Be Good (17 page)

He didn’t respond right away, which made me nervous. “Yeah, I’m just tired.”

“I can’t wait to see you
.”

“Me, too,” he
confirmed but it wasn’t as enthusiastic as I expected or wanted.

“Okay, then, see you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow, Anna.”

And that was it. He hung up
and my heart sank. I felt like I was getting the brush off. But why? It seemed like we had worked things out the previous weekend. He even told me he loved me. But I had gotten drunk and thrown myself into the arms of another man. Maybe he was having second thoughts about being with me. I couldn’t blame him.

But I felt like there was something more. Something I was missing. I fired up my laptop and hopped over to Facebook. I froze when I saw Brett’s profile page. There was a post on his wall from Sweater Vest: Looking forward to seeing you in Vegas!

I felt my stomach clench when I realized Becca was the old friend he was having lunch with the following day. I wondered if Sweater Vest was going to make a move to get back together with Brett. That would explain why he was so busy all week and why he brushed me off on the phone. The only way I would know the truth was to see Brett for myself. She may have been the better match for him but I at least deserved to be told the truth. 

***

It was two o’clock by the time I got checked into my hotel room. I set my alarm a few hours earlier than I had planned because I wanted to get to Las Vegas as quickly as I could. I needed to confront Brett and get to the bottom of whatever was going on. Now I was about to find out.

I headed down to the lobby and was about to make my way down to the myriad of restaurants and shops when I caught sight of Brett walking out of a well-known Chinese food chain. And Sweater Vest had her elbow interlocked with his. They were both talking and laughing. They were so into each other, neither one of them noticed they were headed right towards me. 

I made sure to stand right in their path so they had to stop and confront me. When the two of them finally stopped and turned to look at me, all of the color drained out of Brett’s face. He looked like he was going into shock.

Sweater Vest gave me a look like I had just stepped out of the bottom of a trash bin. “Who’s that?” she cooed
to Brett then batted her brown puppy dog eyes at him.

I was so angry and hurt I felt like my heart was going to leap out of my chest and explode
.

Brett’s face was now beet red. I noticed he made no
attempt to remove the arm that she was holding. When she saw me looking at their locked arms I noticed she gripped him tighter. He winced but didn’t let go of her.

Brett cleared his throat. “
Becca, this is Anna. Anna, this is Becca.”

Sweater Vest made no motion to shake my hand and I didn’t bother with the formality either. I just looked at the two of them. They looked so perfect together
, like they were made for each other. And the ease with which I saw the two of them interact made me want to vomit.

I wanted to
tear Sweater Vest’s plain-Jane face right off.

Sweater Vest Looked up at Brett and said in the sweetest voice I may have ever heard, “And how do you know Anna?”

This was going to be good. I put my hands on my hips and waited to hear what Brett had to say about me and about us.

That is
, if there still was an
us
!

Brett cleared his throat again. “Well, um, you know Anna went to college with us.”

Sweater Vest gave me the once over in a way that was so condescending, I could have punched her. “I don’t think we ran in the same circles,” she finally managed to say.

“We had Economics together. You sat right next to me.”

She blinked her puppy dog eyes at me. “Sorry, I don’t recall that.”

Bitch.

I glared at Brett and waited for him to say something about our relationship but he couldn’t even look me in the eye.

I gave Brett
one chance to redeem himself. “Aren’t you going to tell Sweater Vest here how we really know each other?”

“Why did she call me that?” Rebecca whined.

I was now glaring at Brett. When our eyes finally met, he looked lost but he didn’t say anything. Since I consider inaction an action, I let loose.

“Brett and I fucked each other.
More than once. He was one of the best lays I ever had.”

I looked at Sweater Vest and she was gaping at me. Brad looked like I had just slapped him in the face. Good.

I turned to Sweater Vest and got right into her face. “Every time he fucks you, I want you to remember that he was inside of me and he loved it.”

Then I turned on my heels and
hurried away. As soon as I was sure they could no longer see me, I ran as fast as I could back to my hotel room.

I was shaking so hard, I could barely get the door unlocked. I just got the door shut behind me when I sank to me knees and fell apart.

I cried so hard I was nearly convulsing. I had never felt such raw emotions in my life. I felt like someone had ripped my heart out of my chest and tore it to pieces. I curled into a ball on the floor and tried desperately to disappear. But no matter how small I got, I was still here. I still existed. And for a short while, I thought I had mattered to someone.

I guess I was wrong. I mattered to no one.

I must have fallen asleep because I woke up to the sound of the hotel room phone ringing.

I let it ring because I didn’t have the energy to get up and a
nswer it. Except that it didn’t stop. It kept ringing and ringing. It was driving me crazy.

So I used every ounce of energy I could muster to lift myself up from the floor to get the phone.

“Anna,” Brett said when I answered.

“Fuck you,” I yelled and slammed the phone down.

What a waste of energy that was.

Of course, the phone rang again and I knew he wasn’t going to stop until I talked to him.

“What do you want,” I yelled into the phone when I picked it up again.

“Please don’t hang up, Anna. I want to talk to you.”

“So talk,” I said coldly.

“Is there any way I can see you?” he
asked tentatively.

“Not a good idea.”

“Please,” he begged.

“If you feel bad about breaking up with me by phone, don’t. I realize I’m not smart and I don’t have my act together like
Becca. I know I’m a mess and fatally flawed. I’m not a genius like the two of you but I can certainly take a hint.”

I could hear him sigh. “I’m so sorry.”

“Cut the shit, Brett, okay. I’m a big girl. I can see what’s going on.”

“Please let me see you
,” he pleaded.

“Why? Why do you need to see me? Do you want another piece? Is that it?
A goodbye fuck before you get back together with your fiancé?”

The line was silent. I almost thought he had hung up on me. I was just about to hang up, too, when I heard a small sob. It was barely audible but it was there. He was crying. Shit.

“Fine,” I said not sure why. “You can come to my room.” I wasn’t even sure I wanted to see him.

“What room are you in?”

“226.”

“Do you intentionally ask for that room?”

“No, it just happens.”

“I’ll be right down.”

I went into the bathroom to see how bad I looked. I felt like shit and looked even worse. An entire tube of Preparation H couldn’t touch the bags that were under my eyes from crying. My hair was all over the place. I decided to do nothing about my appearance. I wanted Brett to see what he had done to me. Maybe it would make him suffer at bit more.

A few seconds later, there was a light knock on my door. I opened it and Brett was standing there in jeans and a Pearl Jam tee shirt. I knew he had intentionally worn it but it didn’t make me smile. It just made me sadder.

“Can I come in?” His voice raspy from crying.

I didn’t say anything, just stepped away from the door. He came in and put his hands in his pockets. I knew now that was his way of stopping himself from touching me.

“Oh, God,” he said as tears streamed down his face. “I never meant to hurt you.”

I crossed my arms over my chest. “You may not have meant to but you did. You hurt me more than anyone has ever hurt me. I trusted you. I believed every lie you told me. I thought you were different.
That you weren’t
that guy
. But it turns out you’re a millions times worse. Do you know why? Because at least
that guy
is honest about what he wants. I can handle a guy, who just wants to fuck around, as long as he’s honest about it.”

“That’s not all I wanted,” he said softly.

“Are you and Rebecca getting back together?” I spat out.

His non-response to my question was all I needed.

“You need to leave.”

When he finally looked up at me his eyes were red and wet. “Please let me explain.”

I let out a single jaded laugh. “What is there to explain? Sweater Vest batted her little puppy dog eyes at you and said she wanted you back and I was cast aside like yesterday’s garbage. I get it Brett. I know I’m not exactly marriage material. I’m not the girl you take home to mom and dad. I’m not the girl you spend your life with and have 2.5 kids with. I’m the girl you fuck around with until you finally find the girl you want to marry.”

Brett looked at me with so much pain in his eyes my breath caught. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Too late for that.” Brett ripped my heart out and stomped on it until there was nothing left.

“When I agree
d to have lunch with Becca, I didn’t know she wanted to get back together. She told me she had made a big mistake and that she still loved me and wanted me back.”

“Did you even think about me?
About us?”

“Of course
.” His eyes were now filled with desperation. “Can’t you see this is tearing me up? Becca and I were together for three years. We were going to get married. When she left me, I didn’t think I’d ever be happy again. I didn’t think there would be anyone else. I didn’t think anyone else would ever love me. Until you stormed into my life. You made me feel things I’ve never felt with anyone else ever.”

“But I guess that’s not enough, is it?”

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

I shook my head. “You’re not supposed to
do
anything, Brett. Do what you want to do. Do what makes you happy.”

I thought about the last month of my life and how happy Brett had made me.
I was happy and sad and pissed off and all the other things he made me feel. He opened me up like no one else ever had. I wondered if anyone else ever would. Or if I would let him.
      “Is she going to the wedding with you?” I asked. I had assumed he and I would be together but I never asked. Of course, I didn’t know Sweater Vest was going to be back in his life.

He nodded.

If he was taking her to the wedding then it was obvious what decision he had made. He had already chosen her. This was his way of trying to end things with me.

“I guess we have nothing more to say to each other then.” I walked toward the door hoping he’d follow me and get the hell out of my room.

It looked like he wanted to say more but he didn’t. He kept his eyes on the floor as he walked to the door.

Before he left, he looked at me. His eyes were hollow with grief. He swallowed then said, “Please don’t think I didn’t love you.”

And then he was gone.   

Ten

I gave serious consideration to not going to the wedding at all. I didn’t want to see Brett and Sweater Vest together. I knew it would rip my heart to pieces. Oh, how I longed to have my withered heart back again. Why did I ever let it bloom? Because I thought Brett was different. I trusted him. Now I realized he didn’t deserve my trust. He was just like every other guy.

I took in a deep breath. Well, the best way to get over a guy was to get another one, and knowing
Sarah and Sean, their reception would be filled with some of the best looking guys from college.

This was the only wedding of the summer that
I wasn’t a bridesmaid, so I would have an opportunity to wear anything I wanted. I decided on a little retail therapy. I decided to max out my credit card and get the hottest dress and shoes I could find in  Vegas.

Thirty stores and five hundred dollars later, I had the perfect things to wear. I found a killer red
mini dress and matching fuck-me pumps. Even though I’d be paying off the balance for a few months, I thought it would be worth a million dollars to see the look on Brett’s face when he saw me in it and I reminded him he couldn’t have me. Then I’d go and pick up any other guy I wanted right under his nose. I realized it was mean and vindictive but that’s the mood I was in. It was the only thing that made me feel even a tiny bit better.

The wedding was a blur of Pach
elbel’s Cannon, a Unity candle, pre-written vows—basically the same-old, same-old just like every other wedding I had ever been to. The only thing I was really paying attention to was Brett and Sweater Vest sitting three rows ahead of me. They weren’t sitting as close as I would have been sitting, if I was the one with Brett and that made my heart ache a bit. It made me wonder how affectionate Sweater Vest was. Brett had always been so affectionate with me. But it was something I wanted and needed. Maybe Sweater Vest didn’t need anything. Maybe that’s what Brett found so appealing about her. At quick glance, she seemed to be perfect for him in every way. She was smart. She had a terrific job. She was proper and conservative. She seemed very low maintenance. Hell, she was probably a virgin when they met. Brett was probably her first, too. I wondered how she felt about him fucking a slut. She would probably never use the word
fuck
. Maybe that’s what the little wall between them was all about. Maybe she was having a little trouble coming to terms with Brett being with me. Or I could be reading way too much into it and she just wasn’t the type to be affectionate in public. Or maybe she just wasn’t affectionate at all. Some people are like that. But why was I torturing myself even thinking about Brett and Sweater Vest? It was obviously time to get on with my life. Brett had made his decision and he hadn’t chosen me.

I hitched a ride to the reception with
Paige and Molly. They both looked at me kind of funny and I knew they were wondering what happened between me and Brett. I was glad they had enough tact not to ask because I probably would have lost it.

“I’m so glad
Sarah didn’t ask me to be a bridesmaid,” Molly said.

“I know,
right,” Paige agreed. “Those dresses are more hideous than usual.”

The rest of the conversation centered
on bridesmaid dresses and the fact that the two of them were never going to do that to their friends when they got married. Yeah, right. First of all, it should be obvious that if they continued dating guys like Vic and Casey, it would be a really long time before they could hope to get married. And second, everyone says they will never do that to their friends when they get married and they always do. Not that I blame the brides. I think its subconscious. They want to be the star of the show on their wedding day and they don’t want some bitch they went to high school with, or their step-sister, or their cousin from Denmark that their mom forced them to make a bridesmaid, to look better than them on their wedding day. And what better way to ensure that the bitch from high school, or your step-sister or your cousin from Denmark not look better than you than to make them wear a hideous dress?

The reception hall was so opulent it bordered on gaudy, which was not a surprise for Las Vegas. If I was going to do a wedding in Vegas I would definitely elope, spare everyone the expense of being in a wedding party (or even attending for that matter), and get hitched at an Elvis Chapel.
Just me and my guy. Of course, I didn’t have a guy and at the rate I was going, the chances of me ever having a fiancé looked grim. I just didn’t want to be one of those over-the-hill barflies who still dressed like she was twenty when she should have stopped twenty years earlier. But when I looked into my future, that’s all I could see. Just a few weeks ago, I thought there was a chance that Brett and I would have a future together but now I could see how foolish that was. I must have been delusional to think that someone like him would ever consider getting serious, or marrying, someone like me. No, I was the girl you sowed your wild oats with before you settled down with someone like Sweater Vest. My place in the universe was now clear.

I did a quick scan of the massive hall. The church had been packed with people
and I figured there were easily 500 guests, by far the biggest wedding I had attended. But that meant lots of guys to choose from. And Sean was friends with lots of good looking guys. His roommate played basketball, so they always had plenty of jocks around. I knew I’d have my pick of hunks tonight. Maybe a few rounds in bed with a gorgeous jock was exactly what I needed to get over Brett.

The first stop I wanted to make was the open bar. Even though I had been serious about giving up drinking, I suddenly craved the high I’d get from taking those first few sips and then the wonderfully numb feeling that followed.

The bartender, who looked about my age, gave me a huge grin when I approached. “Hey, Beautiful. What can I get you?”

Game on. I gave him a sly little grin in return. “So, what’s good?” There was definitely and implied
besides you
in my tone.

“Depends what you like and what kind of mood you’re in
.”

I looked at the array of bottle
s on the counter and then fixed my gaze on the bar tender’s stunning blue eyes. “I like what I see.”

“I like what I see, too,” he said as he checked me out. “And what kind of mood are you in?”

I raised an eyebrow. He gave me a sly grin. He took a small glass, added a few ice cubes and then filled it with Southern Comfort. “I think you’ll like this. It’s smooth with just a little edge to it. Just like you.”

“Thanks
.” I grabbed the glass. “I’ll be back for more later.”

“I look forward to it
.” I could see him grin as I turned and walked away.

I didn’t take more than two steps before a hand grabbed my forearm. It was Brett.

“What do you think you’re doing?” I spat as I tried to tear my arm from his. He tightened his grip on me.

“What are you drinking” he asked. His tone wasn’t angry though. He sounded more concerned. That made me angry. He had no right to have any feelings for me anymore.
Especially concern. Or pity.

“Why do you care?” I snapped back.

“I still care about you,” Brett said softly.

“Well, don’t.” My voice was harsh
but I didn’t care.

Brett gulped. “Please don’t be like this.”

I glared into his now wet eyes. “Like what, Brett?”

He didn’t respond verbally. He just looked at the ground.

“How would you like me to be? Do you want me to be prim and proper and not show any emotion like Sweater Vest? Is that what you want? Too bad. I’m going to say whatever the hell I want and I’m going to do whatever the hell I want and you don’t have the right to say a word about it. Got it? You made your decision. You chose Sweater Vest. Go worry about what she’s saying and doing.”

Brett finally let go of my arm but he still didn’t walk away like I wanted him to. It would take a verbal slap in the face to get him to leave and I fully intended to give him one.

“You told me you weren’t
that guy
. You were right, Brett. You aren’t
that guy
. You’re a million times worse. You made me believe that what was going on between us was something special. What a joke. You just wanted to fuck me like every other guy in this room, it just took you a little longer to get to the finish line. But the outcome was the same, wasn’t it? You got
a piece
. You got to
tap that
. Now you’ re one of the cool guys. You get to high five all the jocks because you’ve fucked Anna. Well, good for you. I didn’t think you were going to fuck me and dump me just like everyone else but that’s exactly what you did.” When he looked up, I saw one lone tear drop slide down his face. Mission accomplished. Always one to hit a man when he’s down, especially one I wanted to hurt as badly as he hurt me, I finished it off with, “You are
that guy
, Brett. Face it.”

I had never seen
someone look so hurt in my entire life. The pain in his eyes made what little was left of my broken heart completely shatter. I hadn’t just verbally slapped him; I had beat him to a bloody pulp.

Brett looked as if he might say something but then Sweater Vest came running over to stake her claim on her man. She grabbed his elbow in a gesture that was clearly meant for me to know that Brett was hers again.

“What’s going on?” she said cheerfully, clearly clueless of the tension that still filled the air between us.

Brett quickly swiped the tear
from his cheek.

Sweater Vest looked up a Brett and batted her puppy dog eyes. “Did I interrupt something?” she said so coyly I wanted to spit on her.

“You didn’t interrupt a thing,” I taunted . “I was just going to get shit-faced and pick up a random guy to fuck all night. See ya.”

When I turned away, I was now the one with a stray tear fal
ling down my cheek. It wasn’t like me to cry in situations like this. Not that I had ever been in a situation like this before. I had never loved anyone as much as I loved Brett. I had never actually loved anyone but Brett. And he didn’t love me back.  

I remembered I had a drink in my hand. I took a big swig. It was actually difficult to swallow. I almost had to spit it out. I realized I didn’t want
the drink, I was just doing it to hurt Brett. I knew drinking would be as bad, if not worse, than picking up some guy. When I turned around, I could see that Brett was still staring at me. Even though Sweater Vest was doing her best to get his attention, his eyes were on me. I made a show of guzzling down the rest of the drink I didn’t want. I couldn’t make out his facial expression but I could see him shaking his head. Then he grabbed Sweater Vest by the elbow and practically dragged her over to a table far from the activity that was growing around the bar and appetizers table.

The reception hall was packed. I scanned the crowd for the best looking guy I could find. I certainly had a lot to choose from at this wedding. Some of the hottest guys I had gone to school with were in attendance. I finally set my sights on Jay Donner. He was a 6’2” and perfectly proportioned. He liked the outdoors and always seemed to have a slight tan. He had sun-kissed blond hair and killer ocean blue eyes. When we were in college, he was
unavailable. He was still dating his high school sweetheart. Everyone thought they were going to get married but then she dumped him for a tattoo artist. I heard he was playing to field and having quite a lot of rebound action. He seemed like the perfect candidate. We could rebound with each other.

The only unfortunate thing was that he was standing really close to the table that Brett had chosen to sit at with Sweater Vest. Jay was talking to Vic and
Casey. As much as I wanted Brett to see me picking up another guy, I wasn’t sure how much I wanted him to hear when I was in pick-up mode. Not that he hadn’t heard some of the same lines when I picked him up at Hannah and Brandon’s wedding. With everything that had happened since then, it seemed like an eternity ago.

I made my way over to Jay. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw Vic and
Casey leave and head in the direction of the bar. I arrived just before Jay headed in another direction.

“Jay,” I said as I touched his upper arm. “How are you,
good looking?”

A smile formed in the corner of his mouth.
“Much better with you here.”

“Bring a date?” I
asked casually.

He shook his head. “Nah, I’m flying solo tonight.”

“That’s sad.” I carefully placed my hand on chest. He sucked in some air as I touched him. Even through a shirt and suit vest, I could feel his muscles were rock hard.

When Jay looked down at me, I could feel myself get caught up in the waves of his ocean blue eyes. Oh, my. Because he had been off-limits for so long, I had never really taken a good look at him. He was stunning.
A total package. It made me wonder what in the world that tattoo artist could have possibly had that Jay didn’t.

“I heard you were dating some geeky guy
.” His tone wasn’t malicious or condescending like nearly every other guy, who questioned my relationship with Brett. It sounded more like an attempt to gauge if I was available.