Assumed Engagement (5 page)

"I know you are in there,
somewhere,
Mr. Darcy. I know that
somehow
you can pull yourself out of this. You
must
come out of this! You must!"

With that, tears filled her eyes. She put her hand in her pocket and pulled out her newly embroidered handkerchief. As she brought it up to wipe her eyes, she was grateful for the pleasant scent of the gardenia toilet water. "I am sorry, Mr. Darcy, for the very harsh words I lashed out at you at
Hunsford
; it was very unkind of me to speak to you the way I did. Of both yours and Wickham’s character I was deceptively mistaken, please forgive me," and then in a softer, firm voice, "yet do not think that I absolve you of everything I said there! There is still the matter of my sister and Mr. Bingley!"

She rested her head against the edge of the bed and gave in to tears, contributing them to fatigue and stress. After a while, she realized it was getting late, and opened the door to find the nurse waiting there. "I think I must get some rest, now. Will you be with him for the rest of the night?"

"I will stay here a few hours, and then another will come. If he were to awaken, we would want someone to be with him. This is the way it has been since the accident."

"When does the doctor come again?"

"He comes every morning. He is in Lambton, only 15 minutes away by horse, so we can send for him anytime if we need him."

Elizabeth
thanked her and then walked to her room. This time, though, she walked through the great house taking no notice of the splendid rooms and halls that surrounded her.

When she had climbed the stairs and entered her room, Jane was grateful to see her, feeling embarrassed for her behaviour earlier. "
Lizzy
, I am so sorry; I just could not stay in that room for the smells; the way he looked. It is good that you are so strong."

"I heartily understand. I was scarcely prepared for it. But what are we to do about Miss Darcy? She believes that I am engaged to her brother! No wonder she was so insistent that I come. I did not have the heart to correct her this evening. She has this hope in her that he will hear my voice and wake up. We should let her have that hope a while longer; at least until we know something more of his condition."

"I was thinking that perhaps we ought to tell Mr. Bingley about her incorrect assumption when he comes tomorrow. He can help us decide what to do."

"That is a good idea, Jane. He knows Miss Darcy very well and will know how best to handle this."

Jane was prepared for bed, and they talked as
Elizabeth
readied herself. "Tomorrow, Jane, you shall be united with your Mr. Bingley."

"
Lizzy
, he is not my Mr. Bingley. But I am rather looking forward to it. I scarce believe I will be able to sleep at all tonight!"

"I am sure you shall, and you shall have very sweet dreams."
Elizabeth
went over to Jane and kissed her goodnight.

Elizabeth
then walked over to the candle and blew it out, leaving the room in darkness, but for the light from the moon that came through the window and the embers that burned softly in the fireplace. She slipped into bed and from there she could see the moon. It was full, but there were dark clouds that obscured it as they occasionally drifted by. She shivered as she thought of the light that had been Mr. Darcy's life, and how it had now been obscured by this accident. How she prayed that this too would pass, as the clouds above passed in front of the moon and moved on; finally giving way to its luminance again.

*~*~*

 
Elizabeth
slept fitfully through the night, images from the evening resurfacing in her dreams, but more bizarre. Mr. Darcy's lifeless body sometimes appeared like a skeleton, or very white and ghostly. She awakened once, fearful that it was a sign of what was to come. Had she cried out? She looked over at Jane, who did not stir, so she felt most likely she had not, but she feared closing her eyes again and of sleep, knowing that the same images were lying just beyond, waiting to assault her again.

Chapter 4

A
s morning broke, Georgiana was up early and at her brother's side. There was still no change. She had been hoping that
Elizabeth
's presence would make a difference, but it had not. He lay still; the only sign of life was the very faint sound of his breathing.

Elizabeth
came down and decided to spend a short time with the young girl at Darcy's side. She could not say much. What more could be said; what further encouragement could she give? She was beginning to wonder if it was now too late to still hope for any improvement, but she would not let herself give in to this despair, so as not to worry Miss Darcy.

After sitting with her for a respectable amount of time,
Elizabeth
left her to visit the dining room. She determined to bring something back for Miss Darcy and when she entered the dining room, she filled a plate with a variety of foods, not knowing what the young girl would be inclined to eat. She poured a cup of hot water and set some tea in it to begin brewing, and then carried it to Miss Darcy herself.

Georgiana spent most of the morning by her brother's side, barely touching any of the food that
Elizabeth
brought in, although sipping occasionally at the tea. Feeling somewhat weakened by the stress of late, her lack of sleep and appetite, Georgiana crumpled over Darcy's lying form in tears.

The doctor arrived soon after and upon entering, saw Miss Darcy crying upon the bed. He walked over to her and gently patted her back. How difficult it was for him to see her thus! She lifted her head, acknowledged him, and gave a mumbled apology for her lack of composure.

"Please do not apologize to me, Miss Darcy. It is to be expected. You have been under much stress the past few days, getting very little sleep, and your concern for your brother is very great." He looked over at the plate of food in the room. "It appears you have not eaten very much. Am I correct?"

She shook her head.

"I think you must eat something. Go down and get a fresh plate of food and give me some time to examine your brother. Will you do that for me?"

"Yes, thank you, Dr.
Brisby
. I believe it might do me some good. Let me know as soon as you have finished."

"I will give him a thorough going over. I will also make an attempt to get some liquid down him and give him a good bath. Give me an hour or two."

Georgiana nodded, looked over to her brother, and then back to the doctor with a pleading look. "Thank you. My prayers are with you, Doctor."

Georgiana went down to the dining room and found
Elizabeth
and Jane visiting in the sitting room. They were grateful to see her; concerned for her well being. Georgiana tried to express a greeting, but words would not come.

Elizabeth
noticed immediately that she had been crying, her eyes red and swollen. She instantly went to her side and put her arm about her, escorting her to the dining room. She suddenly felt all the young girl's weight fall upon her as Miss Darcy collapsed in tears again.
Elizabeth
supported her and brought her to a chair and helped her sit.

"Here, Georgiana. Let me get you something to eat and drink."
Elizabeth
promptly addressed one of the maids to bring some tea and she began filling a plate with some breads and fruit. "Please try to eat a little bit."

Georgiana looked up with grateful eyes and whispered a genuine, "Thank you."

Jane looked on with great sympathy, amazed at how
Elizabeth
handled the young girl. She smiled to herself as she saw an attachment growing between the two and was content to let her sister handle the situation. They both sat themselves down with the distraught girl and encouraged her to eat, with futile results.

"I saw the doctor come in. Does he say anything?" asked
Elizabeth
.

"No, at least… there were no words of… hope. He is examining him now as he has every day. All I can do now is to wait."

"Georgiana,"
Elizabeth
offered, "I find that a walk outside does much to exhilarate me and give me strength. Please try to eat a little more and then, would you join me outside whilst we wait for the doctor to finish?"

"Oh, I do not know if I should leave…" Georgiana picked up some bread and took a few bites and then began sipping at her tea.

Elizabeth
was encouraged that at least she was eating something.

"Let me assure you it will do you so much good. Besides, it will make the time go faster while the doctor is in with your brother. Jane, would you care to join us?"

"No,
Lizzy
, I would prefer to stay close by the house." The look Jane gave
Elizabeth
implied her impatience to see Charles and her determination to be there as soon as he arrived.

Elizabeth
gave her a knowing smile and gently reached for Georgiana's arm. "Shall we go?" she asked, as her brows lifted in encouragement.

"Thank you," Georgiana delicately said.

Elizabeth
contemplated this young girl. Last night she had spoken timidly but very satisfactorily about her brother. This morning she was reserved and shy, quite affected apparently, by another day of little hope.
Elizabeth
felt a very strong sisterly type of affection that she would like to help her through this.

The day had dawned bright and sunny. The clouds had moved on and the air was fresh and clear as they stepped outside.
Elizabeth
escorted Georgiana, with her arm through hers, as much for strength as for comfort.
Elizabeth
inhaled sharply as she took in the beautiful prospect around the house; one that she had not seen last night for the darkness. Her heart swelled with admiration for the beauty and natural order of this place, but she felt it would not be wise to dwell on that subject with Georgiana at the moment. So they walked briefly in silence as
Elizabeth
's eyes looked around taking in the splendour.

Georgiana finally, cautiously, broke the silence. "I do not know how to thank you. My brother, in his letters, spoke highly of you; of your charm, intelligence, and wit. He assured me that I would… that I would truly like you. I must agree with him… that I do."

Elizabeth
felt herself blush and was somewhat discomfited by her words of praise. "Thank you, Georgiana. I am quite fond of you, as well."

"Pray forgive me for my stammering. Oftentimes, I feel as though I do not know how to… speak with others… in a way that is expected. My brother is so good, but he is often gone. Miss Annesley, my governess is very competent in teaching me my studies… but," she paused.

"You wished you were not so reserved?"

Georgiana nodded.

Elizabeth
quickly thought about how best to approach the subject with this tender girl. "I certainly do not possess all the answers to your dilemma, but let me tell you what I have observed." She took in a deep breath and silently prayed,
"Lord, please give me the right words.
"

"I have found, in my observance of people, that being reserved can be for one of two reasons. There are other reasons, of course, but these are the most common. The first is that there is a fear of saying something wrong, a fear of being misunderstood or judged ill by something you say or do. So to prevent that, you hold yourself back. The second is not desiring to impart oneself to others due to one's own feelings of superiority and having no inclination to converse with someone you feel beneath you. I believe the former may be your case."

"I believe I
am
afraid of what people may think. But what can I do about it?" asked Georgiana.

Elizabeth
took her hand and looked directly in her eyes, holding her gaze. "Well, you must realize that what you have to say is very important, whether you are simply stating a fact or your deepest feelings about something. I believe, from what I have seen, you are very mature and would not say or do anything improper. But you must gain confidence in yourself and not put so much consequence on what you think others may be thinking."

Upon hearing this, Georgiana looked down and blushed. "Miss Elizabeth, I have done some things recently that I am… very ashamed of. I… let… my brother down unimaginably. What I did was… very wrong and immature. It caused William much grief and consternation. My greatest fear is that I may let him down again."

Elizabeth
noticed the change to her formal address and she inwardly berated herself for saying something that would cause Georgiana to recall her inappropriate relationship with Wickham. But she would not let on that she knew of the particulars. "And how did he treat you in this situation. Was he very harsh on you?"

"Oh, no, never! He has always been so loving, so kind and forgiving. I just cannot bear to hurt him again…because of how it makes me feel." Tears began streaming down her face and she buried her face in her hands.

"You dear girl, I am quite certain that you do not have to worry about disappointing your brother. He thinks so highly of you. We all occasionally do things that are wrong, even your brother must have some faults."
Elizabeth
's mind went back to
Netherfield
, and her conversation with Mr. Darcy about his faults.

"Oh no, not that I can see. He is so very perfect."

"Georgiana, no one is perfect. And I am sure he does not expect you to be perfect either."
Elizabeth
tried her best to reassure her.

"He has always had such high standards for himself and he has them for me, as well. But
Elizabeth
, I do believe you are right. I do keep things to myself, so not to give others the opportunity to think ill of me."

"You said yourself that your brother is loving, kind, and forgiving. You must not fear his disappointment in you for something you might say or do. That would not be his character!"
Elizabeth
startled herself with her words about him.

"But what do I do? How do I change?"

"First, you must tell yourself that he will not judge you ill, neither will anyone else who is worthy of your concern. He loves you precisely the way you are! Then, to help you with conversations with others, perhaps you could keep a journal?"

Georgiana looked up at her quizzically. "A journal?"

"Yes," began
Elizabeth
, wondering at her own inspiration. "It would help you to write down things you discover; what you hear about people, or places, or things. Write down your thoughts and feelings. Then when you meet people, whether new acquaintances or old, write down what you learn about them. You can refer to your journal and have ideas on what to talk about when you encounter these people again. You may even ask your brother about certain places or things in advance and then write them down. I have found that writing things down does help me formulate my thoughts better and to remember them better, too."

Georgiana looked at
Elizabeth
with wide-eyed wonder. She suddenly, unexpectedly, gave her a big hug. A smile on her face gave
Elizabeth
all the assurance that she would, indeed, give this a try. "This sounds like a very helpful idea."

Elizabeth
then added, "Now would be a very good time to start. You must have many feelings about what has been happening with your brother. Writing down your thoughts and feelings is also good therapy.

"Oh
Elizabeth
, thank you. I look forward to beginning right away!"