Azure (The Silver Series Book 5) (17 page)

He dropped his eyes, the regret in them so
deep I already knew the answer.

I took a step toward him. “You couldn't defy
the Alphas long enough to even search for me?” My voice lowered.
“You were my best friend,” I forced out just above a whisper.

The lack of denial hurt worse than any of
Rob’s tortures. The Alpha in me did the only thing it could with
the pain; it turned it into a blind, red rage.

I phased so fast nobody had time to react. I
leaped out of my ruined clothes straight at Brian. He fell over
backwards with my fangs sunk deep into his arm.

“
Let him go!” Ben yelled.
Something hit me on the back, but I barely felt it. I spun and
grabbed him by the knee, then pulled him down on top of his
brother.

Thomas had already phased when I glanced to
make sure he wasn't going to attack my back. The Alpha met my gaze
calmly, then he turned and trotted out of Two. My eyes drifted to
Traer who cowered back against the wall, his hands closed into
helpless fists and a look on his face as though he wanted to sink
into the red rock wall behind him and never be seen again. When our
eyes met, he mouthed, “I'm sorry,” but it was too little, too
late.

Sharp teeth grabbed my back leg. I turned
and caught Brian by the back of the neck before he could bite down.
He froze at the pressure of my teeth on his spine. His muscles
twitched in my jaws and I wanted to clamp down so badly my bones
ached. I wanted them to see what Rob and Lobotraz had done to me,
to feel my pain and to recognize utter hopelessness. I wanted them
to suffer the way I had.

I closed my eyes as the thought surfaced
that the feelings weren't really me. I wanted revenge, but Brian
and Ben were acting like Alphas fighting for territory. They might
have been happy that I was gone, but I couldn't deny the relief I
had felt when I first chased them out of Two.

I let Brian go and waited for him to
scramble back to his brother's side. Both Alphas watched me, unsure
of what to do. The fact that there was even a question brought
another vehement snarl from my chest. I ran at them and they both
darted past Nora and out the door.

I turned back to find Traer in his wolf
form, his gray coat blending with the shadows. Of any of them, his
betrayal hurt the worst. I bared my teeth and gave a long, low
growl that reverberated through the room. Traer ducked his head and
padded slowly past. I listened to his footsteps until they faded
away.

I left Nora in the main room and stalked to
my quarters. I phased, pulled on some clothes, glanced once at the
phone filled with thirty messages, no doubt from my worried mother,
then turned and left without taking anything. I found the gas cans
in the rec room and took the propane from the kitchen. I dumped
gasoline in the various rooms, a cool, collected fury fueling my
actions.

At one point, Drake and Max walked in on
me.

“
What are you doing?” Drake
demanded.

I turned on him with a growl that would have
rivaled my rage as a wolf. “Get out and never come back.” Drake put
up his hands and backed away.

Max stayed in the doorway, his eyes on the
gasoline container in my hands. “You need to think this through,”
he said. “You don’t realize what you’re doing.”

I threw the container so hard it smashed
against the wall next to him and flooded the room with the scent of
gasoline. “For the first time in my life,” I said in a voice fueled
by heartache and pain, “I truly realize what I’m doing.”

His face washed pale at the cold anger in my
voice and he turned and left without a word; by the time I made it
back to Nora, the other werewolves had heard of my rage and vacated
Two.

Nora watched silently when I struck a match
and tossed it into the main living room. She followed me out the
door and I led us to a rock ledge a few hundred yards back. Nora
ducked behind it and I stood on top.

My heart exploded with the propane
canisters, sending yellow and blue flames out the door and above
Two where the ceilings had once been lined with glass to let in the
most light. The anger and betrayal I felt matched the fury of the
flames. I took a deep breath and yelled in a furious, wordless cry
all of the hatred and hopelessness I had experienced at Rob’s
hands, the loss of my friends and camaraderie at Two, and the
frustration that Gem and the other werewolves at Lobotraz were
suffering because of who they were.

The yell cleared my rage and left me empty
and ragged. I wanted more than anything to be out of anyone's
sight, to be alone with the pain of betrayal and to forget what Two
had once stood for.

“
I'll be back,” I said
shortly to Nora. She nodded with a look of understanding and I left
her at the inferno that was once the entrance to Two.

Chapter 15

The sunset was darker than usual, reds and
golds colored deep with the smoke from my home. I closed my eyes
and memories flashed by, images of happier times, young boys
learning to cook with instructions from the internet, the numerous
challenges we gave each other every day in the training room, and
playing soccer, frisbee, and football in the expansive desert that
we used as a stadium.

A knot formed in my throat at a memory of
Sam days after he had arrived. His parents shipped him in at my
mother's recommendation, and the young boy became my shadow for the
next year. He viewed everything I did with wide, awe-filled eyes
and the hope that one day he would be as strong as me despite being
a gray coat. I supported his dreams of becoming a doctor like
Traer, the friend who refused to search for me because of Brian and
Ben.

Traer used to treat the Alphas as distant
superiors despite the fact that he and I were only a few days apart
in age. But then I was bit by a rattlesnake while making rounds. I
didn't return at my scheduled time, and while the others laughed it
off, Traer searched for me. I was still in wolf form because I
worried that phasing would send the venom more quickly through my
veins, and when he found me, my back leg where I had been bitten
was so swollen I could barely move it.

Traer carried me over four miles back to Two
and treated me through the fever delirium. He kept his promise not
to tell my parents what had happened because I foolishly worried
that they would take me from Two and not let me come back. Later
on, Ben challenged him for his devotion to me and would have beaten
him to a pulp as an example to the others, but I happened to walk
in on the first punch and gave both Brian and Ben such a beating
that they hadn't challenged me again until the attack a month
ago.

The fire tinted the twilight sky in red,
lapping flames that died until only charcoal and seared red rock
were left. I lost myself staring into the burning embers; an echo
of pain ached in the charred scars along my body. I wondered if Two
could possibly feel the same loss of humanity.

I had a mild regret that Gem hadn’t seen Two
before I destroyed it. On long nights at Lobotraz, I told her of
the werewolves who lived there and our adventures and pitfalls. She
would have liked the sunlight filtering down to the marble floors
and the way the red particles smelled of dusty cinnamon as they
floated through the air trapped in beams of light. Thoughts of the
werewolf confused me. I felt so at home with Nora, like I was
complete, but my mind and soul still longed after Gem as though a
werewolf was a better match for me, a soul mate. Now that I had
Nora back, I worried that I couldn’t appreciate her because I
longed for Gem’s hand in mine again.

Soft footsteps made their way up to my
viewing point, erasing my fears. Just the promise of Nora's company
stilled my emotions and cleared my troubled heart. I took a breath
of the breeze that brought her scent.

“
You don't have to be alone
up here,” she said quietly, stopping a few feet back to give me my
space.

I didn't trust the emotions that ran across
my face at the sound of her voice and turned slowly, hoping the
darkness hid what I couldn't. “You weren't part of this. I
shouldn't have let you come.”

“
I wanted to,” she
replied.

I tipped my head toward the light that
touched the darkening horizon. “It's a full moon. I don't want to
leave you alone.”

A smile touched her shadowed lips. “I
haven't felt alone since I met you.” The smile fell and her lip
quivered slightly before she bit it. She turned away and I could
smell her regret on the evening breeze. “It’s my fault,” she said
so quietly I barely heard her.

I shook my head. “You had nothing to do with
it.”

She met my gaze, defiance and pain in her
eyes. “You wouldn’t be hurt if it wasn’t for me. You’d still be at
Two and the other werewolves would still be together.”

“
Then Gem and the others in
your father’s center wouldn’t have a chance of being rescued.”
Saying Gem’s name sent a surge of frustration through me. I felt
like I betrayed them both and couldn’t make peace with the war in
my heart.

“
Jaze will get them out,”
she said. If she noticed the way my voice tightened when I said
Gem’s name, she didn’t mention it. She waited a moment, then said
softly, “I can’t live without you, Vance. Life is empty when you’re
not there.”

A warm tingle ran through my skin. I
smoothed a finger along the calluses of my hand, noting the ridges
formed by the silver bars of Lobotraz. “I'm not the same person I
was.”

“
Neither of us is.” Her
voice was touched with sad bitterness and for the first time I
realized what seeing her father in his true light had done to
her.

I crossed the space between us and set a
hesitant hand on her arm. She covered my fingers with her own. “You
didn't have to leave your father for me.”

“
He's no longer my father,”
she replied, her beautiful green eyes full of pain at the
statement. “Anyone who could do that to another person is no longer
human.”

“
I'm not human,” I pointed
out gently.

She met my eyes. “You are to me.”

My breath caught in my throat and I could
barely breathe. I closed my eyes and felt her soft fingers caress
the skin of my cheek. She touched me as though she knew all of my
faults and weaknesses, and loved me for them. Strength and
leadership had been the two traits my parents focused on at Two,
the only things they seemed to care about. Weakness was attacked at
Two until it was gone. The fact that she brought me to my knees
with a simple glance should have brought her scorn, not her love. I
didn’t feel deserving of her trust and affection with the war that
raged in my heart.

“
Why me?” I
breathed.

“
You're the one that saved
me, remember?” she replied with a hint of laughter in her voice.
“Now you're stuck with me.”

Want and need surged through me so strong I
lowered my lips to hers and kissed her gently. I then brushed her
cheek softly with my lips and whispered, “You are everything I
hoped you would be and more.” I swallowed and said, “I would choose
to be stuck with you any day.”

She smiled a beautiful, sweet smile and
watched me walk away.

I waited until several turns of the rock
walls were behind me, then pulled off my clothes and waited for the
moonlight to take hold. I wanted more than anything to stay and
just be in the moment with Nora, to forget Lobotraz, my torn
emotions about Gem, the betrayal at Two, and the werewolves waiting
in pain and discomfort for someone to free them. They, too, were
phasing in the night and would have to face whatever torments Rob
came up with until they were able to phase back to their human
forms. The fact that tonight's phase would have meant my death by
Rob's hands wasn't lost on me.

I took a deep breath and stepped into a
circle of light on the path. The touch of moonlight wasn't
necessary for the phase, but it felt right, more peaceful, to phase
to wolf form under the gaze of the reverent moon. I glanced up and
met Nora's eyes before the moon took hold. She watched me in
silence as black fur grew over my body. The charred scars on my
chest and back turned to white fur, making a strange pattern of
light amid the black. I wanted to turn away, ashamed for some
reason I couldn't explain as I phased, but her eyes held mine,
nonjudgmental and loving without a trace of fear or loathing.

When I was done, Nora walked to me and knelt
in the soft red sand. She put her arms around my neck and buried
her face in my thick fur. She closed her eyes and breathed softly
of the wolf scent that was mine. “I love you,” she whispered.

I could only listen to her heartbeat and the
soft brush of her breath against my fur. She kissed me gently on
the forehead, then rose. “Go run; I'll be here when you get
back.”

A swell of gratitude rose in my chest. I
trotted slowly down the trail and turned once to find her watching
after me, a slight smile on her lips and a look of happiness in her
spring green eyes. I hesitated, then went back to her and took her
sleeve gently in my teeth. She followed me over the rise and I took
her on a midnight tour of my favorite places in the desert.

***

We pulled back into the garage at Jaze's
safe house and found Jaze and Jet waiting for us. Jaze opened the
door for Nora and waited until we were inside the house to speak. I
appreciated the fact that he didn’t ask where we had been. The
scent of ash and desert sand that lingered on both of our skin
probably brought questions to his mind, but he didn’t push into
matters that didn’t involve him.

I was beginning to see how Jaze garnered the
respect I saw on everyone’s faces when they looked at him. It was
as though he had the ability to take a person’s strength and hone
it so that they were appreciated for what they brought to the
table. I didn’t feel intimidated by the Alpha, rather accepted for
my size and strength and allowed to make my own decisions.