Awaken Me (The Jaded Series Book 4) (22 page)

She closes her eyes, but before she does, I see pain in them. I hesitate for a second, but push the guilt of me being a total dick aside. She wants to play this game; I’ll show her exactly what she’s in store for.

I release her hand, but it lingers for a couple beats before she pulls it back. I wrap my arm around her waist and yank her to me. She falls into my chest with a muffled cry. At her ear, I whisper, “You want it, Sugar, you can have it, but you better be prepared for what you’re asking for.”

Before she has time to respond, I remove my arm from around her waist and grab her hand. Pulling her behind me, I head straight for the door. I don’t look at anyone as I stomp across the floor, but I feel eyes on us.

“Nick.” She pulls at my arm, but I pay it no mind, grabbing her hand tighter and moving us out the door of Jaxon’s.

“Nick.” She tries again, louder this time. Again, I don’t say anything.

We walk across the street until we reach my truck. Yanking the door open, I grab her by the hips and lift her inside. She opens her mouth to say something, but I point my finger at her and snarl, “Don’t fucking move,” before closing the door in her face. Her jaw drops. With a grunt, I turn and make my way around my truck.

My mind’s made up and nothing she has to say will calm the raging storm brewing in my head. She’ll learn once in for all that she doesn’t want to get involved with me. I don’t know if what she was doing in the bar with Jesse was a last-ditch effort to make me want her by making me jealous, but after tonight she’ll not only leave me alone, but she’ll be running away from me. I have to make sure of that because my defenses against her are deteriorating, and I can’t let that happen.

My name is shouted from across the street. I stop at the hood of my truck to look back at Jaxon’s. Jase is standing on the porch, his body tense, with Andrew’s arm around his waist holding him back. Jaxon and Mia are standing behind them. Jaxon looks ticked but is physically holding himself back, while Mia has her fists on her hips, looking irritated and a little worried. Both know I would never physically harm her, but both are also unsure if I would emotionally.

“You hurt her and no force on earth will stop me from getting to you,” Jase shouts at me, pure rage blazing in his eyes.

I take several steps toward him, so I don’t have to yell across the street. He has no fucking clue everything I’ve held back in regard to Chris. No one does. They think I’m a dick to her because I want to be. It’s the last thing I want, but she’s leaving me no damn choice. I’m not the man for her. I’ll never be able to give to her what she deserves. That part of me no longer exists. The only thing left is darkness and anger. She doesn’t need that in her life. No, she didn’t instigate my behavior tonight, but watching her and Jesse grind on each other pushed me over the edge. I can’t stand the thought of her with anyone else, but I also don’t want her for myself. I don’t want her, but I can’t help but want her when I see her. My thoughts are crazy; I know they are. She’s not asking for what I have planned, but I’m tired of holding back something I so desperately need. And I know she wants it too. It’s insane, but I’m going to give us what we both want tonight, and also give her what she needs by pushing her away in the process. I’m out of options. It’s the only way I know how to make her see what I am and to get her out of my head.

“That’s what I’ve been trying to avoid this whole time, but she won’t let it be. She won’t leave
me
be. She’s always right here,” I thump the side of my head. “I need her gone. I need her to realize I can’t be what she wants me to be. It’s time I show her that.”

Jase struggles in Andrew’s arms, trying to get at me. I’m sure my words make him want to rip my head off, this is his sister, after all, that I’m talking about. They all need to learn though. Jaxon, Bailey, Andrew, and Mia all need to know that part of me, the good part, is no longer there. Or if it is, it’s hidden so deep, there’s no way it could find its way out.

Andrew whispers something in Jase’s ear that has him calming. I’m surprised there wasn’t more of a fight from him or that the others are letting me leave with her. I’m sure I don’t appear right in my mind at the moment, I certainly don’t feel it, but they also know I would never physically harm her or force her to do something she didn’t want. I’d rather stick my dick in a grinder than force her.

I turn on my heel before any of them has a chance to say anything else. My eyes slide to Chris through the windshield as I walk in front of my truck. Her jacket was left inside Jaxon’s and it’s chilly outside, so I yank off the button-up shirt I have on, leaving me in just my black tee, and throw it to her when I climb inside.

“Put that on,” I grunt and turn the key. The truck is no longer warm. She takes the shirt and slips her arms inside. Looking in my side mirrors and seeing no one coming, I pull out onto the road and head toward home. Chris sits in her seat with her hands in her lap, twisting the material of the shirtsleeves.

After several seconds of silence, she asks cautiously, “What are you doing, Nick?”

I keep my eyes on the road when I answer grimly, “What we should have done a long time ago.”

It takes her a minute, but then, “And wh-what’s that?”

I grip the wheel and dig deep so I don’t completely lose it. The roads are empty, and I only live a couple miles from the center of town, but her smell is filling my truck and my willpower to keep my hands off her is waning. Watching her snuggled up with Jesse tonight damn near had me losing my mind. I’ve always found Chris beautiful and if I didn’t have a screw loose from what happened to Anna, I may have enjoyed spending time with her, getting to know her, having her body slide against mine as I took her. But the fact remains, I am fucked in the head. My body may enjoy her tonight, but that’ll be it. There won’t be any sweet words or soft kisses. No cuddling afterwards or easy pillow talk. What will happen tonight will be raw and for the sole purpose of satisfying the ache in both our bodies and proving to Chris once and for all that she doesn’t want my brand of fucked-up in her life.

“I’m giving you what you’ve been aching to have and in the process showing you it’s a mistake you’ll wish you never made.”

Nick

I pull up to my house. The only light that can be seen is the single bulb by the front door. I throw the truck in park, yank open my door, and stalk around to Chris’s side. She has the door open and is sliding out when I make it to her. I grab her hand, pull her the rest of the way out, and slam the door. She doesn’t say a word as I walk us up the stairs, unlock my door, drag her inside, and carelessly throw my keys on the small table.

It’s not until we’re walking down the hallway that she digs in her heels and tries to stop me.

“Nick,” she says, with a tremor in her voice. “I don’t think this is a good idea.”

I spin around and back her up against the wall and fit my body against hers.

“Why? After all this time you’ve been trying to get me between your legs. Now you don’t think it’s a good idea? Why let me bring you here when you knew this is what we were leading to? Your feeble protests at stopping me weren’t worth shit. You could have stopped me had you wanted to.” She winces, but I ignore it in my pursuit. “Do you want me?”

She hesitates for only a second and then whispers, “Yes. But this way doesn’t feel right.”

I rock my hard cock into her center. Her eyes go wide and her breath hitches. “This is the only way I can give it, Sugar. You can take it or leave it. Now choose.”

I already see the answer in her eyes and feel it in her body. It’s the only reason I’m pushing this. There’s blatant desire flaring in their depths and her body grinds against me. I don’t think she realizes either of these things.

She chews her bottom lip and grips my shirt at my waist. I know I’m on the edge of taking this too far. On the edge of being just an asshole to being too forceful. She only has to say no, and I’ll back off and take her home. I silently pray she doesn’t though. I fucking
hate
that I want this so badly.

I’m just about to back off and take her home, when her words stop me. “Yes. I want you.”

A flood of relief rushes through me. The words barely leave her lips when I grab her hand and drag her the rest of the way to my bedroom.

I don’t stop when I come to my half-closed bedroom door. I just use my foot to kick it the rest of the way open. It slams against the wall, causing Chris to jump.

My body is primed and ready. Now that I’ve made the decision to take Chris and she’s given me her consent, I’m impatient. There’s not a damn thing that will stop me from having her now, except her telling me to stop. But there’s one thing I have to make clear first.

I turn to her, drag my shirt down her arms, and let it fall to the floor. She looks up at me, the green in her eyes swallowed up by the pupils. Her breathing is heavy, causing her generous tits to rise and fall rapidly. She licks her lips, and I swear I feel it on the tip of my dick.

I swing her around and bring her back against my front. Her ass meets my hard cock and it feels like fucking heaven. She sucks in a sharp breath. I wrap one arm around her middle and let the other grip the material of her skirt.

I run my nose along her neck, her scent intoxicating my senses. I stop when I reach her ear.

“You want me?” I ask again, needing her to be sure.

She shivers, and I look over her shoulder to see her hands clenched into fists at her sides.

“Yes,” she whispers.

She tips her head to the side when I nip her ear. I kiss and lick a trail from one side to the other. Her taste, vanilla and sugar, is something I could get used to if I let myself. Her head moves forward, giving me access to the back of her neck.

Once I reach her other ear, I whisper, “You want me, even knowing I’ll be thinking about another woman while I’m fucking you? Imagining it’s her cunt taking my cock instead of yours?”

It’s a question that’ll start to show her just what she’s getting when it comes to me, but it’s a bald-faced lie. Anna is the furthest thing from my mind right now. The only thing I’m thinking about is what Chris will feel like once I have her beneath me, the taste of her cunt on my lips, the smell of her, and how tight she’ll grip my cock.

I squeeze my eyes shut at the realization and block out the fact that it’s Chris in the room with me and not Anna. It’s Chris’s body that I’m getting ready to touch and it’s not Anna that’s occupying my mind. Guilt churns, and I want to snatch my hands off Chris, but also know that I won’t. I want her too badly and I hate myself for it.

Her breath hitches, her body tightens, and I think I’ve finally gotten to her. I want to scream at the thought of not finishing this. But a small part of me wishes she will stop it. I hate treating her like this. Someone should cut off my dick with a dull blade. But she needs to know that this is what I am now. I can never be what she so wholeheartedly deserves. I’ll never be able to get over Anna’s death. Or rid myself of the guilt. I’ll never be able to give myself to someone like Chris. And the thought of even trying scares me too much. My dead and cold heart may still be in my chest, but it’s a useless organ now that’s incapable of feeling.

I’m surprised when she pulls in a deep breath, lets it out slowly, and says in a voice with so much sorrow I almost pull back from her, “Yes.”

I squeeze my eyes shut with her softly spoken word. I have to harden my heart against the onslaught of emotions that one word causes. I desperately want to know why she’s allowing me to do this. Why let me use her body like I am. However, I don’t dwell on it long. This is something I have to do. She needs to move on and forget I ever existed. Because all I would ever be able to give her is heartache. Who wants to be with someone when you know they’re pining for someone else and can’t get over the fact they’re gone?

Knowing I’m going to hell for what I’m about to do, I grip Chris’s hips and curl my fingers under her shirt. Her skin feels silky and warm. Goose bumps appear on her sides when I slide my hands up, taking her shirt with me. A little moan comes from her lips, and I hum my approval against her neck.

Her head drops forward again when I trail kisses from one shoulder to the other. My hands stop just below her breasts, and I give her one more chance to stop this.

“You need to stop me now, Sugar, before it gets too late.”

She reaches back and grabs my ass, pulling me more into her. “Please don’t stop. I want this, Nick,” she moans. I drop my hands to hers and pull them away.

“No touching unless I say you can. Understand?” I tell her sternly.

She gasps, but gives me a nod. I move my hands back to where they were and pull her shirt up, exposing her breasts. From over her shoulder, I see she has small rosy pink nipples. They look just like cherries, and I want to lick, suck, and devour them. I pinch and twist them until they turn to hard little nubs. She picks her head up, only to lay it back against my shoulder.

I grab a handful of her hair that’s still at the nape of her neck in a bun and twist her head to the side so I can nip and lick her neck. I can’t get enough of her taste. She tastes just as she smells. I grip both her tits in my hands and squeeze. She shoves her chest out and digs her ass back into my groin, nearly destroying my control.