Beautiful Liar (6 page)

I am getting really nervous about telling Brody. I have played the words over and over again in my head. But no matter how I say it, it never sounds right. His reaction is what scares me the most. I mean he could be really happy or really pissed. If it were me I would be royally pissed off. How do you take everything that someone thought they knew about you, and say sorry it has all been a lie, but my intentions were true? Up or down I don’t know which way is right anymore. I am still confused by my feelings for him. My talk with Turner has me reevaluating my feelings on everything in my life.

I am trying so hard to figure it all out. No one has ever made me physically feel the way Turner has, but when I look back on my relationship with Brody, we shared such an amazing emotional connection. But now that more than three years have passed will it be strong, can it survive time and all the lies. This weekend there is a huge fashion show taking place. The managers are calling a staff meeting, which means I have to be there and I have to see Turner there as well.

I get to the meeting and Turner won’t even look at me. “This weekend is going to be one of our biggest yet. We are going to need everyone to work this weekend, even if you are scheduled to be off, we are going to need you. So everyone head home and do whatever it that you do and be back here by seven.”

Then it happens, Turner looks at me and my heart jumps into my throat. I want to jump over the chairs and the people seated in front of me and tell him I don’t care. I want him to take me in his arms and tell me none of it matters. That we will work through it all together. I want him to want me. It’s now that I realize that I am no longer in love with Brody. I have been in love with the idea of what could have been. Turner breaks our brief gaze and exits the room. I rush home to get ready for the weekend ahead of me.

I have to take Marla to an appointment with her Oncologist. They want her to start chemo again and she is refusing. I am so frustrated by her. I hear a loud thump, and assume it is Aiden playing roughly with his toy’s as I walk past his room.

“Marla are you about ready, we have to get going if we are going to beat the midday rush.”

I make my way to her room to see if she needs my assistance getting dressed.

“Fuck!” I let out in a cry. Aiden comes running to see what has me so upset. Marla is lying in her floor motionless. Aiden’s presence snaps me from my shock. I dial 911 and start checking her for a pulse, she has one but it is faint.

“911, what’s your emergency?”

I relay the information to the operator the best I can. I am trying to hold back my sobs. I don’t want to frighten Aiden. I know he isn’t old enough to fully understand what is going on, but I don’t want him terrified from this later on in his life. He is already going to have enough to deal with, no thanks me and my bad decision making habits.

“Aiden, baby, mommy needs to you to be a big boy and go to your room. Can you do that for mommy?”

He nods his head and does as I ask. He is so smart for his age. He was walking at nine months old.

I am so scared I can’t lose her, not yet. “Don’t leave me mom, please, please hold on for me, for Aiden!” I brush her hair back from her face. I position her and start chest compressions. Fuck how many times did the operator say to do it? I pick my phone up off the floor.

“Ma’am are you still with me? How many times did you say I choke out?”

“One hundred miss, just try to remain calm the paramedics will be there in a few minutes.”

Positioning my hands between her breasts in the center of her chest, I begin pumping. I silently count each compression in my head. A few moments later I am being pulled away from her as the paramedics begin working on her. They get her stable and oxygen mask placed over mouth. They let me know I can follow the ambulance if I like but they are taking her to Walter’s Memorial Hospital. I start to call Caroline but then I remember she is working today and Krista is in class. I have no one left to call but my boss Chris. I could call Turner, but Aiden isn’t his responsibility, he is mine.

Chris tells me to bring him by the gym that Jessica is in the middle of a zumba class. She can watch him afterwards, but until then he can hangout with him. Jessica is the gym’s aerobics’ instructor and Chris’s wife. I thank Chris a million times as I leave Aiden with him and rush frantically to reach Marla. I promise him that I will be back for Aiden as soon as I can.

When I arrive at the hospital, they don’t have good news for me. Marla has suffered a stroke, and she isn’t responding. When the stroke hit she fell and knocked her head on the floor. That was the thump I had heard. There is swelling on her brain, and they can’t give me any other information until they run more test.

They have her on life support. They ask me a gazillion and one question’s, because I am her next of kin. They are asking me so many questions about her cancer that I don’t know the answers to. An hour later the doctor pulls me aside and tells me that they have a living will on file for her and that in it states that she does not want to be kept on life support no longer than two days. The weight of his words hits me like a ton of bricks. I feel off balance and the room is spinning. The doctor makes me sit down and hold my head between my legs.

“Just breathe Miss Stuart. Slow deep breathes, that’s it.”

He further explains that he has had time to review her file more thoroughly and due to the advance state of her pancreatic cancer her chances of recovery are slim to none.

I walk back to Marla’s room in a daze. I wish this were a nightmare. The weak state of her body from the cancer is not in her favor. She looks so frail in her bed with all the tubes in her body. Have I not noticed how bad she has looked these past few months? I take her hand in mine and trace the lines on her palm. I tell her all the things I have always wanted to say but never had the courage. I tell her how angry I am with her for leaving me once again. How dare she put me through this? Our times not up. Aiden needs her, I need her damn it! I place a kiss on her cheek. I stand to stretch my legs. They are stiff from sitting hunched over her bed for so long.

There is a light knock on the door. It’s Caroline. She pulls me into her arms and holds me as I cry. “How did you know?’

“Mrs. Moore from across the street told me. Now here I am. I am so sorry Darby! How is she? Is she going to be okay?”

I wipe my tears away and slide my hands down my pants. “No, she’s going to leave me. I’m not ready for her to go Caroline. I can’t do this. And I need to pick up Aiden. I can’t just leave him with Chris and Jessica. He is probably so scared and confused.”

“I can pick him up and bring him here if you want, or I can take him to the park for a little bit if you want to stay here a little longer. Just let me know what you need from me. Do you need me to call work for you?”

“No I am going to work tonight. I can’t just sit here doing nothing. I need to keep busy.”

Aiden was more than excited to go to the park with Caroline. I arrive at the park to take him home. The two of them together is a sight of pure perfection. Caroline is so good with him. She is holding up Aiden in the air and blowing raspberries on his tummy. He is shrieking in protest, the cutest thing ever! I take him home with me for a bit. I get Aiden fed his dinner and give him his bath. I know he is confused about Marla being gone. He keeps saying “Mam Mam,” and going to her recliner. It breaks my heart. Caroline is home and able to watch him for me while I go to work

Tonight is crazy busy, I haven’t seen Turner all night. I want to tell him about my mom. He has grown attached to her. I sometimes tease him that he only comes to the house so he can visit her. I am in need of a break. Turning the knob to the lounge, I try to gain entrance, the door is jammed. What the hell? I go over to the bar and take a seat. There is only one reason I can think of for the door to be locked and it makes my stomach churn. I keep my eyes glued to the door waiting for anyone to come out, anyone but Turner. Ten minutes pass, my break is almost over when finally I see the door crack.

Krista walks out and wipes the corners of her mouth. The door shuts again. She sees me watching and gives me a smirk. My heart is in my throat. Another minute passes by and the door opens. Turner walks out buttoning his sleeves. He doesn’t see me studying his actions. I am so sick, my head feels woozy, and I am afraid my knees are going to buckle. I almost gave my heart to him. How could he? I have been honest with him from the start.

I grab the counter for support. I can’t control the tears as they start to flood my cheeks. Rushing through the front doors, I tell the bouncer something has come up to tell Trina I had to leave. What a shitty fucking day! My mom is dying and Turner doing whatever he was doing with that whore! My phone buzzes, it’s Turner calling. No thank you, I send it to voicemail. He leaves a message but I can’t bear to hear his voice and whatever lie he is about to feed me. Not this girl, I’m not going to just bend over and take it. I spend the rest of the night watching cartoons with the only man I can trust besides my daddy, my little Aiden.

I drop Aiden off at daycare and head to the gym. I have a zumba class and a strip tease class scheduled for today. I keep catching myself eying the front entrance, watching for Turner to come in for his daily workout. He never shows and even though I am mad at him, a part of me still wants to see him. I am a glutton for punishment. This is what I deserve. After the way I have treated Brody it serves me right. I leave Aiden in daycare for a little longer so I can go to the hospital to check on Marla.

When I arrive at the hospital the doctor is waiting for me. “Miss Stuart I regret to inform you that your mother’s condition is not improving, it is declining. I am afraid there is nothing more we can do for her. I would like your permission to take her off of life support.” The doctor places his hand on my shoulder. “Is there anyone we can call for you, any other family?” I shake my head. “Do I have your permission?” I nod in response. I can’t bring myself to say the words. He reaches me a form and I sign.

They give me a few minutes to say goodbye. I rub her hand, it is still so warm. Her pulse is there but very faint. I am not ready to say goodbye! “I am so mad at you right now! How can you leave me while I need you the most?” I take a moment to collect my thoughts. “I am going to call Brody. I am going to tell him about Aiden. I wish you could be here when they meet. I know you will be proud of me for doing the right thing. I love you mom.”

The doctor and a few nurses come into the room, they ask me to leave the room, but there is apart of me that is hanging on. Hoping that they are wrong and when they unhook the tubes and machines she is going to breathe on her own. But it finally hits me once they have unhooked everything that her chest isn’t raising. My mother is gone. I place a call to my dad and let him know that she has passed on. I don’t think I have ever heard my daddy cry until now. Just because they have been divorced all these years doesn’t mean he don’t care for her.

I pick my son up and take him home, we spend the evening curled up in Marla’s recliner together. “Mam Mam,” he says. “No baby, Mam Mam has gone to be with the angels.” I make a call to Trina at the club and Chris at the gym to let them know I won’t be in for a few days, that my mother has passed away. Each of them sends me their condolences and tells me to take as much time as I need.

I call the last person I ever expected to call. I call Brody.

“Hello.”

“Brody, I need you.”

“Darby, is this really you?”

“Yes it’s me. I have no right to ask this of you but my mother has passed away and I don’t want to be alone.”

“When is the funeral, I can clear a day to be, there just name it.”

“The funeral will be held in a day or two.”

“It will take some rescheduling, but I’ll be there, email me the information.”

Oh my God! Did I really just call Brody and ask him to come here? Caroline comes over the next day to keep Aiden so I can go to the funeral home to finalize the arrangements. I pick out a silver casket for her. The inside is satin and embroidered with roses. Thankfully Marla was better prepared for this than I knew. She had life insurance and she had most of the details setup with her attorney. The insurance isn’t much but it is enough to cover the expenses for her burial.

Now that the details are final, I go home to e-mail Brody. I can’t believe I am finally going to tell him about Aiden. Caroline has agreed to keep him for me during the funeral and while I talk to Brody afterwards, if everything goes well then I will have her bring Aiden over to meet him.

I send the following e-mail.

Me: Brody,

I don’t even know where to begin. It’s not you, it’s me. Sounds so lame, but it is the truth. I will explain everything after the funeral. Thank you so much for agreeing to come. I know I don’t have the right to ask much of you. I know you have questions and I hope to answer them all for you soon. The funeral is tomorrow. I am so sorry for the short notice. I can pick you up from the airport if you need me to just let me know. Thank you so much for coming. I can’t wait to see you.

Darby

Brody: I don’t understand, what did I ever do wrong Darby?

Brody: All I have ever done is love you and only you, please I need to know. Why did you walk away?

Brody: I needed you, more than I have ever needed anyone, and you walked away.

Me: Brody,

I am so sorry for hurting you. I hope one day you will be able to forgive me. I wouldn’t say I am the only person you have ever loved, you did get married.

Brody: Are we really going to go there already, and besides you see how well that worked out for me. I lost everything in the divorce serves me right for not having her sign a prenuptial agreement. Anyways I have already booked a flight and scheduled a rental car. You can text the directions to the funeral home after I land. I can’t wait to see you either. We have a lot of catching up to do. You owe me a lot answers…..

I am so nervous. There are so many emotions flowing through my veins right now I’m not sure what I am feeling. I am so consumed with guilt and grief. The only thing keeping me going is my handsome little man, my Aiden. I know Marla would be so happy to know that he is finally going to meet his father. I just hope Brody doesn’t freak out on me.

I have to take Marla’s pant suit to the funeral home. I feel like there is something I am forgetting to do, but I can’t place my finger on what exactly. I thought that Turner might call or stop by when he heard about my mother, but I guess he is done with me. I know we weren’t exactly official, but what he did stings me to my core. But right now I need to focus on doing right by Aiden.

The day is here that I have to say goodbye to my mom. I don’t know how I am supposed to say goodbye when I feel like I just got her back. We didn’t always have the greatest relationship. But once I moved here and Aiden was born, she became the mother I always wanted but never knew I needed. I take Aiden over to Caroline’s. She hugs me and tells me she is so sorry about Marla. She gives me a kiss on the cheek and wishes me luck with Brody. Leave it to me to make this day as fucked up as possible. But Brody is only able to be here for tonight. He has to fly straight back to
Cincinnati on the red eye at midnight. I didn’t think it would be a good idea just to spring Aiden’s existence on him at the funeral.

I dress in a simple black dress and heels. I sweep my long blonde locks into a tight bun. I look very ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’ in my pearls. I pull my cell phone from my clutch and text Brody directions to the funeral home. There aren’t many people here. Marla didn’t have any family here besides me and little man, and both of her parents have long passed.

Some of her former co-workers have come to pay their respects. There isn’t any sign of Brody. I have taken my seat in the front and just as the preacher is about to begin his short sermon, Brody takes up the seat next to me in the pew. He takes my hand in his and gives it a gentle squeeze. Something about my hand being placed in the cradle of his feels so safe and familiar, I feel an inner peace take over me. His gentle touch soothes me.

I take a moment to study his features. He hasn’t changed much. His hair is still the same sandy brown waves, except they are shorter than I last remember. His green eyes still sparkle, but I notice a few lines that weren’t there before. His nose is still angular and when he gives me a reassuring smile it is lopsided just like Aiden’s.

The preacher begins talking and I focus my attention on his every word.

“Family, friends, we are gathered here today to celebrate the life of a remarkable woman. Marla Stuart was a loving mother and friend. She was born in 1965 in the town of
Huntington West Virginia on a warm summer’s day. She touched all who knew her with her warm friendly smile. She never met a stranger and always had a helping hand for those in need. So I ask you today friends to lift her family in your prayers as they lay her to rest.” The funeral concludes with everyone filing out row by row and paying their last respects at her coffin. Brody still clings to my side offering me his support as my knees give out when I look upon my mother’s face one final time.

I am drowning in my emotions and feel like I will never swim my way back to the top. She looks so peaceful lying here. Her blonde hair lies across her shoulders. Her lips are tinted with nude gloss. She is wearing her favorite black pant suit. Around her neck is the heart locket I gave her with Aiden’s picture after I decided to keep him. She looks like she is taking the best nap of her life and it makes me feel better that she looks so at peace. It makes me feel like it is a sign that she approves of Brody being here and what I am about to tell him.

Brody drives me to the cemetery so I can see her placed in her final resting place. I am not able to drive myself. I am crying so hard I can barely walk straight. I know I need to tell Brody the truth, the real reason why I asked him to be here.