Barefoot (20 page)

NO!

She was consumed with rage.

Her mother had sold Buster, just as she said she would, and without even letting Toni say goodbye. She ran back up the track to the arena where her mother was watching a rider do her dressage test.

‘How could you?’ Her voice was choked. ‘How could you sell Buster like that?’

Arabella turned and fixed her with her cold eyes. ‘Really, Antonia, you are so melodramatic.’

‘He was my best friend.’

Arabella turned her attention back to the arena and let a couple of seconds pass. ‘Did you really think your stunt with your boyfriend would make any difference?’

‘You are such a bitch. I hate you! I really do.’ Toni’s fury and grief overwhelmed her. ‘You’re a complete monster!’

‘If you have finished, I have work to do.’ Arabella turned her attention back to the arena where the dressage rider had been standing looking uncomfortable as the drama unfolded.

Toni turned to leave, utterly defeated.

‘Oh, and one more thing,’ Arabella added.

She turned back. Nothing her mother could do would hurt her now.

‘You‘ll find him in the far field by Hilltop Farm. In with the sheep.’

‘Who?’ Toni struggled to understand.

‘Buster.’

‘He’s still here?’ she whispered.

‘If I had my way, he wouldn’t be,’ Arabella retorted. ‘But your father seems to have other plans.’

Toni didn’t know what to say.

‘But I won’t have him taking up my stable space anymore. He is to live out twenty-four seven.’

Toni stood there reeling from the emotional rollercoaster.

‘And I want all his kit out of the tackroom and his stable left immaculate,’ her mother added. ‘I have a new horse coming in tomorrow.’

*************

It was Friday evening before she got her mobile and laptop back. ‘Use them wisely,’ was all her father said. The three of them still hadn’t sat down as he had promised and Toni couldn’t bear the look of betrayal on his face.

‘Can we talk, Dad? Please.’

He wouldn’t meet her eye. ‘Not tonight.’

She retreated to her room and looked at her texts. They were nearly all from Cal.

Apologising…

… angry…

… then stopping altogether.

She took a deep breath and called him.

Cal picked up instantly. ‘Where’ve you been? I’ve been going crazy.’

‘They took my phone.’

‘That’s a relief.’

‘
How much trouble did you get into?
’
she asked.

‘Shedloads
.’

‘You deserve it.  Why did you lie to me?’

He sighed. ‘It was a white lie.’

‘Have you ever actually driven the lorry before?’

‘On the farm, plenty of times. Just not on the roads. I got such grief from my Dad.’

‘I’m not surprised.’ She could imagine Matt’s reaction and was furious. ‘Taking their lorry without permission like that.’

‘It’s a bit worse than that,’ he admitted.

‘How much worse could it get?’

‘It isn’t my Dad’s lorry. It’s my uncle’s. He stores it on our farm.’

‘How stupid can you get?’ Toni was almost shouting into the phone.

‘Cool it!’ he hissed.

‘Anything could have happened.’

‘Yeah, well. It didn’t.’ Cal sounded pissed off now. ‘And it got your precious pony where he needed to be, didn’t it?’

Toni was gutted.

‘You didn’t care about what was best for Buster at all.’

‘Hey. It was all my idea, remember?’

‘You just wanted a chance to show off. I know I’m four years younger but you’re the one who acts like a big kid.’ She rang off, and when he rang back immediately, she rejected the call.

A text arrived next.

‘I need to c u. Please.’

Toni tortured herself, trying to decide what to do, then finally called Lauren to ask what she thought.

‘You didn’t ask my opinion before you got into this mess.’ Lauren was clearly still hurt.

‘I’m asking now,’ Toni begged. ‘You
are
still my best friend, aren’t you?’

There was a silence.

‘Of course I am.’ Lauren started to thaw. ‘The way I see it is simple. You didn’t tell him about your age, he didn’t tell you about the licence. So you’re quits.’ She made it sound so straightforward. ‘And you still care about him, right?’

Toni tried to imagine never seeing Cal again and couldn’t bear it. ‘Yes.’

‘Enough to give him another chance?’

‘I guess so.’

‘Meet him then. At least hear what he has to say.’

************
 

They met down the road
, out of sight of the yard. When the old blue pick-up drew up, it was driven by his brother, with Cal in the passenger seat.

‘You’ve met Sam, haven’t you?’

As Sam smiled at her, Toni felt vaguely uncomfortable. She had the oddest sense he was checking her out.

‘You’ve got five minutes. Then I’ve got to be somewhere.’ He plugged in his headphones and started to listen to music. Toni decided it must have been her imagination.

She stood opposite Cal at the side of the road feeling awkward. He avoided looking at her and focused on kicking bits of gravel into the long grass.

‘Dad won’t let me drive the pick-up anymore.’

‘I don’t blame him.’ All her anger rushed back. ‘Driving the lorry without insurance was insane.’

‘OK. I get it.’

‘Don’t ever do anything like that again, OK?’

He sighed. ‘I’m not going to make promises I can’t keep, Toni.’

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

‘I’m not a great one for rules. I tend to do things my own way.’

‘I guessed.’

‘And your world is pretty different to mine.’

‘It’s Arabella’s world, not mine.’ Toni said, quickly.

‘Get real. She’s never going to approve of me, is she?’

‘Can you blame her? After what you did?’

‘You haven’t exactly been honest either,’ Cal pointed out. ‘You’re only fifteen. When were you going to tell me that?’

At that moment Sam tooted the horn, making them both jump.

‘I’ve got to get going. Look…’ Cal held his hands up in surrender. ‘I did the wrong thing, OK? I admit it. But if you’re not prepared to move on, I don’t see what I can do about it.’ He jumped back up into the pick-up and slammed the door and they drove off.

Leaving Toni standing alone at the side of the road.

Wondering if she would ever see him again.

*****
   Twelve  *****

When she walked into the house, she knew instantly something was badly wrong. Arabella was sitting at the kitchen table with an unfamiliar expression on her face. Her father was standing in the hall at the bottom of the stairs and looked startled when he saw her.

‘I didn’t think you were home until later.’

Arabella shook herself slightly and stood up. ‘It’s probably a good thing she is back. You can tell her face-to-face.’

Toni’s heart sank. Her father had promised the three of them would sit down and talk about the New Forest. This was it.

‘Come and sit down.’ He moved into the kitchen and took her arm, then led her across to the table. The gentle way he did it made her certain. This was going to be bad. They sat side-by-side as usual and he held her hand.

‘I can’t believe this will come as a surprise to you.’

Toni closed her eyes tightly, willing him not to say it out loud and make it true.

‘Your mother and I have decided….’

There was a snort from Arabella. ‘Keep me out of it. This is on your head,’ she sniped.

Toni looked from one to the other, her heart pounding.

Her father took a deep breath. ‘Alright then, yes,
I
have decided it’s best if I move out. It simply isn’t working for me living here anymore.’

Toni was stunned. It wasn’t about Buster at all.  ‘Move out. But you can’t. What about me?’

Don’t leave me alone with her.

He gripped her hand tightly between both of his. His face was pale and he hadn’t shaved. ‘I’ve rented a cottage over in Little Alderley for now – just until I find something more permanent. It’s not far so you can visit whenever you like.’

‘Can’t I come, too?’

He shook his head sadly. ‘It’s not going to work, is it? I’m in London so often.’

Toni began to sob and Arabella walked out in disgust, the stable door banging as she went.

‘But you can stay as often as you like, darling.’ He folded her in his arms and held her close while she cried. ‘And I’ve told your mother we’re going to sort something out so you can keep Buster. I promise. It’s going to be alright.’

No, it isn’t
.

With her father gone, nothing would ever be alright again.

*************

She didn’t tell any of her friends. Not even Lauren. If she talked about it, it would become real, Toni decided. She wanted just to blank it out and pretend it wasn’t happening at all. But pretending didn’t make any difference. She watched from her bedroom window as her father loaded up his car and drove away.

Toni couldn’t bear the feeling of complete emptiness she had when he had left, so she cycled over to visit him the very next day. The cottage was tiny; one of six on the main street in the centre of the village, with a front door leading straight into the lounge, dominated by a large inglenook fireplace and a log-burning stove.

A new two-seater sofa sat against one wall and a desk in one corner was covered in a pile of papers. It was a shock to realise her father must have been planning this long enough to order furniture and have it delivered. Now she knew what Lauren felt like, having things hidden from her.

Beyond the lounge was a narrow galley kitchen, with a tiny patio garden outside.

It was strange seeing her father somewhere completely different. The ceilings had low beams he had to duck to avoid. Toni didn’t know what to say.

‘It’s small, I know. But I’m away a lot. I don’t need much.’  He gave her a hug and she relaxed a bit. He still had his own familiar smell. ‘Go and explore upstairs.’ He grinned. ‘It won’t take you long.’