Barefoot (22 page)

‘Great in theory. But he spends half the week away in London. And there’s Buster and Grace.’ She was determined to change the subject. ‘I’ve taken Buster’s shoes off.’

‘Go girl!’

She could tell he was impressed.

‘You’ll have to really watch them, though, while they are in transition.’

‘I know. I’ve been reading all about it.’

‘They’ll be soft for a good while,’ he warned.

‘I’ll take care,’ Toni said. ‘And I wanted to say thanks.’

‘What for?’

‘Giving me the courage to do things differently.’

He grimaced. ‘Just as long as you’re ready for all the flak people will give you.’

‘I was hoping you might help me out with Grace, too. That’s why I asked you over.’

‘And I thought you just wanted to see me.’

She blushed. ‘I did. Do. As well.’

‘Does that mean I’m forgiven?’

Toni didn’t want to let him off too lightly. ‘I’m working on it.’

He grinned. ‘Lead the way then.’

Inside the barn he approached Grace slowly, taking his time as usual, but she still backed away nervously.

‘So what’s she scared of?’

Toni sighed. ‘Just about everything. The trailer, definitely. But I know why.’ She explained about Grace’s accident. ‘And the whip, too.’

‘OK. Well, why don’t we work on the whip first?’

He took it from Toni and ducked under the fence into the arena, then left it lying in the middle, before leading Grace down and turning her loose without her headcollar. At first the mare seemed really confused. She was only ever in the arena to lunge or school, and it was clear she wasn’t sure what to do with the freedom.

She did everything she could to avoid the whip, circling the other end of the arena and keeping a wary eye on it all the time. But when twenty minutes had passed and it didn’t move, her natural curiosity overcame her and she finally wandered over and sniffed it.

‘That’s a good start,’ Cal said. ‘Probably enough, for the first session.’ He jumped down from the fence. ‘I’ll show you some flexibility exercises if you like.’

The time together passed quickly and happily. When they finally put Grace out into the field, they stood side by side at the gate and watched her grazing. Toni didn’t want him to leave.  ‘I could make you something to eat if you like.’

‘Would I be risking my life if I said yes?’

‘It’ll either be out of the freezer or out of a tin – so you should be safe.’

‘OK. Cool.’

Inside he prowled around the kitchen, looking at old photos on the walls, while she heated up the oven and took a couple of pizzas out of the freezer.

‘Pepperoni OK?’

‘It’s my favourite.’

Mine too.

Perhaps she should offer him a beer?

‘I’d love a coffee,’ he said.

‘Black with two sugars, right?’

‘How did you know?’

‘I remembered from Badminton.’ Toni regretted the words as soon as they were out. It made her sound like a stalker.

Cal sat at the kitchen table and she could feel his brown eyes watching as she boiled the kettle and spooned coffee into a mug.

‘So you’ll be sixteen in November?’

She blushed. Nodded.

‘What have you got planned?’

‘Nothing. I’m not really a party person.’ Toni handed his coffee to him and quickly changed the subject. ‘So what do you think of Grace?’

‘She’s a nice horse. But…’ He hesitated, then dived in. ‘Wrong fit for you somehow.’ He sipped his coffee and studied her carefully, trying to gauge her reaction.

Toni sank into the chair opposite him, relieved to hear him say out loud what she couldn’t. ‘That’s exactly what I think. Whatever I do I just don’t
care
about her, not like I do with Buster
.
But it makes me feel so guilty.’

‘Better to let her go to someone who really wants her.’

‘Maybe. I’m not sure I’m ready to give up on her, though.’

The oven timer pinged and she got up to rescue the pizza. They both ate for a few minutes in silence.

‘So – what’s the story with Buster?’

‘Dad’s promised to work something out so I can keep him.’ She was aware it was dark outside now and they were alone in the house together. Toni felt uncomfortable, but excited at the same time. She stood up and picked up both their plates and threw the pizza crusts into the bin, then put the plates in the dishwasher to keep her hands busy. When she straightened up and turned round, Cal was right behind her.

He peered over her shoulder out of the window. ‘It’s getting late.’

She nodded. ‘Thanks – for coming over and helping.’ She tried not to look at his face, but her eyes were drawn to his mouth, then up to his eyes.

He held her gaze. ‘No problem.’

Toni desperately wanted him to kiss her again, but at the same time she was terrified what it might lead to. If she got him outside she would feel safer, she decided. She started to head for the back door. ‘I need to give the ponies their feed.’ Her voice sounded unnatural.

‘And I guess I should get going.’

They stood outside in the dimming light, standing so close she could hear him breathing.

‘Now I’m safely outside, can I give you a goodnight kiss?’ he whispered.

Toni nodded. Then realised he couldn’t see in the dark. ‘Please,’ she whispered back.

It was a proper kiss this time. Long. And slow. Sending waves of pure sensation rippling throughout her body. Toni experienced the same feeling she had before, when they had ridden along in the New Forest holding hands. As if they had merged. Suddenly the security lights sprang on, flooding the dark yard with light, and they sprang apart.

Beth stood there watching. ‘Sorry. I was just doing the evening rounds. I didn’t mean to interrupt.’ She didn’t sound sorry at all.

‘It’s fine. Honestly.’ Toni was a tiny bit relieved she had arrived on the scene before things got out of hand.

‘I was just leaving anyway.’ Cal looked at Toni one last time and grinned. ‘I’ll call you.’

She nodded happily. ‘OK.’

He disappeared and minutes later she heard an engine roar into life. Toni looked back towards the empty house, feeling reluctant to go back inside. She realised it would be the first time she had ever spent a night completely alone, and part of her regretted letting Cal go. But she knew she wasn’t ready for him to stay yet. She walked back in and shut the door firmly, locking and bolting it.

Beth was in the flat over the garage, within shouting distance.

She had Ben and Lily.

She wasn’t alone really.

*****  
Thirteen
   *****

The sight of the blue pick-up, waiting in the yard the next morning, filled Toni with a mixture of emotions. On the one hand, she was thrilled. On the other, she was mortified Cal would see her in school uniform. He got out and leant on the tailgate to greet her.

‘Tell me you haven’t been here all night,’ Toni said.

He shook his head. ‘I’m used to getting up early.’ He stepped closer and gave her a gentle kiss. ‘And I wanted to talk to you about something.’

Toni hesitated.  ‘I’ve got school.’

‘I thought I could give you a lift.’

Toni longed to say yes, but didn’t dare. The idea of him dropping her off outside the school and somebody seeing terrified her. ‘I’d better get the bus. Lauren will wonder where I’ve got to.’

He sighed. ‘Suit yourself.’ He jumped back in the pick-up. ‘Catch you later.’

The bus was nearly twenty minutes late and she stood at the side of the road, for the second time regretting her decision to send him away.

‘The driver cut up a cyclist and they nearly got into a fight,’ Lauren whispered as Toni flopped into the seat next to her. ‘You should have seen them screaming at each other.’

Toni let the detail of the story wash over her. It was one morning she was relieved not to have to answer any questions.

Nothing prepared her for that evening. When she walked into the house, she was faced with her mother and father sitting together at the kitchen table.

‘What’s going on?

‘I didn’t expect you back till tomorrow.’ Toni dumped her schoolbag on the floor and looked from one to the other. It was the first time her father had stepped foot back in the house since he had left.

‘You tell us.’ Arabella’s voice was harsh.

She
knows about Buster.

‘I don’t know what you mean,’ Toni tried to bluff desperately.

Her father let her mother do the talking. His face looked different. As if he had shut down.

‘Did you really think I wouldn’t find out you had that boy here?’ Arabella challenged her.

OMG. They know about Cal.

‘I’m allowed to have friends over, aren’t I?’ Toni tried to sound more confident than she felt.

‘Not him,’ Arabella replied.

‘We agreed you wouldn’t see him again.’ Her father spoke at last.

‘No.
You
agreed. I didn’t,’ Toni argued.

‘And letting him stay overnight.’ Arabella made it sound disgusting.

‘He didn’t stay overnight… ’ Toni began, but her father put up his hand to stop her. ‘Don’t even pretend, Toni. He was seen.’

It had to be Beth. Spying for Arabella.

‘He left last night. Around ten,’ she insisted.

‘So what was his car doing here at seven-thirty this morning then?’ her father asked.

‘He came back.’ Toni realised how implausible it sounded. ‘Honest, Dad.’ She didn’t care what Arabella thought, but she did care about him. ‘You have to believe me.’

He shook his head sadly. ‘I don’t know what to believe anymore.’

Arabella smiled with satisfaction, seeing the two of them divided. ‘You won’t see that boy again, Toni. That’s final.’

Her father stood up. ‘The bottom line is he’s nineteen – you’re still fifteen.’

‘Your father and I are in complete agreement on this,’ Arabella added smugly.

But suggesting an alliance was one step too far for him and he turned on her instead. ‘And what did you think you were doing anyway? Swanning off to Ireland and leaving her here alone?’

Her mother stood up to face him. ‘You were the one who walked out, remember? Don’t start blaming me.’

They acted as if she didn’t even exist, or have a say in her own life. Toni couldn’t bear it.

‘Stop it!’ she screamed.