Ballistic (44 page)

One month later…

“Take another one,” he said, handing me the kit. “Why are you staring at me? Stick it in the cup.”

Rolling my eyes
, I peel it apart and then he’s there. “Like this,” he said, tilting the cup sideways. “Make sure it’s saturated.”

“You realize you’re playing with my piss
, right?”

“You realize you might be carrying my baby
, right?”

“I am carrying your baby
.” I reminded him by grabbing three other sticks, all soaked in my piss, all with two pink lines.

“Damn straight you are,” he
growled, lifting me onto the sink. “Life doesn’t get any better than this, Sherlock. I love you so fucking much. Thank you.”

“For spreading my legs and taking your seed?” I giggle
d, kissing his neck. “You’re welcome.”

“For loving me,” he
growled nipping my ear.

“Oh well, you’re welcome for that too.” I
told him and to prove his point he pressed me against the sink’s mirror and I watched as he thanked me several times.

By that
, I mean orgasms.

Last night after four tests and a fuck bout that was seriously impressive, we fell asleep as a couple who just found out they are going to be parents. Me, a mom
. Who would have thought? We also decided that the next room we finish would be for the baby and that it would be most bad ass baby room ever. I should also mention I asked him to marry me and he told me no. He told me I would be marrying him and he did it while inside of me, and my vagina gave him a very loud ‘yes.’

These last four weeks I’ve tried to do more alone to let him breathe, but it’s a struggle. I worry if he’s away from me
, he won’t come back. I know it’s irrational, but phobias rarely make sense. They just are. We’ve all been taking turns hosting get togethers at each other’s homes and tonight it’s our turn again. To say that I’ve made progress with my friends is an understatement. They are patient with me. They don’t try and shield me anymore and in return, I’m opening up to them willingly.

Venessa is the first to walk in while I hear Rogan trying to get Boner to listen to him. That dog only listens to Venessa
, which is adorably hilarious, even more so, is watching Rogan trying to catch the little thing. Venessa also cooks now and she’s really good at it.

“What did you bring me this time?” I ask
, peeking under the foil.

“Oh!” she says
, taking out a slice. “Veggie pizza,” she says, sticking one in my mouth.

“Damn, that’s good,” I tell her
, chewing.

“Right? That Rachel Ray is a smart bitch.”

“Ladies!” Macy says, entering. “Behold the most delicious non-alcoholic punch Pinterest has to offer!”

“Yum!” Jules
says, coming in the back door with her hands full. “I want a glass. Venessa do something with yourself and make me one.”

“Make us all one,” I say
, washing my hands.

“Lina,” Venessa
says, grabbing cups, “you’re not going to spike it again, are you? You make shit too strong. Last time I couldn’t feel my tongue and Rogue went to bed crabby.”

“Uh no,” I say
, reaching for the glass poured for me. “It’s non-alcoholic for me.”

“You’re on the wagon?” Macy
asks, leaning against the sink.

“Just for the next eight months or so, then it’s game the fuck on.”

“You’re pregnant?” Jules asks, blinking as Anthony walks in smiling.

“Yep,” I smile at her
, leaning against him.

“I’m pregnant too!” she says
, beaming.

“Shut the fuck up!” Macy
squeals. “So am I!”

Throwing her cup in the sink and backing away
, Venessa reaches for Rogan. “The three of you stay the hell away from me!” she says, looking horrified. “Rogue, something is in the water supply!”

“We aren’t contagious,” I offer
, laughing. “Come here, Venessa you need a hug.”

“Oh hell no,” she says
, laughing too. “Don’t you pull that hugging shit with me, Lina.”

Grabbing her anyway
, I hug her tight. “Auntie V,” I whisper. “I like it.”

“I like it too,” she whispers back
. “I love you, Lina,” she mumbles.

“I love you too, V
.”

“So we’re celebrating then,” Rogan
says.

“Dude we can totally have all the sex we want without pulling out now,” Rafe says
, high fiving Max and Anthony.

“You pull out?” Anthony asks
, genuinely confused.

“Fuck no,” Rafe says
, looking at Macy then lowering his voice. “I just pretend I do.”

Anthony pulls me onto his lap and that’s how our night goes
—laughter, jokes and non-alcoholic punch. I couldn’t have dreamt anything better than this. Only, it did get better and that kind of happiness takes some getting used to. Especially when I saw it all play out in my head again. Trying to explain the way my head works would only worry them so I kept it to myself because I’m a gem and didn’t want to ruin it for the rest of them.

Eight months and 42 days later…

“I really think those classes were important,” I
told her, flipping through the ‘what to expect when your woman refuses to listen’ book. “Are you sure you’re breathing right?”

Leveling me with a serious look
, she growled at me. “In through the nose, out through the mouth, fucker. It isn’t like it’s my first day sucking oxygen!”

“Peinko
, I’m just trying to---”

“Help,” she
whimpered. “I know and I’m only mildly sorry. My vagina hurts, my back hurts and if you don’t stuff my big fat ass in my truck and get me to where the drugs are, I am going to smother you with that god damn baby book!”

“Okay
, okay,” I muttered, helping her out the back door. Lifting her up, she starts to moan but before I can say or do anything, she grabbed my face really fucking hard. “I love you, Anthony,” she groaned. “Promise to forgive me for anything I say or any people I hit okay? Promise me.”

“I promise Lina,” I whisper
ed. “You’re going to do great.”

“Of course I am,” she
said, leaning back into her seat. “I don’t do anything in half measures, remember?”

“I won’t leave your side,” I
told her, backing out. “Whatever you need, I’ll make sure it happens.”

“I know you will,” she
groaned again. “You’re the best coach ever. Jesus Christ on a cracker he’s on deck, coach!”

Hitting the gas
, the phone rings and of course only she would answer it while having a contraction. “Lo?” “No shit,” she laughed. “Me too! Headed there now oh wow ow!” taking a breath she gripped my arm. “Macy too? V was right we got some voo doo in our water! Okay Red, see you soon, breathe it out, sister and hit Max if you have to.”

“You’re all in labor at once aren’t you?”

“Okay, so maybe they don’t do anything in half measures either. Oh god of vaginal tearing, this hurts, coach!”

“Hit me, scream at me whatever you need
, Lina,” I reassured her. “We’re almost there. Oh my god, Max just lapped us.” I said as he flew by us.

“Probably to seek medical treatment,” she
giggled in between contractions. “Red hits like a man.”

Getting her phone out
, she shoots Jules a text then shows me, while laughing so hard it turns into a moan which turns into laughter again. Her text said: What’s the rush, speed racer? Max bleeding already?

Jules
’ response: Like a bitch.

Months ago, I was in a room, tied to a radiator and thought that was the most helpless I’ve ever felt in my life. Wrong.
This
is the most helpless I’ve ever felt in my life, here, this moment watching the love of my life, who loved me enough to marry me in a quick ceremony ministered by Jules herself, baring down in unspeakable pain to deliver our child.

I’m cursing myself for doing this to her. This was the worst idea I’ve ever had. Next door
, Macy is screaming at the nurses about how to do their job and the door across from her is Jules, cursing Max for taking pictures of her with his phone. Out in the hall Venessa and Rogan are pacing, making pit stops in each room offering comfort and support.

“Get pregnant
, they said,” she says, gagging when entering our room. “It will be fun, they said.” Standing next to Lina’s bed, holding her hand she says, “Don’t put me down for this shit, ever.”

“It’s not so bad
, ow fuck! Sonofabitchfacedcuntmother---Coach!” she screams for me.

“I’m here Sherlock, just breathe.”

“Breathe?” she growls, pointing at my dick. “You fucking breathe, from your balls!”

“She’s possessed,” Venessa
says, looking freaked out. “How does she still look pretty with a head sticking out of her cooch?”

“I’m right here,” she growls
. “I can hear you and how many fucking times do I have to tell you, my cooch is the same size as yours, asshole?”

“Angel” Rogan
says, waiting by the door and not moving a muscle but also wearing a smirk. “Don’t piss her off. It’s a fact, women in labor are extremely---”

“My hand!” she screams
. “Let go you, crazy bitch, you’re breaking my shit!”

“Strong
,” he finishes, laughing. Just then Jules yells for her. “Lina! You got a head poking out?”

“Yep!” she yells back
. “You?”

“Affirmative,” she yells
.

“It’s called crowning!” Macy
yells from across the hall. “And it fucking hurts!”

“Venessa, get in there and give me an update,”
Lina orders her, grabbing my hand for support.

Venessa literally loses all the color in her face and fights back another gag before answering. “Fuck you, you pint sized baby maker! I am not and listen close, putting my head near your giant bloody pussy! That’s the fucking truth!”

“You’re exaggerating!” she argues.

“Bullshit!” she argues back
. “You are the biggest tiny pregnant person ever. The kid is bigger than you and if you think your shit isn’t all wacked out right now, you are fucking crazier than I thought you were!”

“Quit being a bitch and get in there before I get off this table and sit on you! I’ll crush you
, Kharma. You don’t want to test me right now. I could pull this off, I know I could!”

“Oh you want to see this shit?” she asks
. “You sure about that? As much as I want to see you waddle over and crush me, I’m going to do you a solid because you’re my girl.”

Looking at Rogan for help
, he shrugs not having a fucking clue, but then in seconds we were all too speechless to stop her. Taking a stool, she reaches high, bringing a satellite size mirror down and adjusts it just above Lina’s legs. My wife uses my arms to sit up and in unison we both look up.

For a solid minute no one made a sound. I know I couldn’t. We discussed and both agreed I would cut the cord and that was it, at least the first time around. But I cannot unsee what I just saw. Lina though, she just stares at the mirror with wide eyes until she turns to look up at me.

“What in the holy fuck of all fucks did you do to me?” Staying silent I just look from the mirror to her and back again. “And you!” she says, pinning Venessa with a look. “I will get you for this. Sleep with one eye open, you sneaky whore. Your music collection is in jeopardy. Mark my mother fucking words.”

“Love you, Lina,” she says
, smiling at her handiwork. “Oh and get the extra stitch. I hear it helps.”

“Extra what?” she screams
. “Coach, what extra stitch? What in the hell do they stitch? You read the book, don’t hold out on me, I can take it!”

Clearing my throat and feeling the heat creep into my cheeks, I try being quiet
, but there’s too much activity to use a low voice. “Uh, it’s kind of a running joke that a women’s uh…”

“Pussy? Cooch, love oven, choca, sperm bottle, taco, fuck hole, slice of heaven. Pick one
, dammit! Don’t go shy on me! This is some next level shit!”

“Ok then the, l
ove oven
gets a bit uh… stretched during child birth so men often suggest to the doctor to add an extra stitch to you know, tighten things up.”

“Then put me down for two! Better safe than sloppy
, right? I’m insured and I only want the best for my love oven.”

Before I can offer a rebuttal
, which for obvious reasons, I didn’t have, the doctor comes in and tells us it’s time. Venessa and Rogan each take turns filming each of the girls delivering, but an hour later with one final scream and a push, Lina was first to deliver the most beautiful daughter any father could ask for. After cutting the cord, I let the staff clean her up while I patiently wait next to Lina to meet her together.

When we hear her cry
, Lina starts to panic holding her arms out. “It’s okay,” I assure her. “The baby book says it’s good that she cries. It shows she has strong lungs.”

Walking over, the nurse hands me a swaddled bundle and inside of it
, is our daughter. Taking her into the safety of my chest, I lean her down to her mother who looks at her, then up at me.

“Vera,” she whispers
.

“Vera,” I whisper back while the tears fall freely. We named her after my mother, who upon research from Lina
, found out Vera, in fact, stood for truth and now, like my mother, so would our daughter. My mother would have been a wonderful grandmother, but I know she’s up there with my father looking down and smiling on us.

Minutes later, Macy delivered a son
. Jonas Michael Rafe Jr, and Jules delivered a son, Sebastian Maxwell Allen. Who knew Bishop’s first name was Sebastian? Through it all, my Lina was strong and determined. The second she met Vera and the little miracle stopped crying, I physically saw the last wall she had crumble.

Lina was finally whole for the first time ever because, she knew the truth.

Love conquers all because, love is the truth.

My little truth seeker taught me that.