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Always join your child in celebrating his accomplishments.
It doesn’t matter if the event seems significant to you or not—you can be proud that he has achieved his own goals. Point out that he must be very proud of himself, and so are you.

Offer specific praise.
This is especially important if your child has accomplished something (like a finger painting) but isn’t really sure whether it’s “good.” Even if you have no idea what she drew, you can say, “I love how you expressed yourself” or “I like the colors you chose!”

Perhaps most crucial: Offer praise when she thinks she’s failed.
It’s so important to let kids know that it’s the effort that matters (trying to get to the potty on time or use the big slide at the park), not the results. Praise for positive character traits builds self-esteem more than praise for perceived accomplishments.

W
E ALWAYS KNEW
we’d want more than one child—my brother and I fought like crazy growing up, but we were also best friends. And I’ve loved watching my mom friends add to their broods—seeing siblings love on each other is the sweetest thing ever. But we wanted to wait until Honor was out of her “baby” stage before expanding our family. This was for two reasons: First, we wanted Honor to get as much love and attention as humanly possible as a baby. Second, we couldn’t imagine hauling twice the amount of baby gear everywhere we went. Having two kids in diapers would make any decision (going to the park, eating at a restaurant, family travel, playdates, etc.) way more challenging because of the amount of baby swag you would need to bring.

While I was pregnant with Haven, our main focus was how to help Honor prepare for the transition. We talked up how impressed we were by all of her newfound “big girl” skills—like how she got to use the toilet instead of diapers, could have dessert like cupcakes and ice cream, and play dress-up and use her swing set. By emphasizing all these awesome things that she could do, which the baby wouldn’t be able to, we prevented a lot of the regression you often see in older siblings—she was all about being the big sister and having someone in the house who was younger and needed Honor to show her how to do things.

Meanwhile, my biggest concern was how on earth I’d love someone as much as we loved Honor—she was our everything! It just didn’t seem like we could have the capacity to love even more. But as soon as cuddly, smiley, sweet-natured Haven arrived, that changed—all of our hearts burst open even more. Honor really can’t stop herself from constantly loving on her little sister. It’s just good that Haven is starting to get more mobile and vocal about objecting when all that affection gets to be a bit too much—as in, getting choked out by her affectionate big sister!

The best thing about having two kids, besides their sweet bond, is seeing how much of my irrational, overprotective new-mom behavior has evolved into a more easygoing, laid-back approach. I guess, in some ways, it helped that I did all that research the first time around with Honor—there wasn’t as much to learn and figure out (and second-guess!) this time. But I’m also better at trusting
myself.
I know we got Honor through infancy in one piece, so I feel confident that we could do it again with Haven. A little cough or bump on the head no longer feels like the end of the world. And
I’ve stopped holding myself to that unrealistic supermom standard.
When I make mistakes, I let it go and move on to more important things—like snuggling with my sweet girls.

I
T WAS REALLY FUN
to transition Honor from her nursery to her “big girl room.” We kept her in her crib until around age 3, but at that point, she was done—she screamed bloody murder and jumped right out! So we got her a trundle bed and talked about how now she could have sleepovers, and the transition went pretty smoothly. I think it also helped that the new baby was coming—Haven was getting a nursery but Honor was getting a real bed, and along with those changes, a big girl room was also an opportunity to help her learn to express herself and her sense of creativity even more and to foster her sense of independence.

Of course, when it comes to safe materials, the same principles hold for kids’ rooms as for nurseries: Steer clear of toxin-emitting fiberboard furniture, wall-to-wall carpet, polyurethane-stuffed mattresses or pillows, and VOC-emitting paint. Their little bodies are still growing rapidly and they are more vulnerable than adults to all of these toxic exposures around the house.

Shop for safer stuffed animals.
Lots of the conventional teddy bears and bunnies are treated with flame retardants and stuffed with off-gassing foam filling. Your kid is going to sleep with her stuffed friend, so consider splurging on one made from organic, untreated cotton, hemp, or wool.

Opt for unfinished (or no-VOC paint) solid wood toys and PVC-free plastic toys.
They are health-safe and release few, if any, harmful chemicals. For wood, natural finishes, like walnut and linseed oil, are gorgeous and safe. They do tend to be expensive—but they last for years and look great in your house, too!

You can search by product name, brand, or toy type to see if testing has revealed any toxic chemicals at
HealthyStuff.org
.

Just like with your walls and trim, you’ll want to make sure that your children’s toys and gear are lead free.

WHAT TO LOOK FOR:

• If a metal or plastic toy has painted surfaces
  , check the country of origin (usually stamped on the bottom). If it was made in Asia, where regulations are looser, you might want to reconsider the purchase.
  
• Avoid antique toys.
  The paint on vintage trucks and dolls is likely to be lead based, since laws prohibiting lead use didn’t go into effect until 1978.
  
• Check for recalls
  . The Consumer Product Safety Commission makes an announcement whenever it recalls toys (or any consumer goods) for a safety reason; sign up at
  www.cpsc.gov
  to receive e-mail alerts.
  
• Do a swab test.
  Inexpensive lead testing kits are available at hardware stores; they aren’t 100 percent accurate, but they are a good guide.