Back for Seconds (30 page)

He meant Xander. Russell still saw him as a rebound fling, something she had done to prove something to her ex. The only difference was she truly loved Xander. He wasn’t just a distraction from a ho-hum reality. He burned in her blood like a disease.

More to the point, she was able to give him up for the sake of her family. “My priorities never shifted, Russell. Not once. The kids need me and I’m here, even if I’m alone.”

“You don’t have to be,” he reminded. “You can come home tonight if you wanted.”

“That’s just it, isn’t it?” she said. “I don’t want to. And it doesn’t have to do with anyone else, Russell. I’m happier this way. I’d almost forgotten how to be happy,” she admitted. “I think we both did.”

He nodded as he looked back at Kari, who was dancing with Xander. “I hope they don’t forget,” he said.

It softened her towards him. She always loved him best when he was the father of her children. She touched his arm with a smile. “Come on,” she said. “Let’s dance.”

They joined Nash on the dance floor. He had boosted Hannah up on his shoulders and she clapped happily as their parents joined in, dancing like dorks with the kids. It was something they had done a lot in the early days.

Kari laughed as she watched them. She turned to Xander with a happy smile. “Best birthday ever,” she said.

His eyes were troubled as he glanced down at her, but he hid it easily as he mirrored her smile. “I’m glad, love. You deserve all of this and more.”

Her breath caught as she stared up at him. Only one thing could make her birthday even better, a total dream come true. “Can I talk to you privately for a minute?” she asked.

“Of course,” he said, before he followed her from the pavilion towards the pier overlooking the lake. The sun had already dipped low, streaking vibrant pinks and blues across the sky. The party raged in the distance as she stood with him at the rail, looking at the ducks below. “What’s up?”

She glanced around. Some of her friends hung back, trying to spy on her, but she waved them away. This was her chance and she was going to take it.

“I just wanted to thank you for everything you did to make this party so special.”

He leaned on one elbow as he smiled at her. “Anything for you, you know that.”

She nodded, turning to face him. “I know more than you think I know,” she said.

His eyes narrowed. “What do you mean?”

“I know that you have feelings, feelings you haven’t been able to share with anyone. Things are really complicated, and I get that.” He said nothing as he waited for her to continue. “I just wanted to let you know that you don’t have to wait anymore. If you want to reach out to someone, someone that you, y’know, love, you should.”

“Kari,” he started but she stepped closer. Before he knew what was happening, she reached up on her tiptoes to plant a tentative but lingering kiss on his lips. He jerked back in surprise, which startled all the ducks and fish below. “What are you doing?”

“I love you, Xander,” she said. He felt her tremble as she hung onto him. “I’ve loved you since the first night we met. Everything was so shitty, from my folks divorcing, to moving to Nana’s, to my new school. You made everything better. You make everything better. And I know you feel something too. You always make me feel so special. You’re always coming to the house to hang out with us. You don’t have to hide it anymore.”

“Kari,” he started again, holding her off with his hands.

“And I know I’m young but I’m already sixteen. I’ll be eighteen before you know it. Then we can be together.”

“Kari,” he said again, this time firmer. He pursed his lips together before he led her to one of the benches where they could sit. “I am very flattered. You are an amazing girl. And the man who gets to be with you someday will be the luckiest man in the world.”

“That could be you,” she said as she reached for him. He took her hands in his, placing them back in her lap.

“It’s not me, sweetie,” he said softly.

Her face fell. “What?”

“I am absolutely crazy about you, Kari. But not that way.” Her lip trembled as a tear streaked down her cheek. He felt like an absolute shit as he brushed it away. He knew she had a crush but he never expected it to come to this. He thought it was just a phase she was going through. When Joely told him Kari was attracted to an older boy, he was relieved –

It hit him like a thunderbolt. Joely knew about the crush. This was why she pushed him away. His stomach sank as he realized that she had done it to protect Kari, because their being together would have devastated her. That was why they couldn’t be together. That was why Joely was so distraught. She was in love with him… but they were doomed to be apart.

“Oh, sweetheart,” he said as he pulled Kari into a hug. He kissed the top of her head as she cried on his shoulder.

“But why?” she wailed against his shirt. “Am I not pretty enough?”

“Are you kidding? You’re the most beautiful sixteen-year-old I know,” he said. “It’s just my bad luck I was born too soon. If I were any number of boys at this party, I’d be chasing you around until you pushed me right off into the lake. Or maybe into the reptile exhibit.”

She laughed a little then as she pulled away. He had always been able to make her laugh. It just wasn’t fair. “But I love you.”

He cupped her face in his hands to look her right in the eye. “And I adore you. This changes nothing, Kari. If anything, it makes me admire you even more. It takes a lot of guts to tell someone how you feel about them. Never stop taking chances on love. Ever. Because one amazing day the right guy will be able to say it right back. And that’s worth everything.” She nodded and he brushed away the tears from her cheeks. “You just let him know that he better treat you right or else I’ll kick his ass personally.”

Again she laughed. He pulled her close for another hug. “I’m sorry,” she managed.

“Don’t you dare apologize,” he murmured against her hair.

She pulled away with a sigh. “Stupid birthday wish,” she muttered. Her eyes met his. “I wanted you to give me my first kiss.”

His heart broke as he looked at her. Finally he cupped her face with both hands, pulled her forward and planted a sweet kiss on her nose. He rested his forehead on hers and looked into her bright blue eyes, which pooled with tears for what would never be.

It killed him to realize that applied to him and Joely as well.

He kept an arm around her as he led her back to the pavilion. Everyone was in high spirits as they celebrated. Novanna was there with her husband, David. Mason and Christopher had brought Lilah. Joely took turns dancing with Hannah and Nash. His heart filled as he watched her. She was never lovelier than when she was with her kids. It was one of the things he loved most about her.

Xander walked Kari to Russell, whom he handed off with a smile. “Time for a father-daughter dance,” he said. Kari reached up and hugged her Daddy tight as he took her into his arms. “You’ve got a beautiful family,” he told Russell.

“Thank you,” Russell replied. When he turned away, his eyes met Joely’s. He understood now all the things they couldn’t say. He offered a small smile, which she returned.

It such a small moment but it was one he immediately treasured, because it was all they had.

November gave way to December in a flurry of holiday shopping that kept everyone involved with
Back for Seconds
hopping. One of Russell’s special birthday presents for Kari had included a car, so she was now able to cart her brother and sister between the house in Old Elmwood, their respective schools and Lillian’s Place.

The brand new car also endeared her to her new friends at Abilene High, who forgave Kari easily for dropping her crush on Xander. In fact, now that she didn’t have her eyes entirely focused on him, she was able to see that several other boys were actually interested in her. She went on her first date during the winter formal the school hosted. Sixteen-year-old Lucas Anderson wasn’t Xander Davy by a long shot, but it wasn’t bad. Who knew? Maybe she’d even be able to kiss him one day. She was in no hurry. Xander had left some mighty big shoes to fill.

Now that the business was rolling along, Joely was able to hire another cook and another pastry decorator, one of Mason’s dear friends who was equal parts flash and fabulous. Every other cent she made she saved like a miser. She had talked with the kids about getting a place of their own, but they decided that getting a storefront would come first, since that would determine where they should finally plant roots.

No one had ever snatched up that storefront at the mall, which remained a daily daydream for Joely. She consulted with a leasing agent as well as her mother’s attorney, so she knew what magic number she had to hit to make it happen. She watched her bank account with an eagle eye, hoping she’d get there before someone else decided to rent the space.

Though she had the funds to go all out for the kids’ Christmas, she told them ahead of time that they were going to keep their purse strings tied pretty tight. They compromised on gifts they could make each other. She cried when she opened up the box of cookies they had made for her, each one decorated by hand by one of her children.

The most surprising gift of all came from Russell, which he gave to her personally during a special dinner date she had finally accepted. Though she had courted the thought that returning back to Fairway Oaks would help Kari get over her crush on Xander, she no longer pictured Russell as the man she wanted by her side. Like with Back for Seconds, Joely was determined not to settle. She was equally determined to prove that to Russell on that dinner date, where he had taken her to the finest restaurant in town.

His eyes appraised her warmly as she sat across from him at the table. “You look beautiful, Joely.”

She smiled. She knew he wouldn’t say it if he didn’t mean it. If she was keeping score, he hadn’t said it since before Hannah was conceived. They were different people then, she realized. That surprise pregnancy and thrown chaos into their perfectly ordered world. Russell had never recovered. “Thank you, Russell.”

“Thank you for agreeing to dinner,” he said as he unfolded the napkin in his lap. “I know things have been hectic for you with your new business.”

She nodded. “It’s completely crazy some days. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

He mirrored her nod. “And Xander?”

“Xander isn’t an issue, Russell. I’ve told you before.”

They fell silent as the waiter brought a bottle of wine for Russell to sample. He handled it all with the same kind of suave sophistication she’d become accustomed to over the years. There was a time when that gave her such a sense of pride, to be on the arm of a successful doctor. Now, as she sat there at that table, she knew that she had every bit as much value as he did. The look in his eyes only proved it.

“These last few months have given me a lot of time to think,” he began. “You were right when you said we both got complacent. But worse than that, I got entitled. You made my life better and easier in seamless ways that I took for granted. And I never really realized how much you brought into my life until you weren’t there anymore.”

She nervously took a sip of her wine. While it pleased her to hear these things, she was afraid where Russell was heading. If he expected some sort of Christmas reconciliation, he was barking up the wrong tree. Her heart was too full of another man, even if it was pointless.

“And I’m still selfish,” he admitted. “I want you back because I want that life back. It never even occurred to me that you wouldn’t be happy to return. If I hadn’t been so stupid, I would have fought for you from the beginning, but even then I have to ask myself what good would it have done? You simply weren’t happy with me.”

“I thought you weren’t happy with me,” she confessed softly. “After Hannah came along, it was like you resented me.”

“I think I did,” he admitted. “Let’s be real, Joely. You were unhappy before Hannah.” It took her a long moment but she finally nodded. “We were just going through the motions. And all I could think about when you told me you were pregnant was that we had eighteen more years to fake.”

It hurt her to hear it. That wasn’t the way she saw it at all. She really saw marriage as a long-long commitment. “Maybe that’s part of the problem,” she finally said. “I thought we were both doing life sentences anyway.”

He chuckled. “Maybe.”

“Four months ago, I thought your affair was the worst possible thing that could happen to me.”

“And now?”

“Now I see it was inevitable. Unhappy people find ways to make themselves happy, often at the cost of others. But in the end you go where you’re supposed to.”

“Are you happy, Joely?” he asked softly, as if it mattered.

She nodded. “It’s not perfect,” she admitted. “But I don’t think life is supposed to be. And I’m too old and too tired to pretend otherwise.”

“Me too,” he said as he withdrew a small black gift box tied with a gold bow, which he handed to her.

“What is this?” she asked as she held it in her hand. If it was another ring, or piece of jewelry, or key to some storefront, she didn’t know what she’d do. There were only so many times she could say no.

“Open it,” he said.

When she did, she found an envelope inside. She opened it to find divorce papers. Her eyes shot to his.

“I filed them this afternoon,” he told her. “If you agree to the specifics, it can be finalized relatively quickly.”

She thumbed through the paperwork, which ensured that she’d be entitled to half of Russell’s wealth, as well as full custody of the children, with Russell keeping twice-monthly visits and alternate holidays. Her eyes bulged at the number on the check. “Are you kidding?”

He shrugged. “The way I see it, you deserve half of everything. I couldn’t have been me without you. I know that now.”

Her eyes misted with tears. Not only was he setting her free at last, the settlement offer was more than generous. It would easily finance her own commercial kitchen, namely the mall storefront that she had once refused to take from him, but it would leave more than enough to put a nice down payment for a house of her very own. She wouldn’t need an apartment at all.

She rose from her chair and walked over to him, hugging him through her tears. “Thank you,” she said.

There were tears in his own eyes as he curled his arm around her for the last time as her husband. “Thank you,” he whispered. “And I’m sorry.”

It was all she had been waiting to hear for all these long, painful months. When she left the restaurant that evening, she longed to drive to Xander’s place towards Buffalo Gap. In any other world, she’d been set free to love him. But unfortunately their path was still blocked by Kari, whose feelings for Xander hadn’t quite ebbed.

At the restaurant, things had finally evened out between Joely and Xander. He never told her about what happened with Kari, or that he knew why she had pushed him away. But he wasn’t angry anymore. His olive branch was his friendship, which was a welcome change for Joely. If he had pushed her for more, she might have crumbled. She still loved him, and in fact loved him more every day. He was such a crucial part of
Back for Seconds
, she couldn’t imagine running the business without him. He was her rock. He’d do thoughtful things like make sure she had a plate of food to eat when her schedule was particularly crazed, or he’d chime in to help with the kids or the orders, wherever he was needed.

Sometimes their glances lingered long enough to say what neither one of them was willing to say, but each heated moment would pass and they could struggle to carry on in their new roles.

Things might have coasted along until spring had it not been for a late-night phone call days after Christmas. Joely struggled to understand the man on the other end of the line, who was crying so hard she couldn’t make out one thing he was saying. She pulled the phone away from her ear to check the caller ID. “Christopher?” she said.

“I’m at the hospital. Can you come?”

Her heart dropped. Immediately she thought something might be wrong with Lilah. “I’ll be right there.”

She didn’t even bother to dress. She jumped into her shoes and she raced to the hospital, where she found Christopher in the emergency waiting room. He fell apart when he saw her and she immediately rushed to his side to take him into her arms.

“It’s Mason,” he sobbed on her shoulder. “He was in an accident.”

“Lilah?” she asked and he shook his head.

“She’s with my mom.”

Joely nodded and she held him closer, rocking him to calm him down. “It’ll be okay,” she promised.

Unfortunately that was not the consensus from the doctor, who came out to find them an hour later. The news he delivered was grim. Mason had been struck by a tractor trailer that had drifted into his lane and hit him head-on. The injuries were too numerous to count, but the most critical one of all was blunt trauma to the head, which had essentially been crushed when the car buckled. He was alive, but by machines only.

“Can I see him?” Christopher asked.

“He’s in ICU at the moment,” the doctor said. “Are you family?”

“I’m his husband,” Christopher bit between clenched teeth.

The doctor immediately recoiled at the term. He turned to Joely. “Does he have any other next of kin?”

Christopher spun away in anger. Joely didn’t know quite how to answer. “His parents live in Amarillo,” she offered.

“You should probably call them,” the doctor said. He sent another disapproving glance toward Christopher before he stalked back through the door marked “Authorized Personnel Only.”

By morning, Novanna had joined them at the hospital, raining holy hell on anyone who wouldn’t let Christopher into Mason’s room. She was ready to sue the entire staff when they wouldn’t honor the legal paperwork that gave Christopher power of attorney. He wasn’t next of kin, they argued, and as such denied the right to see Mason. By afternoon, Avery and Sylvia Campbell had arrived at the hospital, to see their son and further complicate matters. It practically turned into screaming fit that nearly got Christopher arrested and removed from the premises entirely, which, Joely suspected, was what the religious hospital staff really wanted.

“They’re not going to let me see him,” Christopher told Novanna. “He’s going to die and I’m not even allowed to say goodbye.”

Joely curled her arm around him as Novanna looked him in the eye. “We’re not going down without a fight. Understood?”

He nodded but he was already defeated. He had heard the horror stories before. He knew what kind of dilemma this presented for same-sex couples in states that didn’t validate their unions. It was the number one reason he had pressed Mason to marry him even without his parents’ consent – especially without his parents’ consent.

As each hour passed, the news just got worse. Police had uncovered the medicinal marijuana in the wreckage of Mason’s car, which led to Child Protective Services being called. Lilah was removed from her grandmother’s house, since more contraband had been found there, resulting in Bobbie Pruitt’s arrest. Since her paternal grandparents were there, they got custody by default.

Christopher was a basket case by the time the Campbell’s attorney, who had flown down that afternoon, consulted with Novanna and Christopher. “The doctors say that Mason is brain dead. His parents have been advised to terminate life support.”

“They can’t do that!” Christopher exploded. “We signed all the paperwork!”

“They’ve given their permission so that you can see him,” the lawyer sidestepped, as if that made everything okay.

“How fucking generous!” Christopher spit. “I’ve been here for him for the last ten years, every minute of every day. And they’re going to let me see him five whole minutes before they kill him and get rid of their faggot son at last?”

Xander, who had finally joined them that afternoon, put his hand on Christopher’s arm. “That’s not going to solve anything, mate. Come on.”

That evening, another doctor consulted with Christopher. Unlike the rest of the staff, he was empathetic to the situation. He was compassionate when delivering the unthinkable news. Mason had been declared brain dead. There was nothing more that could be done.

Christopher finally got to see Mason a little before eight o’clock that evening. Joely wanted to be with him, but they wouldn’t let anyone else in. She sank into one of the waiting room chairs that had been her home for the last twenty hours. Xander sat down next to her, placing his hand on her knee. “You look exhausted, love. You should go home and get some rest.”