Avoiding Responsibility (15 page)

He laughed his eyes shining. "I have no idea what you're referring to."

"Sure. Sure."

Lexi was pleased that at least for now they were acting normal. She knew it wouldn't always be this way, but things were looking up. She had discussed the wedding without physically gagging, and Ramsey was being himself again. It was a relief that he didn't feel that he had to walk on eggs shells around her. She wasn't sure what she would have done if that had been the case. They weren't exactly on solid footing, but she could handle this.

Ramsey maneuvered the car onto his street slowing down as they approached the apartment. Lexi's eyes darted to the driveway where a very pretty, very new, black BMW sat. She admired the car from afar picking out the blue and white logo easily on the back of the vehicle. She couldn't tell what the model was but it was slick and slightly sporty. "Who got a new car?" she asked eyeing the missing license plate.

Ramsey sighed heavily as he looked upon the car sitting in his driveway. "No one."

Lexi looked at him questioningly. "Well then…"

"It's Jack."

Lexi's mouth went dry at the statement. Her stomach did a flip-flop at the thought of seeing him. She could feel her brain kick into overdrive. One part of her desperately wanted to see him. She wanted to run into his arms and feel his body against her own. She wanted to forget everything that had happened. She wanted her world to be tipped off its axis and bask in the goodness of his love. This was the part that she so readily repressed. The other part wanted to spit on him in disgust at his very being. She wanted to find the highest building in the city and push him off of it. She wanted to destroy his life and everything in it. She realized that she repressed that side in his presence as well. The worst thing she could do is be completely indifferent.

Yet her heart skipped a beat as Ramsey's Mercedes slid into the spot next to Jack. "What's he doing here?" she managed to get out.

"We're about to find out, aren't we?" he asking opening his door and exiting the car.

Lexi followed popping the passenger door open. As she stood tall, she came face to face with Jack. Her heart wrenched as she took in the sight of him. He was as beautiful as ever. She knew it was strange to describe a man as beautiful, but with Jack it was just fitting. His hair was too long and unseemly disheveled. He must have a hair appointment in the near future to look presentable for the big day. His clothes weren't the country clubbing, business executive look he had been accustomed to sporting ever since signing on at Bridges Enterprise. He looked more like
her
Jack in loose fitting denim, a grey t-shirt, and navy blue Converse.

He swished his head to the side, brushing the hair out of his eyes, and when Lexi glanced up, they were set intently on her. She locked eyes with the cerulean orbs in front of her falling into the endless depths of ocean blue. And for a split second, she was lost. Those eyes had suckered her in countless times previously. She took a deep breath and reminded herself why she was here.

"Jack," she murmured, the name coming out throaty as she controlled all the emotions currently running through her.

"Lex," he said nodding his head at her. She shuddered at the sound of him saying her pet name. "I didn't know you here going to be here." He tore his eyes from her and looked at Ramsey expectantly.

Ramsey just shrugged. "Can I help you?"

Lexi edged around the car careful not to make contact with Jack as she passed. "Why didn't you tell me Lexi was going to be here?" he asked his voice turning possessive.

Ramsey looked at him pointedly. "Probably because you already knew."

"No, I didn't know."

"Well you invited her here Friday, and look, voila, she's here," he muttered dejectedly. He was obviously still pissed about the fact that she had agreed to come to Atlanta only after Jack had cornered her in the hotel hallway. Lexi wished she could take it all back. She was such an idiot when she was drunk.

"I…wait…what?" he asked glancing between Ramsey and Lexi.

"Regardless," Ramsey said cutting off any further questioning, "what are you doing here?"

Jack glanced at Lexi nervously. And for a brief moment, before he returned his attention to Ramsey, Lexi noticed something else in his look. She could have picked it out anywhere. He had looked at her with hunger, with desire in his eyes. His pupils had dilated at the sight of her barely-there tank top and short khaki shorts. Some things never change.

"Can I talk to you?" he asked Ramsey focusing his eyes anywhere but on Lexi.

Ramsey opened the trunk, pulled out Lexi's luggage, and began hauling it up to the apartment. "Talk," he grunted moving up the stairs. Jack clambered after him with Lexi following distantly behind. Ramsey fished out his keys and let them all into his apartment. Dropping Lexi's suitcase to the floor, he set his eyes on Jack expectantly. "What is it Howard?"

Jack's eyes shifted anxiously between Ramsey and Lexi. "Could I speak to you alone, actually?"

Lexi reached for her luggage. "Oh, there's something you can't tell me. Shocker!" she said sarcastically.

"Hey," Ramsey spoke sharply, reaching out, and gripping the luggage with his hand, "I've got this." Lexi looked into his bright green eyes and released her hold. "Just give me a minute," he told Jack before hauling her suitcase upstairs.

Lexi followed behind angrier than she had originally thought. She knew that she had reason to continue to be angry at Jack. What he had done to her was completely unacceptable on so many levels. She still hadn't told anyone exactly what had gone down that fateful night last August more out of shame than anything. Jack had hurt her, but just as bad she had let him. She had blindly believed in what he was telling her, and thought that together they would have a future. After seeing everything crumble before her eyes, she had been forced to keep a wall up against those feelings at all times. Even a minor crack in that wall coupled with her anger about the whole Ramsey situation had made her unnecessarily snap at him.

Taking a right into the guest bedroom, Ramsey set her suitcase down next to the dresser before turning to face her. "What was that about?" he asked her keeping his voice level.

Lexi shook her head back and forth debating whether or not it was even worth it to bring up. "Nothing."

"Look I know that you're not happy about all this, and that there are issues with Jack and Bekah and me. But you asked what I had to do as a groomsman. Well this is one of the things that I have to do as a groomsman," he said rolling his eyes. "It's not like I want to talk to him about whatever he needs, but Bekah needs to me to do this. She's my sister even if she can be a bitch."

"I know, Ramsey. Alright?" she asked throwing her hands up in defeat.

"I'm not trying to make you feel bad," he said reaching forward and pulling her into his arms. "I just have to deal with him. You snapping won't help the situation. You'll still have to deal with him either way too."

Lexi sighed knowing he was right, but hating admitting it. She had wanted to remain indifferent to him. He just made her snap. After six years of being on edge around him constantly, it was difficult to not care. "You're right."

He planted a kiss on her forehead before releasing her. "Get comfortable. You know where everything is. Hopefully this won't take long."

As soon as Ramsey closed the door, Lexi kicked her luggage with such force she had to hop around on one foot due to the pain. She crumpled to the ground to examine the damage which had only furthered her anger and frustration. Her toes were red, but she hadn't broken the skin. They just felt cramped as she tried to wiggle them. After lying on the floor for another minute, she stood back up and began to pace the room.

How much longer could he really take? She desperately wanted to know what they were talking about and why it was taking longer than just a minute or two. She assumed it had something to do with the preparations for this weekend, but then why would he need to speak with Ramsey alone?

She knew he probably wasn't that comfortable with her being there. She wouldn't have been comfortable in the same situation. But that didn't mean he could just dismiss her the entire time that she was here. He hadn't even remembered inviting her here and by the look on his face she was the last person he wanted to see. Not that she cared.

Or so she kept telling herself. She was going to be at his damn wedding and suffer through the lies that they were going to tell each other. She was going to laugh during their vows and smile devilishly when he puts a real ring next to the fake one she was already wearing like a trophy. These were the things that she wanted to do, but they weren't the thing she wanted to do the most.

She wanted to ruin Bekah. She wanted to object in front of everyone that these two individuals were fit for marriage. When asked on what grounds, she was capable of giving so many different answers: infidelity, lust, greed, manipulation, lies…the list was endless. And these were all attributes that the mass crowd that would be present would be unaware of. It would be a triumphant beautiful moment for Lexi.

Chyna hadn't thought so. Even without knowing all the details, Chyna had disagreed with the idea. Her logic was probably right at least. She might be destroying Bekah and Jack, but to what end? Did it make her any better than Bekah to destroy something and in front of everyone? Lexi had tried to block out those questions. She had never stooped to Bekah's level once. Not once.

And there had been plenty of opportunities for sabotage. She could have ruined everything long ago and yet she hadn't done it. Chyna continued to refer back to those occurrences. If she hadn't been capable of doing it then, what made Lexi think she could do it right before the wedding? The only answer she had ever been able to come up with is that it was her last chance. After that, they would be wed. She would no longer have a chance.

Still, she kept asking herself what she was going to have a chance for. She wasn't going to magically win Jack back after all of this. And she didn't even want that anymore. Despite what had happened with Ramsey, a future was still a potential with him. There was no potential left with Jack. Just a long lost love of someone who could never fully reciprocate those affections. A part of her would always love him, but he couldn't be hers ever again. Not after what had happened…after what they had gone through. It had been too much. The last thing she ever wanted to do for him was show up at his wedding to see him become another woman's husband.

It pained her through and through to know that Jack would never again be hers. He had been such a big large of her past that her future felt incomplete without him around. It wasn't like she missed him, but there were times when something significant happened that her heart would ache for him. A hole was left in his absence and gradually it shrank, but it never completely disappeared.

Just as she felt the self-pity surrounding her previous actions about Jack begin to take over, a beep from her phone pulled her out of her sinking mood. She fished the phone out of her purse and clicked the button to pull up the text message. "Are you avoiding me?"

Lexi glanced up at the door tentative about someone coming into the room. The last thing she wanted to deal with on top of everyone else was her mystery man. She hadn't necessarily been avoiding him, but it was just easier to try and work everything else out first. Okay so she had been avoiding him a little, but it wasn't as if she had had much choice. She quickly jotted down a message and pressed send. "No, not in NYC."

"Oh, well that's better than avoiding me. I don't want to make you feel awkward."

Lexi tucked a lock of hair behind her ear before sending another message. "Don't worry about it. I just have a lot to deal with right now."

"As usual." Lexi clicked off the message not sure how to respond. Yes she always had something to deal with, but he couldn't be one of those things yet. Before she could think of something to say he had sent another one, "Let me take you to dinner."

She shook her head. "I don't know about that."

"I know just the place."

"I know you do, but it's complicated."

"You just make it so."

The door jiggled as if someone was about to walk into the room so she quickly shot back a response. "We'll talk about this when I'm back. Gotta go. Bye."

She threw her phone into her purse just as Ramsey walked through the door. She tried to act nonchalant as if she hadn't really been doing anything while he had been downstairs. Her heart was racing though. Ramsey didn't know that anything had happened when they had been apart, and she wasn't planning on telling him. They had been separated and so nothing that had happened counted.

She hadn't exactly been in a good place, and even though he was continuing to get in contact with her, Lexi hadn't seen him since that night. She wasn't sure how Ramsey would react to news like that, but she didn't want to find out. With everything still up in the air surrounding their relationship, she didn't want to say or do anything that might jeopardize whatever was going on. If the time ever came up in which she would need to tell him what had happened while they had been a part, then she would think about it. Until then her lips were sealed, and she had always been good at keeping secrets.

The only thing she hadn't been good at was lying. And trying to cover up the fact that she had just been doing something suspicious was a form of lying. Ramsey saw straight through her when she entered the room. She could tell he was assessing her behavior and she tried desperately to keep from messing with her hair. It was a dead giveaway and in this scenario was the last thing that she needed to do.

"What's going on?" she finally asked her voice staying level. His eyes darted from her face to her purse and back. She watched them flicker to her hands lightly clenching onto her khaki shorts to keep from moving. When they returned to her face, she could see that they were set and suspicious, but he wasn't going to ask. They were still on thin ice and he wasn't going to make the wrong step.