Back to the Heart (3 page)

That was the last thing she remembered of Rick Fasken. Disdain.

Her heart still ached when she thought about it. If she could turn back time and erase her attraction to him, maybe this never would have happened. Maybe he would have given her that promotion after all, and she would have remained in New York, happily working at Fasken Law Firm forever.

That wasn’t what had happened, though. After nearly five years, Rick Fasken had begun noticing her in a way he’d never noticed her before. He’d wooed her like no man ever had, wined her and dined her, taken her on amazing dates. How could she not give herself to him over and over again?

She’d been so caught up in their whirlwind romance that she hadn’t realized it wasn’t real. In the three months that Rick had courted her, not once had he invited her to meet his family. Not once had they gone out with friends, neither his nor hers. Rarely were they seen outside of work together, and when they were, he made sure they looked platonic. Because that was what they really were—friends with benefits. And the “friends” part had melted away when she’d told him she was pregnant.

That was in her past. She could never go back, not to that place, to that job, to the person she was. In six more months, she’d be a mother, and as much as that thought made her heart skip with joy, it terrified her in equal measure.

As Ana slipped the pink strapless chiffon bridesmaid dress over her head, she tried to picture her future, sitting on the front porch of her mother’s home with a baby on her knee. While her mother would love and care for them with everything she had, that wasn’t how it was supposed to be. A child needed a father.

Her mind flitted back to Ryan during breakfast. He was every bit as handsome as she remembered from the night before, and her hormones had gone haywire the moment that she set eyes on him, despite the fact she wasn’t fully awake. It was still a bit upsetting that a stranger had taken up residence at her childhood home, but he seemed genuine, and her mother adored him.

Ana smoothed the front of the dress, trying to focus. Unlike the other bridesmaids’ dresses, this one was long and flowing with a slit up the left side. Her mother had made the other dresses, and there was no time to make a final one the night before the wedding. Something store-bought would have to do, and this dress was as close to the color of the other ones as they could find.

I like it,” Celia decided, eyeing the dress up and down.

Me too.” It hid Ana’s baby bump perfectly.

After taking off the dress, they went to find a pair of matching shoes and then returned home. Ana spent most of her day in her room playing games on her laptop and rummaging through her closet for her old knitting supplies.

Ana’s mother had always been big on making their clothes when she was growing up. Now it seemed like more of a hassle than it was worth, but at least this gave her something to do, and she didn’t want to dip into what little savings she had left.

Ana pulled her desk chair over by the window and grabbed a spool of lavender yarn—a nice gender-neutral color—to start working on a small scarf. Not that her child would ever need it in the Texas heat, but it was a good thing to practice on, since she hadn’t knitted anything in at least seven years. While she began to cast her stitches onto her long knitting needle, she stared out the window overlooking her parents’ ranch. Not so much staring as looking for Ryan.

She could barely see him working to replace one of the fence posts at the far side of her viewing reach. The ranch itself extended for some six hundred acres, so it was only luck that put Ryan in her line of sight. The land itself used to be divided between ranch and farmland, but once Ana’s father died, her mother had found it much easier to buy more cattle and convert it all into a ranch.

Ana stared longingly at the stranger. The flannel he was wearing earlier was now wrapped around his waist, and the beads of sweat on his back glistened in the sunlight. She could see what her mother had said about his hair. Maybe the name Sunshine did suit him. She just wished he would turn around so she could see the defined muscles of his broad chest. He worked hard, and it showed in the definition of his back, in the tan of his skin.

Ana shouldn’t be looking at him. Not only did it feel like spying, she had no business fantasizing about anyone. This was what had gotten her into trouble in the first place, wanting someone she knew better than to have. Rick had been above her station. Ryan was just passing through. He’d be gone like leaves on the breeze within another week. A distant memory. A vagabond. Not someone she needed to get involved with.

Ana tried to pay little mind to Ryan as they took their afternoon meal together. Thanks to shopping with Celia, she’d missed lunch with him. That was probably for the best. The less time they were in each other’s presence, the less she would want him.

It’s going to be a big day tomorrow,” Molly said with a sigh.

I know.” Celia picked at her chicken.

My little girl is all grown up.” Molly fought back the tears coming to her eyes. Ana tried not to feel too jealous. Maybe someday, she’d express the same sentiment at Ana’s wedding. “You’ll come to the wedding, won’t you?” Molly turned to Ryan, catching them all off guard.

I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” He beamed. “That is, if it’s all right with you.” He looked to Celia.

The more the merrier.”

Ana wasn’t sure how she felt about this. Why would he want to go to a wedding where he didn’t know anyone? Still, it would be kind of nice to see how Ryan cleaned up.

It was a horrible thing to think in the light of trying to resist him. Just because he was going to be there didn’t mean she’d have to pay attention to him. Besides, she’d be too busy with her maid-of-honor duties to even notice him.

She wasn’t far off the mark. The following day was spent running around. Ana, her mother, and the bridesmaids drove to the reception hall early that morning to begin decorating, setting up the centerpieces, and taping streamers to all the tables. It was going to be a simple country wedding, and that meant doing everything themselves. Ana had heard that weddings were stressful, but this was unreal, especially being dropped in at the last minute. Her mother seemed to have everything under control, directing her and the bridesmaids and making sure things ran smoothly.

Ana was so busy during the day that by the time she had to start getting dressed and help Celia get ready, she had forgotten Ryan even existed. It wasn’t until she was making her procession down the aisle that she caught a glimpse of him in the back pew. He looked so dapper in a classic black tux that she nearly stumbled over her own feet.
Wow, he does clean up well
, she thought as she continued down the aisle.

The ceremony was beautiful, and it called up emotions from the depths of Ana’s soul that were both endearing and melancholy. Celia was marrying her high-school sweetheart, David Wiseman. He was handsome, charming, a star quarterback for the football team when they were in high school, and now a prominent accountant in their small community. Shortly after proposing to Celia, they’d gone house hunting together so that he’d have a threshold to carry her over.

On top of snagging an amazing man, Celia had steadily been building her career since she graduated from high school. Even though she’d gone to college to be a veterinarian, she’d ended up as a dispatcher for the local police department and had soared up the ranks to lead dispatcher in no time, settling into a stable career with health insurance and all the other benefits. Her life was on the path that most girls dreamed of, while Ana’s was in shambles. How could Ana not be the tiniest bit jealous?

Watching her sister walk down the aisle in her immaculate white dress filled Ana with a yearning for things she feared she’d never have. Bandera was a small city, and most of the guys she’d known growing up had moved into San Antonio to seek out better employment opportunities. Everyone knew everyone in this town, and those she didn’t know, she’d meet soon enough. She hoped that there was still someone left for her, someone who could look past the fact that she was having a child out of wedlock.

Ana fought back tears as her little sister said her vows and became a married woman. From this point on, it would just be Ana and her mother living in the big ranch house together. It left her with a strange emptiness inside, and a sense of regret that she hadn’t come back sooner and spent more time with Celia as a single woman. What fun they could have had together.

With the wedding over, the guests removed themselves to the reception hall while Ana went up to the pulpit to have her picture taken with the bride and groom and the rest of the wedding party. It was a lengthy process. Stand here. Move there. Hope her baby bump wasn’t showing. Wonder if she’d ever be skinny again. The women in her family were known for having issues taking off their baby weight. It was silly to think about, but what else was there to do when you were standing as still as a statue trying to force a smile for the cameras?

With that done, they made the short trek to the reception hall, which was conveniently located behind the church, and Celia and David broke off from everyone else to greet their guests and thank them for coming before it was time for the meal to be served.

Ana had just tied up a conversation with one of her cousins on her mother’s side when she turned around to find Ryan in her line of sight. He was standing with a glass of champagne in hand, talking to one of her uncles. It was strange to see him so at peace with her family, like he fit right in. She found herself staring at him, marveling at how handsome he looked. As if he could feel her eyes on him, he turned his head, catching her gaze. With a smile, he excused himself and crossed the distance between them, making her heart beat faster with every step.

You look beautiful, Ana. That dress suits you well.”

Ana’s cheeks heated up. “You’re not too bad yourself.”

Your family is wonderful.” He looked around the room, his eyes flitting over the faces of the people he’d just met, Ana’s entire family in one night. If she was in his place, she’d feel overwhelmed. Ryan seemed at ease with the crowd, though, as if being around so many strange people didn’t bother him one bit.

It’s been a busy day for you.”

And it’s not over yet.” There was still the toast, the dancing, the cake cutting, and the cleanup. She certainly couldn’t forget the cleanup. She’d be lucky if she was in bed before midnight.

Not a fan of weddings?” He smirked, bringing his glass up to his lips to take a sip of champagne. Ana’s eyes zeroed in on his mouth, thoughts of what it would be like to kiss him consuming her. Why did he have to be so attractive?

I like weddings,” she stuttered. “I’m just still a bit tired from the move. I’m happy for my sister, though.” She was enjoying the night. Being around Ryan just made her feel flustered. “What about your family?”

My family is far away from here.” He let out a sigh, as if the subject made him uncomfortable.

I know that, Mister Wanderer.” She cracked a smile. “Tell me about them. From the way you look right now, I can’t help but wonder if you’re trying to escape them.” The second the words left her mouth, Ana realized how rude they sounded. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t assume anything like that.”

No. It’s fine.” He placed a hand on her shoulder, sending electric signals throughout her body. His hand was so warm. She didn’t want him to draw it away, but he did. “My younger brother is the vice president of a corporation. My parents live on a ranch similar to the one your mother owns. My grandparents on both sides passed away.”

That’s a shame,” Ana said, feeling bad for asking.

Death is a part of life, but let’s not talk about that.” He took the final sip of his champagne.

It must be hard living in your brother’s shadow.” Ana could relate. Celia was the good daughter, always traveling the path of least resistance. Ana had been the wanderer, leaving home in search of something better. Maybe Ryan was doing the same thing. She could only hope that he had better luck than she had.

We don’t live that way.” He smiled, scanning her face in a way that made Ana feel small and hot. “No one is better than anyone in my family. That’s how we were raised to think.”

That’s how I was raised to think too, but it’s hard to feel that way sometimes.” She cast a glance at her sister, who was smiling and laughing with her new husband among some friends.

What does your husband or boyfriend do for a living?”

Husband?” The question caught Ana completely off guard. Surely he’d realized she wasn’t wearing a ring. Disappointment coursed through her at the thought that he might have never looked. Perhaps he wasn’t as interested as she had assumed. “I don’t have a husband or a boyfriend.”

Then the father of the child.” His eyes fell to her stomach.

She cradled her belly, an overwhelming sadness consuming her. So he could tell? Maybe everyone could. “He’s back in New York.”

I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.” Ryan held a hand up.

I know.” Her shoulders slumped. “He’s not in the picture anymore. He didn’t want anything to do with me once he found out I was pregnant.” The confession made her ashamed, like she was admitting to being naive. She and Rick should have never happened, but she’d held onto false hope that everything would turn out okay.

Now that’s a true shame. Leaving such a beautiful woman after making a precious gift with her.”

Their eyes locked. Was Ryan being serious? Did he really think that her getting pregnant out of wedlock was a gift? Would he still be saying that if it had been him who had knocked her up?

She knew then that he didn’t care that she was pregnant. He liked her anyway. It showed in his eyes, in the sensual way that he looked at her.

How long are you going to be staying with us?” Her voice sounded small as she tried to pull herself together. The fluttering of emotions inside of Ana was so strong that she couldn’t even force herself to look at Ryan as she asked the question that suddenly meant so much to her. She already knew the answer. In another week, he would be gone. Whatever they had together right now would be over, and he’d be moving on somewhere else, making his trek across the country to God knew where.