Assumed Engagement (17 page)

Richard's face softened. "Georgiana, when your mother died, Darcy took it very hard. His father was very strong in how he dealt with it, and Darcy felt he must be strong also, holding all his feelings inside. I believe he was hurting terribly and had no one to help him through his grief. Then when your father died, that added to the grief he had never dealt with."

Georgiana's eyes welled up with tears. "And I suppose having to take on the responsibility of raising a young girl contributed to it even more."

Her cousin put his arm around her. "Georgiana, please do not blame yourself for Darcy's temperament. He is who he is because of himself. If he wants to change, he will change. He can make an effort. I have seen him lively enough in situations that I am assured he has it within him. As a rule he just chooses not to show it."

Fitzwilliam lifted her chin to look up at him. "And Georgiana, I do believe you, also, have it within you. You are a charming girl, with an engaging smile and a gentle laugh that could prove to be quite contagious to your brother. I trust that the more he sees you laugh, the more he will begin to laugh. And maybe, just maybe, we can get him to laugh at himself!"

Chapter 12

E
ver since Bingley had returned from
London
,
Elizabeth
found herself longing for Jane's companionship. Her sister spent a great deal of time with him and his sister at
Netherfield
.
Elizabeth
was grateful that Jane had the disposition to smile sweetly at Caroline's disdainful manners, but as
Elizabeth
did not have the graciousness to do the same, she stayed away as much as possible.

Her time apart from Jane, however, gave her ample time to work on the needlework sampler that she was stitching for engaged couple.

She picked up the sampler, looking at the work she had finished. It was about three-quarters completed, and she was pleased with the neatness and precision of her stitches. She thought to herself,
This is Jane's life - neat, precise, orderly
. The sampler contained a verse from the Bible, "Delight thyself in the Lord and He shall give thee the desires of
thine
heart." She felt it was so appropriate for the two. Yes, they certainly had been given the desires of their heart.

The words of the verse were enclosed in a burgundy heart made of laborious
french
knots. Flowers of many types and colours were woven inside and outside the heart coming off of green stems. At the bottom of the sampler she would embroider their names and the date of their wedding.

She turned it over to the back to tie off a colour of thread. She laughed as she looked at the sampler from the back and thought to herself,
This is my life! Disorderly… loose threads hanging… not leading anywhere… all tangled together.
At this point in her life she was not sure what the desire of her heart was. But if the thoughts that had been assailing her lately had been any indication, the
who
of her desire was someone who most likely had no intention of ever renewing his address to her.

With little prospect of anything that might cheer her these past few days, she became intent on finishing the sampler. So preoccupied was she with her work and her thoughts, that she barely noticed the entrance of Kate, one of the
Bennet
maids.

"A letter for you just arrived, Miss Elizabeth, from Miss Georgiana Darcy."

Elizabeth
excitedly reached for the letter. "Thank you, Kate." She quickly opened it and began reading. She smiled as she could imagine the young girl actually speaking the words that were written on the page. As
Elizabeth
read how grateful Georgiana was for all she had done, she began shaking her head in mock protest. Then she laughed aloud as Georgiana went on in the letter to say she was sure that
Elizabeth
was at that very moment shaking her head in objection.
She knows me too well!
thought
Elizabeth
.

She reread the portions about Darcy. As she read each sentence about him, she was drawn back to those few days when she was in his midst. She reached out with her finger and ran it over his written name. When she finished, she folded the letter back and held it close to her heart. She did not know if she was more touched by Georgiana's warmth or her words of her brother.

"I must write her back directly!" thought
Elizabeth
aloud.

She put her needlework down and drew out some stationary and pen.
Now, what to write!
She looked at the blank sheet of stationary, and words began pouring out from her and she quickly wrote them down.
Dearest Georgiana,

How pleased I was to receive your letter. I have thought often of you since returning to Longbourn and wondered how you were doing. It appears from your letter that you and your brother are doing well. I am grateful he is so well recovered.

Here at Longbourn we have been busy, of course, with wedding plans. Mr. Bingley was in London for most of the week, and Jane and I spent much time together making plans for their wedding. Now that he has returned, I see her rarely. I must admit that I miss her and know that once she is married, things will be different. I am saddened by the thought of how things will change for us, but I am still very pleased for her. She and Charles are very happy!

I am delighted that you are keeping a journal and find it beneficial. I can tell you from personal experience that when I have gone through a difficult time, a journal was what I often found useful to help me sort through my feelings. There was many a time when I would write down my thoughts as they poured from me, not truly making any sense. But then later when I read it, I could more accurately determine what I was feeling at the time, and even decide on a course of action to take to help me get through it.

I am also pleased that you are enjoying this extended time with your brother. I am very much aware of your high esteem of him, and I know that this must bring great joy to you; both his full recovery and his presence there with you.

I cannot help but to joyously anticipate your visit next month. And I shall, if you insist, play and sing for you. Please do not hold your expectations too high, I am not as proficient as you are. But as you played for me, so shall I play for you.
     Georgiana, I concur with you, that the first letter you sent to me must have been providential. So much came to pass because of our coming to
Pemberley
, I cannot imagine what things would be like if we had not come. So again, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Most of all, having the privilege of making your acquaintance was one of the highlights.

My family is anxious to meet you, as well, as I have often spoken of you to them with great admiration. We shall look forward, then, to you and your brother coming. Our family sends you both their warmest greeting.
With fond regard,
Elizabeth

Elizabeth
reread it, wondering if her comments about Darcy were too revealing, too personal. No, everything in it was fitting. She sealed the envelope and put the address directions on the front. She decided she would walk it into town herself to post it.

She found her father in his library and let him know what she was going to do. "Would you not prefer one of your sisters to go into town with you?" he asked. "Your two youngest sisters are always looking for an opportunity to go into
Meryton
."

"Yes, but they are not as anxious these days with the militia gone. I think I shall prefer to go on my own."

"Very well, dearest
Lizzy
. Do not be gone too long."

Elizabeth
left the house with her letter in hand and stepped outdoors greeting the warmth of the summer day. It had been days since she had gone out on one of her walks; she was grateful for the solitary ambience. It gave her time to stroll leisurely and gather her thoughts. She reflected back to her walks at
Rosings
Park
and her encounters with Darcy there. She secretly wished that there was a chance that now she would encounter him; walk past some tree or outcropping and find him standing there. But no, it would still be some weeks before he would come.

The thoughts and feelings that intruded caused her to both wish and fear his presence. She wanted another chance to treat him differently; to treat him as she ought to have done all along. She wanted another chance to show him that her feelings toward him had changed. But did she dare take that risk? Did she dare put her whole heart into this, as there was yet the chance that he would still carry much resentment toward her?

As she walked along, she heard the sound of horses coming from behind and walked over to the side of the road. She stretched out her hand and let it slide against the trunk of a tree as she strode past, pulling it along a
long branch
and gathering some of its leaves in her fingers along the way.

The carriage came alongside her and abruptly stopped. A voice called out, "Why Miss
Bennet
!"

Elizabeth
turned and saw that it was Caroline Bingley. She nodded her head, "Miss Bingley." She looked at the direction of Miss
Bingleys
eyes to the gathering of leaves in her hand and quickly dropped them, wiping her hand against her dress to rid them of the bits and pieces that remained.

"I see you still enjoy long, solitary walks. How pleasant you must find them!"

Elizabeth
looked down and bit her top lip. She finally looked up and smiled. "Yes, it gives me time to reflect and think."

"Yes, I am sure it must be required of you to get out of your household in order to have the peace and quiet that enables one to think clearly."

Elizabeth
took a deep breath, knowing that she was snidely commenting on the excessive and often loud behaviour of her family. She politely refrained from making the response that came to her mind.

"I understand that you were quite the heroine for Mr. Darcy at
Pemberley
a few weeks back. I am sure he must feel very indebted to you."

"I did nothing out of the ordinary."

"Oh, but according to my brother, you did! How do you think Mr. Darcy will ever be able to repay you for your presence of mind and actions? Such a good nurse to him; have you ever considered going into that line of work, my dear?"

Elizabeth
kept her composure, being fully aware that this woman would soon be Jane's sister-in-law and did not want to do anything to rile her. But oh, how she wanted to speak her mind!

Suddenly Miss Bingley caught sight of the envelope in
Elizabeth
's hand, and turned her head to read the name on it. "A letter to Georgiana! You are sending a letter to Georgiana?" The look on her face betrayed a sense of jealousy and annoyance.

With a forced interest she asked, "How did you find Georgiana? She is a sweet girl, is she not? I am rather disappointed that she and… well, never mind. I so enjoy her company and I am convinced that if I had been there… oh how upset I was at Charles for not informing me sooner about the accident… I am sure I would have been most supportive to her. She is like a younger sister to me."

Elizabeth
only nodded and replied, "I am sure."

"But Miss
Bennet
, there is one thing I do not understand. How is it that you and your sister travelled to
Pemberley
? I find the situation very indelicate indeed that you both were there."

Elizabeth
did not know what to say. She could not tell her all that led to their journey to
Pemberley
, especially that it was her mother's reckless decision that allowed them to go and Georgiana's misunderstanding that began the whole thing.

"I… uh… it is a rather long story."

"Oh, yes, well, I am sure someday you must tell me all about it. My brother has certainly not obliged me with the answers to my questions. I have my own ideas about it, but… well, I shall be on my way. You would not wish to ride, would you?"

Elizabeth
could see through the insincerity in her offer and refused, preferring to walk anyway. "No, but I thank you."

The carriage departed, and
Elizabeth
shook her fists and kicked her foot through the dirt.
How dare she!
she thought.
To infer that Darcy should only feel indebted to me!
She tried to tell herself that it was only Caroline Bingley, and not to pay any attention to what she said. But would that indeed be all he felt? What if Bingley had said something to her to that effect? Unfortunately her words rang true about her family. Suddenly her heart was troubled again.

She found herself walking aimlessly, paying no heed to her surroundings. She passed trees and flowers and interesting outcroppings of rocks without noticing them. Her eyes grew moist as she contemplated the words that Caroline spoke. She looked down at the letter in her hand, finding it more difficult to read the words through her tears. If it had not been her greatest desire to send it off on the next post, she would have turned right around and gone home.