Bachelor Mother (6 page)

“Your lemon cake is pretty good,” Bubba said as he expertly turned them around, his arm still circling her shoulders.

They walked briskly along until they sighted his board sticking out of the sand. Right before they reached their towels, Bubba squeezed her shoulder and eased her to a stop.

He turned her in his arms so she was looking up at him. “So we’ll go out for a month and see how it goes. Okay, Mel?”

Something about the way he said it touched her deeply. Her hand reached up, almost with a will of its own, and touched his cheek gently.

“Sounds good to me.”

He linked his arm through hers and they walked toward their picnic.

* * *

In the month that followed, Melanie never remembered being as busy. Bubba was relentless, planning activities with a vengeance. They surfed, swam, played racquetball and volleyball, and ran together every morning. Whenever he went to the gym to work out, he came by and asked if she wanted to go with him.

She began to have him over for dinner at least two times a week. They talked about anything and everything. Both of them loved to reminisce, and they laughed as they remembered so many of the scrapes they’d both come through.

One of the funniest involved the summer Bubba and Donnie “went independent” and decided to move out of their respective homes. It had been a good idea at first, as both teenage boys had been desperate to escape the yoke of parental supervision. But the fun paled fast in light of the fact that neither Bubba nor Donnie knew anything about maintaining a household.

Though Mel had been only thirteen to their nineteen, she stopped by their apartment almost every day and brought things she'd cooked at home. They fell on her generosity with frantic hunger, sick of their own limited repertoire. Bubba finally broke down and bought a basic cookbook. He also went online and studied cooking videos.

Though Donnie had been indignant at the thought of
really
  cooking, Bubba found he enjoyed it. He and Mel concocted many dishes that summer. Donnie wasn’t too proud to eat them. Both Bubba and Mel laughed, remembering a few of their culinary attempts that went the way of the garbage disposal.

She gained an insight into his character she hadn’t had before. She’d always believed Bubba had everything in his life in order but slowly came to see him as a man who held a great deal inside. Not that he was cold. He exuded a boyish, spontaneous warmth that charmed her, made her want to move closer to him, even touch him. But she saw past that surface to the troubled boy he’d been.

While most of his friends were married – with the exception of her brother Donnie, who was just cheap enough to be holding out for their five hundred dollar bet – Bubba met life head-on and alone. She knew he’d dated a lot of women. He genuinely liked women. Many of his old flames still called him or came over. He seemed to have the ability to smooth the most passionate of relationships into a platonic friendship.

How strange that we’re moving the other way, from friendship to passion,
  she thought one day as she watered the profusion of plants on her back deck. Henry was lying in the shade of an enormous spider plant. Bubba had banished him from the house for tearing open a bag of cat food all over the kitchen floor.

Their month was almost up. The day before they’d gone to a lawyer and had a contract legally drawn up. It had been a shock, seeing Bubba in a suit. She was used to him in jeans and sweatshirts. Melanie was sure his mode of dress was one of the reasons he’d decided on construction as a career. Bubba was never happier than when he was outside on a sunny day.

Afterward, he’d taken her out to lunch and had set a date – the Fourth of July. It felt strange to plan lovemaking so carefully but she had to if she wanted a chance to conceive. Usually Bubba had a huge, noisy party to celebrate the holiday. Then after everyone had stuffed their faces and played volleyball and lazed in the hot tub, those who were still functioning walked down to the beach to watch the fireworks.

Bubba hadn’t extended any invitations this year – except one.

Melanie turned off the hose and rolled it up, then sat down on a chaise. She closed her eyes and let the summer sun wash over her, relaxing her taut muscles.

She felt Henry jump on to the foot of the chaise and slowly walk alongside her legs. He heaved himself up on to her stomach and lay down.

“What does he feed you?” she said as she reached down and scratched the white cat behind his ears. Henry was sleek and enormous, nothing like the desperately scrawny, flea-ridden kitten Bubba had found.

The cat purred loudly. Mel closed her eyes, content to relax and let her mind wander.

Bubba hadn’t even kissed her. In all the time they’d been dating, he hadn’t touched her except to assist her in and out of his car or up the walk to her house. He’d been the most perfect gentleman, giving her plenty of notice before each date and planning things he knew she’d enjoy.

I wonder if he’s as nervous as I am.
Impossible – Bubba, who had his first girlfriend in the eighth grade? She still remembered the ribbing Donnie had given him about going to the movies with a
girl
. Years later, she’d realized her brother had been incredibly jealous.

It had been the same in high school. It was the appealing combination of his boyish good looks and his genuine consideration for the opposite sex. Bubba had made quite a life for himself at school, captain of this team, president of that club.

Mel had known all along it was because he really had no reason to go home.

How his mother and father had produced a child like Bubba was beyond her comprehension. She remembered Bubba’s mother as a small, pale, anxious woman. His father sold insurance, didn’t like the outdoors and positively loathed the beach. One summer she’d seen him turning hamburgers on a barbecue grill and had studied his skinny white legs, wondering how such a man could have a son like Bubba.

She understood what drove Bubba to open his home to others, to throw such big parties, to date such a succession of women. But what she’d never understood was that in the middle of all this activity, Bubba was still lonely.

It was nothing she could put her finger on. Just the way they talked – she had the feeling he didn’t have a great deal of experience opening up to other people. She just listened to him, sat quietly on her couch or out by his hot tub and listened.

Melanie hated to judge people, perhaps because she’d watched Donnie do so much of it while he was growing up. She simply gathered in what Bubba confided in her, absorbed it and reflected on it. She came away with some very private speculation about Bubba.

The slight creaking of the steps leading up to the deck made her open her eyes and turn around.

“Hi, Bubba.”

“I didn’t mean to wake you up. I just came over to make sure we were all set for tomorrow.”

She admired how calm he was about the whole thing, as if it were some sort of science project. When Mel thought too hard about what had to happen tomorrow, her insides did funny things and her mouth went dry. She didn’t want to lose Bubba’s  friendship. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to enter new territory in their relationship. It was all so confusing. Sometimes she just wished she could retreat into her house and go into seclusion for a month, then reappear as if nothing had happened.

But that was impossible.

“All set,” she said softly. She studied him. Bubba always looked his best half-naked. He looked most at home in a pair of threadbare cutoffs, nothing else. They were all he had on now. His body was beautiful, his muscles defined, but she knew his physique wasn’t anything he consciously worked on.

“I thought you could come over tomorrow night for dinner,” he said, studying her expression.

“You don’t have to cook for me, Bubba. I can eat something here.” Now she was getting nervous, thinking about the weekend.

“It’s nothing spectacular. I’m ordering out – Mexican food.” Typical Bubba – casual to the end.

“How about something less spicy.” With her luck, she’d get sick.

“Do you like that place down the block with the healthy pizza?” He was making an effort to please her. She was touched.

“That’d be fine.” Whatever he ordered, she knew she probably wouldn’t touch it. But she didn’t want to take any of the pleasure of planning away from him.

He sat down on the deck chair next to her chaise and stretched out his legs. She studied him covertly, noticing for the first time the faint network of scars that covered his body. She knew where the scar above his knee had come from – a spill from a dirt bike. The tiny lines on his chest were cuts and scratches he’d sustained surfing.

“Mel, how are you feeling about this?” His eyes were direct and piercing. Trust Bubba to come straight to the point.

“Fine. I – I just – ”

“Are you scared?”

“A little. Not as much of you,” she lied easily, not wanting him to know just yet how confused she’d been, “but of the whole idea of having a baby. I mean, it’s been an obsession with me. I wake up some mornings thinking I’m doing the wrong thing. Then I think about never having a child and it tears me up inside.”

He was quiet, listening. It was rare Melanie confided in anyone but Bubba had always been easy to talk to.

“I don’t know what kind of mother I’m going to be. I’m not sure if I’m financially ready. I wish I had a husband, a relationship that had a couple of years behind it.”

He nodded his head, urging her on.

“You’ll think this is stupid, but the thing that really gets to me is that I’ll never have a honeymoon.”

“Yes you will. Not right now, but someday.”

“But it’s not the same. It’s not the same as when you’re
beginning
  something with someone and everything is stretched out in front of you. It’s like… I wish I could have done things in the right order.”

“Mel, you didn’t have a choice.”

“I know, but it doesn’t make me feel any better. I haven’t told anyone in my family. You and Alicia are the only two people who know. It’s not that I’m ashamed of what I’m doing but I’m not sure how everyone is going to react.” She sat up on the chaise and swung around, easing a startled Henry onto the redwood deck. Sitting facing Bubba, she continued her train of thought.

“I feel so… so
vulnerable
  right now. I know if I told my family and they looked at me like I was crazy, I might not be able to go through with it.”

“I think you’re smart not to tell them.”

Mel sighed. “Donnie will hit the ceiling. There have been so many times I wish I didn’t have to rent from him but he kept telling me I was doing him a favor.”

“You could live in Beverly Hills and own your own home. Donnie would still want to run your life. You know that,” Bubba said quietly.

“I know. And Mom is going to look so quietly hurt, I won’t be able to stand it! And my father – I think I may just write him a letter.”

“You don’t think they’ll understand once you tell them why?” He sounded as if he didn’t quite believe her.

“My family has its moments too, Bubba. There were certain standards we grew up with and with Donnie enforcing them, I guess they’ve been drilled into me pretty thoroughly.”

“But you have to take individual situations into account.”

“I know.” She sighed, clasping her hands between her knees. “I know it all so logically, but when I think about telling my family I’m going to be a single mother…”

“Do you want me to talk to Donnie?”

“
No!”
  She met his gaze directly, fiercely. “I’m telling him last. And I don’t
ever 
want you to tell him that you’re the man who helped me out.”

“You’re sure?”

“Positive. You don’t know what Donnie can be like.”

He glanced away from her, over toward his backyard. “Mel, I want you to know something before tomorrow night. If there’s ever a moment when you think you might not want to go through with this, I want you to tell me. I don’t care when it happens or how far along things go. Just let me know and I’ll stop.”

Deeply moved by his declaration, she smiled. It was so good talking with Bubba, sharing her worries. He cared a great deal about her welfare.

She shook her head. “I don’t think I’ll be backing out.” Even as she said the words, she felt her stomach constrict with tension.

“I’ll see you tomorrow night at seven, okay?” He stood up and walked over to where Henry was lying in the sun. The large cat looked up sleepily as Bubba swept him into his arms and chucked him under the chin.

“Okay.” Mel watched him until he rounded the corner of her house. Then she stretched out on the chaise and let out a soft breath.

How was she ever going to get through tomorrow night?

Melanie stared at the inside of her closet, then turned around and studied the clothing piled on top of her queen-sized brass bed.

So what does one wear when one is planning to sleep with one’s best friend?
  Too bad there wasn’t an article on this subject in
Cosmopolitan.

The beginning of a love affair.
Not really.
  She wrinkled her nose and began to sort gently through her clothing.

It’s not a love affair. He’s simply helping you get pregnant.

How clinical.

She hadn’t seen Bubba since he left the day before. She knew he was probably getting ready too, but she couldn’t imagine him being as nervous as she was. At least he’d had a considerable amount of practice at this sort of thing.

It’s not like you’re a virgin.

She tossed a red cotton jumpsuit on the white wicker chair next to her bed. Preparing for this evening was impossible. There was no way she could do anything with even a semblance of feeling calm. Closing her eyes, she ran her fingers over the clothing on her quilt and grasped one of the outfits.

She opened her eyes as she pulled it out of the pile. It was a dress Alicia had encouraged her to buy six months ago. One of her favorites, pale blue silk, simply cut. Elegant.

What to wear to a baby’s conception.
Melanie knew she was being ridiculous, knew her emotions were running away with her. She didn’t have any more time and couldn’t keep putting off getting ready. She certainly didn’t want to be late.