Ballad (Rockstar #5) (11 page)

“Hey, little sister,” Kennedy says as he leans against the wall outside the arena.

“Hi!” I reply and give him a hug, one he returns stiffly.

“Whatcha been up to?”

“I was just helping Burners with their boards. Lucian’s voice was getting drowned out.”

“You fixed that, did you?” he asks with a grin.

I nod. “I did, much to Justin’s displeasure. He owes me a payment of my choosing.”

Kennedy chuckles. “What did you choose?”

“I haven’t yet. I want to make it worth my while,” I tell him with a wink.

“That’s my girl.”

I laugh. After a few seconds of silence, I break it. “I know why you’re here.”

“Is that so?”

I nod.

“And?”

“I did,” I admit.

“Why did you do it? It’s not like you.”

I turn and meet his gaze. “I didn’t have sex with him. We just did… stuff.”

He nods. “I thought you were hung up on Ben.”

I huff and throw my arms up in the air. “I am. I was. Argh!”

Kennedy just watches and waits.

I lean back against the wall and tip my head up. “I saw him.”

“What?”

“I
saw
him, Kennedy. He was fucking some chick.”

“It’s not the first time,” he tells me. Leave it to Kennedy to tell it like it is, even if it does sting.

“That’s the truth. Only this time I didn’t run away.”

He just waits. The man has the patience of a saint.

“I had had it. Why them and not me? I don’t get it. I see his interest and now I
know
what I’m seeing is real.”

“How do you know that?”

“When I was watching, he saw me.”

“Oh shit.”

I nod. “And he lost control. Just that quick,” I say with a snap of my fingers, “I had him pushed to the edge and over.”

“And then what?”

I look down at my feet. “And then I walked away. Like I always do. Because no matter how hard I push, he won’t give ‘us’ a chance.”

He nods.

“Do you know why?” I ask.

“No, I don’t. If I did I’d help you kick that boy in the ass and get his head on straight. He’d be one lucky son of a bitch to have you.”

“You’re damn right he would,” I say with more conviction than I feel.

“So why are you hooking up with Lucian if it’s Ben you want?”

“That’s the question of the day, isn’t it? Sera just asked me that, though she chalked it up to his being hot—which he is. Holy Hannah, he’s hot.”

Kennedy rolls his eyes. “Stop stalling.”

“Like all of you, I have needs, too. Not just sexually, but emotionally. I like being with Lucian. He makes me feel good about myself and a whole lot less lonely. I think I do the same for him, too.”

“You do,” Lucian replies as he steps out of the shadows.

Holy Hannah.

“How long have you been standing there?” I ask, even though I know the answer.

“Long enough.”

Kennedy nods. “Eavesdropping doesn’t always turn out so good in the end.”

“True, but I already knew everything she said to you,” Lucian admits.

“You did?” I ask, a little ashamed and feeling like I used him even if I didn’t mean to.

He nods. “I knew, BB. Don’t worry. I saw the looks that passed between you and Benny boy. I knew the score going in.”

“Then you know he doesn’t really want me.”

Lucian laughs. “Oh, baby, he wants you all right. He wants you so much he can’t stand it. He wants you so much the thought of you and me together last night is eating him alive. He just won’t take what he wants.”

“Why?” I ask in exasperation. “I don’t get it.”

Lucian shrugs. “I have no idea. Only he knows and I know from experience he is one stubborn fucker so it’s going to take a lot to get him to change his mind.”

“I feel bad,” I admit.

“Nah,” Lucian says. “Don’t. Do you regret it?”

“Only if it hurts you,” I tell him honestly.

“It might sting a little knowing I can’t keep you, but I’ll enjoy your company for as long as you’ll let me—sexual or not.”

I lean in and give him a hug and when his arms wrap around me, I let out a sigh. I feel safe with him. It’s easy with him. I could love him one day… but it’d never be the same as what I feel for Ben. That all-consuming, white-hot burn deep down inside. That ache in your chest that swells at the sight of the person you love, the one that fills you so full you feel like you’ll burst. It’d be so much easier if I felt the same thing for Lucian. He’s amazing. Kind, caring, sweet, loving, and from what happened last night I can tell he’s an attentive lover. Holy Hannah he’d rock my world.

“You’re too good for me anyway,” I tell him honestly.

“Never.”

“It’s the other way around,” Kennedy states flatly. “You’re too good for all of us.”

If they knew where I came from, what my life’s been like, and what I’ve had to do to survive, I think they’d change their minds really fast.

“Shut up. Both of you. You guys are the best.” I mean every single word.

“I’m better,” Lucian taunts. “She wants to bang me. You’re like a brother to her.” He shudders visibly.

“Fuck off,” Kennedy replies. “That’s just how it should be. I always wanted a baby sister.”

I make a face. “I’m not a baby.”

“Sure you are. You’re the Blush Baby,” Ethan announces as he walks up.

“Well, yeah,” I admit.

“What’s going on here? A lovefest? Keep me out of it and stay away from Lucy or she’ll hug you tight, start crying, and not let go for hours,” Ethan tells us with a sour look.

“Hormones?” Lucian asks.

“And then some,” Kennedy agrees.

“She’s carrying
triplets
.
Triplet
baby Jesse Kingstons in that tiny little body. If she wants to hug and cry on me for hours, I’m going to let her!” I tell them.

“When you put it that way…” Ethan says.

“You’ve got to admire her. The way she goes with the flow and rarely complains,” Kennedy states.

“Only around Xander… and he deserves it,” I correct.

“Damn right he does. Giving my woman shit about being beautifully round with my babies,” Jesse says as he walks up.

“See? That. Right there. I want that one day,” I say with a sigh.

“You can’t have him. Besides, you already have me,” Lucian says with a smirk.

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Good thing. Lucy’d strangle you with her bare hands then reach for her peaches,” Jace says, appearing from around the corner.

Lucian looks at me, opens his mouth and I give him a look. “Not one word.” He grins sexily and I laugh. “You’re so bad.”

“Now, baby, you know that’s not true. Just last night you were saying how good I was,” Lucian states and I blush a bright shade of red. I know because I can feel the heat rising.

“What are you doing?” I whisper to him. He just winks.

Jesse points at Lucian and pokes his chest. “You better not fucking hurt her or your ass is mine. I owe you a beating so I’d whip your ass twice as hard.”

“No worries there, man. She’s in good hands.”

Justin walks up with a smirk. “
Really
good hands if her moans last night were any indication.”

They all start snickering and I just bury my face into Lucian’s chest. What the hell is going on here?

“Is this what people do?” I ask. “Discuss their sex lives with each other, teasing and open like this?”

“I don’t know about other people, but it’s what
I
do,” Justin states.

“I do that too,” Ethan agrees. Soon they’re all in agreement.

“Maybe it’s just a rock star thing?” I ask.

“I was an accountant until about a year ago and I can tell you I talked the same way with my guy friends,” Jace tells me.

“An accountant?” I scrunch up my nose and he nods. “How very boring of you.”

“Don’t I know it.”

“So, it’s a guy thing?” I question.

“Nope,” Xander answers as he walks up. “You should hear Meggie, Sera, and Lucy go on when they’ve had a good bang.”

“Okay. So, I need to adjust. Get used to this. I mean, it’s all pretty new, so it’s normal to be a bit uncomfortable at first, right?” I ramble. No one says a thing. “I suppose after I’ve been intimate more often it won’t be such a big deal—well, not like that, but I mean, I won’t be as self-conscious about people knowing and I won’t care what they think.” I pause to ponder this, then look up as they all stare at me with blank expressions.

“Nicole, you shouldn’t give a fuck what anyone thinks or says. What you do is your business and if people don’t like it, too fucking bad,” Jesse tells me.

“You think?” I ask, looking around. “This is all new for me. Being close to people so…”

“It’s okay to tease and joke about things with family,” Xander states with a soft look. I smile softly at him and nod.

“Thanks,” I tell him and hug him. A little part of me wishes I knew what hurts him so deeply. The rest of me is afraid to find out—so I just hug him tighter.

“Anytime, little one.”

“Are we done? Or are we going to talk about periods next?” Ben asks tightly as he walks up.

“Fuck you, dude. We’re having a moment,” Xander bites back.

“Yeah, what the fuck?” Justin agrees.

“Whatever. Are we going to sound check?” Ben asks Jesse.

“Yeah. You in a hurry?” Jesse asks.

“Nope, but it’s better than listening to your chick-talk,” Ben says.

“Fuck off,” I tell him. “If you don’t like it, there’s the door,” I say, pointing to the door to the arena.

Ben’s fingers flex and fist tight at least five times before Jesse takes pity on him.

“Let’s go,” Jesse says, clamping a hand on his brother’s shoulder.

When they all walk inside, I’m left standing with Lucian, Jace, and Justin.

“Well,” Jace begins, “that was… yeah.”

I clear my throat.

“On that note, I’m going back to the bus,” Jace adds.

I nod and smile at him when he rubs a hand over my back. When Jace is gone, Lucian and Justin start laughing.

“What’s so funny?” I ask.

“Ben is so fucked. So completely and totally fucking gone over you,” Lucian tells me between chuckles.

“He can’t stand the thought of anyone touching you and you should have seen the look on his face when Xander hugged you—and that was as innocent as it gets!” Justin laughs. “He’s either going to have an aneurysm or he’s going to give in really soon because, Nikki, there is no way he can go on like this for much longer. It’s eating him up inside.”

I don’t know what to say, so I say nothing.

“Whatever it is, I hope it’s worth the ulcer he’s working on and the heartache it’s causing. If it’s worth that, then you’re better off without him, as hard as that’s going to be for you,” Lucian tells me.

I nod in agreement. “One day he’ll tell me. Until then…”

Lucian kisses my cheek. “You’ve got me.”

“Us,” Justin corrects.

I smile. “Yeah, I do, don’t I?” I reply. But it’s not the same. They know it and I know it.

The ground spins below me and I break out in a cold sweat.

“Shit. Shit, shit, shit,” I whisper, knowing I’m going to pass out any second.

Damn him. Ben Kingston needs to get his shit together and he needs to do it before I run out of time.

I
WATCHED THE
color drain from her face, the sweat beads form on her brow and upper lip, and I knew she was going down.