Bastard (43 page)

“Ohhhh, yes,” I moan as he fills me completely.

“Sweet Jesus,” he groans as his eyes roll back in his head. “You feel like fucking heaven.”

Ditto Mr. Reynolds. Ditto.

••••

Carter ordered some takeout Chinese food when we got out of the bath. After we eat, we end up snuggling on the sofa; me between his legs, my back to his front with my head lying on his chest. His fingers make lazy circles against my temples. It feels amazing. I love how he cares for me.

“How are your headaches going today?” he asks.

“They’re okay,” I lie. “Manageable.”

“Do you want me to get you some headache pills?”

“No. What you’re doing with your fingers is fine. The pills don’t really help anyway.” My confession makes him exhale a loud breath.

“I know you’ve been putting it off, but we really need to go over that information the doctor gave you. We might have some questions for him tomorrow.”

“I guess,” I sigh. He’s right. I have been avoiding it. I didn’t want it to spoil my time here with him.

“Where is it?” he asks lifting me off his chest so he can stand.

“Bottom of my suitcase.”

When he sits back beside me he opens the envelope, pulling out all the paperwork. He passes me half, keeping the rest for himself. I look over at him and smile. “What?” he asks shrugging. “I’m not letting you read them all on your own. I’ll read these, and then we’ll swap notes.” God I love how invested he is in this.

“I just love you. That’s all,” I say leaning over and brushing my lips with his. “You’re amazing.”

“I love you too, Indi.
So much
.”

An hour later, I place my pile on the coffee table. All this reading is making my headache intensify. It’s very daunting and way too much information to take in. “You okay?” he asks. His brow furrows as he studies me.

“Yeah. I just need to take a break. The reading is hurting my head.”

“Come here,” he says pulling my head down on his lap. “Close your eyes. I’ll keep going.” I sigh when he uses his free hand to massage my scalp.

“Mmmm. That feels nice.”

I wake bathed in darkness. I’m in bed. Rolling over I reach out for Carter, but he isn’t beside me. Looking at the bedside clock, I see it’s 1:30am. Throwing back the covers, I go in search of him. When I enter the main room I smile. He’s still sprawled out on the sofa reading. Papers strewed all around him, a pen between his teeth and a notepad on his lap. Guilt consumes me. I feel bad that he’s still up doing this while I’ve been asleep.

“Hey,” I say walking towards him. “Come to bed.”

“I’m nearly done,” he replies, looking up at me and smiling. He picks up the notepad off his lap and jots something down before placing it beside him. He opens his arms when I reach him, pulling me down onto his lap.

“How are you feeling now?”

“Better,” I say snuggling into him. I look down at the notepad and see it’s filled with writing. “What’s all this?” I ask.

“Just some questions for the doctor and things I need to buy once the treatment starts.”

“What things?”

“Just some special food you’ll need … stuff like that. You have to be careful what you eat during the treatment. They advise to eat healthy foods and stay away from sweet things, but not me, of course.” I laugh at his comment.

“Just let them try and keep me away from you.” 

“I’d never let that happen, babe,” he chuckles, placing his lips on my cheek. “Since the radiation will be going straight to your head, you’ll have to been extra careful with your oral hygiene. It can affect your teeth and gums, so you can’t eat anything too hot or too cold. I’ve made a list of all their suggestions for you to go through. We have an amazing Growers Market up here every Sunday. They sell all fresh produce. When the treatment starts we can go there and stock up on all your favourites.” Tears rise to my eyes. What did I do to deserve someone so wonderful?

“Thank you,” I sniffle as I wrap my arms around his waist. I can’t even put into words how amazing he is. “Leave the rest, I’ll go over them in the morning before we leave. I need you in bed with me.”

“You don’t have to ask me twice,” he says, standing with me still in his arms. “There’s no place I’d rather be, than beside you.” Flicking off the light switch with his elbow as he passes, his lips capture mine as he carries me back to bed.

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

One month later …

Carter

We’re in week three of the radiation therapy. The oncologist put Indiana on a course of radio-sensitising drugs the first week of treatment. They apparently make the cancer cells more sensitive to the radiation, helping to kill them off faster. She’s going great guns, but it’s been a tough few weeks.

The first week she seemed to breeze through it, with little or no side effects. These last two weeks, not so much. She’s having small doses of radiation Monday through to Thursday, and having Friday, Saturday, and Sunday off as her rest days.

We’ve been driving down Monday morning and staying in Sydney until Thursday, then driving back to my place for the other days. I’ve been squeezing in as much work as I can, working until late Thursday night, and all day Friday and most of Saturday. I hate leaving her alone, but I need to work. She spends most of her time sleeping anyway.

Mum and Ross both offered to come and stay with her while I worked, but she wouldn’t hear of it. I think she feels bad putting people out. She’s forever apologising to me. Doesn’t she realise how much we all love her? That there’s nothing we wouldn’t do to make this process easier or more comfortable for her?

I check on her between every client, and if it’s a big job, I send Jacquie or Justine up to make sure she’s okay and there’s nothing she needs. It’s killing me to see her so sick. I wasn’t prepared for things to get this bad. She’s nauseous all the time, so she’s not eating as much as I’d like, and has subsequently lost some weight. There was already nothing of her, so it concerns me greatly.

She usually comes good by Sunday, but when the treatment starts up again Monday, she’s back to where she started. I usually try and get as much food as I can into her on the good days. I know once this is all over she’ll get back to where she was, but in the meantime, it’s hard to watch. I’d give anything to change places with her.

Even LJ can tell things aren’t right. He hasn’t left her side. Follows her everywhere when she’s up and about, and lays beside her when she’s not. I’m glad he’s here with her when I’m downstairs working.

I wish I could spend every second of my time with her, especially on her rest days, but being away from work three and a half days a week is really taking its toll on my clientele. Thankfully, they’ve been pretty understanding. I’ve lost a few of my regulars to the other artists, but most have been loyal and stuck by me. It’s only for three more weeks, and hopefully we can then put this behind us and life will get back to normal.

To add to my already hectic schedule, the old man next door came over a few weeks back and told me he was planning to shut up shop at the end of the month. He wanted to know if I was still interested in buying his building, which of course I am. I have a few ideas up my sleeve that might help persuade Indi to stay up here permanently once the treatment is finished. Well that’s my hope anyway.

So, now I have the added worry of organising finance, as well as getting the architect to draw up the plans to extend the apartment and refit the shop next door. I’d like to get started on the renovations as soon as the purchase is finalised. I’m going to use the same building company that fitted out my place when I first moved here. To be honest, I’m fucking exhausted, but if all goes to plan it’s going to be worth it.

After finishing up the colour fill working on, I walk my client out to the front desk, only to find my next job is already waiting for me. “Can you give me five minutes mate?” I ask when I walk over and shake his hand. I just have to duck upstairs quickly.

Only my staff know what’s going on with Indiana. I’m a personal guy and don’t like to talk about shit like that with my clients.

“Sure. No problem,” he replies taking a seat again. I take the steps two at a time as I rush up to check on Indiana. I find her sound asleep in bed. When I see the sandwich I made her at lunchtime still sitting on the bedside table untouched, I exhale. I need her to fucking eat. She’s so weak, and this no eating shit isn’t helping.

“Indi,” I whisper getting down on my knees beside the bed, and smoothing my hand over her hair. “Hey,” I say smiling when her eyelids flutter open. She’s so fucking pale and pasty, with dark circles under her eyes. It worries me to no end to see her like this.

She’s been so courageous. Never once complaining. My heart hurts when her green eyes meet mine. They’ve lost their sparkle, and I fucking hate that. I just want this to be over with so she can be well again.

“Hi,” she says forcing out a smile. I hate that she thinks she needs to be brave for me, because she doesn’t.

“How are you feeling?” I ask, helping her when she tries to sit up.

“Okay.” That’s what she always says, even when I know damn well she isn’t.

“You didn’t eat your sandwich.”

“I wasn’t hungry,” she replies shrugging her shoulders.

“You’ve gotta eat, babe,” I say in a pleading tone as I tuck some loose strands of hair behind her ear. “You barely touched your breakfast.” I pick up the plate off the bedside table and unwrap the sandwich.

“Can you take a bite for me, please? It would make me happy.” She gives me a genuine smile when I say that.

“Okay. If it will make you happy,” she answers, opening her mouth when I hold the food out in front of her. I watch as she slowly chews. I can tell she’s really struggling. It brings a lump to my throat. I pick up the bottle of water, unscrewing the lid.

“Here, have a drink.” She raises her hand to take it from me and I notice she’s shaking. She’s been doing a lot of that lately. She’s probably got low blood sugars from the lack of food. “Let me,” I offer as I move it towards her mouth. Seeing her lips wrap around the bottle, doesn’t even make my dick stir.

We haven’t been intimate for over two weeks. She’s asked, no practically begged, but I can’t do it. Don’t get me wrong. I want to. I want to more than anything. I fucking miss that connection with her. But, she’s so weak … so fragile. Not only does she need to conserve her energy just to do menial things, like get around, I’m scared I’m gonna break her, or hurt her. I can’t risk that at the moment.

We’ll get back there. I have every confidence. The day I can sink my cock into that heavenly pussy of hers again, is gonna be one sweet day I can tell you. But for now, the most important thing is seeing her well again.

“How about I go to the fish market after work and get some of those fresh prawns you love? I can make you a nice prawn salad for dinner.” My hopefully eyes search hers. I’m becoming desperate. I’ve noticed she can’t really seem to stomach the stir-fries I’ve been making. Anything too saucy seems to make her nausea intensify.

“Sounds great,” she answers reaching for my hand and giving it a weak squeeze. I know my client is waiting downstairs, but he’s gonna have to wait. My girl comes first. I sit on the side of the bed until I get half the sandwich into her, and most of the water. When she tells me she’s had enough, I lay her back down and tuck the sheets up around her neck. “I’ll be back in about an hour.” I gently place my lips against hers. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she replies smiling. “Thanks for taking such good care of me.”

“You don’t have to thank me. I want to take care of you.” I pick her phone up off the bedside table and place it on the pillow by her head. “Call me if you need anything in the meantime.”

“Okay.” I bend down and place a soft kiss on her forehead. 

“Look after our girl while I’m gone, boy,” I tell LJ, ruffling his fur before I turn and leave.

••••

We leave early Monday morning to be back in Sydney in time for Indi’s next session of radiation. Sunday’s have quickly become my favourite day. Not only do I get to spend the entire day with her, but it’s the one day of the week that she’s closest to being her old self and well enough to leave the house. Those few days rest from the radiation really seem to make a difference.

Last night I even rugged her up and carried her across the road to the beach. She tried to fight me, insisting she could walk, but I wouldn’t hear of it. We ended up compromising on a piggyback instead. It’s amazing how many stars you can see in the sky at night when you live close to the ocean. I’d never really noticed until I went back to Sydney and looked up at the sky. I guess the pollution from the city doesn’t help.

I wanted her to experience it, so I laid a blanket on the sand and took an extra one to place over her so she was warm. Her immune system is so low right now. She can’t afford to get sick.

We laid on the soft sand for hours, wrapped in each other’s arms, looking up at the sky talking and laughing and even making out occasionally. It was just like old times.

Although the making out part was wonderful, it wasn’t a great idea. The longer I go without having her, the harder I’m finding it to deny myself. She practically begged me to make love to her under the stars. Saying no was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

She was clearly upset by my knockback.
Doesn’t she realise how hard this is for me?
How much I want her?
I hate denying her of anything, so I eventually relented and slipped my hand down the front of her pants and brought her undone with my fingers.

Hearing her little whimpers and feeling her come against my hand almost had me caving. I wanted inside her so bad, but I held strong. As soon as she’s well again, I’m gonna tie her to my bed and fuck her until we both pass out. That she can be certain of.

I couldn’t stop smiling by the time we headed back to the apartment, neither could she. It was exactly what we both needed. My heart felt so much lighter.

Now we’re back to where we started. I hate what this fucking radiation is doing to her. On our way back to Ross’ house, I had to pull over to the side of the road twice so she could vomit. After I carried her into the house and placed her in bed, I laid down with her until she fell asleep before getting up and heading over to my mum’s. I needed a little time out. Sadly though, what I found when I got there had me wishing I’d stayed in bed with Indiana.