Baehrly Alive (19 page)

“But—“ I protested, “that was before I was even bitten. I hadn’t changed back then.”

“You were like me all along,” Thanatos said. “And I must know why.”

Chapter Fourteen

Perspective is such a slippery thing. Thanatos returned me to my front door—as if we had been on some warped imitation of a date. I didn’t know what to think, what to believe.

Everything he said could have been a lie, but for some reason I believed him. My gut told me he was telling the truth.

I’d had six months. We’d had six months together that never should have been. Donovan had been slated to die—but Thanatos had stepped in and let me save him.

I wish I could understand why.

Maybe he understood something I didn’t. Maybe he had sensed what could have been between us.

If he had lived.

Six months wasn’t enough.

But it had all been stolen time.

Six months that I would treasure as long as I had breath.

Nat’s decision to let him live was forbidden, was taboo. He didn’t even collect souls anymore. He didn’t interfere.

There were other reapers to soothe those dying and guide them home.

But he had stepped in for me.

I tried to think of all the lives Donovan might have touched in the last six months and realized what a huge risk Nat had taken.

He had risked everything—balance, the order of things—to buy Donovan more time.

If we had known, maybe we would have been able to save him, but that was doubtful.

He had stayed past his time—even though he had been here for far too short a time.

It didn’t make things any easier.

Just different.

My heart was broken. I loved Donovan and I always would.

But I was finding it difficult to be angry with Death any more.

No, my anger was directed toward those that deserved it—the people I had trusted to help and protect my family—the people who had turned their backs on me and walked all over me when I was down.

They would pay, I decided. Once I had moved my family safely to Faerie and saved Thomas and Gwyn I would return.

And I was going to expose the Council of Magic for what they really were.

Before their arrogance killed anyone else.

Now that I had proved my mettle, so to speak, the Resistance was much more willing to help me plan my own exodus. I would leave no one behind—every zombie chick, every hellcat, even Gerti, would be ushered to safety, through a Magical underground railroad.

Thomas, Gwyn, Petunia, and I would be the last to leave. We would meet up with the others once we were through the Wild Magic and, finally, Faerie.

We’d be guided through the barrier by the dapper leader who always wore a suit—a man by the name of Owen Dark.

I, personally, didn’t care much for him. He was too smooth, too oily. There was something about him that set my teeth on edge.

But he was willing to help me guide my family to safety, so I had no choice.

Beggars truly could not be choosers.

I hadn’t seen Nat since our conversation. I wasn’t sure I wanted too. I understood now that he hadn’t taken Donovan out of spite.

My head knew that, but my heart couldn’t accept it.

Why couldn’t we have had just a little more time?

We tried to keep up the appearances of normalcy as the first of my clan left the preserve and began their secretive journey—moving from one Magical household to another until they had reached the border. I hoped that they would be safe—I had promised to protect them.

That was what I was trying to do.

The Resistance told me that, especially now that the eye of the Council of Magic was on me. I had to be visible, had to appear to be yielding to their ruling. I had to be vocally in their support.

I had to lie my face off.

So, I went back to work—my time off for bereavement had run out anyway.

Walking into the office again had a surreal feel to it. I felt as if so much time had passed since I had last been there, but it really had only been a couple of weeks.

A couple of weeks since Donovan had died.

It was jarring how much things had stayed the same.

Willow waved in delight as I entered the door and tossed me an orange from the Magical fruit tree that grew in a pot next to her desk.

I broke into the peel and used the spray to explain the tears in my eyes.

It felt strange. This didn’t feel like my place anymore. I had worked here for over three years. I knew these faces—Willow, the imp interns, the Baehr brothers—this had been the first place I had felt at peace after my father died.

Now I felt like a stranger.

This wasn’t home to me anymore.

I bit into a section of my orange; the juice rolling down my chin forced me to grab a handful of tissues from Willow’s desk, before my blouse could get too destroyed.

I had just sat down at my desk when Kodi appeared in my doorway.

He didn’t even have to work in this office anymore—he technically lived in Palo Alto, California. I arched a brow at him. “Do you have some sort of alarm rigged on my desk that tells you the moment I get here?”

He grinned. “I’ll never tell. How are you holding up, Goldie?”

I shrugged. “My brother’s really sick. I’m just trying to take care of him and the preserve. I don’t really have time to think about anything else.”

Kodi nodded as if he understood. He hitched one seat-bone onto my desk and let his leg swing easily, looking for all the world like the laid-back relaxed guy he was.

It was that carefree attitude—that easy pleasure for life that had drawn me to him in the first place. Kodi was undeniably handsome, and he knew it. He was charming, and he felt no qualms using that charm to get his way. He was loyal, and loving, and an unmitigated ass.

I wondered how it would feel to say goodbye to him, and know that it was for good. I wondered why it already felt like we had.

I wanted to tell him about Donovan—to tell him about our little wedding at the sacred spring, to tell him that we had loved each other far more than he had realized—that my heart was still out there somewhere and trying to be where Donovan was.

I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t open my mouth. I couldn’t shape the words.

I couldn’t tell Kodi that I had loved Donovan more—that he was the one I had chosen, even if our bears were soul mates.

Even if my bear was slavering like a fool over Kodi, getting drool all over my soul-stuff.

I rolled my eyes and tugged her down by the scruff of her neck. I wasn’t going to deal with her misbehavior today.

“It’s nice to have you back,” Kodi was saying. I smiled and nodded at him, as if I agreed.

“It feels like an eternity since I’ve been here,” I said truthfully. “I have so much to get caught up on, that I don’t even know where to start.”

“Make the interns do it,” Kodi suggested. “That’s what they’re for.”

“Oh, yeah?” I countered. “Funny, I was your intern not that long ago. How much of your work did you pawn off on me?”

He grinned and stole the rest of my orange, popping the entire chunk in his mouth and swallowing it practically whole.

“Gross,” I told him. “Why don’t you get your butt off of my desk and let me actually get some work done—unless you came in here for a reason?” I tilted my head doubtfully.

He grabbed his chest and staggered as if I had wounded him. “So cruel! So beautiful!” He disappeared dramatically behind my desk, clawing at the air with a mock-shriek of helplessness.

I rolled my eyes.

“Actually,” he said, reappearing and straightening his tie. “Braun and Paul wanted me to call you to a staff meeting.” He glanced at his watch. “It starts in thirty seconds.”

“Jerk,” I muttered as I hurried past him. I’d actually worn high heels for once, and now I was paying the price.

I made it to the conference room and my seat just as Braun was checking the time on the big clock on the wall.

Three seconds late. Drat.

Kodi sauntered in as if he didn’t have a care in the world—which he didn’t—and helped himself to tea—with a liberal dose of honey—and bear-claws.

My stomach growled. I should have grabbed something to eat, while I had the chance.

Drat Kodi for making me late.

I frowned as I realized that the staff meeting was comprised of only the four of us. “Just us?” I asked. “Is there a problem with a case?”

Braun stopped tapping his fingers on the table and folded his arms over his chest instead. He looked at me steadily. “There’s a problem, but it’s not about a case. We’re concerned about you.”

I thought I heard Kodi choke on his donut. “Why would you be concerned about me?” I asked. “I’ll admit that I’ve been having a rough patch and I’ve missed a lot of work—but I’m here now and you know that I can make up for the time lost.”

Braun held up his hand. “It’s not about your work here,” he said gruffly. “It’s this crazy plan of yours to defect to Faerie.”

Kodi definitely choked that time.

I shot him a glare.

“I have no idea what you are talking about,” I told Braun. “Have I done anything to make you suspect that I would even consider doing such a thing?”

“Nothing,” he admitted.

I raised my eyebrows.

“In fact, I was quite surprised to receive this report from a confederate of mine—an undercover confederate, I should mention.”

He slid a file across the table toward me and I opened it, carefully keeping an innocently puzzled look on my face.

“I don’t understand,” I said softly. “It’s just some pictures of me working around the ranch.”

“Alongside a group of known agitators and Faerie sympathizers,” Paul said, he leaned back in his chair, a slight frown touching his lips. “Goldie, do you have any idea how bad this looks?”

“I—“ I protested.

“Cut the crap,” Braun said. His harsh words startled me. He had never used that tone with me in the years I had been with him—he meant business. “We know what you are planning, Goldie. We called you in here—not because we’re going to turn you in, but because we have to keep you from ruining your life.”

My ears were starting to ring.

“Just listen,” Paul said. “We can only pretend for so long not to know what you are up to. We have a reliable source who tells us that you’re attempting to take your brother to Faerie. I understand. I know that he’s sick. But, you cannot do this Goldie.”

“If you attempt this we will have no choice but to cut all ties with you,” Braun said bluntly. “You’ve been like family to us in the past, but this is too much. We won’t jeopardize everything we have worked hard for because you are on some kind of death quest. You cannot succeed in this, Goldie. It is a hopeless quest.”

I felt my hands curl into fists under the table. I tried to keep the rage and betrayal off of my face. I had always been able to count on the brothers, and now they were letting me down.

Just like everyone else had.

Why could no one just understand that I was doing the right thing? That I wasn’t rocking the boat or trying to cause trouble.

What was I supposed to do, just let my brother die?

“This is a line that once crossed over cannot be undone,” Paul warned.

“I haven’t done anything wrong,” I told them as I got to my feet. “I would think you’d know me better than to assume that I would do something immoral.”

“I’m sure you believe in whatever you think you are doing,” Braun said, turning so I couldn’t see his face. “But doing the wrong thing for the right reason is still wrong.”

“What about doing the right thing for the right reason?” I asked him. “What then? What do you do when everyone you believed in—everything supposedly good in the world won’t lift a finger to help? What do you do, Braun? Would you sit back and let Hope die if you had any chance at all of saving her? I don’t think so! I know how much you love your wife. Don’t stand there with a holier-than-thou expression on your face. Don’t you get it? It’s all a lie. The Council of Magic doesn’t care if people are dying. All they care about is their own agenda—making sure that no one in Faerie can come over and tell them what to do.”

“Is one life worth the war and bloodshed that you will doom this world to, if you were to get your way?” Paul asked. “One life for the thousands of lives?”

“You should know my answer by now,” I said, not even trying to hide the disappointment from my voice. “After all I’ve lost—all I’ve done. I don’t like the way your big picture ignores the truth that is in the details. I have always been—and always will be—all about the one.” I paused before I left the room—knowing it would be my last chance to talk. “I know you won’t believe me—but this separation that you are fighting for is killing people. The next few years will mark the beginning of a mass extinction of Magical creatures. Be careful—you are Magical creatures. You may be able to ignore what is going on for now—but you won’t be able to for much longer.”