Atheism For Dummies (For Dummies (Religion & Spirituality)) (91 page)

Realizing Why People (Really) Go to Church

Nothing is as obnoxious as having someone outside your head say he knows what you think and believe better than you do. If you want to exasperate an atheist, for example, just say that you know he or she really does believe in God,
deep inside.
I don’t want to do the same thing in reverse by telling religious people why they
really
go to church.

But if I’m going to talk about how atheists can get the benefits of church without the church, I need to know what people are actually getting out of the experience — even if it’s different from what they think. If going to church really is all about God, this section will be short. But if something else is going on, something that’s not God-dependent, then I have something to talk about.

And guess what: When good research scratches the surface of churchgoing, it turns out that all sorts of human needs are being met. Those needs are placed in the frame of God and religion, but it’s the picture inside the frame, the met needs of real people, that’s really important.

A recent Gallup poll asked churchgoers to give the main reason — just one — why they go to church. You’d think most people would say “God.” But only 27 percent of the respondents mentioned God or worship as their primary reason for going. Most said they go to be a part of a caring, supportive community, or for inspiration or personal growth, or to stay grounded — or just out of habit.

A secular humanist friend of mine has a lousy, stressful job dealing with grumpy people. She told me she goes to church just to be surrounded by friendly people once a week. Simple as that.

Community, inspiration, personal growth — these
can
all happen in the context of religious belief. But not one of them relies on the idea of a God.

A 2010 Harvard/Wisconsin study came to the same conclusions through a different door. They were looking at the connection between churchgoing and life satisfaction. A lot of other studies had shown that churchgoers are happier and more satisfied with their lives than nonchurchgoers. This team wanted to find out why. Is it belief in God — or is something else going on?

They found that churchgoers are happier than nonchurchgoers
only
if they have close friends in the congregation. Regular churchgoers who have no close friends in the congregation actually scored lower in life satisfaction than nonchurchgoers. The researchers said the high life satisfaction scores are almost entirely about the social aspect of religion — not theology, not worship, not God. People are more satisfied when they go to church because they build a social network in the congregation. They get that sense of belonging and acceptance that everybody wants to some degree. Take away the connection to other people, and you take away the satisfaction. And the worst thing of all would be going every Sunday, watching others connect, and not connecting yourself. It all makes sense.

Discovering that the smiles on the faces of churchgoers have more to do with people than with God is good news for those of us who don’t believe. Most of us still feel that same need for social connection and community, but we can satisfy them very well outside of the church doors.

Creating Communities without Church (. . . or at Least without God)

The question remains how best to achieve the benefits of churchgoing, including a sense of community, for those people who would rather not sit through the supernatural stuff. This section looks at some creative and effective experiments in communities built around other, entirely human things.

Experimenting with humanist community

One experiment in this direction is religion that’s built around something other than belief in God. At first, church without God may seem as silly as a restaurant without food. Isn’t God the point? But if you’ve read the last few paragraphs, you know that God isn’t the main point after all. Sure, God’s name is on the shingle, and he’s the one who is sung to and prayed to. But that’s just one possible focus for a welcoming community that inspires its members to be better people.

Fostering community: Ethical Culture and the UUs

You can also build a community around that very desire to be better people and create a better world. That’s a good nutshell description of Ethical Culture, a God-optional religion I discuss in
Chapter 7
. It also describes Unitarian Universalism (UUs), a denomination that comes together not around beliefs but around principles and values, including

The inherent worth and dignity of every person

Justice, equity, and compassion in human relations

A free and responsible search for truth and meaning

Ninety-one percent of UUs choose “humanist” as one of the labels that describes them, and more than half are nontheistic. The UU principles show one way nonbelievers can and do gather in meaningful communities — by putting shared values and principles at the center instead of shared beliefs.

Understanding what former churchgoers really miss about church

Atheists who don’t feel that social need so much (see
Chapter 14
) don’t see any problem to solve — Sunday just got easier! Many express an overwhelming sense of freedom and relief after they walk out those church doors for the last time. But many other nonbelievers feel a genuine loss when they stop going to church (if they ever did go).

Most aren’t missing the idea of God — which makes sense, because according to that Harvard/Wisconsin study among others, they probably weren’t in church for God in the first place. Maybe they are missing the very same things that current churchgoers are actually getting out of church, like social connection, inspiration, and community.

To test this idea, you can search the Internet for phrases like “what I miss about church.” Sure enough, a pattern emerges:

“What I miss about church is the feeling of community.”

“The only thing about church I miss is the instant community support.”

“I miss joining with others to do good.”

“I miss the feeling of belonging that I had.”