“I don’t care. Stop!” I tried to push him off me but he was too heavy or didn’t wanna be moved. I wasn’t sure which one. All I knew was, his frown was making me nervous. Real nervous.
“What’s wrong?”
“Get the fuck off me! Don’t you understand? No means no!”
He still didn’t budge. At that point the only thing going through my mind was that I was about to become a rape victim, and I had no one to blame but myself. Jesus, how stupid could I be? I’d been preaching to Becky for years about leading men on, and there I was doing the same damn thing. The only thing left for me to do was beg.
“Dylan, please. Please get up. I don’t want to do this,” I cried.
“What’s the problem?” He sighed loudly and lifted himself off of me. I ran to the other side of the room as quickly as I could. “Did I do something wrong?”
Can you believe he put an innocent look on his face as he asked that question? It took a few seconds for me to finally gain my composure, but when I did I lit into him.
“You damn right you did something wrong, you fucking phony! A few hours ago in the club you were lovesick over your ex-girlfriend. But you were really just scheming to get some ass, weren’t you? And when I wasn’t givin’ it up fast enough you figured you’d just take it, huh?”
“Take it?” His face was full of astonishment and anger. “You trying to say I took advantage of you? You gotta be kidding! If anyone got taken advantage of, it was me. ‘Cause I sure as hell didn’t hear you complaining when my face was between your legs and you was begging me not to stop. Guess it’s all good as long as you’re gettin’ yours, huh?”
He picked up my panties and threw them at me. I felt like a fool when they hit me in the face. Especially when I thought about how easily I’d let him take them off.
“You know what, Jasmine? You’re a real dick-tease.”
Don’t get me wrong. Some small part of me knew I was being unfair to Dylan. I wasn’t some young, naive church girl. I knew you couldn’t get naked with a man and expect him to put his dick away as soon as you ordered him to. Hell, guys just can’t turn it on and off like that. And the more I thought about it, he never really tried to put it in; he just kept staring at me. It probably just took some time for his big head to start thinking for his little head. Something told me this guy was genuinely confused by my actions.
Problem was, I was so full of guilt about what I’d done, and that guilt was stronger than any sense of fairness I might have toward him. Even if it was wrong, I wanted to make it all his fault. If I took part of the responsibility, then I had to admit to myself that I wasn’t the faithful girlfriend I’d been claiming to be for so long. I was no better than Becky now, and who the hell would want to admit to that?
“Everything all right out here? Rebecca thought she heard... Oops!” Joe walked into the living room and let his eyes wander up and down my half-naked body. He didn’t even try to hide his smile. Why should he? There I was standing there like an idiot, balancing on one foot with the other halfway into my panties.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt,” he chuckled.
“You’re not interrupting anything,” I snapped, trying to sound in control. And that was no small task as I tried to pull up my panties and close my shirt all at the same time. “Tell Becky I’m ready to leave.”
“You ain’t gotta leave. Y’all can spend the night if you wanna. I got an extra bedroom.” Joe winked at Dylan, which pissed me off even more.
“Don’t wink at him like I’m some fucking ho. I ain’t no ho, and he ain’t get none. Did you?” I turned toward Dylan, but before he could answer, Joe cut in.
“Hold up. Ain’t nobody call you a ho. I was just asking if you wanted to spend the night. Damn, what’s with the stink attitude?”
“Ask your friend.” I pointed at Dylan, who glared at me evilly. “Look, just forget it. Tell Becky it’s time to go.”
“I don’t believe this shit,” Joe mumbled under his breath. He was obviously pissed off, but I didn’t care. He was just another horny asshole lookin’ to get laid, and Becky sure fit that bill. The worst part was, as far as they were concerned, so did I.
“So you gonna blame this whole thing on me, huh?” Dylan finally spoke.
“I’m not blaming this on anyone. All I know is that it was a mistake to come here. I just wanna go home.”
“Yeah, well, so do I.”
Becky walked into the room with her dress all crooked and buttoned wrong.
“Why we gotta leave?” Becky shouted. Her hair was sticking out every which way. “Why don’t we just go to work from here?”
“’Cause my work clothes are at your house and I’m ready to leave
now
. That’s why.” I sucked my teeth.
“Damn, Jasmine, you could fuck up a wet dream, you know that? Why don’t you lighten the fuck up for once?” She headed for the door, followed by an angry Joe. I was about to follow them to the car when Dylan put his hand on my shoulder. I wasn’t sure what he was up to, so I turned to face him with my fist clenched.
“What do you want?” I snapped.
He shook his head with a frown, then spoke very frankly. “You were wrong for the way you treated me. And I want you to know I wasn’t trying to take advantage of you. I was feeling you, Jasmine. I was really feeling you and I thought you were feeling me. Now I mighta got caught up in the moment, but I would never rape any woman.”
I stared in his face for a few seconds and I could feel his sincerity.
“I know that, Dylan,” I finally admitted. “And I’m sorry. I guess I got caught up in the moment, too. Let’s just call it a misunderstanding on both our parts.”
“Ah’ight. But aside from our little misunderstanding, did you have a good time tonight?”
I gave him a weak smile. “Yeah, believe it or not, I really did have a good time. I guess that’s the problem.”
“What’s the problem?” I wasn’t about to tell him that he was right, that I was feeling him, too, so I made up an excuse.
“Look, I gotta go; Becky’s waiting. I’ll stop by your store some time and pick up those
Brotherman
comics.”
“You do that,” he replied.
I waved at him, wondering if this would be the last time I ever saw him. Most likely I wouldn’t get up the nerve to stop by his store. It was too dangerous. As much as I wanted to pretend it wasn’t so, lying on that couch with Dylan had awakened feelings I was not ready to deal with. I had to wonder what it was about this guy that had made it so easy for me to forget Derrick, even if it was only temporary. I had been so sure my relationship with Derrick was like a rock, and now my commitment to him seemed about as solid as Jell-0. His request for money for his baby’s momma sure hadn’t made things any stronger between us, and now Dylan comes along. I was afraid my relationship with Derrick was about to hit some serious bumps in the road.
I took one last look at Dylan and silently promised myself I would just stay away from that temptation. Once I walked out that door, it would be back to my life as I’d known it.
It was hard being at work the next day. Not only was I tired as hell from being out all night, but I couldn’t get my mind off Dylan. It had been so long since I’d had a man to hold me and make me feel desired. I had to force myself not to daydream about him, and the more I did that the more he crept into my mind. I kept thinking about the way he talked to me, the way he kissed me, and the way he went down on me. Not that I wanted to admit it, but my panties were getting wet just thinking about how it felt when he was doing his thing. I tried to convince myself that it was just oral sex, not like it was my first time or anything. But I don’t think I’ve ever met a man with as much skill as Dylan.
I was so grateful to get home at the end of the day. I couldn’t wait to put my feet up and get some much-needed sleep. But that plan was ruined when the phone started ringing before I could even put down my purse. I knew right away it was Derrick calling. My life was pretty predictable since he’d been locked up, so he knew he could always catch me at home around this time. Truth is, usually I was happy to hear from him and would run to the phone. But today was different. I definitely didn’t want to talk to him.
Derrick seemed to have this sixth sense when it came to me. He knew right away if I wasn’t telling him the truth. And I knew he’d be trippin’ about why I hadn’t answered my phone last night. Once he started interrogating me, I’d have to lie. Then I’d have to deal with the consequences once he figured out I was lying. On the other hand, if I didn’t answer now, he’d be calling me all night until I did pick up the phone. I had to choose between letting the phone ring all night or dealing with it now so I could get some sleep later. Might as well get it over with, I decided.
“Hello?” I was trying to think of a lie fast.
“Jasmine?” I let out a thankful sigh when I heard Big Momma’s voice. “Where you been, girl? I was callin’ your house all night. I must’ve left fifteen messages. Why ain’t you call me back?”
I looked down at my answering machine and the number 20 was flashing. That was not a good sign. Big Momma was not the type to leave one message, let alone fifteen, so something must be really wrong.
“I spent the night at Becky’s house last night, Big Momma. Why? What’s wrong?” I braced myself for bad news.
Big Momma released a sigh that made it clear she knew I wasn’t telling the whole truth. She had probably called Becky’s house as many times as she’d called me. I was sure she’d ask me for the real story another time, but now Big Momma had more urgent things to tell me.
“Your sister had her baby last night, child! A big ol’ nine-pound baby boy!”
“Oh, that’s great, Big Momma. What’d she name him?” I tried to sound enthusiastic, but it wasn’t working. I was happy for Stephanie and Travis, but more than that I was jealous. I’d been wanting a baby for a long time. Derrick and I had even started trying to have a baby, but of course that all came to an end once he got locked up. So it wasn’t that easy for me to share my grandmother’s joy.
“Travis Jr. They’re gonna call him T. J.” Big Momma ignored my lack of enthusiasm and kept talking a mile a minute. She was like that. Wasn’t no one or nothing gonna spoil her good mood. “Yeah, my first great-grandson. I can’t wait to see him. I want you to come over here and pick me up so I can see my great-grandbaby. You hear?” she ordered.
Going out again was the last thing I wanted to do, especially since I’d have to put on a happy face for everyone else’s benefit. But Big Momma was not the kind of person you refused. So I promised I’d pick her up as soon as I took a shower and changed. At least with the birth of Stephanie’s baby I had an excuse for where I was last night when I did finally talk to Derrick.
Before I could kick off my shoes and head to the shower, there was a knock on my door.
“Who is it?” I sighed wearily.
“It’s me, girl. Open the door!” It was Sabrina, my best friend and next-door neighbor. She and I had been friends for years, but we really got close when her husband, Richie, got locked up and sent to prison for armed robbery around the same time as Derrick. I liked Sabrina. It was nice having a friend who understood what it was like to have her man in jail. The only difference between us was Sabrina was sick of traveling up to Roanoke every weekend and was looking for a new man. You see, along with being my best friend, Sabrina was also the biggest slut I’d ever met. She’d slept with about half of Richmond, and the other half was on standby.
“I hope you got that twenty dollars I loaned you the other day.” I opened the door. “’Cause girl, I’m broke.”
“Please, Jazz,” she sucked her teeth as she entered my apartment. “You know Uncle Sam don’t pay ’cept on the first or the fifteenth. And it ain’t neither one of those days. So you just gonna have to wait till next week like the rest of the bill collectors. I’m as broke as you, if not broker.” She held out a vase filled with the prettiest red and white roses I’d ever seen.
“So where’d you manage to get them roses, then? Seems to me if you got a man who can afford roses, he should be able to help you pay me back,” I teased. I knew when I gave Sabrina that twenty dollars I wasn’t gonna see it anytime soon.
“Shiiit! Ain’t nobody give me these flowers, girl. I was coming up the steps from work when the florist came knockin’ on your door an hour ago. He asked me if I’d give these to you when you got home.” Sabrina smirked. “He was kinda cute, so I told him, ‘Sure, but you gotta give me your phone number.’”
“Well, I guess you got the number?” I took the vase from her and walked over to the sofa. Sabrina was right on my heels.
“Yeah, he gave it to me, all right. Then he said if his wife answers the phone to tell her he was on his way home with the milk.” Sabrina sucked her teeth while I laughed. “Can you believe that shit?”
“Not really, but that’s the kinda man I wanna marry.”
“That’s ’cause you a player-hater,” Sabrina replied, and we both laughed. “Okay, girl, give it up. Who you talkin’ to that would send you roses?” She placed her hand on her hip.
“I don’t know. I’m surprised you didn’t read the card.”
“Trust me. I wanted to, but it was sealed. And last thing I wanted was for you to get an attitude.”