Awake and Dreaming (7 page)

Theo hugged her knees as Anna handed Ben a tissue. Now she knew all their names—John, Anna, Lisbeth and Ben.

A proper family. A family of four! She forgot her misery as she drank in every detail, trembling with wonder.

They seemed just the right ages, with a gap between Anna and Lisbeth for Theo to fit into. Anna looked kind, and John looked sort of …
noble
. Lisbeth was obviously mischievous and little Ben was cuddly, like a teddy bear. They were perfect.

Watching them was like reading about them in a book—except it
wasn't
a book. The family was real—standing right in front of her!

Theo had a daring idea. Maybe she could get to know them. Maybe she could actually speak to them.

Why not? All the other kids were chatting easily. This wasn't school. No one knew anything about each other, so the usual barriers were gone.

Theo glanced out the window. Rae was nowhere in sight. She slid out of her seat and edged closer and closer to Anna. John was helping Ben with something on the floor.

Say something
. But it was so hard. Theo couldn't make her tongue work and her legs kept shaking.

Then Anna noticed her and smiled—a large, friendly smile. “Hi.”

“Hi,” gulped Theo.

“What's your name?”

“Theo Caffrey,” whispered Theo.

“I'm Anna—Anna Kaldor. Do you live in Victoria?” Theo shook her head.

“Vancouver?”

Theo just stood there. How could she explain that, at the moment, she didn't live anywhere at all?

Anna didn't persist. “We live in Victoria, but we've been visiting our grandparents in West Vancouver for the weekend. It was my grannie's seventieth birthday. We got to miss a day of school and come on Friday.” She had a calm, warm voice.

Lisbeth jumped up and joined them. “Who's that, Anna?”

“Don't point, Lisbeth. This is Theo. This is Lisbeth, my rude little sister. And those two are my brothers.”

“Now
you're
pointing.” Lisbeth took a pack of cards out of her pocket. “Do you want to play Fish with us?” To Theo's astonishment Lisbeth pulled her by the hand.

“Come on, John and Ben,” she ordered. “We're playing Fish.”

“We always do what Lisbeth says,” grinned Anna. All four of them sat down in a circle. Theo was part of it.

She was introduced to John and Ben. John nodded at her; he seemed shy. Ben pulled up a black patch on a piece of elastic around his neck and fixed it over one eye. He
put his hand on a plastic dagger stuck in his belt and tugged at Theo's sweater.

“Are you a pirate?” guessed Theo. He nodded proudly.

Theo held her cards in a fan and tried to stop her fingers from trembling as they all took turns asking for fives or jacks or sevens. Ben sprawled in Anna's lap, gripping her cards. She kept burying her face in his curls. He ignored her, like a little prince used to homage.

“Lisbeth's looking at our cards,” he complained.

“I can't help it! You aren't holding them up!”

“They're too big,” said Ben. The cards were almost falling out of his small hands.

“Let him put his cards on the floor. No one will look at them, Ben,” said John.

“I will,” said Lisbeth. “How can I help it, if they're just lying there?”

“Then you're a cheat!” said Ben.

“I am not!”

“Shhh! If you're going to argue, let's stop. Fish is boring, anyway,” said Anna. They began making houses out of the cards instead. John was the best at balancing four cards against each other, then laying another on top for a roof.

Now Lisbeth was asking Theo where she lived. She had to say
something
. “I—uh—my mother and I live in Vancouver. We're going to Victoria to visit my aunt.” That seemed to satisfy them.

“Do you like iguanas?” asked Ben.

“I guess so,” said Theo with surprise. She wasn't quite sure what an iguana was. Some kind of lizard?

“I have a
huge
iguana. He's this long.” He held out his arms as far as they would go. “His name's Mortimer.”

Lisbeth put her mouth close to Theo's ear. “He doesn't really have an iguana,” she whispered. “He just pretends he does, because our parents say he's not old enough for one.”

Ben frowned at her. “Mortimer's
fierce
. He's as fierce as a—as a tyrannosaurus rex! Bingo's afraid of him. That's our dog. He's in the car because dogs aren't allowed upstairs on the ferry.”

“
I
have a guinea pig,” said Lisbeth. “Her name's Snow White and she's going to have babies.”

“I don't think she is, Lisbeth,” said John. He grinned at Anna. “You need two guinea pigs for babies. I think she's just fat.”

“She's having babies,” insisted Lisbeth. “About six or seven, I think. All their names are going to be after the seven dwarves. Grumpy and Sleepy and Dopey and—”

Anna interrupted her. “We have a cat, too. He's called Beardsley.”

“I have sixteen fish,” said John. He looked worried. “I hope the Mitchells remembered to come in and feed them.”

Theo's ears and eyes couldn't stretch large enough to take all of this in. She sat quietly in the middle of the group, feeling amazingly relaxed.

Lisbeth's violet-blue eyes were looking at her curiously. “How old are you?”

“Nine,” said Theo.

“I'm seven,” said Lisbeth. “Ben is only four. Anna's ten and John's twelve. In the fall he'll be a teenager! He'll start
staying out late and getting into trouble.”

John frowned. “You're the one who's trouble.”

Theo continued to let their banter wash over her like a warm wave. This was it! This was the family she'd dreamed about. She ached to belong to them—to be their sister.

But how could she? Magic was only in stories. She couldn't wish to belong to them and have it come true. Her emptiness twitched at her, as if it were reminding her that it was still there—that she didn't belong
anywhere
.

There wasn't time to worry about it. At the moment, at least, this family seemed to accept Theo as part of them. They swept her along in their energy.

“We're almost at Active Pass—let's go outside,” said John.

“Come on!” said Ben. He grabbed Theo's hand—the second time one of them had touched her. His palm was pudgy and hot.

“Can you?” asked Anna. “Should you ask your mother?”

Rae. Theo had completely forgotten her. “She's already outside, having a cigarette,” she told them. “But she said—she said I could go and look for her when I wanted,” she finished quickly.

“Then let's go!” said Lisbeth.

“Bring your jacket, Theo. We have to get ours,” said Anna.

Theo snatched up her jacket and followed them down the aisle, to a man and woman sitting near the back. They looked up from their books and smiled.

“This is our brand new friend,” said Lisbeth.

“Her name's Theo,” said Ben.

“How do you do, Theo?” The woman leaned forward and shook her hand as if she were a grown-up. “I'm Laura Rice and this is my husband, Dan Kaldor.” They looked as perfect as their children. Laura was small, with tidy brown hair. Dan was round and rumpled-looking, with a beard and glasses.

“We're going out,” said Anna, pulling on a purple fleece jacket.

“Do your parents know where you are, Theo?” Laura asked.

“Her mother's already on the deck—we're going to look for her,” said John.

“Okay. Be sure to stay together,” said Dan.

The five of them raced out to the deck.

T
HEY STOOD IN A ROW
by the railing, the icy wind whipping back their hair. Beyond them was a tossing kaleidoscope of water and land and sky. The huge boat was making its way towards a channel between two rocky islands studded with firs and small houses. The sea was almost the same grey-blue as the sky; fishing boats bobbed on its swelling surface.

Another long white ferry was approaching on the opposite side of the pass. The children covered their ears as the boat's whistle blared.

Lisbeth and Ben waved frantically to the other ferry as it glided by. Then Lisbeth whirled around. “Let's
fly
!” she shouted.

She tore along the wide deck, the others following. Towards the bow the wind was so strong they had to push against it, while their legs walked in slow motion.

“Fly!”
screamed Lisbeth. She opened up her jacket and held it out. “Come on, Theo, you do it, too!”

Theo unzipped her jacket and gasped as the wind slapped her chest like a huge cold hand. Her eyes streamed and her hair felt ripped out by its roots. But she copied the others and held the sides of her jacket open like wings. The wind actually lifted her a little off the ground—then she fell backwards onto the deck.

“Are you okay?” Anna helped her up.

Theo nodded. She tried again, and this time she kept her balance.

“Flyyy …”
They jumped and twisted and danced in the wind's power. Lisbeth was lifted the highest, as if she were a feather. At first John had hung back but soon he was shouting as loudly as the others.

“Let's go and scare Mummy and Daddy!” said Ben. Their feet thundered along the deck as they dashed back and pounded on the windows beside the place where their parents were sitting. The whole row of adults jerked with surprise. Dan wagged his finger and Laura waved them away.

They battled their way to the side of the ferry, where it was less windy. There they stopped to zip up their jackets and catch their breaths. They held onto the cold bars of the railing and peered at the sheet of water far below. Beyond them rose the cliffs at the end of one of the islands.

“I wonder why we haven't seen your mother yet, Theo,” said Anna.

Theo had been relieved they hadn't run into Rae. “Maybe she's on another deck,” she said hopefully.

“Shouldn't we go and look for her?” asked John.

Theo put up her hood to warm her freezing ears—and to give her time to think. “We can wait a while,” she said. “It's okay. She won't be worried.” She had almost added, “She doesn't care.” She watched some gulls hovering in the sky as if they were pasted there.

“How long are you staying in Victoria?” asked Anna.

“I don't know.”

“Maybe you'll have time to come and visit us.”

“We have our own mountain!” said Ben.

“It's just a rocky hill behind our house, but Ben calls it a mountain,” explained John.

“And in front we have a
graveyard,
” said Lisbeth. “It's spooky!”

“Don't scare her,” said Anna. “Our house is across the street from a cemetery, Theo. It's not spooky at all. It's like a park and we play there every day.”

“Could you come and play with us when you're in Victoria?” asked Ben.

“Could you? Please?” begged Lisbeth.

“When we go back in we'll give you our address,” said Anna. “Maybe your mum could bring you over.”

Theo gazed at the Kaldors' friendly faces. “I'll try,” she said softly. But she wondered if Sharon would let her go.

“Hurray!” Lisbeth threw her arms around Theo and
hugged her hard. An icy part of Theo melted and she tentatively hugged Lisbeth back.

“Look at the moon!” cried Ben. “The moon in the daytime!” He pointed to a sliver of pale moon.

“Why does it look like it's moving?” said Lisbeth.

“Because
we're
moving,” said John. “It's a new moon.”

“How do you know?” demanded Lisbeth.

“Because it's shaped like a backwards C. We learned that last year.”

“Grannie says you can wish on a new moon,” said Anna.

“
I'm
going to wish,” said Ben. He squeezed his eyes shut.

“I bet you're wishing for a real iguana,” said Lisbeth. “Let's all wish.”

The five of them looked up at the moon while the ferry churned its way to Victoria.

I wish I could belong to this family,
thought Theo. But the wish made her want to cry—it would never come true.

Then she looked towards the bow. Rae was striding around the corner, struggling with the wind. She caught sight of Theo and headed towards her.

Theo almost screamed with despair. She
couldn't
go with Rae to Victoria and be left with an unknown aunt! An aunt who was probably mean, who'd probably never let her visit the Kaldors. She couldn't lose this family just as she had found them!

Her mother was coming closer and closer. Theo had never seen her look so angry.

She looked back at the moon and wished out loud. “
Please!
I wish I belonged to this family right
now
!”

7

S
omething was dripping. A steady soft splash close to her. Theo opened her eyes.

She was cocooned in rose-coloured flannelette—sheets, pillowcase and fluffy quilt. She stretched out her legs and wriggled her toes. It was like being in a warm nest.

Theo turned over on her back. Above the bed was a skylight shaded with a striped blue and white blind. Rain was dripping onto it; that's what had woken her.

No … she couldn't be awake. She must be
dreaming
she was awake.

She turned her eyes to the large room. Opposite her was a set of bunk beds, a bunched-up quilt strewn on each one. One pillow was on the floor, the other, patterned with alphabet letters, hanging precariously over the edge of the mattress. Each bed was crowded with stuffed animals.

On the wall opposite her was a large poster of a hockey player and a smaller one of a running horse.

The floor was thick with stuff. Swimming goggles, a purple plastic purse, a red and yellow backpack, various shoes, a drinking straw twisted into a treble clef, an empty plastic bag, a small book closed with a padlock, a broken Slinky, many clothes and a tape recorder. A large
cardboard box overflowed with Barbie doll paraphernalia. Balled-up tissues and gum wrappers surrounded an empty wastepaper basket.