Beautiful Liar (2 page)

Almost three years have passed since I have seen Brody, and not a day goes by that I don’t think of him. My son, our son haunts me with his memory daily. He is so much like him in every way. From the color of his hair down to his toes, he looks like his personal mini me. I had every intention of giving my baby up for adoption, but once he was placed in my arms I knew I just couldn’t give him up, ever.

This day is always bittersweet. Today is Aiden’s birthday. And with each passing year I feel guilty, that I have robbed my precious boy of his daddy.

He turns two today, and I intend to make it his most excellent one yet. I won’t be getting to spend as much time with him after I start my new job. I just landed a job as a hostess at a new club, The Masquerade Club. They just recently opened their doors in
South Beach. I heard after some singer featured the original club located in Nashville, in his music video, they turned it into a franchise and opened up clubs in Miami, and New York City.

I normally wouldn’t even consider working in a club like this one, but my mom has pancreatic cancer and things are stretched. We need the money and they pay well. It will only be part time to start; at least I have my job at the gym as a zumba instructor.

After I had Aiden, I came across an ad in the paper for a gym, Beach Bodies, in need of an instructor to teach zumba and strip tease. I have plenty of experience in dance; I was captain of the dance team in high school. One day after my last class for the day had ended I was approached by a gorgeous beast of a man. He gave me his card and told me he would love for me to dance at the club he manages, The Masquerade Club.

His name is Turner Mathews. He clearly takes care of himself. Standing at 6 ft 4 and weighing a good 215 all muscle, with a nice tan complexion he is pleasing to the eyes. His eyes were roaming all over my body as I stood considering his offer. “I will give it some thought.” I winked at him. My word, what is wrong with me! This man is offering me a job and I start flirting with him. He continued to gaze at my body, like he was undressing me right there on the spot.

I felt exposed but not uncomfortable by it, like I normally would when men check me out. I returned his gaze and drank him in. His hair was dark black, peaked in a faux hawk, and he had a smoldering pair of sexy grey eyes. I could have gotten lost in them for days. He broke me out of my trance when he started speaking again.

“What is it that you do exactly, other than standing here looking beautiful and teaching dance classes?”

He was charming, the word beautiful rolled off of his tongue like velvet. How could I not blush at the way he was looking at me, like a slice of pie he was ready to devour? Men do ask me out all the time, but none have caught my eye. I mean I am distracted, but I’m not dead to the looks of men.

“What you see here is pretty much it, exciting right? So what is it you do?”

“I told you I am a manger; we could use a few more dancers. You really should come by sometime, let me show you around.”

He laughed and then he just had to bite his lower lip and lick it.

I stood there like a mute, unable to speak. There was something about the way he bit that lip, and the way his tongue circled his mouth. I suddenly felt parched and, took a drink from my water, covering my awkward pause. Was I just imagining this man grabbing my face and thrusting his tongue down my throat?

“Or I could take you out sometime.”

“I’m flattered obviously, but I’m not looking to get involved with anyone right now.”

“Hey I get it, but I’m not asking to marry you. I just want to get to know you better, as friends, no pressure. I am new to the area and just looking to meet new people. So pumpkin, what’s your name?”

“Pumpkin,” I mumble to myself. It’s then that I catch him staring at my breasts. I can feel the blush creeping up my cheeks.

He leans in close and whispers, “don’t take this the wrong way but your tits look like perfect pumpkins. In fact I think I will just refer to you as pumpkin tit’s that is unless you decide to tell me your name.”

The level of red my cheeks are right now has to be a solid ten. What was he asking? Oh right my name. “Darby,” I answered in a giggle. What in the hell? This guy has some real nerve or no filter. But I find that I like it. A lot! A man this big of a flirt should come with a warning label. Caution: Bites his lip and licks his mouth in a seductive manner. So fucking sexy it is a sin. Has the capability to make you forget your own name. Gives cute pet names to strangers that makes you want to get down on your knees and beg him to call you by it one more time. A man like this is dangerous. He has the ability to destroy a woman like me. It scares me and excites me all at once. And the way he is smiling at me right now tells me he knows every thought I am having about him right now. Yeah he knows he could push every single one of my buttons and hit the right spot. And that is exactly why we can never date.

I promised Marla I would start dating again. But after a blind date from hell last year, I decided I wasn’t ready to put myself back out there. And when Marla became sick, I knew a social life was the least of my worries.

But today is about Aiden and Marla. I fear it may be the last birthday my mother gets to celebrate with us. Her health has been declining. And the bills keep piling up, now that she is no longer able to work. She recently started chemo, but it has had no effect. She keeps saying I should just send her to hospice, but I can’t do that.

Now isn’t the time for negative thoughts. I can not wait to see the look on Aiden’s face when he sees his cake; it is decorated to look like a real baseball game is being played on it. He is fascinated by sports in general. Give the boy a ball and he is content. His bedroom is full of bats, balls, gloves, and helmets. Marla put decals of balls and bats on his walls and found him the cutest lamp to match.

This year for his birthday I was able to find a great deal on a toddler bed and sports themed bedding from a consignment shop. It is time he started sleeping in his own room. It breaks my heart to think he’s growing so fast, but I know I can’t coddle him too much. I don’t want him to be a sissy.

A few of his friends from daycare are coming and my sweet neighbor Caroline, who watches him when I can’t send him to daycare. She has been a blessing in my life. She is a retired school teacher, and great with Aiden. I have Aiden and Marla both taking naps before the party starts so they are both fully charged and able to enjoy it. I wait for Turner to arrive, he promised to pick up the cake and help me decorate.

Turner has been a really good friend to me these past few months. He isn’t looking for a relationship either, and besides he is now my boss. And I get the feeling he doesn’t do relationships.

He looks so silly coming down the street with a handful of balloons tied to his wrist and balancing a cake in his arms. I don’t mind his being around Aiden since we are just friends. Though I have to admit seeing how intrigued Aiden is by him makes me wonder if he is missing out by not having a male figure in his life.

I know I sure as hell have missed my own daddy since I moved here to live with Marla. But after I left, daddy started dating and living his life for him. I still see him when I can, but now he will have to come here to visit me. I can’t chance a run in with Brody’s family. One look at Aiden and they will know what I have done.

I still keep up with Brody; I read things here and there online about him. He has recently gotten a divorce according to one of those gossip sites.

I don’t know if I can believe everything I read though, Brody hasn’t mentioned his troubles in the emails he sends. But I guess a person can change a lot in a few years. I know I certainly have. I grew up right quick once I had Aiden depending on me. I never made it to beauty school. I take whatever job I can find that pays the most, but I draw the line at stripping.

Turner and I finish setting up the decorations and refreshments. He fires up the grill and I wake Aiden up to get him ready for his big day. Marla takes her place in her recliner; she spends a lot of her time in it these days.

The house we live in isn’t large, but it is decent enough for the three of us, Marla, Aiden and me. It is a rental located in a quiet enough neighborhood. I would never be able to afford it on my own. It is decorated nicely. It is quaint with a French Country Cottage feel to it. Most of my mother’s furniture is antiques she has collected from dealers and swap meats. You would think she is an old lady by her taste in décor.

We have a blue floral couch and yellow floors for Christ sakes and the doilies, blah. But the chandelier she put up over the dinning table gives the room a modern chic vibe.

Mom paid the rent up for a year when she first learned of her cancer. So for now I am only responsible for the utilities and our cost of living. Turner walks into the kitchen to get the hotdog wieners for the grill and Aiden instantly lights up.

“Tun” he squeals trying to wrap his tiny hands around his huge ones. “Hey buddy.” He ruffles his hair. “Happy Birthday!”

“How old are ya now? You have grown an inch since I last seen ya.”

Aiden smiles a lopsided grin to match the one I have seen countless times coming from Brody. He is following Turner outside on his heels like he is his shadow.

I notice Marla looking weepy.

“Don’t start, not today.”

“Seeing how his face lights up when he is around him, I can’t help but wonder if I made a mistake in the advice I gave you.”

“Hey, it was my decision in the end and I stand by it. People are starting to arrive. We can talk about it later, okay?”

She starts to cry. Shit! I wanted today to be a happy day. She has been doing this a lot lately. For some reason or another she has it in her head that, she needs to find Aiden a daddy before she dies.

But she needs to realize Aiden has a daddy. I just choose not to include him in our lives. It wouldn’t be fair for me to reach out to him now, especially with all the troubles he has. News like this might push him completely over the edge. And I don’t plan on her dying anytime in the near future.

“Marla, I know you want what is best for us, but I don’t need a man to be happy and neither does my munchkin.”

“I know that, but I just want better for him than what Jim and I gave you. I promise to be on my best behavior, but you’re a fool if you can’t see the way that man looks at you and Aiden. I can see it! I don’t care if you are just friends or what his plans are! Sometimes life has a way of deciding things for you.”

“Turner and I are only friends, and I intend to keep it that way. Besides, I. Am. Not. Ready!” I stress each word, enunciating them slowly, hoping she gets the point. Subtle and minding her own business is not things she does well.

“It’s been well over two in a half years Darby! I know you are hanging on to that fantasy in your head that some day you will tell Brody the truth, but life is passing you by. Don’t miss out because you are too busy hanging onto wishes on stars about what ifs!”

She slowly makes her way out the door leaving me to simmer over her statement. What she doesn’t know is that though it’s true that I haven’t spoken to Brody since we broke up, it doesn’t mean he hasn’t been emailing every so often. I have never replied to a single one of them but that hasn’t stopped him from sending them.

In fact I received his latest one a few days ago. Marla thinks I get all the information about him offline, but I hear it from him through his emails. At first they started out telling me how he was sorry, for his behavior when we broke-up. He told me all about his new friends in college and all about playing baseball for his dream team.

Then they turned into almost a journal of sorts. He began pouring his heart out to me about everything he was going through, from the pressures of trying to be the best, to falling in love again. That was the hardest to read. It was so hard at first not to reach out to him, to send one reply, hell just to say anything at all. When I lost Brody it was like losing half of my heart.

Marla is right though, I have held onto hope that someday fate will cross our paths again, and he will forgive me. I have typed him the same email a hundred times. The first line is always the same, with me answering the one question he asks at the end of each message.

Brody: How do you keep on going on with your life? Because I live in the space between yesterday and today. Darby, I live in my dreams with you.

Me: I hold onto hope that one day all the stars will align and you will become mine once more. That’s what has kept me going Brody, the promise of you….

But every time I hit delete, I can’t ever bring myself to press send. I should have deactivated my email long ago, but it is almost like a drug for me, my very own Brody fix. Memories of him, what once was, and what could have been are the teardrops that stain my pillow. I feel lost somewhere between the moon and the stars.

Turner pops his head through the door, “hey pumpkin, you ready to play hostess?” I swear every single time pumpkin rolls off his tongue I feel flushed.

“Yea I’m sorry, my head got away from me for a minute.”

“Marla looks great today, don’t worry about her so much.”

Now I feel like a selfish bitch, because that was the last thing on my mind. Time to get my head out of the clouds and get with it, Aiden is counting on me, and only me.

I step outside and the sight of my little man surrounded by his buddies is enough to wipe all the negative thoughts from my mind. He runs over to me and says “dis fun ma!”

Aiden blows out his candles and digs into his cake and presents. Turner excuses himself to his car and comes back with a football shaped piñata. And of course he drives a car that displays how fucking hot he is. He drives a black ’78 Firebird. That car just screams come take a ride on the wild side. And if the beautiful body of the car isn’t enough to catch your attention, the purr of the engine will have you having a cargasm.

He hangs the piñata low from a tree in the backyard, and all of the kids are eagerly waiting their turn to swing the bat. He instructs Aiden that he gets to go first because it’s his special day. Aiden is already so competitive just like Brody. He even has some of his same mannerisms, tucking his lose waves of his sandy brown hair behind his ear as he adjusts his grip on the bat and takes a practice swing. He wears a look of pure determination on his face, and his little tongue sticks out a little to the left.

I know I need to have his hair cut, but this mom wants enjoy her little man having curls just a bit longer. He is so much like his father it almost frightens me. I don’t want to think about that now though. I direct my attention to back to Turner.

“Thank you for everything today, you didn’t have to do all of this. I really appreciate it though.”

“I wanted to do it, and you don’t need to thank me. Tomorrow is your first night at the club, right?” I nod. “I’ll be there, so if you need anything come find me.” I turned down his offer to be a burlesque dancer at the club for months before I caved in and accepted his offer. The money was just too good to pass up. He wipes a nervous bead of sweat from his brow. “Want me to stick around and help clean up, I don’t mind. I’m not picking my date up until seven.”

I don’t know why, but I feel a pang of jealousy at the thought of him having a date. He is your friend Darby and your boss! Shake those thoughts right now, I scold myself. I clear my throat.

“A date, that is awesome!” I gush with fake enthusiasm. “Go on get out of here. But you have a little bit of blue icing on your shirt, so you may want to change first though. Who’s the lucky lady?”

“I haven’t met her yet, it’s a blind date. Chris set me up with her, a friend of his wife. Her names Amy I think.”

“You think! You had better find out before you pick her up.” I teasingly punch him on the arm.

He takes me into a bear hug, and squeezes me tight, and his lips barely brush my neck. I freeze in place. The small gesture of affection catches me completely off guard. I think it was an accident, so I take an awkward step back, and place some much needed distance between the two of us. The feeling of his warm breathe against my flesh makes me feel a bit dizzy. I don’t want him having this effect on me, but he has the ability to consume me. He knows it too. Part of me thinks he loves to watch me squirm.

“So have fun on your date tonight.” I punch him again and run off after Aiden for an excuse to get away from him.

“What was that all about?”

“I’m not sure what you are referring to.”

“You can’t fool me girl, the two of you just had a moment back there.”

Marla puts her arm on my shoulder for support. The party has taken more out of her than I thought. I motion for Caroline to help me get Marla in the house. We get her settled in her recliner. Caroline offers to take Aiden next door for a sleep over with her nephew.

“Child, let me take him for the night. Daniel is spending the night with me, so you will be doing me a favor giving him Aiden to play with.”

“Alright but if he gets whiney, give me a call and I will walk straight over and get him.” I give her my I mean it stare.

“We will be fabulously entertained. You should go out for once. I can check in on Marla too,” she gives my hand a gentle squeeze.

I snatch Aiden’s overnight bag and send them on their way. A night out would be nice, but I don’t even know where I would go. Instead I take a nice hot shower. I find myself feeling curious about Turner’s date.

I wonder if he is having a good time, I hope so. Then just maybe Marla will wash her thoughts away. Yea right, I snort watching the suds swirl down the drain. If only it were that simple.

I wrap a towel around myself and creep into the living room, trying not to wake Marla. She looks so peaceful in her slumber. I grab my phone it is flashing with a new alert. Just as I am about to slide the bar across to check it, there is a light tap at the front door.

Aiden must have decided to come home. Not thinking about only being dressed in a towel, I let the door fall completely open. Only to be met by Turner gaping at me.

I bite the inside of my mouth. I’m not sure what he is doing here. He just stands there not speaking or moving. I can’t help but stare back getting lost in his eyes. There is only one emotion found in them, lust. This isn’t good. For a spilt second I think of just dropping my towel to the floor and begging him to just get it over with and fuck me. We have been dancing on this fine line on the edge of maybe for months now.

“Shit! I’m sorry come on in and give me a second to put some clothes on. I thought you were Caroline, she is keeping Aiden tonight.”

I don’t wait for him to respond. I quickly turn and speed walk to my bedroom. My cheeks are a deep crimson. I need to get a grip. I don’t want him to look at me like that, he is my boss. Attractive people can be friends, can’t they? A girl is allowed to fantasize though.

My ass cheeks are still slightly wet as I hurry to slip my panties on. I dress hastily yanking a pink tank and navy blue yoga pants on. I pile my wet blonde hair into a messy bun on top of my head. Peeking down the hall towards the living room I spy Turner scooping Marla out of her chair and putting her to bed in her room.

He is the sweetest guy. I haven’t known him but around six months and he is always doing nice things for us. I will not ruin our friendship. I repeat the motto to myself as I make my way into the kitchen. I need a glass of wine. Turner joins me as I start to pour.

“Got any of that for me?”

“I took you for more of a beer man,” I laugh under my breath as I pour his glass.

“I am but I have seen the inside of your fridge too. I know there’s not any in it and I could use a drink.” He places his hand to his head using it like a gun.

“Your date was that bad huh?” I take sip from my glass. I’m not really sure what else to say to him. An awkward silence fills the room. I swear I can hear his heart beating. He starts tapping his fingers against the counter like he is tense about what he is about to say.

“My date was a disaster. I don’t know why I agreed to go in the first place. There isn’t much point in involving myself with anyone is there?” Clearly it’s a statement more than it is a question.

He is looking at me with hope in his eyes, as he leans in close. I hope he doesn’t try to kiss me. I don’t know that I will be able not to kiss him back. He only takes the wine bottle and leans back. I feel slightly disappointed that he didn’t try. We stand for what seems like an eternity in an intense stare down, the two of us undressing the other with our own eyes. I feel like I am sucked into another universe with the way he is gazing at me. It confuses the hell out of me. It has always been Brody to make me feel this way, and Turner just breezes in out of nowhere and makes me feel things I shouldn’t.

“I think I am going to turn in. I have a full day at the gym tomorrow, before my first shift at Masquerade. You are welcome to finish off the wine crash on the couch if you want to. I don’t want you drinking and driving.”

“Nah, I was about to head out. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I slip between my cool sheets and wish more than ever I had my little cuddle bug home with me tonight. If it weren’t so late, I would almost walk next door and bring him home. My phone chimes again, looks like I have a new email from Brody. I take a deep breath and open it up.

Brody: It’s been over three years Darby. A simple hello would be nice. I don’t even know if you are still reading these, but I hope that you are. Do you still think about me? I drove by your dad’s place the other day. I even almost caught myself trying to go in without knocking. Your dad wasn’t home. I hope to run into him before I head back to Cincy. It would be nice to hear from you. I have been in hell since you said goodbye. I have tried to get over you, but I can’t seem to let go. Some days I think I hate you for all the broken promises we never made. How did you move on? I still live in my dreams with you. It will always be you.

Me: I hold onto hope that one day all of the stars will align and you will become mine once more. That’s what has kept me going Brody, the promise of you….

My phone chimes again and without thinking I go to check my new notification, my finger accidentally hits send. No! Fuckity, Fuck, Fuck! In all this time I have not once been so stupid!

I am a dumbass with a capital D. My phone starts chiming almost immediately with email after email from Brody.

Brody: Darby is this you?

Brody: talk to me please!

What do I do now? How do I take something like that back? I mean I love Brody but, I chose to lie for a reason. Could he ever forgive me?

Me: Yes it is me, but I can’t do this Brody. I’m sorry.

Brody: I just want to talk.

Me: I’m lost somewhere between the moon and the stars, so don’t try to find me…

It is late enough that Aiden should be asleep so I turn my phone off and do something I never do. I use sleep aid. I need to get to bed, and tomorrow is going to kill me. I can’t be up all night dealing with this. Tomorrow will be the first day I will be away from my munchkin all day, so I am going to take him out for a special breakfast before I head to work and drop him off at daycare.

I dream of Brody all night. I wake feeling like a crazy person. In one of my dreams Brody was kissing me, or at least I thought it was Brody. But when I opened my eyes, it was Turner’s face looking back at me. I shake it off and walk next door to get Aiden.

He had a great time staying over with Caroline and her nephew. I dress in my red polo and kaki shorts that I am required to wear at the Beach Bodies. I take my clothes for my first night at Masquerade with me as well. I can get ready in the members bathroom, to save me an extra trip home.

Caroline is picking Aiden up for me, and getting him to bed for Marla. I don’t know what we would do without Caroline, she is God send. For today being a Monday, the gym is quiet this morning. I hope this day picks up and doesn’t just drag by. I spot Turner having his workout. He usually comes over and says hi before getting started. Odd… But then I realize he isn’t working out alone. There is a short red head drooling over his muscles on the elliptical next to his. It
would be better for both of us if he did meet someone, but I do enjoy his company.

I am dragged from my thoughts by my other boss. “Hey Darby, things are pretty slow, why don’t you go stock the locker rooms. Make sure there are plenty of towels. We ran out the other day.” Chris says with a smirk.

“Sure thing Chris.”

Chris is my boss and also happens to have become fast friends with Turner as well. What was that look all about? I brush it off and start stocking the ladies locker room. I fill the baskets with towels. I check to make sure the complimentary soap is stocked as well before moving on to the men’s next. I knock loudly and ask if anyone is in there. Definitely don’t want to get my eyes full. I hate walking into the men’s locker room here, it reeks of dirty socks.

I proceed in stocking the baskets near the showers, and that’s when I hear a shower cut off. Shit! Someone is in here, they must not have been able to hear me, and I didn’t hear the water over the radio. I turn to run out and end up hitting the baskets and knocking all of the towels onto the floor.

“Bloody hell!” I say a little too loudly. I bend down to pick the towels and the baskets up, when I am met by bare feet right under my nose. I am afraid to look up, never know what might ‘member’ be staring back at me.