Balancing It All: My Story of Juggling Priorities and Purpose (18 page)

Though I haven’t yet met Philimon, Sagorika, and Nikil, I did have the privilege of going on a Compassion trip to the Dominican Republic in the summer of 2011. When I was asked to go, I agreed to the trip, but I explained that it was important to me that my husband and kids went too. They had rarely included children on the sponsor trips, so it was a bit of uncharted territory for Compassion, but they agreed to allow my kids to go. Val and I weren’t sure how our kids would respond to the sights, sounds, and smells of poverty in a developing nation and whether or not the circumstances would be overwhelming for them, but we were in agreement that it was important for them to experience life from another perspective. Val was much more familiar with what we were about to witness since he grew up in communist Russia, which was much different than the kids and me growing up in America.

I’ve had many parents ask if taking a nine-year-old to see such poverty is extreme, and my answer to that is, “This is how much of the world lives!” I believe it’s my duty as a parent to expose my children as early as possible to the hardships of other people in order to grow compassion in their hearts. They will one day be the world changers! We must start as early as possible. Please understand that I wouldn’t put my children in undue danger in order to expose them to such conditions, but if the circumstances are right and there is no risk to their health and lives I will take my children to as many places as possible in order to cultivate a heart for the poor, needy, orphans, and widows.

James 1:27 says, “Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this:
to visit orphans and widows in their affliction,
and to keep oneself unstained from the world” (emphasis mine). I don’t believe that verse is just directed at adults. It is what He desires from all of us—children included. If they don’t begin to see the world through compassionate eyes as children, what are the chances they will do so when they’re adults?

So was the trip a success? As far as Val and I were concerned, yes! We were greatly moved by what we saw and learned in the Dominican Republic. God opened our eyes to the many needs there, but He also showed us how He is at work in amazing ways. He also taught us some valuable lessons about parenting and gave us some insights into the inner workings of our kids’ lives and personalities.

Thirteen-year-old Natasha kept a journal about the trip, which she shared with friends and with Val and me. She wrote in great detail about our activities, and it was obvious that she really connected with the kids that were around her age, even though her life is so different than theirs. However, it was also plain to see that she was affected by those differences and by the living conditions of the people we visited. I think it’s always a great thing for teenagers to have an opportunity to look outside of themselves and their relatively self-centered lives and see the needs of people living both in their own backyards and in other parts of the world.

Lev, my eleven-year-old with a sensitive heart, found himself sick to his stomach when we arrived at the communities where we were to spend our time in the Dominican. He stayed on the bus for portions of the trip instead of interacting with the kids and families we met because he was so overwhelmed by the conditions and what he saw and smelled. It was a lot for him to take in and I was very proud of him for making an effort to understand.

Nine-year-old Maks was the complete opposite of Lev . . . and he’s the little boy in the story at the beginning of this chapter! Maks didn’t see any barrier or difference between himself and the local kids. With his signature huge smile, he would ask if they wanted to kick a ball around, or play a game on my iPhone, or take pictures with our camera. In Maks’s mind, he thought,
I’m a kid. You’re a kid. Let’s play!
It was amazing and it definitely surprised all of the people in our group.

So yes, I do believe that young children should be exposed to the conditions that kids around the world must live in day in and day out. And based on Maks’s experience, Val and I—and many of the others on our trip—concluded that the younger our kids are when we expose them to the truths of poverty, the easier it will be for them to accept people who live in poverty and not be completely overwhelmed or negatively affected when they do. Young kids don’t have the emotional, circumstantial, or social barriers that we start to develop as teens and adults that serve to separate people from different walks of life. They just see people as people, and they are eager to help and serve those who might not have what they have.

Supporting Worthy Causes

While Compassion International holds an important place in my heart, it is not the only charity that I’m involved with on an ongoing basis. I am also a huge supporter of Skip1.org and National House of Hope.

Do you realize that skipping something as small as your latte on the way to work on a daily, weekly, or even monthly basis can save a child’s life? So many of us think we can only make an impact if we do something big, but the truth is that the accumulation of small things can add up to something much bigger than one large thing ever will. This is the mission behind Skip1.org. Their motto is, “Skip something. Feed a child,” and was birthed by one of my dearest friends, Shelene Bryan.

What I love about Skip1 is that it’s not just about a donation; it’s also about denying ourselves something. Impoverished children don’t have the choice to say, “No, thanks. I think I’ll skip that meal today. I’m full,” because most of them don’t even get a meal. It’s easy to give our money to charitable organizations when that money doesn’t affect our daily lives, but it’s very different when you’re giving up something important to you. Sacrificing something also means that you don’t have to have extra money to give back. Some of you college students have no more excuses! Have you thought about skipping your lunch so that a kitchen could be built at an orphanage in Peru or clean water brought to a village in Uganda or homeless families fed right here in America? What would you have spent? Five, ten, twenty dollars? Seems like a small amount to give and a small sacrifice to make, but the impact is so great! So the next time you’re at the grocery store and want to grab a pack of gum or a fashion magazine, how about skipping it? A car wash? A manicure? A new outfit? The possibilities are endless. Consider donating the money you would have spent on that item so that you can feed a child today. And the best part is that 100 percent of your donation goes to the acquisition and distribution of food and water projects worldwide! Just go to www.skip1.org.

A few years ago I was asked to be the national ambassador and representative of National House of Hope. Founded by Sara Trollinger, NHOH builds homes that help restore troubled teens and their families, resulting in these teens becoming solid citizens and effective, contributing members of society. As the mom of two teenagers, I can see the need and value in this program.

NHOH has more than thirty homes in the United States, and their immediate goal is to have one in every state. I’ve not only had the privilege of meeting many of the teens staying at Houses of Hope and seeing their inspiring progress, but I’ve also gleaned much wisdom and support from this organization as a parent. I’m so very grateful for what NHOH does and I encourage you to get involved. Check them out at www.nationalhouseofhope.org.

While these are not the only organizations I support, they are the ones I am most focused on at this point in my life. I have been involved with many others throughout the years, such as The Children’s Hunger Fund, Scleroderma Research Foundation, World Vision, Harvest Home, Operation Smile, and many more. Sometimes my involvement is monetary, but more often I donate my time. I believe that giving of myself has everlasting value, and I hope you do too.

A Family Affair

Some of my charity work is done on my own, but much of it is done with my family. I think it’s important for families to serve others together. It helps to tighten your bond as a family, and it also helps out with balancing and prioritizing. If family and service are both priorities, combining the two just makes both more purposeful.

One of our family’s newest service traditions is serving at a homeless shelter on Christmas mornings. Together with a few friends and family, we find a small shelter that allows us to come in and cook for their guests, which range from thirty to sixty people. This past Christmas, Val cooked eggs, bacon, and sausage while the rest of us—including the kids—set out fruit, muffins, breads, waffles, cereals, coffee, and juices. After all of the guests filled their plates, we all sat down and ate together. We listened to our new homeless friends’ stories, as they explained how they ended up there and how they are putting the pieces of their lives back together. I brought along Bible gift boxes that included a worship CD, and many of the folks were delighted to take one. We also passed out fun fuzzy socks to each person, for which they were very thankful!

I try to plant seeds in my kids that will help them think of special ways they can help others. I encourage them to think about what matters most to them. What types of needs tug at their heartstrings? If they don’t have an answer, I help them out by providing a few options where they could donate their time, energy, and allowance, and then I let them choose which one they most want to do. For example, you might suggest that they “skip” a few birthday presents by asking family members to give them the cash they would have spent on a present so they can turn around and make a donation to Skip1.org. Allowing your children to be a part of the giving back process allows them to experience the feeling of giving rather than having others do it for them. Or perhaps you could list out some of your favorite nonprofits and let the child choose where he would like to donate some of his time one Saturday morning. You know your kids’ interests and hearts, so encourage them to use those things to serve others.

If your kids are involved in sports, you might want to consider getting your child’s team affiliated with a nonprofit organization and raising funds by donating money for each point or win. For our hockey teams, we have a dollar bucket that gets passed around for every goal the team scores. Some of that money goes back into team funds, but portions of it are donated to charity. Sometimes we will collect more than one hundred dollars in one game! In October, most of the boys wrap their hockey sticks with pink tape in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness month and parents donate a specific amount per goal for their child or team for the month.

My kids are also involved in service projects through their school. They routinely work with Soldiers’ Angels, packing up needed items for our troops and sending encouraging thank-you notes to them. We also serve at the area veterans’ center and a local homeless pregnancy house, where we’ll paint, garden, or help fix anything that needs working on. One of the projects my kids do several times a year is collect fresh, canned, and packaged food for the local food bank and then help the bank sort and box up the food to be delivered to shelters. Most schools, whether they’re public, private, or home school co-ops, welcome children’s efforts for charity. If your kids’ school isn’t involved in community service, I challenge you and your kids to come up with an idea and plan and present it to a teacher or administrator. I would guess that they won’t turn you down!

In addition, our church is affiliated with the Union Rescue Mission in downtown Los Angeles. Each year we put on a carnival for the resident families and host a water day, complete with water balloons, a water slide, and plenty of food. And one of my favorite things to do each November is to pack up a few shoes boxes with small gifts that are sent off to Operation Christmas Child and distributed to needy children throughout the world.

A Legacy of Giving

Back in chapter 1, I shared this verse with you: “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it” (Prov. 22:6). When I look at the legacy of serving others in my family, I can once again see the truth in this ancient proverb. My parents set an example for what I do as a person, but also for what I do as a parent. They “trained me up” to serve others, and then as an adult I followed in their footsteps by serving others, and now I also set that example for my own kids. It is my hope that my kids will continue this trend with their own children someday.

I am doing everything I can in order to show my kids the importance of serving. I realize that not all of you will be able to serve in the same ways I do or to give your kids the same kinds of experiences that I have given mine. You might not be able to take your children on a mission trip to another country. You may not have the financial resources to give much money. But what you do have is time, skills, and talents. We all have equal amounts of those, and it is up to us to figure out how and where to use them. In my experience, service often boils down to valuing other human beings and showing love to those who are often neglected. That is something that we can do for free and by doing so we are able to bring meaningful balance to the priorities of family, faith, and service.

As adults and parents, I believe we need to set the example of service for the kids in our lives—whether they’re our own kids or someone else’s. If we’re serving, we’re acting as role models, and the children we influence will want to do what we do and therefore will do it with a happy heart. And who knows? Maybe one of these days, they’ll even start serving us!

Chapter 16

When Life’s Got You Stressed

And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.

—Matthew 21:22

W
hen you’re in the worst of times, you’re always remembering the best of times. You ask yourself,
Where did it go wrong?
You wonder how you got to where you are and how to get back to the good old days. Sometimes it’s as easy as answering a few questions to get you rerouted and on the right track. Other times, things have changed too much and it’s not as simple as doing what you did before. Circumstances might not allow it. You read all of these principles for living a balanced life, and you think,
It’s just too much to handle. Things are too far out of control. What do I do?