Bad Luck Black Money (6 page)

Chapter 7

For two solid months, Junior was bedridden. Stuck in bed with nothing much to do but think, he devised a plan to get even with his beautiful captor.

Since Noi was obsessed with knowing his every movement, then he'd make it a point to be right at her heels, twenty-four seven. The best of friendships and blood relations can be broken asunder when familiarity breeds hostility. Benjamin Franklin said it best, "Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days." Junior couldn't wait to see how she liked it when the shoe was on the other foot.

However, the thing Junior hadn't counted on was that Noi reveled in the attention. When she went to the kitchen, he followed her. When she exercised, Junior was right there with a towel to soak up her sweat. When she went grocery shopping, he was right by her side, holding her hand, and looking at the ground like a shy child. All of the stares from other people didn't seem to bother her in the least.

Realizing that his plan wasn't working, Junior decided to turn up the heat. That night when he had to pee at three in the morning, he woke Noi up and asked her to come to the bathroom with him. To his horror, she not only agreed, but also congratulated him for being such a 'good husband', and then said that he should always ask for her to accompany him to the bathroom.

While lying in bed later that night with Noi's head on his chest, her arms around his waist, and one of her legs wrapped over his legs, he came to an awful, sobering conclusion. He had taken a bad situation and made it much, much worse.

The next morning as Noi fried some egg whites, while happily singing a Thai song, Junior looked longingly into the living room. If he was to get up from his seat at the kitchen table and walk over to the couch to watch television without his wife's permission, she might beat the living daylights out of him. Not so long ago, he had the relative freedom to wander around the condo on his own. But now, thanks to his stupid plan to get on Noi's nerves, he had lost what tiny amount of independence that he had once possessed.

A few days later Noi received a phone call from her old boss, Prince Abdul. Junior couldn't help but eavesdrop on the conversation since he was massaging Noi's feet at the time. Abdul had arranged for Noi's sister to talk with her via web cam after Abdul discussed some business with his brother, Prince Nalaheb, on Thursday of the following week.

Noi watched as Junior kept kneading her feet for a few moments after the call ended. She then said, "Did you hear about my sister calling next Thursday?"

"Yes," answered Junior as he dutifully kept massaging.

"I'll have to go down to Club Swish.... Do you want to come along?"

Well aware, that her question could be a trap, Junior said, "I want to do whatever makes you happy."

Noi slipped her feet out of Junior's hands and pulled him close to her. She looked deep into his eyes and said, "That is a very bad place. There are whores in every nook and cranny of the place. I don't want you defiled.... You have been turning into a better man since I had to beat you."

"... You can leave me here. I promise I won't do anything that would make you mad. Honest!"

"Maybe, I should call and cancel. Tell Prince Abdul that I can't go down there on Thursday."

Taking Noi's hands in his own, Junior said, "You need to talk with your sister... our sister. It’s been a long time since you last spoke to her. She needs you."

"Yes, but you need me, too. And you've been so good lately that it would break my heart if I had to punish you again."

Junior involuntarily winced at the thought of another beating, and responded, "You won't have to. I learned my lesson. I'll just sit on the couch and watch sports until you return."

"But you'd be so lonely without me here. I'm only thinking about your well-being."

Junior opened his mouth to say something then thought better of it. Everything he did only seemed to make matters worse, so shutting up seemed the best thing to do.

A minute passed without Noi saying anything. She stared at Junior, as if trying to read his inner thoughts. Finally, she relaxed and said, "Maybe, you can wait in the car, while I go inside and talk to Nok. How does that sound?"

"It sounds good, IF you think it's OK," said Junior as he picked up Noi's feet and started massaging them again.

"I'll slip the doorman a hundred, so he can keep an eye on you," Noi said as she closed her eyes, relaxing, enjoying the foot massage.

A champion poker player, who was sitting at the final table, would have shown more emotion than Junior did at that moment. Inside, he was doing cartwheels at the thought

of being apart from his wife for even a few, precious minutes. But if the joy in his heart made its way to his face and Noi was to see it, then the perfect feet, which he was holding, might turn into the weapons of his own destruction.

The days between "the phone call" and the date of his temporary liberation, dragged on slower than a snail on Valium tm. Although it didn't seem possible, Junior was even more attentive to Noi's every whim than ever before. He knew the slightest mistake could cause Noi to change her fickle mind and renege on her scheduled web chat.

Riding in Noi's red, BMW convertible, Junior felt shell-shocked. Within the next five minutes, he would watch Noi get out of the car without him and enter her old hunting grounds (a.k.a. Club Swish). He was so used to being with Noi, twenty-four hours a day, that he was actually kind of scared to be away from her.

Noi parked the car precisely in front of Club Swish's door. She didn't worry about it being towed away because the club had an arrangement with the cops. Any car worth over forty thousand dollars was left alone. No tickets, no theft, no vandalism, Club Swish cars were safer than in a gold brick in Fort Knox.

"Are you sure, you'll be OK?" asked Noi as she placed her hand on Junior's knee.

"I'll be good," answered Junior with all the sincerity that he could muster. "I promise."

Noi rubbed her hands back and forth on his thigh, and said, "I know you will. You've become such a good husband."

She leaned over, kissed him on the lips, and said, "Now, if you have any problems, I want you to tell the doorman, and he'll come get me. You stay out of that nasty place, understand?"

"Oh, yes, I understand. I never want to make you mad at me, again."

"Good boy," said Noi as she got out of the car. She walked up to the muscled giant guarding the door.

Junior couldn't hear what was being said, since Noi had left the car's top up, windows up, engine on, and air conditioner on. She was being very animated with her hand gestures and pointing a lot toward the car and Junior. Noi handed the giant a hundred dollar bill and pointed her finger right in the doorman's face.

On a lark, Junior wondered which one would win in a fight. The doorman was easily over three hundred pounds and most of it muscle, but Noi had the quickness and fighting skills of trained assassin.... He'd definitely bet on Noi kicking the guy's ass in under a minute flat.

Since his terrible beating, Junior had witnessed all of Noi's workout routines. Some days she worked on staying incredibly limber. Her body could stretch and bend in ways only an expert yoga practitioner could. (During sex, she would often twist into pretzel-like positions.)

On more exhilarating days, Noi would practice her martial arts with Junior. Sometimes, she would command Junior to try to hit her. Reluctantly, he would swing at Noi, only to be assaulted by her hands and/or feet, several times before his single punch missed its target. Even though, Noi would hold back the power in her strikes, Junior still felt each hit.

Other times, Noi would use Junior as a human target. He'd remain perfectly still, while she threw countless blows within an inch of his face, testicles, and everywhere else. Her expertise was such that she could playfully touch his nose with her big toe, snap off a kick at his stomach, and one at his balls, all within one second.

Deep in thought and alone for the first time in months, Junior almost jumped out of his skin when a knocking sound brought him back to his senses. The huge doorman/bouncer was smiling through the window at Junior and motioning for him to roll the window down. Junior complied.

"Hey," said the big man.

"Hello," Junior said.

"Uh, Noi break dick off?" asked the giant man with a giant smile on his face.

"... No, she didn't break it off," answered Junior. "She broke it, but it didn't come off. It stayed attached."

"Ha, ha, ha, she crazy lady."

Not knowing how to respond, Junior just smiled.

"No woman cut Gor dick off.... They scared, Gor. I beat woman if she hurt dick. Thailand number one for, for, umh, for cut dick off and sew back on."

"... That's good to know, Gor. If it happens to me then I'll run to the hospital to get it sewn back on."

"You crazy guy," Gor said as he nudged Junior in the shoulder with his ham-sized fist. "You have sex all women here. But no, you marry crazy girl here. No more sex for you, ha, ha."

"Well, you could make that argument. I don't have the best track record with the fairer sex."

Still laughing, Gor backed away from the car to return to his post. Waving 'goodbye' to Junior, Gor said, "You keep eye on dick. Stay on, no fall off."

"Thank, you," Junior said as he returned Gor's wave and pressed the button, which rolled up the window. "I'll try."

Thirty minutes later, Junior was trying to decide if it would be all right to turn on the radio. Noi had all her stations programmed in, and he wouldn't dare change them. But surely, it would be OK to just turn the radio on and listen to whatever was on without her.... He decided that it wasn't worth the risk and just enjoyed being all alone.

Junior had never taken the time to people watch, but he found it enjoyable and comparable to watching monkeys in the zoo. Whenever a woman was pretty or dressed too provocatively, he would look the other way. Something told him that Noi would know if he gawked at hot women.

Glancing in the rear view mirror, Junior spotted a girl named Poo staggering down the street toward Club Swish. This was a woman, he'd known in a carnal way when he was still a single man. He averted his eyes and slouched down, hoping she'd not see him. Of course, his luck held true to form and she tottered over to the BMW.

"Hey!" she shouted at Junior through the window.

He kept his head down and pretended that he couldn't hear her.

"Hey!" Poo shouted again. She beat against the window with her fist then took off one of her shoes and knocked hard on the glass with the high heel.

Fearing that the girl would break Noi's window, Junior reluctantly let down the glass.

"Hey," said Poo again, sending the stench of booze into the passenger's seat.

"Hello," said Junior as he tried to avoid looking directly at her.

"You, you... you got married?"

"Yes, I'm married to Noi."

"You, you, you... stupid."

"Yes, there's not much doubt about that," answered Junior, trying to appease the drunken girl.

"Why, why you not marry me?"

"I asked Noi to marry me."

"You too good, marry me?"

"No, I'm not good enough for you. You will marry a handsome, rich man. I'm fat. You don't want me."

Poo wobbled back and forth as she tried to comprehend what Junior had just said. A wicked smile crossed her lips then she said, "Noi cut dick off. You now ladyboy."

Junior looked around in desperation for Gor to intervene, but the giant had his back turned, talking to a couple of businessmen, who were about to enter the club.

Holding onto the car's ragtop roof to steady herself, Poo reached under her miniskirt and started pulling down her panties. She said, "Now you ladyboy. You wear pretty, pretty panties. You come in club; dance for rich businessmen."

She threw her panties at Junior, but they missed his head and landed on the driver's seat. Junior sat still, not knowing what to do or say. Luckily, Gor saw what was happening, came over, shouted something in Thai at the drunken girl, threw her over his shoulder, and toted her into the club.

Junior sat in the car, motionless. He dreaded to think about how Noi was going to react to all of this.

Gor, eventually, emerged from the club, laughing. He walked over to the BMW and said, "Crazy women. Crazy women love you. You love crazy women, ha ha."

At that moment, Junior didn't know how to respond to anyone, anymore. He just wanted Noi to come back and drive him home.

Gor saw the panties lying on the seat and asked, "I have panties?"

The thought of Gor wearing huge, pink, frilly panties brought Junior out of his trance.

"You aren't going to throw panties at me, too. Are you?"

Not having a good command of the English language, Gor tilted his head and scratched it with a finger, giving the universal sign for 'what the hell are you talking about?'

Then he pointed at the panties lying on the driver's seat and said, "I have panties, yeah?"