B00AFU6252 EBOK (34 page)

Finding a friend to exercise with pre- and post-baby is a lifesaver. Kelly and I suffered through a lot of workouts together; I pushed us to stay focused and she kept us laughing the whole time.

I
KNOW IT WELL
, since I spent most of my first pregnancy in a mild-to-extreme panic about what environmental toxins could do to my baby. And it’s not just the eco-health stuff (although we’ll get to that, don’t you worry!). Getting ready to have a baby is such a life-altering, overpowering experience and so thoroughly beyond your control. You may or may not have a lot of fears, but here are a few of mine—and how I dealt.

I
’VE ALWAYS BEEN
a fiercely independent person. It was crazy to think that in a couple of months, I’d have to transition from being totally independent to being totally depended on. And even weirder, that I’d need to
depend on
other people—Cash, our baby’s grandparents, our siblings, my mom friends and extended family—for support, because there would be lots of times when I wouldn’t know what the heck I was doing. Asking for help doesn’t come easily to me, so that was hard. But I gradually realized the age-old saying “It takes a village to raise a child” is true—and the closer we got to the delivery, the more I found that to be such a relief. I didn’t have to do it all by myself. I could still be me—becoming a parent is about this balance of holding on to the things that are important to you (your sense of self) and knowing when to let go of the ideas that are no longer crucial to your identity (like the complete fallacy that you have to do it all and be perfect!).

Becoming a parent changed me, for the better—I have a whole new scope of interests and passions that I was only dimly aware of before! I’m proud to be that lame-sauce parent who will bore everyone with pictures of her kids on her cell phone. What can I say—my family is the best thing in the whole world to me, and nothing gives me more joy or greater pleasure than hearing my kiddos say their first words, or see them taking their first steps, or showing off their individuality in gestures, facial expressions, and opinions about the world around them.

O
KAY, ACTUALLY, IT DID
. But that isn’t necessarily a bad thing! Going from “we” to “three” (and then four) absolutely strengthened our bond. You have to work together, make tough decisions together, see each other at your most vulnerable and sleep deprived (looking not cute doesn’t even begin to describe it, nor will it matter!). Yet you still want to wake up next to the other person every morning and snuggle most nights. I was terrified we’d lose the romance—and it’s true, romance doesn’t mean the kind of grand gestures that it used to when we were first dating. But when Cash gets up to deal with a midnight fever or takes the girls to the park for an afternoon to give me some “me” time, that’s crazy romantic.

B
EING PREGNANT
can be magical and wonderful . . . but it’s also like being kidnapped by aliens. I always felt like I’d zipped on this other body, which was now solely focused on making a baby, not on being
my
body as I’d always known it. It was hard to feel so disconnected from myself. It didn’t necessarily get easier once my kids were born either, because if you’re breastfeeding, you still feel like your body has been taken over to feed this infant. Even if you’re not breastfeeding, being woken up constantly and unexpectedly can get super disorienting. So I worried a lot that I’d never feel like myself again.

But you do get there. Trust me. Both times, there was suddenly this one day, many months later, when it felt like everything zipped back into place and I was me again. I wish I could figure out exactly what did it (or how to get there faster)—but I think it’s one of those things where you just need to be patient and kind to yourself. Remember that it really is still your body—doing something incredible and wonderful beyond anything you ever imagined!

S
O NOW,
the biggest fear of all for me: How to keep a baby safe from all the environmental hazards crowding out the healthy in our world. I mean, everything else—your independence, your relationship—feels pretty abstract and inconsequential compared to this. It’s very easy to become toxin obsessed and try to trap your pregnant self in a (biodegradable, nonplastic) bubble for 10 months. But you can’t live this way. You have to go on breathing the air, leaving the house, and so on—and even if you took every precaution, you’d still inevitably fail to avoid every single infinitesimal risk
and
drive yourself (and your family) crazy in the process.

My advice is to pay attention to the “Dishonest Ingredients” scattered throughout this book—but remember that you’re only human and you can’t control the universe. Chances are very good that your baby will be just fine. So let go of what you can’t control and just focus on the handful of things that are within your power—what you’re eating, drinking, and bringing into your home. If you’re relatively careful on these fronts, you can rest easy knowing you’ve given your baby every shot at a healthy and happy existence.

W
HEN WE HAD
H
ONOR
, we had everything prepped and ready to go months before she arrived—and not just for the initial newborn stage either—even though, of course, as soon as she showed up, I realized there was no way we could ever have been prepared for the new adventure that was about to start.

With Haven’s arrival, we had to undergo a major home renovation to make room for another baby, but that meant we had to temporarily move out of the house while the work was being done, since—even with all of my efforts to choose eco-friendly, nontoxic materials—it’s not safe for pregnant women or little kids to be around a building site. That meant I didn’t have a nursery to decorate or any space to stockpile gear. And you know? It was totally okay. Honor had spent her first five months in a cosleeper in our room anyway, so it wasn’t like this new baby would need a perfectly prepared nursery the second we got home from the hospital. Instead, we focused on getting the bulk of the renovation done early and safely, and then we took our time with the fun details for Haven. I was a lot more laid-back and go with the flow—and I bought way less stuff, both because we could use Honor’s hand-me-downs and because I’d realized the first time around how much you just do not need all of that excess.

The truth is, new babies don’t need much in the beginning. Diapers, a few onesies, swaddle blankets, burp cloths, somewhere safe to sleep, and you’re pretty much set. Picking out a color scheme for your nursery, finding the perfect ergonomic rocking chair, stacking up pretty piles of receiving blankets and plush toys? That’s your call. If you find the process helpful and comforting—and more important, fun!—the way I did, then by all means, go bananas. But please don’t stress if your nursery doesn’t look perfectly styled like the ones you see in parenting magazines and design blogs. Your baby doesn’t read parenting magazines or design blogs. Remember that just like with the rest of your home, your Honest Nursery shouldn’t replicate a store display—it should be a reflection of your family’s needs and style. For my girls, that has meant using an eclectic mix of furniture found at flea markets and online at Craigslist and Etsy, and purchases of my favorite baby brands that put a major emphasis on using nontoxic materials.

I
F YOU HAVE
big plans for your nursery, don’t wait until your third trimester to start renovating. Pregnant women and their fetuses are especially vulnerable to contaminants in plaster, paint, lead dust, particleboard (what most inexpensive furniture is made from), treated wood, and carpet fumes. In particular, let someone else do the demo and painting and absolutely avoid scraping and sanding surfaces yourself—that dust is likely chock-full of toxic chemicals, metals, and other bad news. Your safest strategy for a major reno is to consider staying with grandparents or friends while the work is being done. Better yet, aim to get everything finished at least two months before your due date. That allows plenty of time for dust to be vacuumed and mopped up and new furniture and paint fumes to finish off-gassing. Once you move back in, run HEPA air purifiers in every room where work was done for a week or two afterward. We still have one in Haven’s room.

Before you (or better yet, someone else!) pick up a paintbrush, it’s crucial to be sure your nursery’s walls and trim do not contain any lead paint because lead poisoning can harm a child’s developing brain—and babies can be exposed in utero. And never, ever sand down old paint during pregnancy. DIY lead-testing kits are available at your local hardware store, but by far the best thing to do is to have a lead-certified contractor give your home a proper assessment—and then handle the remediation, if necessary. The National Lead Information Center provides a list of EPA-certified labs in your area (800-424-LEAD).

Watch out for lead paint on windowsills; paint peels fastest there, and kids love to spend time looking out of windows. Check your sills for lead if your home was built before 1978.