes, and that word hung between us. “I can’t.” The tears were starting to come
now. If I didn’t get out of here soon I’d be a complete hysterical mess and Brian
would want to comfort me. If that happened, god only knew what else I’d reveal.

“Sasha, please—”
His handsome face looked absolutely devastated.

But there was
nothing I could do to soothe him or tell him it would be okay right now. I had
to concentrate on myself for the moment. I walked out to the bedroom, unsteady
on my feet, to see both Colby and Mark looking for direction. “I need a taxi.”

Both of them glanced
toward Brian.

“Why don’t you lie
down here for a few minutes,” Mark suggested.

I shook my head,
feeling the panic start up again. “Please—I need—to go.”

Brian put his
arm around me, but I stepped back, not wanting his touch.

“You’re making
it worse—please—” The shame had started to settle in and I couldn’t meet his
eyes. I was no longer the Sasha he thought he knew. Instead I’d humiliated him
in front of his friends and family, not to mention myself. Yes, his betrayal
had been the catalyst, but a normal person could have stormed off or cursed him
out. My over-reaction highlighted my inability to deal with anything
challenging.

“I can drive her,”
Colby offered.

“No, you’ve been
drinking. I’ll take her,” Mark stepped in. “Colby, you get the car brought
around. Here’s my tag for the valet.”

I didn’t know
the man very well, but at that moment I was eternally grateful.

Brian’s mouth
fell into a hard line and both men moved to the corner of the room to have a
heated debate. Finally, Mark prevailed and took my arm to lead me out.

Thank goodness
Colby had the lay of the house. He bounded up the stairs and took us down the
back way.

Brian didn’t
follow.

By the time we
got in the car, my breathing had steadied and my heart rate had calmed.
Absolute exhaustion battled the adrenaline needed to get the hell away from
this place. I couldn’t handle answering any questions about my history or
revealing any more than I already had. The gig was up, and it was a matter of
time before Brian wanted answers.

During the
drive, Mark gratefully hadn’t said anything, only chancing a few glances toward
me, mostly likely to ensure he didn’t have to GPS it to the nearest hospital.
After pulling up at the hotel, he put the car in park, apparently intending to
get out with me.

I held up my
hand. “I’m better now, thank you.”

He hesitated. “I
realize we don’t know one another very well, Sasha, but Brian insisted I see
you up to your room.”

“Then he’ll have
to get over it,” I snapped. Wincing at my tone, I felt the tears threaten
again. “I’m sorry, Mark. Look, I have to do this by myself. You can tell him I
wouldn’t let you up.” I couldn’t handle one more sympathetic look today.

He sighed. “No
need to apologize. And I know this isn’t my place, but I have to say it. Brian
may have screwed up, but he’s one of the best guys I know.”

Yes, he was. Even
in messing up, he’d managed to be tender and kind, wanting nothing more than an
opportunity to explain himself. My panic attack had only confirmed that my
reaction had been out of proportion to the problem. The Sasha he knew would’ve
read him the riot act and left with her head held high. Instead, I’d hit rock
bottom with plenty of witnesses to my shame. And on top of everything else, I’d
ruined Kenzie’s graduation party.

I turned towards
Mark before getting out of the car. “Then the issue is obviously me.”

***

Packing quickly,
I knew I was on borrowed time. When Brian came back to the room, I intended to
be gone. My pounding head made it challenging, however, and I had no choice but
to move slower than usual. After glancing around the room one last time, I
wheeled my suitcase toward the door. Briefly, I thought about my work phone in
the safe and dismissed it. I didn’t have the combination anyhow.

Opening the
door, I came face to face with Brian. He was about to swipe his card.

His eyes glanced
down to my suitcase and back up to my face. “I thought you were going to lie
down.”

“I changed my
mind. You should be back at Kenzie’s party. I already ruined some of it. She
doesn’t need her favorite brother leaving to spoil the rest.” My voice was
thick with emotion. It was one more thing I hated about myself at this moment.

He frowned. “She
doesn’t even know it happened. Everyone else there thinks I screwed up and you
needed a minute. It’s not as bad as you think it was.”

Yeah, right. “I
need to go. I have a plane to catch.”

“Sasha, please
give me a few minutes.”

I shook my head,
feeling the tears. “I can’t.”

He stepped into
the room, forcing me to move back. The door closed behind him. “I know I
screwed up, but if you’ll give me until Monday to fix—”

Needing some
distance, I moved towards the window, holding up my hand when he tried to come
closer. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Don’t say that.
It does matter. I didn’t want to keep it from you, but there are a lot of
variables at the moment we’re working through. It’s bigger than just you or me.”

The explanation
didn’t matter at this point. The only thing that did was getting out of here
before he asked more questions. “I have to leave.” My voice cracked on the last
word.

“Tell me about
the panic attacks.”

“No.” My eyes
met his, and I took a deep breath, willing myself not to go into another one.

“So you can feel
betrayed with my omission about Vanessa, but the fact that you’ve never
mentioned your panic attacks before isn’t the same thing?” He ran a hand
through his hair, frustrated.

I sucked in my
breath. “It’s not the same thing, and you know it.”

“How is it not
when I’m ready to call an ambulance because I don’t know what the hell is going
on today, only to find out that it wasn’t the first time—Oh, shit—did you have
one that day after Jamie came by? Is that what that was?”

The air left my
lungs. My secret had not only been on display at Kenzie’s party, but now Brian was
putting together the entire truth. Now he’d know that I was incapable of
handling any stressors without collapsing into a panic attack. I’d spent the
last sixteen years building up an image that had taken less than thirty minutes
to implode completely. I moved toward the door.

He grabbed my
arm. “You could’ve told me, Sash—”

I truly was on
the verge of having another attack. His sympathy was only making it worse. I
couldn’t let him see me needing him. “I can’t do this right now. I’m sorry,
it’s too much.”

His eyes flashed
with pain, and his voice rose. “So when would it be the best time?”

“What?” Why the
hell was he getting angry?

“You agreed to
be my girlfriend. Agreed to take the next step, and yet you can’t even tell me
that you fucking miss me. You can’t tell me for a second that you might have
feelings, too.”

“I agreed
because you pressured me and—” I immediately regretted my words when I saw the
shattered look on his face.

“Right. I’ve
pressured you into this whole thing. Into the rules, into sex, into a
relationship. All of it.” His voice was thick, and I could see the hurt in his
eyes.