Azure (Drowning In You) (15 page)

***

“I’ve never been afraid of the sea before.” Olivia tossed pebbles into the water, shivering. “I’ve swum in the ocean and wasn’t afraid. This is just a big land-bound lake. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

He sat, one leg pulled to his chest, staring at the blue horizon. “It’s this place. It was inhabited from the dawn of the world. The Phoenicians and Philistines built here temples to Atargatis, the fish goddess.”

“You sure know a lot about history for someone who doesn’t read.”

He shook his head. “I used to read.”

“What changed?”

“Many things.”

“Why did you leave
New Jersey
?”

“I didn’t. I lived in
New York City
.”

“But you said—”

“I said I come from
New Jersey
. I went to school and college in
New York
.”

“So why did you—?”

“Uh uh.” He nudged her in the arm. “I’m the one who has the right to ask. According to your words, the last one in the water has to answer questions.”

“A question,” she said. “One question.”

“But with honesty and without holding back.”

Had she said that? “Wait a minute...”

He lifted his hand, tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “I just want to know what makes you sad.”

Oh fucking hell.
“I don’t know...”

“If you tell me, I’ll cook you dinner.” She gaped at him and he grinned. “Is that a yes?”

“Listen, Kai...” She pressed the heel of her hand between her brows. Hell, why not tell him? She’d wanted him to ask more even as she’d dreaded it, had wished to unburden herself. Make a confession. But... “I don’t want to saddle you with this. It’s my shit, not yours.”

“I’m good at carrying shit around.” He winked.

Not funny
. Was he talking about the heavy boxes at the hotel or his own issues? It didn’t matter. He’d asked and seemed to genuinely want to help.

She closed her fingers around her pendant, feeling its coolness. “I fucked up. I failed my best friend, and that means I failed my favorite person in the world.”

“What happened?”

“She’d been sad. Depressed. I knew her parents were fighting, but hell, mine aren’t always honey dovey. She had a row with her boyfriend, but when I asked if she was okay, she said yes. I thought I was a good friend. Always went out with her, went shopping with her, met her after classes. We never talked about the boyfriend, or her parents.”

“You asked her, though, and—”

“Not about the important stuff. Never saw how sad she was, how fed up with life.” That downward spiral, sucking
Andria
in. “How could I not notice she was depressed? It wasn’t until later I found out she took antidepressants and sedatives. That she kept a diary where she talked about ending her life.” She had to stop because tears burned behind her eyes and her throat was closing up.

He slipped an arm around her, so she could lean her head on his sun-kissed shoulder. Its warmth was soothing.

“And then?” he whispered.

“They found her. A cocktail of all the pills she was prescribed, an overdose. Her heart gave out.”

He pressed his face to her hair. “I’m sorry.”

“Me too.”
Oh god, so much.

He rocked her lightly, and it was oddly comforting. She turned her face into him, tasting his skin, and it was wet and salty. She couldn’t tell if she was crying, or if it was the taste of the sea. He stroked her hair.

“My fault,” she whispered.

“No, it’s not. People don’t always show us how they feel.”

“I should have pressed her, asked her, camped in her room until she told me.”

“You didn’t imagine she’d do something like that.”

“But I should have.”

“You’re not a bad person. You didn’t do it on purpose.”

He still rocked her, his cheek pressed to her hair. She wrapped one arm around his back and melted into his warmth. He didn’t condemn her, said it wasn’t her fault, and though it was obvious he was wrong, his conviction made her want to smile.

It made her want to stay there, with him, to the end of time.

Stupid thoughts.

The sun was touching the sea by the time they left the beach. Kai looked thoughtful, his eyes tracking things she couldn’t see.

The past was too close, breathing down her neck. As they drove in silence, she stared outside, trying to erase from her memory the images of
Andria
, the despair she’d felt, the guilt and sorrow.

They were high on the cliffs, passing over small coves. “Is this Wreck beach nearby?” She tried to see if there were any wrecked fishing boats below, but the cliffs were too steep. “Why did that accident some years ago freak everyone out? Panos wouldn’t tell me about it.”

He didn’t answer; gave no sign he heard the question.

“Tell me something about you,” she whispered. She felt raw after pouring her heart out, vulnerable. She wanted some sign it hadn’t been another huge mistake, telling him. That he’d share his pain, too.

“Like what?”

“Like, why are you here? And where are your parents? Why did you drop out of college?”

“Liv...” He shifted his hands on the wheel, his grip tightening. “I can’t.”

“Why?”

“It’s complicated.”

The ride was quiet after that. She avoided looking at him, stared at the road instead, a bitterness in her mouth. She’d laid her heart open to him once again, but he wouldn’t tell her this one thing. How bad was it? What had he done? Why wouldn’t he trust her? It figured she’d been drawn to the one man in this vacation spot with a dark past and a fondness for secrets.

He drove down the hills to the hotel, the silence stretching and humming between them like a wire. He parked in front of the entrance and swallowed hard, looking down at his hands.

“Why won’t you talk to me?” She clenched her hands in her lap. “I know practically nothing about you. I told you about my mistakes. What have
you
done?”

His fingers tightened, his knuckles whitening. “Give me some time. It’s not that easy.”

“Who says it’s easy?” She was getting pissed. Did he think talking about her worst nightmare to him had been easy? “It’s like spitting nails. But if I could do it, so can you.”

He was staring at her, his dark eyes narrowed. Yeah, he didn’t seem too happy with her comments, but it was the damn truth.

She jumped out of the truck.

Why can’t you just let go and enjoy the moment? He doesn’t want to talk about it, why press him?

Because that’s what happened with
Andria
. You didn’t want to press her to talk to you and look what happened.

“I have some errands to run,” he said, sighing. “I need to go.”

“Fine.” She walked to the hotel entrance, slinging her bag over her shoulder. Before she turned around to wave goodbye, she heard the truck tires squeal, and Kai was gone.

The course of true love never did run smooth.

Shakespeare

Love carries within the tempest.

Myra
Crow

“Liv!” Kirsten intercepted her as she entered the lobby. “Good timing.” She was wearing a pretty necklace of multicolored beads and held shopping bags.

“Hi.” Olivia wasn’t in the mood to talk. She forced some air into her lungs. “Did you have a good time?”

Kirsten gave her a once-over, dropped the bags and grabbed her by the shoulders. “What happened?”

“Nothing. Just...” Oh god, she was going to start bawling.
No way.

“You had a fight,” Kirsten said, her clear eyes filling with shadows. “With Kai.”

Olivia swallowed hard. “Not really.” She couldn’t meet Kirsten’s knowing gaze. “Sort of.”

“I thought he was a non-rebound guy to make you feel better. You’re getting in too deep.”

“Oh Kirsten.” Olivia almost did break down when she was pulled into her friend’s arms. “He has secrets and won’t tell me and he’s so sad and I can’t take it, and—”

“Hush. You don’t need this, honey. We won’t be here much longer. Come with us tomorrow, let’s have fun. That’s what we’re here for.”

“You don’t understand, he...”
He needs me
, she was about to say, and stopped herself. She liked to believe that, didn’t she? He’d been living here for years probably, then she showed up and thought she could rock his world and save him from his past. “I’m so stupid.”

“No, you’re not. We’ll make a great plan for tomorrow. It will be wonderful, you’ll see.”

Right.
She nodded. “Yeah.”

Markus ambled toward them, wearing his sunglasses on top of his hair, keeping his long hair back. “Everything okay, girls?”

“
Alles gut
.” Kirsten shot Olivia a questioning look. “We’ll just get the bags upstairs and make an exciting plan for tomorrow.”

He smiled. “Perfect.”

She followed them toward the elevators.
Perfect, yeah. Keep a clear head, Liv.
It shouldn’t be so damn hard. She barely knew the guy.

She almost crashed into Panos who was returning to his spot behind the reception desk.

“Markus,” she said, grabbing his arm. “Come with me.”

“Where?” He exchanged a puzzled look with his girlfriend. “Liv?”

“I need backup. You’ll do.”

“Backup for what?”

She tugged him toward the desk. “Just look intimidating.”

“Intimidating? Me?”

“Yes, Markus, you. You’re a six foot tall Viking. Try to look threatening.”

Markus, who was like an overgrown puppy around people, frowned but followed nevertheless, leaving Kirsten alone at the elevators.

“Panos.” Olivia waited for him to look up.

He frowned. “Hello. How can I help?”

“You...” Olivia shook her head. “Your English is better today.”

“I study English. I learn words.” He grinned. “Every day I learn words.”

“Oh. You take lessons?”

“Lessons in book.” He rummaged under the desk and pulled up a paperback.

Markus snickered and she had trouble stifling her snort.

“A Harlequin novel?”

“Good dialogue,” Panos said, nodding. “Many words.”

Markus nudged her.
“Was machen wir hier?”
What are we doing here?

“Geduld
,
”
she whispered.
Patience
.

Markus glared and folded his thick arms over his chest. Well, well — that was exactly what she’d been hoping for. He looked huge like that, and he towered over Cretans.

Panos eyed him and a worried expression tightened his features. “What is matter?”

“Kai.”

“He do something to you?” He shook his head. “Kai is good boy.”

“What happened to him?” She wanted to grab and shake the man. “You want me to make Kai laugh. You want to see him happy.”

“Happy, yes.” Panos nodded, his mouth down-turned.

“Tell me what the hell happened to him, otherwise I can’t help. He won’t tell me. Nobody wants to tell me. The locals spit at him and say nasty things I don’t understand, and he’s miserable.”

“People stupid. Kai is of the sea.” Panos waved a hand at the blue beyond the lobby doors. “The sea likes him. Old men are afraid. Place of old magic.”

Oh god, not again with the magic crap.
“What does magic have to do with him?”

“Dangerous sea. The sea people call him.”

Her head buzzed. “Sea people?”

“Fish people.” He made a wave motion with his hand. “Half fish.”

Oh dear god.
“Mermaids? Freaking mermaids?”

Markus produced a choking sound that might have been laughter.

“He have the sign of the fish,” Panos said. “Mermaids,” he looked at her for confirmation of the word, “they come here. Always. Since old times. On beach, in water.”

“Oh, come on.” She couldn’t hide her wariness. “I’ve read about the legends of mermaids. Seals and sea cows. In old times mariners thought they saw a similarity to humans, that’s all.”

“You say,” Panos said slowly, brows drawing together in anger, “my ancestors are blind? They not see well? They live here, work here, see these mermaids all the time.”

This was useless. How could you argue with matters of faith?
 

Sighing, she glanced at Markus who was sort of wide-eyed. “What do mermaids have to do with Kai, then?”

“The blood.” Panos thumped his chest and she fought not to roll her eyes. “My cousin. Blood of my blood.”

“Yes?”

“Magic is in blood. Mermaids have children with us, long ago. Many generations.” He lifted a finger. “Every seven generation, one child has magic.”

That was what the locals thought? That Kai was, what — a merman? “You’re kidding me...”

“Kai swim like fish.” Panos made swimming motions with his hands. “Breathe in water. One day become fish.”

“That’s what they think? What
you
think? Why would you think that?”

He shook his head, making an impatient noise. “You wear mermaid scale.” He tapped at his neck and she touched her pendant.

“It’s just a stone.”

“A gift. Use it.”

“Oh gimme a break.” Shaking her head she turned away.

“
Navagio
Beach
,” Panos said. “Is where mermaids gather.”

She turned back to Panos, but he was walking away, muttering. He slammed a door behind him, disappearing into the back of the hotel.

“What is this all about?” Markus asked.

“Not sure. Bunch of superstitious nonsense.”

Only apparently this place boasted mermaids and magic, and a merman walking amongst them, cursed and shunned.

A curse.
This was getting ridiculous.

Forget about understanding this mess. Forget about Kai.

Dammit
. As always, it was easier said than done.

***

“Are you serious?” Kirsten muttered, seated on their balcony, staring intently at Olivia.

Because Olivia had spilled the whole story — the mermaid stuff, and how the locals believed in it and harassed Kai.

“That is a fucked up family,” Markus said, popping a peanut into his mouth. He had a bowl in his lap and a chilled beer in his hand which he waved as he talked. “Fawns and nereids, they haunt my dreams—”

 
“Not now, Markus,” Kirsten muttered.

“What? Myra Crow was fucked up, too. And she drowned. See the water connection?”

Kirsten said nothing, sipping her beer, gazing out into the night. The cicadas hadn’t stopped their song yet. The air was balmy and humid.

“They believe all this shit, about the mermaids and the sea magic.” Olivia fingered the label of her beer, a local brew. “Kai suffers because of it.”

Was he down there, on the rocks, staring out at the sea like her?

She wasn’t going down to meet him. This was crazy. Whatever his story was, she should keep out of it. She shouldn’t be remembering how safe and content she’d felt in his arms, or how soft his lips had felt against her mouth, how his taste had lit a fire in her body.